As you should already know from my first email as well as some of my posts on your blog, I am a nearly 30-year-old, female
Gemini, born in June of 1983, who recently moved from Texas to
Louisiana. You really helped me find the words to describe why I didn't
want testosterone or FtM surgeries despite being one of the most
gender-non-conforming women in this town. I did a terrible job of
conveying this message with the YouTube account I created in 2007, but
your blog does such a good job of it that I no longer feel the need to
have one and have had no contact what-so-ever with the YouTube FtM
community since 2010.
You see, once upon a time, I thought of myself as a perfect candidate
for the FtM "transition," lying awake as a teen thinking of how
wonderful it might be to rename myself "Cyrus Joseph" after the
completion of everything except genital surgery. I mean, after all, I'd
had short hair since I was 10, refusing to wear dresses from about that
point on, and was (still am) a virgin with no interest in men. However, I
began to take a disliking to such users when I heard them say
misogynistic things like, "Men only go to the restroom to
[urinate/defecate], whereas women go in there to strike-up conversations
with random strangers," which I have not found to be the case! I mean,
sure, I've heard the occasional mom talk to her kids, but never do they
question me as to why I'm there, and I've never felt out-of-place in
So I began to post "mean" but true comments for these trans females, and
just as surely as I did, they posted even meaner replies and made
videos about how I was "trans myself." Then I began to notice something
even more disturbing. You see, before I met these trans females on
YouTube, I'd always assumed they were all butch lesbians, refusing to
wear dresses, heels, or long hair at every age. But to my surprise, many
of them had been much more feminine that I ever was in my life just a
few months before starting HRT in addition to binding their breasts and
"packing" with prosthetic male genitals. It was almost as though they
thought they had to "become a guy" just to give themselves permission to
cut their hair!
I then began to realize that I'd never felt the need to have a penis,
nor attempted to pee standing-up, nor would I ever consider phalloplasty
were I the richest person in the world! So after getting in trouble
with my mom, with whom I still live, for even associating myself with
such a "sexual subject," I deleted my YouTube account, never again
viewing or commenting on their disturbing videos. But then in December
of 2012, I discovered your blog, which was music to my ears and the best
Christmas present I could have ever received! Finally, I'd found
another woman who didn't consider FtM's "men" (or MtF's "women") despite
not being some dress-only, fundamental Baptist with ten kids or
So once again, I would like to thank you for shedding some light on the
negative side of this community of female-bodied misogynist who call
themselves "men." It really helps to balance-out all the
pro-testosterone videos made by such living advertisements as these
young, scar-faced, balding, bearded females with their "male midget
voices" and their badly mutilated chests that cost them enough to buy a new car! You really saved me a lot of money, because it is sooooo much cheaper (and healthier) just to accept myself as the "butch" female that I am, rather than to try unsuccessfully to replicate the "male body" via surgery.
These masculinized females also didn't seem any happier than the ones
who were pre-testosterone. In fact, it seemed as though their obsession
with maleness simply shifted from their need for a deep voice in order
to "pass" for an adult male, to their need for "chest surgery" in order
to go shirtless, to their need for a penis in order to pee standing-up
every time, no matter how "disgusting" it really is to a lesbian (like
myself) to even think of a biological male doing that, let alone someone
born female! Hint: we're attracted to women for a reason, and that's
just one of many.
So I no longer watch their videos because I have enough of such
disturbingly misogynistic speeches in my head to last me a lifetime, but
thank you for doing so yourself and then reporting to us the extent of
how widespread this trend has become. I'm glad my parents let me have
short hair and pants, because it allowed me to see myself as simply a
girl who wanted to be comfortable, rather than a "boy in a girl's body."
And I would rather see myself as a whole woman than to "become" a
small, weak, marginal, penis-needing, incomplete, pretend, or
counterfeit "male" any day of the week!
Iris "GoddESS of the Rainbow"
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