Butch Shame is Female Shame is a DAMN Shame-A Tale in Lesbian Woe

Having always naturally appeared or seemed unnatural to the world outside my immediate familial circle, maybe even at times to them-though none ever showed it if they had. Never recognizing myself in any girl or woman I knew or seen portrayed on TV. Recognizing surface similarities with boys/men-those around me, those on TV. Before long, being too young, too full of youthful energy and dreams, too busy playing football, basketball and riding dirt bikes. I didnt notice that I grew away from myself. By that I mean, my sex. Sometimes whole continents can separate us from those we love. But through circumstance we can be separated from ourselves by galaxies, maybe even universes. We can hop on a plane and fly over night to meet our darling, but there are no such means of transportation to reach ourselves.

Not being the globe trotter type myself and true to my Cancer/Crab nature of side stepping, bridging the gulfs within myself were a process, like all human growth. As recent as ten years ago (my late 30's) I was still finding gaps I had yet to close. One such gap had to do with my cats. I've never given birth, but I truly feel we and our pets can be as close as a loving mother and loving child. But while I profoundly felt for all intents and purposes I WAS their mom, I couldnt say I was. Not out loud, not even in my head. To even think it, felt somewhere between uneasy and deeply uncomfortable. But for all the wrong it felt, I knew in my heart it was right. I loved my cats as much as any mother loves her children, and in far far far too many cases a hell of a lot more! I'm female. Females who have children are mothers. I had children. I had always been maternal. Maternal to children, animals, frogs, goldfish, the ground I walk on and even dead poets. Another Cancer trait. But there had always been this line I dared not cross, the line from maternal to mother.

Signifiers of female such as girl or woman were something I had to learn to recognize within myself and recognize AS myself regardless of how girl/woman were so narrowly depicted. My personal brand of woman wasn't invalidated because it wasnt reflected in the women I saw around me. It didn't make me more woman, it didnt make me less. It simply made me ME! But to get through the murky mire of woman, I had to wade through a terrible uncomfortableness and intense loneliness. Because all personal journeys must be made alone. The beautiful thing, once I waded across, I was no longer uncomfortable. Now paused at a familiar river bank, one I thought I had bridged already. I dove in. If I'm female and I have cat children, then I'm a mother. Their mother. I wanted to say to them, "listen to your mom" or "mom loves you." But mother felt like barbed wire in my mind as well as my mouth. Mother was yet another uncomfortableness I had to traverse.

Like woman, the uncomfortableness with mother was in what/who mother represented based on very narrow portrayals. Just because I didnt see myself portrayed as a mother most certainly did NOT invalidate me from being one! Another piranha river crossed! And me not dripping with blood. Surprised. By crossing that line, I didnt disappear. By crossing that line it didnt change over night. Like all change large or small, it happened when I wasnt looking. Visceral uncomfortableness, becoming uncomfortable, becoming comfortable, becoming love.

Today I say what my dad used to say to my brother and I...."I LOVE my kids!" Only I say it with a slight twist "MOM loves you kids!"


The GREATEST TRUTH on Testosterone & its effect on Transmen FTM

The GREATEST TRUTH (it is impossible to emphasize this more) of the effect of testosterone on the female body is self preservation.

The female body (including the brain) is organic. A living organism. It (she) is therefore subjected to the laws of nature that govern the female sex. Self preservation (survival instinct) isnt confined solely to our mind's interpretation of physical danger. Human (female) bodies intrinsically fight to stay alive, whether that is healing a paper cut, fighting off the flu or fighting cancer cells desperate to multiply.

The female body produces small amounts of testosterone naturally, but when testosterone is introduced in high doses for the purpose of transition, the laws of female (and male) nature go into action. When the female body senses testosterone is superseding its natural level of estrogen, the female system will aromatize the extra testosterone into estrogen. It does this in a self preservation attempt to bring the female system back into a balanced state of being. Sadly this self preserving act can unknowingly cause a host of negative (life threatening) issues. Even after years on high doses of testosterone the female reproductive system if intact will still struggle/continue to ovulate.

