Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers. I am thankful for many things, but two very important ones are first and foremost my health and second I am thankful to see so many new blogs, videos, tumbls and communities by women who have and are detransitioning. This trend among female transitioners may be new, but it has opened up an outlet and place of comfort for females no matter where they find themselves before, during or after transition, where previously none before had existed. I find this both encouraging, courageous and hopeful amid a gender straight jacketed society and medical community that continues trying by any means possible to slot female into a narrow heterosexual male fuck object.

We are making a difference! Our strong female voices have meaning, substance and a feminist strength to influence current and future generations of females! Influences that just may save many from a self hatred so deep they tried to erase their beautiful female power by erasing their very nature.


Bev Francis-The Price and Prize of Carrying Female Differently

This is going to be the first in a series of future weekly posts highlighting women who carry female differently than has/is been outlined for us by the Male Gaze. I'm beginning this series with Bev Francis whom many butch/tomboy girls and young women looked up to and empowered to weight lift and build muscle despite its unpopularity for females to do so.

Bev Francis was a top power lifter and shot putter, her natural muscularity and the muscularity she developed for her sports later lent themselves to her efforts in female body building.

This is a picture of Bev when she was competing, Bev is the woman on the left. This picture also highlights the major and perpetual criticism Bev received from (usually) male judges during competitions. That criticism being Bev's muscularity was not feminine, i.e. fuckable. Regardless of Bev's muscle mass and her symmetry, because she didnt carry female in a way that was considered fuckable to the judges, Bev lost competition after competition. For a short time Bev did try to appease male judges by modifying some aspects of herself, but her brand of female stood out over minor changes and winning continued to elude her. The judges were clearly looking to female body builders like that of the gal on the right and others like her, many of which bought breast implants in hopes of maintaining a more "feminine" body that would please the eye and cocks of male judges, male body building teammates and male dominated society at large.

In the last 20 plus years, female bodybuilding suffered dramatically from the backlash against feminism. Female bodybuilding was changed to that of female fitness competitions that emphasized large breast toned make uped faced women who look more like they stepped out of a porno than a gym.

I am glad to see in a recent picture that Bev continues carrying female in HER special unique way and is still very much an icon for females of all ages!


The Seed-A Guest Post

When I first saw this web site I didn't understand it and I was not ready to hear its message, especially not delivered this plainly. I first found out about it from a detransitioned friend who was upset by it, as she felt protective of a young transitioner she knew whose youtube was featured here, and who did not like finding it in this context. 

I now understand that Dirt's labor here is one of love, and that she's willing to say the truth as she sees it, despite the fact that it might upset the transitioners whose videos end up here--because she's trying to do everything in her power to address their actual needs.

My internet presence is mostly about making room for and connections with other detransitioned ftms. Dirt's project is a lot more audacious, and consequently much more of her readership and commentariat consists of "hate-followers." But I've spoken to enough detransitioned ftms to know that even when they're "hate-reading" here, a seed is planted.

When I started transitioning in earnest, I cut everyone out of my life who wouldn't go with the program and allow me to define their reality for them--except for one woman. This one friend told me that she did not experience me as male, and that pretending to felt like the living with the kinds of lies she'd grown up with in an abuse context. She spoke her truth to me, and while I spouted back some parroted nonsense and distanced myself in some ways, I could never quite discount what she said. She'd planted a seed. It stayed with me. I pushed it to the back of my mind, but it stayed, and when I was ready, it was there. 

Because she had not auto-piloted her response to me, I trusted this friend more than others who had held my transition in contempt without any real understanding, or else had just gone along to be "polite" or "correct." (And certainly more than those who had fetishized it, for whom I was finally worthy of interest by virtue of having an avant garde enough expression of self-hate.)

As with most other people in my life, this one friend found what I was doing novel and unfamiliar. However, she didn't react with a knee-jerk "ick," but as a fellow gender-noncompliant woman (in her own definite way, even though she is straight) who had her own rightful stake in the conversation about this phenomenon, in addition to showing concern for me as her friend.

When I really began to understand what transition had meant to me--and why, even though I-dentity was supposedly this sacrosanct individual matter, I seemed to recognize so much of my story in so many of the ftms around me--I saw this blog in an entirely different light. I saw that Dirt was trying to be, to the community at large, the same kind of resource that my good friend had been to me.

I'm writing this to show my appreciation and support for Dirt. Take care, Dirt. I hope for a quick and complete recovery for you. Thank you for never giving up on women like me. Thank you for continuing to look us in the eye, and for respecting us enough to name what you see.

-moira from redress alert

Feminism and the Constant Death Wishes from all things Trans

I only hope that one day, females will hate patriarchy and its female hating structures as much as females hate other females.


ps You clearly didnt read the last few blog posts or you'd know the chance of that happening is ZERO.

Dysphoria-A Cautionary Tale

I rarely share personal info here unless I feel it is both relevant to this blog's general content or may be a lesson for this blog's readers. I write this post from a hospital bed. If everything goes as expected I will have a partial hysto this afternoon. Reason for this procedure? For the past two plus years I neglected something I felt/knew was wrong inside me. Why? I did not want to have to see an OB/GYN.

