Between Butch tenderness and toughness

Somewhere between Butch tenderness and toughness...
Every (Femme) lesbian I've dated and every lesbian who has dated a woman like me (Butch) has been asked by gays, straights and other lesbians alike "why do you date women who look like men, why not just date a man then?"

Carrying female in the way Butch lesbians do, may appear to the non discerning eye that Butch lesbians are similar to males, but at the beginning, middle and end of the day, we are still a female doing all the carrying! Thank Mother Nature that there are some lesbians in this world that know us, recognize us, desire us even; boasts to all that is natural in the world, and bears witness against all that is not.

The soft skin, breast, curves and that Bermuda triangle that has momentarily found many a lesbian heart and mind lost at sea, lies neatly, quietly tucked beneath the comfortable T shirt, jeans and favourite boxers or the button down shirt, trousers and boxer briefs of any Butch lesbian. There is nothing male about us, masculine about us, manly or mannish about us. Butch lesbians are ALL FEmale! And lucky the Femme that gets to peel back the layers, finding it out first hand!

Butch lesbians are tender, shy, loving, maternal, strong, comforting, sensitive, afraid, proud, tough, brazen and insolent. That another lesbian could find that attractive both physically and spiritually gives testament to Butch as woman and woman as lesbian. I can pass as a man all day, so long as the woman in my bed at night clutching my breast, calls me by name. the place where a Femme lesbian might lay her hand, her head and find her heart.


FTM-Testosterone and Dick Growth

A recent search that found its way to this blog:
All I'm going to say about this, is why on earth would the medical community issue testosterone without fully explaining its effects, its dangers and potential dangers??? At this point I do not know whats worse, issuing transition to eradicate gays/lesbians or issuing transition for the sheer fucking profit.

I'll leave my dear readers to answer this trans female's question.


Without Pronouns Transgender Vanishes

The Gender Straight Jacket continues to reach a greater strangulation grip and new levels of amentia. Last year a trans male (female fetishizer) Essay Anne Vanderbilt Stephen Krol killed himself. His suicide was blamed on an article that was due to be published, potentially uncovering both his fraudulent familial and scientific credentials as well as his sex. This man's death has sparked a violent stream of attacks on the author of the article and a brainstorming of how to better accommodate the Trans community's finicky pronoun usage in and out of print by the PC police.

While this post isnt specifically about Krol's suicide, I will say only a few brief things on the subject.

 1) Both the Medical and Trans community bear some responsibility for this man's death. Both communities lead mentally unhealthy minds into believing that their social transitions will be as straight forward as their cosmetic transitions. It was no secret that Krol had tried suicide in the past and had a history of depression pre and post transition. It was well known also that rather than try and integrate his transition into the life he had lived for 50 years as a mechanic, husband of several women and father of two, Krol simply told the general public his family were all killed in a car accident. These are not the thoughts or actions of a mentally healthy person. The medical community should have put him into a long term treatment program before even considering transition and the Trans community should have been/be more transparent about just how unsmooth and unsuccessful social transition is. Both communities should have also reiterated that transition is about feeling better with ones body, regardless of what anyone else in the world thinks or says.

2) One of things that came out of the Stonewall movement was a majority agreement from gays and lesbians on how crucial "coming out" out was to gay and lesbian visibility. Showing that through visible numbers, we were everywhere and a force to be reckoned with. Made even more important when "coming out" was from those in places of high visibility or power. Of the gay and lesbian progresses from 1969 till today, those progresses were and continue to be because of a greater gay and lesbian visibility due to being "out" and "proud" and in all levels of society. The gay and lesbian community at large has also held the position of "outing" those closeted gays or lesbians in power positions, especially when against gay/lesbian progress. When gays and lesbians are still routinely bashed or worse, it makes a HUGE difference in the minds of the general straight public when they find out their favourite film or tv star/political leader/sports figure etc comes out as gay/lesbian or is outed as such. Being out/outed continues to be a prime changer in the progress of gay and lesbian rights and treatment. The Gay and Lesbian movement didnt invite the Trans community to the party, but it has supported them, even putting its out needs many times on the back burner. Being a apart of the Gay and Lesbian movement means being visible, out and proud, that goes for gay men, lesbians and every trans person wanting to remain part of our movement. There is an unspoken rule in this community necessary for a continued progress in straight society, thats out, loud and proud, and if you're not, ya might just find yourself outed. Welcome to our Gay and Lesbian community!