A full hysterectomy can minimize some of the aromatization as testosterone dosages are cut in half depending on free range testosterone in the female body post surgery. But because the body in question IS female, it will continue to fight the unnatural doses of testosterone until transition ceases, or the transitioner does. Fighting for her life the entirety of transition, the psychiatric/medical community prefers to ignore the period red smoke signals the female system continues bloodying their personal skies with. Bear in mind, this post takes none of the self preserving mechanisms of the mind.


Trans Trending-Who is Transitioning-Testosterone Effects on Female Foreheads

Tom-Age (young woman)

Ryan-Age 17

Kai-Age 19

Damien-Age 22

Tyler-Age 16

Jay-Age 18

Andy-Age 15


James-Age 20

Transgender bodies are different bodies. Different because they are imprinted with cross sex hormones/surgeries designed to reconfigure the natural body. Trans bodies are recognized as transgender (their actual sex) by these differences as much as or in many cases more than they are unrecognized by them. One of these recognizable differences in trans females is the forehead. While there are distinct differences (bone/cellular) in male and female foreheads, none adequately explain the trans female forehead, post hormone. These distinguishable forehead changes seem to occur somewhere around the 9 month period on testosterone, taking into account genetics and lifestyle.

The female face ages something like this:
Notice the lines in the forehead of the 35 year old female image, hardly noticeable. It really isnt until twenty years later in the 55 year old female forehead we begin to see a more creased/lined look. But even in the 55 year old female forehead, these lines pail against that of trans female foreheads in their 30's, 20's and even teens IF they've been on testosterone for more than 9 months.

This is an image of four random trans female foreheads, all four in their late teens/early twenties:
This image is of four random female foreheads of similar age:
This image is of four random male foreheads of similar age:
Four random middle age female foreheads:
Four random middle age male foreheads:
Four random old age female foreheads:
Four random old age male foreheads:
It is clear from just a cursory glance into what surely is an effect of testosterone on the trans female body. That females applying high doses of testosterone experience some kind of metabolic (?) facial change beyond a reordering of fat and muscle. There are obviously exceptions (I think?) but in studying thousands of timelines of testosterone's effect on females diagnosed as transgender, a (seeming) rapid aging forehead is more the rule than the exception.

I've tried to explain away (to myself) varying possible factors as to why a young (healthy) female forehead (even on testosterone) would in a matter of months resemble that of a male forehead in his 70's or 80's. But no matter which way I turned, I failed. As there are little studies on the effects of testosterone on/in the female body and none on testosterone/the female body and aging, this observation stands alone in its speculation, (in HIGH doses testosterone accelerates aging in the female body) but in no way does its unicity invalidate it.


Butch Need-A Boy-Girlhood

I'm not a boy. But I'm in boy space. I navigate boyhood while being a girl. I learn the boy ropes. Boy rules are applied to me. I find myself partly confused, and partly proud by this application. Only I don't remember filling a boy application, surely I must have. I forgot is all. I have no girl friends, only boy friends. Of them it is a constant sizing up; him sizing me up, me him, him him. "Do you want to wrestle" a boy asks? "Ok" I answer. I take him down quickly. I now understand the game, I'm three years old. Wrestling is fighting, without fighting. Wrestling tells us both who is stronger, it tells other boys too. If Paris is the toughest boy in the 3rd grade and I beat Paris wrestling? I beat Paris wrestling. But I'm not a boy. There will be a long line of boys I will wrestle in my youth. I will beat all of them, a true Olympian with all the blood, sweat and many tears, but none of the gold or the glory.

I also learn from my boy-girlhood that if I hurt I cant cry. REAL boys don't cry. I'm not a real boy. I'm a girl, so I cant even afford to wince. Not even while jumping a ramp 5 cement bricks high (the record) and landing on my head sliding onto the gravel road I live on. I didn't cry. Not even while my friend is taking his school ruler (a trick I discovered) to scrape the gravel from underneath the skin in my back and shoulder where it had caught. I still have the scar on my right shoulder.

Fourth, fifth and six grade I have to catch the bus from the elementary school. In the winter my best friend and I leave early to catch the bus, so we have time to play King of the Mountain. The pile of white is as tall as the school. When we approach, it is littered with a few dozen boys who speckle it with snowsuits. We're a team. We take the mountain over right off, only he and I on top, we defend the mountain till the bus comes. We do this all winter, some boys hate us, but they're only peasants, we're Kings! I learn in school only boys are Kings, I'm confused again.

