How do you build a "stone butch" ? Brick by Brick (a guest post)

It is early evening; my butch lover has just made me cum every which way from Sunday.  My head now rests on her strong shoulder, my fingers tracing lazy circles on her neck and collarbone, skirting the outline of her ever-present t-shirt. 

She is both familiar and mysterious. I listen to her breathing, and am filled with desire.  I want so much to make her feel what I just felt: the mind-blowing, powerful release of cumming so hard that time and space cease to matter.

But I can't. 

Because she won't allow me to make love to her; she even previously left another femme who dared to try. Any attempts at conversation about it are met with a "that is just the way stone butches are, babe" response. 

I know she wasnt born stone, but made stone brick by brick. She has very good reasons for the protectiveness of her body: unexamined butch shame; a long-term sexual relationship with a 34-year-old close female family member starting when she was 14 (she calls it an "affair"; I call it "abuse"); and many previous one-sided sexual experiences with a variety of dysfunctional straight "queer" women, further reinforcing her shame. 

So she always remains in control now, sexually as well as in every other situation; to relinquish control would be unthinkably threatening to her.  

So, I do usual. I snuggle in closer, pressing my face into her tshirt, feeling her muscles begin to relax as the threat of my fingers wandering too far down passes. 

I tell myself it is enough. After all, I must, and I do, respect her boundaries. I tell myself that they are boundaries instead of scars of pain. I tell myself that we are indeed intimate; that we are equals; that it is okay that my desire to make love to her is never met. I tell myself that the growing distance I feel between us is just an illusion. 

And yet something constantly nags under the surface of these rationalizations. Something that tells me that it is possible to break through these barriers; something that knows that it would be amazing if we could.

But, for now, I drift off to sleep, still wrapped tightly in a blanket of denial.  
by A/cute Femme

Cured of Gender Dysphoria-What then?

I've known family and friends who've had bouts with cancer. They went through their allotted courses of chemo/radiation treatments, and when they went into remission, their chemo/radiation treatment abruptly ceased. I've had friends who've endured traumatic events so difficult they sought mental/medical help in the form of anti depressants. Prescribed drugs, that once over the worst of their post traumatic event, they and their doctors agreed that they were well enough to move forward sans any further drug treatments. I've known anorexics who were temporarily put on anxiety meds as part of their treatment in aiding them to reshape their views about their bodies and relearn to eat and live again. Standard medical practice not to mention plain old fashioned common sense tells us, when over an illness, treatment for that illness does not continue.

The prime criteria for Gender Identity Disorder (now Gender Dysphoria) has been a diagnosis of body dysphoria that primarily targets body parts associated with sex, such as breast in females and genitals in both males and females. Females with body dysphoria usually hate their breasts being seen or touched and have difficulty in receiving sexual attention from a partner, some even have difficulty in pleasuring themselves. The treatment for this dysphoria is transition, with the supposed goal of using various surgeries and hormones to cure the patient of their dysphoria so that they can feel comfortable with their bodies. But how comfortable does the dysphoria patient have to feel to no longer require drugs and surgeries?

Because if this is dysphoria

then so to is this

In both cases testosterone in some form or other is the commonality. What is interesting with the first group of females is pre testosterone they didnt want to be viewed as women, but post testosterone they obviously desired to be both viewed and treated as women sexually. Clearly none suffering any longer from dysphoria, proud to show their trans bodies in the most sexually graphic details for millions of eyes to see. So now no longer suffering from dysphoria, there would no longer be a medical requirement to perform anymore surgeries or keep them on a high dangerous dosage of testosterone, they are in effect, cured. The internet is littered with tens of thousands of trans females just like those seen here. Internet porn and other public displaying venues housing tens of thousands of trans female nakedness, sexual imagery and pornography are clear indicators of being cured of body dysphoria. Why isnt the medical community ceasing their drug supply to trans females if they no longer feel uncomfortable with their sex/sexuality?? Besides the obvious, financial gain, does the medical community even realize how many trans females are displaying their new found body/sexual comfort for all to see????

I am currently compiling a list of most populated trans female porn and associated sites to email to the most noted doctors of transition, nationally and internationally, questioning their medical ethics on why so many cured trans females are still being treated like they are still ill.