Now back to what gave rise to this post in the first place. The ever angry attacking Trans mob has so many folks in fits of fear over the insane politics of the Political Correctness of every atom that MIGHT fall into its field of Transgenderism vision, articles like this are popping up all over the net! All tripping over their own tongues with apologies whenever a wrong pronoun is used when referring to a trans male or trans female by mistake. Or trying to find, like the linked article above, an asexual pronoun they can use in place of he/him/his/she/her/hers. I realise most truly believe they are trying to help and not offend those in the constant state of transition, but their knowledge of transition, its past and present are nil as this article plainly illustrates.

If lets say, sex was suddenly removed from all languages, poof-gone. Now at first it would take a minimum of time to get used to, but the obviousness of the sexes would quickly reestablish itself with its presence. The truth is, most of us do not require an F or an M on our ID's, our clothing areas, our pronouns etc, most of us are secure enough in our biology that if sex were removed from language we would still function much as we today, including those of us whose sex is ambiguous or invisible.

But to the fragile (trans) mind that has settled on a HE or a SHE despite basic biology? They couldnt exist, period! If suddenly there were no transma(e)n or transwoma(e)n, no male to female or female to male, no male or no female. Because transition cosmetically mimics biology, if biology itself replaced language and all associated with it, trans could not exist. This is why we see the torrent of viscous verbal threats and attacks from the Trans community on anyone, especially feminists who insist on common sense biology and centuries of established language associated with biology. Because within those realms, the trans self created/deluded paid for identity cannot exist. Therefore creating a set of pronouns to replace sexed pronouns isnt a solution to the trans pronoun problem, it is the end of trans altogether.

If you were ever in doubt at all about the authenticity of trans, this post should clear it up for you. Simply, if you cannot stand alone on your biology; without clothing, without pronouns, without bathrooms, without names, without toys, without every external in the world, then you're not standing at all.


Different Women Doing Woman Different: Ethel Smyth

Ethel Smyth (23 April 1858 – 8 May 1944) was a British writer of both classical music and words. She was an activist in the suffragette movement, including composing an anthem for the suffragettes titled March of the Women....

Comrades—ye who have dared
First in the battle to strive and sorrow!
Scorned, spurned—nought have ye cared,
Raising your eyes to a wider morrow,

Ways that are weary, days that are dreary,
Toil and pain by faith ye have borne;
Hail, hail—victors ye stand,
Wearing the wreath that the brave have worn!

Ethel Smyth was also friends with many great women of her day "including Virginia Woolf, Empress Eugenie, Emmeline and Sylvia Pankhurst, and Vita Sackville-West." Smyth's music composition studies were primarily through private study, having become disillusioned with her studies at the Leipzig Conservatory. Between her brief Conservatory stay and her private tutors, she met such famous composers as Dvořák, Grieg and Tchaikovsky, Clara Schumann and Brahms. Mass in D is considered Smyth's greatest musical composition, it was dedicated to a female friend/lover Pauline Trevelyan. 

In an age where women composers were unheard of, women fighting for the right to vote thought insane, women sharing close friendships and romantic loves hidden, women in tweeds and ties and hats frowned upon and women playing sport laughable, Ethel Smyth did as much and much much more. Her daring cracked open doors for future females to walk through and inspire them to crack open doors themselves. Broadcast in 1937, listen to the feminist Vera Brittain speak of Smyth's example and Smyth discussing a suffragette incident that got her arrested and jailed for several months: 

Vera Brittain Introduces Dame Ethel Smyth


Trans Trending-Who is Transitioning

Asher-Age 20

Asher-Age 15

Whitley-Age 16

Forrest-Age (child)

Luke-Age 18

Califirish-Age (child)

Oliver-Age (teen)

AJ-Age 16


The above is a few google search results that made their way to this blog (yesterday/today). I am going to begin adding such searches to various posts, as I now see them on a daily basis. Nothing may be stopping the throng of our lesbian youth to transition, but it is becoming more evident that later, even years later, some kind of sense is being found or restored and they are detransitioning.