There is a subtle shift between the boys and the girls in about grade 6, something is changing. Boys are noticing girls and girls are noticing boys and boys want girls to notice them. I want girls to notice me too, but they don't. Girl/boy games begin being played. I promptly learn this is a game in which I can only be a lonely spectator, I watch from the sidelines till tenth grade. I'm noticed and I know I'm noticed. I like it, it feels so fucking good, but so fucking scary. She's a cheerleader. I start going to all the football games. She finds me at halftimes, I walk her home from the games other times. She smells sooo good. I find out her perfume (wild musk). I buy a small bottle at the drugstore so I can smell her even when she's not around. I realize my best friend likes her too. He doesnt say, but I know. He tells me I'm hanging out with her too much, I think not enough. Every second of every day wouldnt be enough. I realize he's jealous.

One day after football, my friend and I are tossing the ball around, practicing plays, talking. He brings her up in the conversation. He tells me some negative stories he has heard about her the previous year, before we knew her. I don't believe him, then or now. She was a nice girl, but I don't say that. I just listen. As we're throwing the football back and forth to each other, he builds a case against her to me. I'm still just listening. He says "this is what you need to do...." I dont wanna do what he proposes. She'll get hurt. I hurt her, she says she "hates" me. I hate me. I tell myself it was for the greater good of my friendship with my best friend. I know it was really because I was afraid. Too afraid to let her get close me and too young to know vulnerability doesnt equal weakness. Something I still have to remind myself from time to time.

The next year, another cheerleader, another mutual crush, only without the strength of emotion I feel for the first, but a similar situation does ensue. She's in my biology 102 class, I flunked biology 101 the previous year. My nickname at home is "no-good-ignorant-kid", to which I usually respond with a smart alec "I'm not ignorant." I dont deny being "no good". Sometimes though just to be sure I'm not really ignorant, I have to test myself. So I take the more difficult class than the one I flunked. I apply myself. I'm acing the class. I'm not ignorant. She knows a mutual friend who sits next to me, so she starts sitting with us. I help her from time to time with her homework and tests. She calls me at home sometimes, she calls my best friend at home too. We're surprised when we find out she's calling us both. She invites me to some of her away games. I go. My friend starts talking about her a lot, he's never talked about any girl this much. He really likes her. He's 16 and has never had a girlfriend. I think he wants her for his first. An opportunity arises during a basketball game which I know will cause her to dislike me. I cause her to dislike me. She stops talking to me and sits somewhere else in biology class. My friend and her date for most of 11th grade.

The year after that, again another cheerleader. I have her in one class. Her brother starts playing football with the group of guys I play with. He tells me "my sister talks about you all the time". I ask what she says about me, he's faithful to her and says "only good things" then laughs. Hmmm. She must like me I think. She's thin with short black hair, cute as well as cocky. Being shy myself, cocky is good. I'm not doing well in the class of mine that she is also in. She makes me copy her homework so I'll pass. I could really like her. I do really like her. She's nice and makes mention often to me about how "tough" I am. She says "tough" like she's impressed. She says "tough" and I feel heat in my pants. I dont know what any of it means and wont for years to come. I think she knows I have a bad home life, she alludes to it. I say little and feel ashamed. She's slowly trying to get close to me, and I can feel it. But my shame is greater than my need. I quit school half-way through the second semester. I never see her again, nor do I make any attempt to.


The TRUTH about Testosterone effects on Transmen/FTM (a series)

Due to underwhelming and overwhelming information on testosterone dangers in trans female subjects today and the high numbers of lesbian youth (being influenced to transition/being pressured to transition/being forcibly transitioned by an authority figure), I'm going to do a series of posts on changes from (high dosing) testosterone in females, all of which I'll later locate in full on a future post.

In female transition at this point in time, there is a general (standard) outline/timeline/possible issues of the effects of testosterone therapy on the female (brain) body (short term). These standards are used by general practitioners who may have never served a transgender patient or who've served hundreds. These standards are shared among GPs, endocrinologists, psychologists, therapists, gender specialists, academic etc. These standards are then shared by mental/medical professionals with female clients seeking transition or parents seeking to transition a child (or supposed to be shared).

