- If someone says they are a lesbian, then they are a lesbian, regardless of behavior.
- A straight woman can decide to be a lesbian because she is sick of men/abused by men/femalecentric politics etc, and POOF! it is magically so.
- "I knew a woman who was married to a man and had children and later came out as a lesbian, so that PROVES that any woman can be a lesbian."
This thinking is problematic for a plethora of reasons. Some of the main reasons being:
- It implies that being a lesbian is a choice. Such thinking would also conversely imply that a lesbian could simply sleep with a man and POOF! she would be straight, and that is a very dangerous and incorrect assumption that leads to the harassment, stalking, and corrective rape of lesbians.
- It naively ignores the myriad of reasons why actual lesbians may initially partner with a man when they are young: family pressures, societal expectations, religious guilt/fear, the need for acceptance, temperament, thinking that they can fake being straight to have a so-called "easier" life (which turns out not to be "easier" after all because they are denying their true selves which leads to distress, depression, anxiety, or even suicide unless they become strong enough to come out). If the world suddenly magically lost all of its lesbophobia, lesbians of all temperaments/familial backgrounds/religions etc would simply date other lesbians from grade school dances on up, never feeling pressure to date men. But for Straightbians, nothing would change-unhappy/abusive relationships with men whereby they would still seek greener pastures with lesbians.
- To even think like this reeks of straight privilege. It is heterosexual privilege to think you know more about lesbian life than actual lesbians. It is straight privilege to assume you can know what it is like to be a lesbian.
- As mentioned earlier, this thinking focuses on behavior rather than biology; on what you DO versus who you ARE. In other words, this simplistic thinking assumes that if a women sleeps with a woman, she is automatically a lesbian.
There is only ONE way to become a lesbian, and that is genetically engineered as a lesbian in utero.
When born a lesbian:
- You know from a few years of age you are different.
- You know from kindergarten or 1st grade you are attracted to other girls "that way". Even if you do not have the language for which to describe your feelings.
- You may be in a family/religion/society etc that makes it very clear as a girl you will one day be expected to be married with children. These pressures do cause some lesbians to behave as heterosexually expected. They may marry men and have children with men. Doing so however does NOT alter their biology. It is no different than a black woman marrying and having children with a white man, the black woman STILL remains a black woman.
- You may do all of the above; marry a man/have children with a man etc and come out when you are older and more secure with yourself. Regardless, closet lesbians KNOW they are in the closet.
- You may have such an intense fear of coming out, you may behave as a heterosexual woman your entire life. You may NEVER have a romantic relationship with another lesbian your whole life long. BUT regardless of this behaviour, you are still a lesbian.
- You could fuck 10,000 men, but the entire time you are doing it, you would still remain a lesbian.
Between my wife and I we comprise a century of lesbianism, neither of us are prudes and neither of us believe all lesbians are Gold Star dykes like us. But as lesbians, who know and have known tons of other lesbians, we know no matter how or when you come out and taste life itself-you NEVER go back.