Hormone use, Hormone Facts

Dirt - what do you think of setting up a post that is just for sharing what people know about hormones and cross-sex hormones?

I'll start with I was shocked to find out from another blog that many Japanese women with gender dysphoria have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome before they even take hormones.

PCOS involves an imbalance of hormones with high androgen's and low estrogen. People don't understand its cause, but PCOS is linked with serious medical problems like diabetes, heart attack, depression, and endometrial cancer.

This post is for sharing/discussing knowledge and experiences about hormones/hormone use. If you are not invested in a serious discussion about hormones, refrain from commenting. Hormone facts/use isnt limited to trans issues, post/discuss any/all aspects or experiences with or with taking hormones in whatever capacity.


FTM Testosterone and the Clitoris

This was a recent comment/question from a trans female who clearly found out too late how testosterone poisoning can negatively affect the female brain/body.
There is a common adjective often associated with sex between lesbians, RAW! Raw isnt merely indicative of the deep levels of emotional intimacy lesbian lovers reach, but RAW in the physical CLITORAL sense lesbians experience! Unlike the heterosexual PIV (penis in vagina) standard maintained by males of female partners, where clitoral love making is stripped down to mere foreplay or worse, outright ignored, the clitoris IS a primary focus in sex between lesbians. 

One thing sex between lesbians teaches right out of the gate, is just how RAW and vulnerable an excited, engorged clitoris is. An aroused, exposed (from the hood) clitoris may very well be the most sensitive thing on the damn planet! And in an aroused exposed state, the clitoris can handle brief moments of direct contact before that contact turns from insane pleasure to sharp pangs of pain. 

The female body having evolutionized to a greater degree than the male body at this juncture in time, our sexual organs are nicely and neatly tucked away. Females being responsible for the creation of life itself, our bodies need to be smarter and safer ensuring another generation will be born and man/woman-kind will continue. I could go on here but for the purpose of this post I've said enough, I will save the genius of female anatomy for another day.

My point being, only when aroused does the clitoris expose herself to brief pleasures of outside elements. The average length of the clitoris is generally about 4 inches, some are obviously going to be larger, some smaller. Most clitoris length stays safely inside the female body, that is until the clitoris is aroused or drugs like testosterone affect her. A clitoris on the poison of high doses of testosterone push and swell the clitoris from the safety of inside the female body, exposing her. 

Except unlike the exposure from sexual arousal, testosterone keeps the clitoris in an aroused, exposed state. That constant exposure can and does dry and dull the clitoris, which in turn lessens the length of the female orgasm and lowers its intensity. The exposed clitoris has to basically build up a tolerance in order to exist in her new testosteroned state. This dullness can also occur in women who use vibrators too often, clitoral sensation is lessened, dulling or making orgasm difficult or sometimes impossible. 

Testosterone's poisoning clitoral effects will vary from female to female, some woman's clitoris' continue to remain within the body keeping them safe, they may retain good clitoral sensitivity. However their clitoral sensitivity may still be dulled from seeking constant sexual relief through masturbation/vibrators etc. This may also lend to the reasons why so many trans females who pre testosterone poisoning were never (or had little) interest in vaginal sex and post testosterone poisoning, become largely/only interested in vaginal sex.


I never felt like a girl

"I never felt like a girl." An affirmation spoken by tomboys, Butches and an assortment of dykes past, present and undoubtedly the future. When our surroundings do not match our own perceptions of how we see ourselves, our dreams or the possibilities we want and imagine for ourselves, we can feel wrong about our very nature. That there wasnt something wrong, sadly is only realized later on in adulthood. When we have a greater vantage point perspective to see that our feeling wrong was perhaps the rightest thing we could have ever felt! Because that feeling wrong was a lone truth among columns of lies, a lone truth that confused us at first but later, one that we used like a bat to knock down each and every one of those patriarchal pillars!

I've been told it was between two and two and a half that I refused to wear the dresses my ma tried putting me in. I have heard similar stories from so many many many dykes and a good share of straight tomboys alike over the years. That before we even had a voice of our own, we intimately knew that the "girl" our parents/society etc was trying to cloth us in, wasnt the kind of girl we were or wanted to be!