These standards have come to be standards based on a combination of self reporting and various medical studies involving females treated with testosterone for GID/GD (gender identity disorder/gender dysphoria). Testosterone is the hormone that will chemically construct the female patient into her new transgender mind/body/life. So long as testosterone is maintained throughout the course of the female patient's lifetime, her mind/body will remain in an ongoing transitional state, with her natural brain/body fighting for control.

Females seeking transition or parents transitioning a female child/teen can expect to find a general outline of testosterone induced changes on (rarely in) the female brain/body. There is a perceived notion of changes based a basic/intimate knowledge of male bodies (as a comparison) as well as knowledge gleaned from already transitioned females in the form of friends/online acquaintances, online blogs/vlogs-videos of trans females.

This series of posts will remove perceived changes, call into serious question (when required) self reporting and place a magnifying glass on some of the more cited medical studies/journals used to sell transgender hormones as safe to patients, medical practitioners, psychologists, therapists, gender specialists and the general public.

Covered/dissected in the Testosterone Changes and Dangers in Female Transitioning will be as follows:
  • Mood/mental changes
  • Hair changes-head to toe
  • Body odor
  • Epidermis (skin) changes including acne
  • Voice changes (thicker vocal folds)
  • Breast changes
  • Vaginal/clitoris changes-including menstruation (periods)
  • Appetite/weight gain changes
  • Virilization of face/body-reordering of body fat/increase in visceral fat
  • Sex drive changes
  • Romantic attraction changes (not to be confused with core sexual orientation)
  • Aromatization of high testosterone dosage (on various organs)
  • Blood changes  
  • Endocrine system changes
  • Ovarian changes
  • Uterine/endometrium changes
  • Liver/pancreas changes
  • Heart/cardiovascular change

Doing Woman Different: Chrissie Hynde

Chrissie Hynde was born in 1951 in Arkon Ohio.
Hynde grew up a misfit in working class Arkon with few possibilities for women. Somewhere between rock and roll and radio a door opened beyond wifedom, waitressing or working the line. Hynde leapt through, traveling from art school all the way to London where she still resides today.

Her first several years in England, the young Chrissie Hynde tried her hand at joining various rock/punk bands and writing for the rock paper NME. Eventually Hynde got fed up and with connections she had established in the London music scene, formed her own band The Pretenders.
The Pretenders proved successful from the start with notable still popular songs like:

The Pretenders went through some difficult changes in the early 80's from the deaths of two of its members within a year of each other. Crushed, grief stricken but determined, Hynde put the band back together and in effort to keep the memories/talents of her fallen comrades alive Hynde/the Pretenders continued on.

The constant in all of Chrissie Hynde's lives, be it rocker/song writer/singer/actress/mother/animal rights activist is Hynde's no apologetic toughness. Hynde's (necessary?) tough girl attitude has even gotten her guff from purported feminists who were/are more invested in talking the talk unlike Hynde who consciously chose to walk the walk. Chrissie Hynde did woman differently when she failed to twist herself in the shape of female familiar to most. She did woman different by listening to her talents instead of listening to the limited talents acceptable to women. She did woman different when she showed us female toughness is every bit as attractive as male toughness and more so because it is couched in tenderness rather than coldness. Chrissie Hynde does woman different because she continues she show us female beyond the limits placed on us by society's sexist and ageist systems.


Resolution on Gender and Sexual Orientation Diversity in Children and Adolescents in Schools-Official Policy on all things Trans Kids-Teens Part 2

In Part 1 of this post I did a little digging and with a few turns of the spade unearthed a fertilizer of fetishizers, garden variety academics, misogynists, lezbo/homo-phobics and queer theorists behind the APA's latest weapon in the arsenal to straighten out (eradicate) gay, lesbian and other non conformist youth. Arming both the school system and school professionals with wider and wider nets, for the sole purpose of bringing gay and lesbian youth to the attention of APA officials as early as possible. In this post I will delve into this Orwellian monstrosity, ferreting out the true conversionist aims, front/back/sides and behind its policy.