Trans Trending-Who is Transitioning

Jay-Age 16

Levi-Age (youth)

Kon-Age 19

Lee-Age 20
Hawk-Age 21

Jake-Age 18

Miles-Age (youth)

Ryker-Age 20

Sliss-Age (20's)

Another sad area of female transition where hardcore (no pun intended) statistics are lacking is in how many trans females will wind up heavily perusing/purchasing pornography or partaking in it themselves. There are now literally hundreds of thousands of trans female porn related sites:

Just as there are important medical statistics missing on how high doses of medical testosterone over years/decades diseases/kills female organs, we have none on how medical testosterone is dis/easing female brains and decision making. But here are a few:

Some (post T) in this weeks Trans Trending list alone, have already went this female hating route.

This isnt lesbian, this isnt feminist, this ints sex positive, this isnt transgressive, this is the same old patriarchal framework of females sexually performing for the Male Gaze/approval. It makes zero difference how you dress up female, these trans females are looking for an audience, and we all know who that audience will be, a small minority of women donning "men" or the majority being men themselves. Either way you slice it, these trans females are being raped in the worst possible way by patriarchy, raped on a cellular level. Disrupting all sense of female proportion, pride and worse, all sense of female self respect.


Femme Desire-For the Love of Butch Pussy-a Guest post

When did Femme become something besides a lesbian?  We took on 'Femme' before the word lesbian was something positive.  Femme is the root of the lesbian movement as we know it and the two words are synonymous Femme=Lesbian.
During the 40's and 50's Butches and Femmes stood up for women and our right to be out in public.  We held hands and were seen on the streets; we met in bars and danced in the dark.  We were the women who risked everything to make a change in the world, our rights, women's rights.
During the 70's and 80's it was no longer politically correct to be lesbian and Femme.  Some of us hid, others dressed more androgynous and yet some were not willing to give up being Femme.
During the 90's something queer happened.  All of a sudden Femmes were not longer Lesbians, we were either queer or straight.  How did this happen?  How did Femmes become straight?  How did we become stonefemmes incapable of making love to our lovers?  Is this something that happened around the same time that being a fake lesbian and making out with girls became trendy and fashionable?
What does it mean to us Lesbian Femmes today when the Butches that you are after no longer desire a lesbian and go for the straight woman instead?
How much and how long can a Femme suffer as our Butch lovers take away our hands from their female bodies?
No longer can we keep quiet about our Femme desire for a Butch woman.  No longer can we pretend that what we really want is a man.  No longer will Femme sexuality be seen as a straight sexuality.  Let the Lesbian desire that we feel as Femmes fill this page, our conversations, no longer will we keep quiet.


Detransition-Its Okay

Sunday morning, warm, sunny. You catch me staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, shirtless. My mind briefly wonders back, to five years ago, when we first met. Oddly it was the one year anniversary of my last T shot. I had decided to take friends advice, move past my fears and put myself back on the lesbian dating market, a poetry reading followed by a lesbian mixer. I was as scared as I was lonely. All I wanted that night was a smile. For just one lesbian there to see the lesbian I was, rather than the man I tried so desperately to become, out of fear and insecurity. I never dreamed I'd find a lifetime instead. That night, as I buttoned up my button down, fastening each button up over the smooth of my flat chest, my heart sank and fell into the pit of my stomach with each button progress. I nearly backed out. But the phone rang, friends on their way to pick me up, "be there in five minutes." So I went! Sat there comfortable in the darkness, letting each poet's words wash over me as I drifted farther out to sea. Then the lights came on, "wake up" someone said. I got up to get another drink. "Did you like the poetry?" I turned around in line to a smile and a wink. "I did" I said nervous. You smirked. I liked. You looked at my chest. I looked down in shame. "Its okay" you whispered. "Its not what you think" I murmured. "It IS okay" again, only this time you grabbed my hand, when you said it. And it was. And in ways both describable and indescribable you have never let go. Grateful doesn't even begin to cover it. Watching you now, behind me from our mirror. You slide your hand over my shoulder and down my deeply scarred chest, once I thought it beautiful, now grotesque. "Its okay, I love you" you say almost in protest, to my own thoughts. Then you kiss the back of my neck and a tear falls from my eye, disappearing somewhere into the sink.


Transgender Kids: A New Frontier in Child Abuse

In response to this article and all the children who do not fit neatly into the Gender Straight Jacket of society, particularly gay and lesbian children.

There are two types of parents who have/are/will seek to transition their child/children and a third who can land in either camp, but lands more often in the first category.

1) The hyper-liberal-political-correctness-at-any-cost parent/s. These parents are usually the higher end of middle class whiteness whose guilty class privilege blinds them to any/all critical thinking about social issues. These parents will also break their own arms patting themselves on their own backs for how attuned they are to social injustices (real or perceived). These parents seek out situations where they can display for all to see, friends, relatives, peers and media what great progressive humanitarians they are and they arent above using their children to achieve that aim.