We wore dresses only when and if made to, we didnt cross our legs at the ankle, we never sat up straight, we didnt play nice, we didnt wanna be good girls, we made rude noises with our armpits, we laughed with open mouths and slung back heads, we beat up the boys, we ran fast, we climbed trees, we jumped ramps with our bikes, we rode wheelies, our earliest friends were boys, most of our earliest crushes were girls, we told rude jokes as much as we laughed at them, we talked back, we liked and played sports, we didnt throw like girls, we dressed to be comfortable not popular, our favourite colours weren't dependent on our sex, we played with toys we liked no matter what isle of the store the were found, we said 'why' when told girls cant do that, we did that, we played war, cops and robbers and cowboys and Indians, we never lost at tag, we were strong and proud of our strength, we never accepted anything at face value and we grew up questioning EVERYTHING!

This post is for all those girls who did girl differently despite all its difficulties, grown girls still challenging, changing and rearranging the status quo!

This dyke salutes you!


Different Women Doing Woman Different: Simone Weil

 Simone Weil (1909-1943) wore female as differently as she did the human spirit. She was a child prodigy, a proletariat cloaked in a bourgeoisie upbringing, a philosopher, mystic and saint without canonization. She was a French Jew who unlike the forefathers of America didnt merely write that "all men (and women) are created equal," she cast off her upper class privileges and toiled in factories working AND educating factory workers in effort to see to it first hand that ALL through education will one day will become equal!

Despite suffering debilitating headaches, a small frame, lack of gracefulness and general over all poor health since childhood, Simone never allowed her body to limit her strong held beliefs of righting, wrongs. When she was about six years old, during the first world war, she refused to eat sugar in solidarity with soldiers who were at war. As a young woman, Simone even called out Trotky who was visiting her family while on the run, telling him "You are the idealistic one. You are the one calling a servant class the dominant class."

Regardless of a top notch education, Simone got factory work where she educated factory workers, used her education to pen pamphlets advocating for better worker's conditions and worker's rights. Yet due to Simone's clumsiness, she frequently received injuries while working in factories, but this never stopped Simone in her factory endeavours anymore than it stopped her from later joining a Republican faction and fighting in the Spanish Civil War.

But Simone's poor health, pure altruism and self of right over wrong eventually took their toll, she died in 1943 suffering from tuberculosis and starvation from wanting her food rations given to those more needy in Nazi occupied France.

I first discovered Simone Weil when I was 16, she has been a source of both inspiration and righteousness to me for the past 30 years and will continue to be if by chance, luck or destiny I live another 30.


In the anti Feminist Trans Community Female equals Birth Defect

A message received early this morning.

To answer their subject question, jesus christ super star!

Rather than waste any of my precious time or yours I wont dismantle the pedestrian thinking in this juvenile's message. I will say these sorts of messages gladden my inbox and heart. Because it is these young women that write to me in a year or two, telling me how much they at first "hated" me/my blog but something kept them coming back and reading. And every time that they came back, they realized more each time how right this blog is in how misogyny works and works for/toward transition. How this blog stopped them from transitioning or how it has helped them to decide to detransition. How this blog was a stepping stone to learning to love themselves, love women and feel better about being one.

To the writer of this message, I look forward to you learning to love and embrace yourself and stop feeling you are defective. Till that time comes, you keep reading, thinking and learning the true value of the almighty female! And remember female isnt a birth defect, it is a privilege!


Trans Trending-Who is Transitioning

Ash-Age 17

Zane-Age 21

TM-Age 13

Ryan-Age 14

Mack-Age 19


Shane-Age 19


Dom-Age 24

A screencap from a google search that found this blog:
When human behaviour becomes so completely governed and regulated that even the slightest deviation undermines the very nature of humans we are no longer merely staring into the abyss, we have fallen head long into it.


Little Baby Face Foundation-The New Frontier in Child Abuse

Beauty is not caused. It is.
Emily Dickinson

"These teenagers say they’ve been teased and bullied at school because of their looks. They feel the bullies will never change, and so they all have decided to change themselves - through cosmetic surgery."

Little Baby Face Foundation is a non profit plastic surgery business whose original goal was to donate corrective surgeries for facial deformities such as cleft palates/lips, to children whose families could not afford the overly expensive surgeries. Recently LBFF has extended their free surgeries to children/teens who have experienced trivial teasing at school for their noses or ears etc.