 What some children do not identify with are the roles assigned to their SEX via centuries of patriarchy and an ever shrinking Gender Straight Jacket not fitting all children. And in case you forgot who Rachel Pepper is, follow link-not exactly an unbiased opinion.
Bear in mind, unless cross sex hormones are administered, NO person be it child-adolescent or adult is transgender. Bear equally in mind whether parent or school, it IS child abuse to psychologically bully/shame a child's natural inclinations simply because they do not reflect yours/the masses. It IS child maltreatment to suppress a child's natural physiology, it IS child murder to mutilate a child/teen's natural healthy body/mind because they make the parent/school/society uncomfortable!
Intersex children are pulled into the mix because intersex rights groups have made some serious gains in the last few decades. Intersex rights groups have encouraged parents of intersex to allow the child to decide for itself later on regarding its sex, stopping doctors from playing God. This hasnt been a popular position in the medical community, who continue to support the likes of  the John Gender Identity Money's of the world. By adding the intersex to policies on transgender children, intersex children can once again be roped back in to requiring surgeries/hormones to fix their condition simply by putting them in the same category as transgender. The transgender and trans apologists dictating these policies also reap the benefits of aligning themselves with the intersex. By drawing constructed similarities between transgender paraphilia/social issues and the intersex's biological differences, it gives the notion to the casual observer that transgenderism is a biological disease/illness. Which clearly spells out that the Transgender Politic/Community view intersex people as wrong/ill/diseased/in need of fixing. But just for good measure, this was added (as we street smart autodidacts say) to cover thy ass!
The Trans Politic/Community/Trans supporters/enablers are NOT allies of the intersex, they are obviously enemies.
Gender and sexual orientation diverse children? I know, sounds like something shit out of the arse of a gender studies classroom, not something we expect to see written from the American Psychiatric Association, especially cocked, aimed and fired at school children. 
In the DSM5, the APA made a conscious effort to move away from Gender Identity Disorder, while at the same time using the very same criteria to continue diagnosing transgenderism in children/adolescents and adults via a diagnosis of Gender Incongruence. It is obvious from this gem alone the APA crew remains fond of Gender Identity, using it in various states of dress throughout the document. The APA crew does not however credit the father of Gender Identity, John Money; to which they surely are heavily indebted. And for whom without, transgender progresses in general society, schools, policies/laws, locker rooms, showers, dressing areas, TV shows/films/documentaries, newspapers/magazines and other assorted areas where gays and lesbians (not yet transitioned) clearly lag decades behind, would not yet be. John Money-the Mengele of the Intersexed, murderer of David Reimer and darling of pedophile groups everywhere, when John Money so elegantly stated with pride in PAIDIKA-The Journal of Paedophilia:

I'm rarely one to throw the baby out with the bathwater, but in the case of John Money's theories, be it Love Mapping, Gender Identity or Consensual Pedophilia, none were/are worthy of saving, preserving or using.  
The APA very casually slips into this document for school officials to "COLLECT DATA ON SEXUAL ORIENTATION" a term associated predominantly with Gays and Lesbians using AIDS as a scare tactic. Were this APA crew invested in teen STDs, this would read teen and NOT sexual orientation. They then repeat the importance of school officials to collect data on sexual orientation (gay/lesbians) for the added purpose of effective interventions. Meaning, effectively transitioning as many gay and lesbian youths school officials can effectively identify.
Interesting wording here, because our APA crew states it is recommending school officials "support affirmative interventions with transgender and gender diverse children and adolescents that encourages self exploration and self acceptance..." Self acceptance and transgender in the same sentence is oxymoronic. By accepting one's self as carrying their maleness or femaleness differently and feeling good about it, one clearly wouldnt feel good and then transition into a chemically created hybrid of male or female.

The APA crew doesnt say how the binary-male/female/intersex "limit all children from realizing their full potential" because they cannot. Because simply being a male or female or intersex human isnt encumbered by our sex, BUT by the stringent social roles/rules and expectations placed on the sexes by tradition, religion, parents, society and the APA themselves!
The APA using the school system/school officials to ferret out/collect data on gay and lesbian children/teens and encourage them to accept that the/ir binary sex/orientation is not normal and limiting their potentials is no fucking ally! It is the same erstwhile psychiatric homophobic mumbo jumbo with a few new technological twists, that for centuries has been used to incarcerate, drug and torture gays and lesbians all for our own good.

The writer and victim of John Money, Janet Frame once wrote: "'For your own good' is a persuasive argument that will eventually make a man agree to his own destruction." Think what it will make a child agree to.