2) The second type of parent to transition their children are the classic homophobic parent/s. These parents will seek transitioning a child of theirs they perceive to show signs of homosexuality based on established hetero gender norms. They would rather destroy their child's life rather than live with the shame/disgrace and disgust of having given birth to a gay/lesbian child, let alone love/support that child as it grows into a healthy gay/lesbian adult.

3) The third type of parent to transition a child can fall into either category above, but will generally fall more into the first, the hyper liberal parent slot. These parents suffer from some degree of Munchausen syndrome by proxy. MSbP parents will seek to transition a child who even slightly deviates from outdated gender norms, even coaching their child to fit DSM transition criteria for doctors. These are the parents of "trans kids" that parade their child on tv talk shows and any other media outlet that will give them the time of day.

Now lets begin with the obvious question, what IS child abuse?

So based on this simple definition of child abuse, does a parent seeking transition for their child qualify as child abuse? YES!!! And here is why:

A) Emotional Abuse of children via Transition:  None of us are born in a vacuum and all of us are born into a Gender Straight Jacketed society where only limited notions of male/female are portrayed. Despite this, it isnt out of the realm of possibility for parents to comprehend that a child whose likes/dislikes/personality that falls more in line with those of some children of the opposite sex doesnt automatically defaults that child to BEING that sex! So when parents fail (for whatever reason) to ignore the obvious and encourage their child to think he or she is something that he or she isnt and pressure friends/family/teachers etc to partake in a mass affirmation of these lies to their child, THAT is emotional abuse and emotional manipulation!

B) Physical Abuse of children via Transition: After years of emotionally abusing their children through copious lying and denying ruses, these parents then take the next dangerous and even life threatening steps of putting their per-pubescent child on hormone blocking drugs. Parents insisting on putting their child on unnecessary dangerous hormonal drugs with no short/long term studies that may kill them before they reach adulthood IS physically abusive!

C) Sexual Abuse of children via Transition: Parents paving the way for their child to later be sexually mutilated (in their teens/young adulthood) by doKtors IS sexually abusive!

Every stage of every scenario of child transition equals child abuse!

Only in these cases of child abuse, CPS and other authorities are on the side of the parents. Like child abuse victims of yesterdays past, these children's suffering will go unnoticed.


Why is No one Asking Why? (A Story of Transition)

Why is No one Asking Why?

Why didnt I? Why was happiness everywhere I looked? In the faces of boisterous children, the smiling lips of passersby and the exchanging glances of lust filled lovers. Why wasnt I? Why when I looked in the mirror did I want to cry? No matter the amount of my mother's you're perfect just the way you are, I knew the difference! Where was I on tv? Where was I in the check-out counter magazine rack or the big billboard across the street? I wasnt! I remember the strange vitamins I took, promising change for a price. I puked. The countless herbal remedies, witches brews and topical ointments. Nothing worked. Then at my first You Dont Have to be Different meeting I knew it wasnt my fault. I learned, there was a cure! Now I was sure, I didnt have to live this way! My new friends were proof of that! I was no longer alone. No longer wanting to die. There were answers to all my whys. There were others who knew they too were born in the wrong body. Whose immature shoddy attempts to change nature's mistake never took. Struggling through each day waiting for science to finally catch up. I couldnt wait for my first clinical appointment. To find out with all certainty that I would be a candidate. I was. Not that I had any doubt. I had ALL the symptoms and more! Feeling uncomfortable, alien. Never recognizing who stared back at me. Changing the way I spoke, the clothes I wore and how I walked were first on the clinicians list. I did everything I was told. Waiting like a butterfly in a cocoon or a flower dying to bloom. Soon. They said. Soon. I was away at college then. I hadnt told my mother and wasnt sure how to or when. Then I began the injections. Surgery was around the corner. Armed with the clinics many pamphlets, I went home on spring break. Sure we were going to fight. But my mother didnt argue, she read all the new literature and agreed-I was really white.


Different Women Doing Woman Different: Diana Nyad

Diana Nyad (b. 1949) is a journalist, motivational speaker, child sexual abuse survivor and long-distance swimmer, she is also a bad ass lesbian sister!

Nyad began seriously competing in swimming competitions in junior high and held Olympic hopes for the summer of 1968 until a serious heart infection put an end to her dreams that year. Nyad later was encouraged to try marathon swimming whereby the has excelled beyond records and recently even belief. 