From Our Bodies Ourselves"In 2012, more than 236,000 cosmetic procedures were performed on patients  between 13 and 19, including more than 75,000 surgical procedures such as nose reshaping, breast lifts, breast augmentation, liposuction, and tummy tucks.1  As we consider under what circumstances plastic surgery is appropriate for teens, it is important to recognize that very few studies have been conducted to examine the risks for teens of these increasingly common procedures. Research is especially needed for the more controversial procedures such as breast implants, liposuction, and genital plastic surgery."
"One of the concerns about plastic surgery on adolescents is that their bodies are still maturing. In addition to development that may occur in the late teens, growth charts indicate that the average girl gains weight between the ages of 18 and 21, and that is likely to change her desire or need for breast augmentation as well as liposuction. There are no epidemiological studies or clinical trials on the safety and long-term risks of these procedures for adolescents."
"The long-term physical, emotional, and economic sequelae of many popular cosmetic surgeries, including implants and liposuction, are unknown. Despite the documented risks, the general public has an inflated sense of the benefits and a minimized sense of the risks of plastic surgery.6 Teenagers are often oblivious to the well-documented long-term health consequences of smoking, tanning, and other risky behaviors, and are likely to pay even less attention to the risks of cosmetic surgery, making informed consent difficult".
One fourteen year old GIRL who was teased at school due to her ears protruding somewhat, received a $40,000 operation from LBFF to correct her deformity. Afterward she said "I look beautiful, this is exactly what I wanted, I love it." A fifteen year old GIRL who had heard of the the fourteen year old's story sought and also received the foundations help because she was teased over her nose. Dr. Thomas Romo who started the foundation said You take a child, and you change the way they look. To anybody who sees them, they’re good-looking,” “That gives the child strength. We can’t go after the bully. But we can try and empower the children.” 

This statement alone clearly states the sick superficial purpose of this doKtor and his beautifying foundation. By "good looking" I've no doubt he means with regard to at least his female patients, fuckable by current male standards. I cant see where authority figures like doctors, first agreeing how unfuckable a young girl is due to her "facial deformities", then surgically improves her appearance so that males can now stand to look at her face on while they shove their no longer limp pricks into her vagina is ever going to give a girl "strength." This doktor says flat out that there is nothing that can be done to change the bullies, so why not pander to today's male pornographic masturbatory gaze and carve yourself into an eye candy pleasing fuckhole instead!

In the less than fifty years that I have occupied this planet, I have witnessed first hand HUGE changes in the attitudes and acceptability of peoples appearances. The TV/film actors/actresses, rock stars, painters, models, poets/writers and any artistic medium you can think of, those that I grew up with, would be out of work and unknown today because their looks didnt match their genius. Even Norma Jeane Baker's 10/12 dress size would have barred the way to the fruition of one of the world's greatest actresses/sex symbols, Marilyn Monroe. So to declare there is nothing that can be done to change mass thinking/attitudes or to set in motion future change is complete bullshit!

I tried to find LBFF stats on the sex of their more recent patients suffering from "facial deformities", but to no avail, I do however suspect them to mostly be female. That isnt to say that looksist standards for males havent changed in the last fifty years, but compared to the strict pornographic standards for females today, male looks still have a greater margin of acceptability, not to be confused with female fuckability.

The LBFF may have began with noble intentions, surgically helping poor children with debilitating facial deformities at no cost. But in recent years it has swung full circle to reinforcing strict unnatural beauty standards. Faces and parts of faces/heads like noses, mouths ears etc come in all shapes and sizes. Having a nose larger than a handful of your friends doesnt mean you have a deformity anymore than having a tiny nose does or a ears that arent snugged up to your skull, especially where pre-teen and teens are concerned. A gangly period of growth/looks is more than normal for the average growing teen and not something that needs surgically fixing!

This foundation and everything that feeds into its current practice of surgically maintaining an unnatural standard of beauty in children/teens is the real fucking deformity!

Change your world, NOT your body!


Different Women Doing Woman Different: Sophie Scholl

Stand up for what you believe in even if you are standing alone wrote Sophie Scholl, a member of anti Nazi group the White Rose.