Transgender Breast Cancer Risks-Truth from Peddled Fiction

Recently an article was published claiming that transgender males/females do not suffer anymore risks for breast cancer than the general population. Bear in mind:
  • About 1 in 8 U.S. women (about 12%) will develop invasive breast cancer over the course of her lifetime.
  • In 2014, an estimated 232,670 new cases of invasive breast cancer were expected to be diagnosed in women in the U.S., along with 62,570 new cases of non-invasive (in situ) breast cancer.
  • About 2,360 new cases of invasive breast cancer were expected to be diagnosed in men in 2014. A man’s lifetime risk of breast cancer is about 1 in 1,000.
  • Breast cancer incidence rates in the U.S. began decreasing in the year 2000, after increasing for the previous two decades. They dropped by 7% from 2002 to 2003 alone. One theory is that this decrease was partially due to the reduced use of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) by women after the results of a large study called the Women’s Health Initiative were published in 2002. These results suggested a connection between HRT and increased breast cancer risk. 
Now from the article:
So according to the study, medical records of veterans were used to document breast cancer in trans males/females from 1998-2013. Although on it is ONLY since 2011 that the VA began documenting/evaluating/treating transgender vets.
The article then, in oxymoron fashion concludes:
So which is it? Hormones will not raise the risk of breast cancer in transgender patients OR breast cancer among the transgendered (male or female) is RARELY reported and when it is, the breast cancer is directly related to HRT???!!!!

Unfortunately and unprofessionally there remains no master data base where cancer and other  hormonally related transgender maladies/deaths are collected. And it isnt until cases like these make headlines that a hint of what is truly going on with the precarious health of many transgender patients is known.


Trans Trending-Who is Transitioning

In lieu of repeated comments/arguments and temper tantrums regarding this blog's documentation of the recent phenomena I call Trans Trending-massive numbers of lesbian youth (now some heterosexual as well) who are transitioning, I will head each Who is Transitioning post with this simple guide to Fair Use in order to quell any/all comments on the subject of images used (and rightfully linked) for these posts. By adding a clearer understanding of image use, that can easily be corroborated with a split second Google search, I intend to squelch these childish squabbles in order for us to zero in on the real issues surrounding Trans Trending, its proliferation, propaganda and bigoted reaction to critique regardless of intelligence, merit or scientific proof.

Kage-Age 23

Nemo-Age 22

Ari-Age 18

Mark-Age ?

Brazil-Age ?

Ben-Age 18

Blake-Age 18

Syd-Age 21

Ben-Age 16

-Patti Smith 

"The empty hand of innocence
Transfusing street of the sorrows
And children of the wood
Hounded, shredding all veils
And winding all sheets of the dead world droning
Overturning tables laden with silver sacrificial birds
Beating goat-skin drums
Advancing with hands out-stretched
And we keep filling them with mercury nitrate, asbestos
Baby bombs blasting blue
Scavengers picking through the ashes
Children of the mills!
Children of the junkyards!
Sleepy, illiterate, fuzzy little rats
Haunted, paint-sniffin',
Stoned out of their shaved heads
Forgotten, foraging, mystical children
Foul-mouthed, glassy eyed, hallucinating"


Bravery is Living Against the Wind-A Reader's Email

Hello Dirt.

I found your blog a few months ago at a time I was really struggling with who I am, who I am supposed to be, and who I want to be. I still struggle. I think you are very brave to stick your neck out and speak the truth in the face of so many who lie, distort and ignore what is really going on and what really happens to people who try to change the gender they were born with.

I remember my mom being asked a lot if I was a boy or a girl as a kid and her correcting people that called me a boy. "No this is my daughter" and later I would get odd glances and once a kid even pulled down the window on a school bus so he could shout out and ask me if I was a boy or a girl. In junior high while I was walking to the bus after school a guy called me a bitch and I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or not so I kept walking then he pulled me from behind and just punched me in the face so hard my glasses flew off and I spun around. At least I didn't fall, the fucker had a good 60 lbs on me. He was huge. The vice principle did nothing and told my mom it happened because I look too much like a boy. My mom bought me makeup and dresses and pink things, but it all made me feel like a clown.

I felt like an outsider and alone. There weren't any girls in school or in my neighborhood that were like me.