 1974: In June 1974, Nyad set a women's record of 8 hours, 11 minutes in the 22-mile (35 km) Bay of Naples race.
  • 1975: At age 26, Nyad made national headlines by swimming 28 miles (45 km) around the island of Manhattan (New York City) in just under 8 hours (7 hours 57 minutes.) An account of her swim, published the next day, stated Nyad was 5 feet 6 inches (1.68 m) tall (1.7 m) and weighed 128 pounds (58 kg).[18]
  • 1978: At age 28 she first attempted to swim from Havana, Cuba to Key West, one year after the Kennedy-era travel restrictions were lifted. Diving into the ocean at 2PM on Sunday August 13 from Ortegosa Beach (50 miles; 80 km west of Havana), she swam inside a 20-by-40-foot (6.1 m × 12.2 m) steel shark cage for nearly 42 hours, before team doctors removed her during the 7 o'clock hour on the morning of Tuesday August 15 due to strong Westerly winds and 8-foot (2.4 m) swells that were slamming her against the cage and pushing her off-course towards Texas. She had covered about 76 miles (122 km), but not in a straight line.
  • 1979: In what was to be her last "competitive" swim on her 30th birthday (August 21–22, 1979), she set a world record for distance swimming (both men and women) over open water by swimming 102 miles (164 km) from North Bimini Island, Bahamas, to Juno Beach, Florida (without the use of protective shark cage). Thanks to favorable winds and a following sea she averaged 3.7 miles per hour (6.0 kilometres per hour) and completed the swim in 27 and one-half hours.[19]

In 2013 at the tender age of 63, Diana Nyad swam from Havana, Cuba to Florida, a distance of about 110 miles (180 km), accompanied by a 35-person support team, swimming without a shark cage[31] but protected from jellyfish by a silicone mask, a full bodysuit, gloves and booties.[32] Before reaching Florida, Nyad broke Penny Palfrey's 2012 distance record for the Cuba to Florida swim,[discuss] putting Nyad closer to Key West than anyone swimming without a shark cage.[33] At approximately 1:55 pm EDT on September 2, 2013, Nyad reached the beach in Key West, about 53 hours after she began her journey.[4][32]

Diana Nyad has showed us woman can be done differently at ANY age!


An Act of Patriarchy


The Language of Silence

Our two hearts do not
beat as one.

The love song bleating from the radio
isnt any song we've ever sung.

Our eyes didnt meet
across a crowded room.

Our second date didnt involve us
moving in together far too soon.

We do not take long walks
on the beach.

We do not hold hands and kiss
while watching beautiful sunsets.

We've never made love on a bear skin rug
in front of a burning fire.

There will be no church bells, brides maids or ring bearer
to commemorate our desire.

On the day we did meet, Cupid
was all out of arrows. 

Hearts, roses and candy scratch only the surface,
never penetrating down the marrow. 

Butch/Femme isnt some old cliche
without metal, spineless.

It is the way we say I love you
with the language of silence.


Trans Trending-Who is Transitioning-Thought is a Lie

Alex-Age 14

Beau-Age 22

Ash-Age 21


Leo-Age 17

Gray-Age 15

Caleb-Age 20


Angel-Age 21

The journey of a lifetime began with my first T shot. I thought. I fought my parents for that shot more than for ALL the Christmas wants rolled into one. How my life was going to change! Despite how I had to later rearrange, all the she's for he's and hers for hims whenever I retold my childhood to new friends. The Church agreed with my dad, transition was a sin. Something about being made in God's image, something about not tampering. But I knew, God made a mistake! Could God forsake me when even HE said Never Again! Eventually I won. I thought. Ten and a half years later, under the age of thirty, alone and diagnosed with cancer. If only my parents had held out longer. If only I wasnt so damn sure this was the answer, to all my troubles and the key to my happiness. I was supposed to be having the time of my life and living my happily ever after. I thought. My mother used to tell me "thought is lie." She was right.


You Could say That

I could say its in your smile.
I could say that.

I could say its in the way you bent over in front of me.
I could say that too.

I could say its in how your breast looked in that blouse.
I could say that.

I could say its in how your chest rises and falls with every breath.
I could say that too.

I could say its in how you say my name.
I could say that.

I could say its in the way you wipe away my shame.
I could say that too.

I could say its in the way you laugh.
I could say that.

I could say its in your faux bravado masking your fears
I could say that too.

I could say its in the way neither of us are interested in "I do."
I could say that.

But the truth is I could say all of that
and it would all be untrue.

The truth is, its in the way you look at me
when I look at you.


Missing Person Kristin Snyder: Lost in a Sea of Myths Pt 2

The next part in our forensic postmortem of the mockumentary The Lost Women of NXIVM will consist of dissecting the major proponents surrou...