When Sophie Scholl was 12, she was required to join the Nazi school girl youth program The League of German Girls. At first excited, the young Sophie quickly tasted the the fascist flavour flowing through the group and her excitement quickly turned to criticism. 

Sophie finished school in 1940 and hoped to go on to university, but a prerequisite for university was six months in the auxiliary war service. It was here where Sophie profoundly processed the war machine that was National Socialism, she also achieved what she needed to go on to university. In 1942 Sophie enrolled in the University of Munich where she joined her older brother Hans. It was here where Sophie became aware of her brother's anti Nazi activities. Hans and a few of his trusted friends created the pacifist group, the White Rose, which Sophie proudly and fearlessly joined.
They were a small group with very lofty aims, to write/print and distribute large sums of anti Nazi/Hitler leaflets and place them strategically. Their hope was that they would reach others who felt as they did, and whom might follow their brave example feeding the fires of truth rather than the fires of Hitler's Hell. Sophie Scholl was aware that the risks she and her cohorts were taking in speaking and spreading truth in the face of the brutal Nazi machine could mean death, she wrote regardless that an "end in terror is preferable to terror without end". 
Sophie Scholl and the other White Rose members were unfortunately caught after printing and distributing six leaflets, all were tried and beheaded for high treason. Sophie was only 21 years old, but walked to her death with head high. Shortly after her death a copy of the White Rose's last anti Nazi leaflet was smuggled out of Germany and into Allied hands. The Allied Forces shortly after reprinted millions of copies of this White Rose leaflet and dropped them all over Germany.
Sophia Scholl did woman different and despite her young age, she understood the problem of silence in the face of mass madness:

“The real damage is done by those millions who want to 'survive.' The honest men who just want to be left in peace. Those who don’t want their little lives disturbed by anything bigger than themselves. Those with no sides and no causes. Those who won’t take measure of their own strength, for fear of antagonizing their own weakness. Those who don’t like to make waves—or enemies. Those for whom freedom, honour, truth, and principles are only literature. Those who live small, mate small, die small. It’s the reductionist approach to life: if you keep it small, you’ll keep it under control. If you don’t make any noise, the bogeyman won’t find you. But it’s all an illusion, because they die too, those people who roll up their spirits into tiny little balls so as to be safe. Safe?! From what? Life is always on the edge of death; narrow streets lead to the same place as wide avenues, and a little candle burns itself out just like a flaming torch does. I choose my own way to burn.” 


I'm Transgender FTM and I dont Hate my Breast

A recent comment:
There are many things worth pointing out in this comment, beginning with her own self deception, she says she didnt "hate" her "breast" but didnt want them because males do not possess them. She also mentions the pain, discomfort and dangers of "binding" her breast down. Stacked self deception piled high in hopes of (why?) convincing me she doesnt "hate" her "breast." I suspect it is more a matter of convincing herself, like most/all? trans females who have had unnecessary mutilative double mastectomies.

She goes on with her self deceptive breast hating by claiming she had to have her healthy breast torn from her because by having them, as a female on synthetic testosterone, she could be in danger or be treated "poorly" because she may look "abnormal" and/or reveal her dirty little secret, that she is a trans female, so much for trans pride! Being a Clare Kendry involves risks, it may even lead to tragic outcomes similar to Clare's. Those risks will never change unless you risk everything fighting to change them, instead of yourself. You risk taking a drug that poisons your body, but wont risk fighting to change the world around you to remain intact! If that isnt female self hatred, I dont know what is.

And there is nothing to be "sorry" about, as an adult female, you ARE a woman. It makes no difference whether you appear as the constructed idea of woman. I've never fit that criteria either, I'm still very much a woman. But unlike you I dont apologise for carrying female MY way, in fact I shove it down the world's fucking throat with both fists so that it choke on it! As my dad used to say "like it or lump it!"


ps On a side note as something for readers to think about, she says she is "post-transition" meaning some doctor/s have/are writing prescriptions for her HRT and removed her breast DESPITE her not having dysphoria.

Missing Person Kristin Snyder: Lost in a Sea of Myths Pt 2

The next part in our forensic postmortem of the mockumentary The Lost Women of NXIVM will consist of dissecting the major proponents surrou...