One time when I was visiting my grandmother I seen a lady pull up the driveway on a motorcycle. This was in the mid 80s. She was wearing an oil stained white t-shirt and jeans with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in left sleeve. No makeup and a no nonsense haircut. She looked strong and I wanted to speak with her because I was shocked, she made me think of myself. My grandma said she was my cousin Mary. Then my mom said with an angry face "She is a lezbo, stay away from her" and that was that. Didn't see her again. Mary spoke to my grandmother in private and then left quietly, no drama.

I need to get to the point before this turns into the worst War & Peace redux ever.

Even at 35, I still feel like I'm looking for an anchor. I want to learn about butch women in history. I want to learn how they lived, survived and how they coped. Things seem a lot better nowadays in a lot of ways as far as the right for gay people to marry in a lot of states and more rights, but then there is this pressure on butch women to transition instead of accepting who they are. It scares me that I was considering maybe that's what has been wrong my whole life, maybe I was a guy stuck in a female body. I see now that society is fucked up and there are all kinds of women. We shouldn't be squeezed into a mold of what society thinks a woman should be and if we can't fit, forced into a male mold.

I respect your opinion very much and I am asking if you could provide me with a list of recommended literature, or documentaries, or websites that could help me learn more about women's history.

Thank you for your time and thanks so very much for your blog. I know you get a lot of hate for it. It can't be easy.

Much respect.

Resolution on Gender and Sexual Orientation Diversity in Children and Adolescents in Schools-Official Policy on all things Trans Kids-Teens Part 1

Before I delve into the new OFFICIAL transgender kid/teen policy being pimped out as I write this to a school near you, I wanted to do a separate post on those who dreamed up this little anti gay/lesbian/feminist ditty.
Children, Youth and Families Committee:
Committee for Transgender People and Gender Diversity:
So this whole committee consists of ONE self hating dyke who has transitioned herself! Can we say BIASED!!!!! Where are the anorexics making policy on anorexia? The mentally retarded making policy on mental retardation? The schizophrenic's making policy on schizophrenia??? The borderline personalities making policy on BPD???? Think about it!!!

School Psychology:
APA Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Concerns:
National Association of School Psychologists:
Now you tell me, how would ANY of these bureaucratic pencil pushing self hating lesbian pro transitioners understand/deal with girls like this?

I'm not a boy. But I'm in boy space. I navigate boyhood while being a girl. I learn the boy ropes. Boy rules are applied to me. I find myself partly confused, and partly proud by this application. I don't remember filling a boy app. out though, but surely I must have. I forgot is all. I have no girl friends, only boy friends, of them it is a constant sizing up; him sizing me up, me him, him him. "Do you want to wrestle" a boy asks? "Ok" I answer. I take him down quickly. I now understand the game, I'm three years old. "Wrestling" is fighting, without fighting. "Wrestling" tells us both who is stronger, it tells other boys too. If Paris is the toughest boy in 3rd grade and I beat Paris wrestling? I beat Paris, but I'm not a boy. There will be a long line of boys I will wrestle in my youth, I will beat them all, a true Olympian only without the gold or glory.
I also learn from my boy-girlhood that if hurt I cant cry, REAL boys don't cry. I'm not a real boy anyways, I'm a girl, so I cant even afford to wince. Not even while jumping a ramp 5 cement bricks high (the record) and landing on my head sliding onto the gravel road I live on. I didn't cry. Not even while my friend is taking his school ruler (a trick I discovered) to scrape the gravel from underneath the skin in my back and shoulder where it had caught. I still have the scar on my right shoulder.

Fourth, fifth and six grade I have to catch the bus from the elementary school. The winters my best friend and I leave early to catch the bus so we have time to play King of the Mountain. The pile of snow is as tall as the school and as we approach, littered with a few dozen boys. We're a team. We take the mountain over right off, only he and I on top, we defend the mountain till the bus comes. We do this all winter, some boys hate us, but they're only peasants, we're Kings! I learn in school only boys are Kings, I'm confused again.

What is your verdict? Would she be labeled transgender?


Missing Person Kristin Snyder: Lost in a Sea of Myths Pt 2

The next part in our forensic postmortem of the mockumentary The Lost Women of NXIVM will consist of dissecting the major proponents surrou...