Trans Trending-Who is Transitioning? STRAIGHTBIANS

Since Trans Trending has reached unprecedented highs, this blog has minimized documenting who is transitioning and instead focused more on other issues erasing/troubling Lesbians past/present/future. When I first noticed the Trans Trend occurring among Lesbian identified females twenty plus years ago, and then began documenting that trend ten years ago, my initial aim was to correct the false assumptions that the lesbian community is losing all its butches. In more than two decades I still have yet to see a Butch Lesbian transition, but given how few of us there are at any given time and actually being Lesbians, with Lesbian brains/bodies/experiences it is not surprising we wouldnt entertain the notion of transition. Sadly, some Dykes have (do) fall/en prey to transition, but even in those cases it is rarely without a STRAIGHTBIAN's pressured suggestion.

In reexamining years of documented cases of female transition (with the help of Mrs Dirt-a process we are still actively working through) it has become clearer and clearer there are a great deal more STRAIGHTBIANS who transition than simply the odd Pat Califia, Susan Lee or James Darling, in fact THEY appear to be more the norm than the exception. While I have written spottily on sexually abused females who transition, I have yet to really focus on the numbers involved, their pathology or their Hetero/sexual orientation (which bears out in transition ie cross sex hormone use). That however is something that will be revealed/detailed soon, today I leave you with one such example of a STRAIGHTBIAN transitioning. Just like STRAIGHTBIAN types defined/documented here in post after post, there are types of STRAIGHTBIANS who transition, this girl is one such type. All major types will also be defined in a future post.

Without going into the particulars, this unnamed type goes something like this; child sexual abuse/emotional turbulence/puberty/eating disorders/cutting/body modifications/hyper sexuality with both sexes/employing queer/poly as an identity or lifestyle/mixing/moving in Trans/Queer circles/transitions:


When STRAIGHTBIANS in this group fail to hide themselves from themselves behind body modification and make up, they seek transition to both hide behind as well as feel empowered through identifying with their abuser/s. They dont count on becoming more victimised by their own behaviours under the influence of testosterone.

dirt

3 comments:

  1. It happened to me. You describe what happened to me with such astounding accuracy. I thought I was the only one.

    Molested by my father throughout my childhood, sought male approval as a child by disassociating myself with femaleness/being a tomboy, struggled with anorexia and self harm beginning around the onset of puberty and for many years after, went goth, got tattoos and piercings, tried to gain some sense of control/to feel less like a victim by being a hypersexual bisexual thus "proving" to myself that the sexual abuse didn't affect me and that it wasn't so bad, was in poly relationships and dabbled in drugs (don't know if you've found that sexually abused girls like this also tend to abuse/experiment with drugs as a teenager, or if that was just me), multiple suicide attempts and gestures from an early age and continuing into the early twenties, transitioning to male in late teens and after fully immersing myself in queer spaces to the point where I 99% of my social circle was queer and strongly identifying as different forms of queer.

    I'm not sure if I would have been heterosexual if not for the abuse. Most days I feel asexual. But, still I find myself occasionally objectifying women in a way that feels gross but is totally unintentional because I got into the habit of it when I was IDing as FTM and basically becoming my abuser so I couldn't be hurt. I'm not sure how much of my attraction to females is the imprint of my abuser and how much of it is who I am. How much of my desire for male validation is a result of natural attraction and how much of it is just a need for fatherly protection never met and a need for fatherly affection that he twisted into something evil.

    I never feel safe with any man, but I suspect that at my core I might be straight because when I jumped on the trans bandwagon I identified as a bisexual man and imagining myself as another person with a penis was the only way I was able to stomach the thought of myself in a sexual situation. Abuse starting when I was just a few months old (mom new when I was a baby but didn't think she could leave him) has taught me that my own parts just mean pain pain pain and sickness.

    I wish I'd never touched testosterone. My body is so repulsive now that I have accepted that I will die alone. I am a poster child for the freakishly excessive body hair and balding that you warned about on this very blog years ago when I was beginning my medical transition. I've turned myself into a monster. I wish that I had heeded your warning. It terrifies me to think that so many young woman are embarking on the same ruinous path that I began a decade ago. I look more like my father now, but worse. I have even more body hair. Testosterone prematurely aged my skin.

    Reading your blog it is painful to be confronted with the truth of who I am, so plainly. But, I wish I had been capable of seeing it when I visited your blog as a teenager. It would have saved me so much grief.

    I can no longer be desirable to anyone, so what can I be now? Society sees me as useless as an ugly woman. I did this to myself. There must be more to life than being loved. There must be. There must be.

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    Replies
    1. I appreciate your candid comment. The advice I recently gave someone in your same situation was find something you as a mind feel passionate about and make that your new focus. I’m finding many detrans persons go from trans identity to detrans identity, ignoring the reasons they became trans to begin with. Seek therapy for the abuse, don’t bury it. Put your body in the backseat and let your mind drive for a while. You might find there is more than life than what you look like.

      Dirt

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    2. Thank you so much for the advice and once again thank you so much for this very necessary blog. I'm in the process of being referred to a therapist and I'm hoping that once I've worked on my trauma a bit I can focus less on the way I look and begin to see myself as a person again. Thank you for telling us the truth even when the truth hurts. I wish I had known people like you before I transitioned.

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