While having worked through the worst of dysphoria, having someone I do not know and am not in a relationship going near my vag was just too scary for me. Last week, this changed. The huge lump in my right side and horribly uncomfortable swollen uterus scared me enough to finally tell my niece what was going on. She brought me to the hospital last Thursday, where my fears for my life and lack of quality of life superseded my dysphoria. After many tests, some obviously more uncomfortable than others, it was discovered I have a nearly 10 centimeter fibroid tumor on my uterus and which has stretched my uterus to its current uncomfortable larger state. My hemoglobin was also in the toilet. I was released the next day (friday last) after having had several bags of blood and put on iron pills/iron rich diet. Was scheduled for surgery the first week of December.

I was directed to come back to the hospital if I start bleeding. I woke up at 3am yesterday and began bleeding. I waited for a few hours to see if the bleeding would subside, it only grew worse. My brother picked me up and took me back to the hospital where the bleeding got so bad I nearly fainted. After under going several pelvic exams, my gyno said I would be having surgery today (this afternoon). I've received three more bags of blood since and will receive more during the surgery.

I couldnt have prevented the fibroid tumor from starting, but had I sought help sooner, the last few years of my life (quality wise) would have been much better, and less worrisome. Also because I waited and let the tumor get so large, I cannot have the more desired laparoscopy. Instead I will be cut wide open the old school way, which has a longer recovery period. No working out for about three months. Ugh!

My point? Please please please, see a gyno on a regular basis and PLEASE if you think something is wrong (female wise) seek help ASAP. I know (trust me) its scary, uncomfortable and embarrassing. But find a family member or friend you love and trust, tell them and have them go with you for support. And honestly, it wont be as bad as the worrying is.

That said, in the next two-ish weeks I obviously wont be posting much or anything. If you are a regular reader, and are interested in writing a guest post that is inline with with the blog's usual content, email them to me and I'll put them up.


edit to add.

Everything went well, other than a slightly larger incision due to the over size of my uterus. Going home from the hospital today. Lots of pain, but dealing with it. Your kind thoughts and words have been a source of comfort.

 thank you

The Internet-Where many claim to be Lesbians, but few actually are!

Due to circumstance that I will get into in my next post, I'm a bit behind in writing about this, but I did want to put it forth regardless. 

Anyone who knows me personally, in general or even regular readers of this blog, knows I am not the least bit invested or interested in arguing. I am however invested in spreading truth, like wildfires or molasses, with others or alone. Thats the advantage of speaking/writing the truth, it is never something that needs arguing, it simply is. Where ever you see vigorous arguing you can rest assure it isnt truth being argued about, it is personal opinion. Truth stands on its own waiting patiently to be discovered. Truth inspires confidence, but speaking the truth requires bravery. I've been most fortunate in this life to have found the most eminent hero's, one of which (Patti Smith) taught me the importance of "doing GOOD work", this also coincided with my father's nature/practice. Whether nurture or destiny "doing GOOD work" is something I've aspired to as far back as I can remember. I've carried that aspiration into my feminism, this blog and all and everything that lies between.

Saturday last, I was asked to by someone from Twitter calling herself "the lesbian mafia" to join a "secret" chat meeting. Its secrecy was emphasized to the point it seemed something REALLY big was going down. Out of curiosity I agreed to keep the secret and join the chat that evening. I joined the chat at the designated time, only to find a chat session consisting of a handful of the same tired "radfems" (none of which I like, respect or believe give a fuck about lesbians/lesbian youth or true feminism) whom many might be familiar and used to seeing moaning about what literally amounts to a hill of nonsense all over the blogosphreres/Twitters/Tumbrs etc. I stayed none the less to see exactly what this secret "radfem" meeting was about.

It begin with the lesbian mafia person wanting to know how everyone felt about the "negative" image radfems were receiving from the trans community. I pointed out I wasnt a radfem, nor did I give a fuck what anyone thought of me as saving lesbian lives/lesbian children from lesbian genocide via transition was much more important than how I'm perceived. This was basically ignored, but others did agree they didnt much care what the trans community thought of radfems either. This didnt bode so well with miss lezbo mafia, she then threw a fit abruptly ended the meeting, even though others said there are many other issue that could be discussed. The 10-15 minute meeting was as ridiculous as it seemed.

The next evening miss lezbo mafia posted something on her twitter about radfems needing to make peace with the trans community/politic. At this point it became apparent to me miss lezbo mafia was more interested in supporting trans ideology than she was worried about some radfem image. I commented on her post reiterating again how transition was/is being used to eradicate gays/lesbians and post DSM5 used to kill us in our infancy. The next day I received comments back to me from her that were as ignorant and hate filled as any I've received from those in the throes of the trans disorder. Comments calling me "tyrannical" to calling me (several times) an "animal", including threatening me (with what, I never found out). Clearly miss mafia cannot intelligently defend her non truthed opinions and resorts to threats when put to the task.

Idiots I know are a dime a dozen, especially internet idiots. But I take serious offense to those using lesbianism to front their hatred of lesbians, their wish to eradicate lesbians and their work to see lesbians are eradicated in the very near future!

On the internet please remember, it may look like a duck, it may walk like a duck, but that in no way, shape or form means she is a duck.


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