The Seed-A Guest Post
When I first saw this web site I didn't understand it and I was not ready to hear its message, especially not delivered this plainly. I first found out about it from a detransitioned friend who was upset by it, as she felt protective of a young transitioner she knew whose youtube was featured here, and who did not like finding it in this context.I now understand that Dirt's labor here is one of love, and that she's willing to say the truth as she sees it, despite the fact that it might upset the transitioners whose videos end up here--because she's trying to do everything in her power to address their actual needs.
My internet presence is mostly about making room for and connections with other detransitioned ftms. Dirt's project is a lot more audacious, and consequently much more of her readership and commentariat consists of "hate-followers." But I've spoken to enough detransitioned ftms to know that even when they're "hate-reading" here, a seed is planted.When I started transitioning in earnest, I cut everyone out of my life who wouldn't go with the program and allow me to define their reality for them--except for one woman. This one friend told me that she did not experience me as male, and that pretending to felt like the living with the kinds of lies she'd grown up with in an abuse context. She spoke her truth to me, and while I spouted back some parroted nonsense and distanced myself in some ways, I could never quite discount what she said. She'd planted a seed. It stayed with me. I pushed it to the back of my mind, but it stayed, and when I was ready, it was there.Because she had not auto-piloted her response to me, I trusted this friend more than others who had held my transition in contempt without any real understanding, or else had just gone along to be "polite" or "correct." (And certainly more than those who had fetishized it, for whom I was finally worthy of interest by virtue of having an avant garde enough expression of self-hate.)As with most other people in my life, this one friend found what I was doing novel and unfamiliar. However, she didn't react with a knee-jerk "ick," but as a fellow gender-noncompliant woman (in her own definite way, even though she is straight) who had her own rightful stake in the conversation about this phenomenon, in addition to showing concern for me as her friend.When I really began to understand what transition had meant to me--and why, even though I-dentity was supposedly this sacrosanct individual matter, I seemed to recognize so much of my story in so many of the ftms around me--I saw this blog in an entirely different light. I saw that Dirt was trying to be, to the community at large, the same kind of resource that my good friend had been to me.
I'm writing this to show my appreciation and support for Dirt. Take care, Dirt. I hope for a quick and complete recovery for you. Thank you for never giving up on women like me. Thank you for continuing to look us in the eye, and for respecting us enough to name what you see.
-moira from redress alert