Dysphoria-A Discussion

This will be a first in a series of posts on dysphoria.

When did you first begin feeling dysphoric about your body? What area's of your body have you had the most dysphoria around? Has dysphoria hurt the intimacy in your relationships? Has anything helped to minimize your dysphoria? Such as maturing, working out, a good partner?

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  1. I have felt dysphoric about my boobs. I tend to feel self-conscious when they really show, like, stick out (luckily they don't stick out much, since they're somewhat small). One thing that makes it worse is to look at - and obsess over - pictures of "hot guys" and compare myself to them... I used to buy magazines like GQ or Esquire once in a while, because I liked the focus on masculinity, but now I avoid getting them because, like feminine women and women's magazines, they make me have body-image issues.

    One thing that lessens my dysphoria is to wear clothes that are psychologically comfortable for me, like semi-loose shirts that don't "cling." This helps a ton.
    Also, finding community of some sort with other butches has helped me to have some more self-acceptance.

  2. Also, to add to what I myself wrote in the above comment from 9:14, this dysphoria has not hurt the intimacy of my relationships, because I do not mind so much having my boobs be part of things in intimate situations; I just mind how they appear when I'm in front of anyone who is not my partner.

  3. Probaby when I was in my early teens but I've been told I mentioned stuff when I was really young. I don't think I had the actual disconnected feeling till teens but never really felt right before that either - tis complicated.

    Boobs, Hips, does height count?, face.

    Oh, hard question. It has stunted my ability to have emotional and physical relationships with people. But just sex, I can do that.

    Drinking, Drug-taking, sex, cutting myself. But that just really masks shit.
    Cutting my hair helped. Coming out as Trans helped and made me feel not as dysphoric for a while. Passing gives about ten minutes of relief.

    Maturing? It's gotten worse the older I've gotten.

    Working out? Makes me dysphoric. Too much things move that I don't want to have.

    I have issues with emotionally connecting to people. My best friend is amazing and he helps. I had a boyfriend I really loved for a while but they didn't really help with the dysphoria. Being around him made me feel good, not about my body in particular but about life itself.

  4. This is unrelated, and I apologize, but I was wondering if you could answer a question for me, Dirt. You make mention, several times, that transgender people are mentally ill traitors of their sex, pretty much; however, your basis for this is that of your fairy tale land that doesn't exist, where everyone is equal and all is perfect and swell. So who is it here really who seems more mentally unstable: A transgender person who lives their life on the very real social construct in which they actually live, or a grown adult who sits on the internet judging other people, often times minors, for years just for living their life in a way you do not agree with? I know the world isn't a perfect place, but it's human nature for it to be that way; you can take a person from every corner of the world and ask them what a perfect society would be, and they will all give you different answers. Why is this? Because no two people are exactly alike. You will never get a perfect world where everyone is equal; it's just not possible, as unfortunate as that is. Instead of sitting on the internet and judging people for their lifestyles, when yours is by no means any more perfect than theirs, why don't you spread love and acceptance. Everyone, I don't care who they are, has as much right to be themselves as you do.

    And I'm sure BadDyke or yourself or any number of anons will try to sit here and argue little details they don't agree with, as they always have and always will. If not, you'll delete this as you always do. You'll only be further proving my point if you do though. I just hope you realize you're basing all of your beliefs on something that has a very unstable foundations, regardless how great it seems on paper.

  5. @Anon 8:18am

    Dirt is not waxing on about a fantasy land that doesn't exist, she is saying that transgender people hurt everyone through their beliefs and actions surrounding the concept of gender.

    Dirt is fighting for the patriarchal structure to be torn apart, which would allow for females to be females and males to be males without any preconception of what each one should and shouldn't be.

    I don't believe she is sitting behind a computer screen judging anyone -- she is simply trying to foster a discussion and challenge people's ideas.

    This is not a bad thing.

  6. My hands and my breasts mainly. Both gave me chronic pain since about 12 yrs old. Ok, I also hate the way my hands look because of the eczema, but I have always liked the way boobs look! The way they feel....well when im in pain they dont feel like 'mine'. I know im overly attached to the way they felt/ looked before.

    Obviously treating the cause of the pain helps the dysphoria. The eczema has improved with age and careful management and the pain/ inflammation in my boobs has got better since I avoided caffeine. Im not saying its 100% better but its bearable now.

  7. "A transgender person who lives their life on the very real social construct in which they actually live.."

    Odd to see 'social construct' and 'very real' appearing together here. So, rather than 'innate gender' being really real, we instead have the fact that society treats who it perceives as female and who it sees as female differently as being 'really real', hence needing to have surgery so that society doesn't treat you like shit is OKAY according to this writer.

    Might just as well say that society IS racist (and we ain't gonna see the end of that anytime soon), hence any black person who wants to bleach their skin, and surgically alter their features so they 'pass' as white to avoid racism is OKAY too. And you're nasty if you suggest otherwise..............

    "Everyone, I don't care who they are, has as much right to be themselves as you do." Except my right to be myself doesn't depend on mutilating surgery, or trying to conn others that I'm something that I'm not.

    It's the trans crowd that manifestly DOESN'T support the right of people to be themselves, else they wouldn't continually claim that someone with a male brain in a female body isn't fine, but INSTEAD needs surgery and hormones to adjust the body.............

  8. "You make mention, several times, that transgender people are mentally ill traitors of their sex, pretty much;"

    I think you'll find it is those NICE doctors who perform SRS and give out prescriptions for T who are saying that trans people are mentally ill, NOT feminists.

    Feminists are just saying that F2T people are just females being fucked over by the patriarchy and their daft ideas about gender, just like the rest of us!

    But of course, MUCH easier to present Dirt as the villain...........

  9. I was always very dysphoric of my whole body. I have broad shoulders and a stocky build. If I work out, I bulk up faster instead of developing lean, toned muscle. I naturally move in a manner typically seen as masculine - the way I walk, sit, talk, eat, look after myself, etc. I have very small breasts, my hip-waist-chest measurements appear much more 'masculine'. I have an androgynous face - with my hair about an inch long, I am perceived female by maybe 1 in 5 people with whom I interact in public. (I'm not sure what everyone I walk by thinks, this is just based on how many "ma'am's" I get over "sir's".

    I started transitioning to male in December 2010 and stopped this past December before taking any hormones to take my old name back, move back home and restart my life where I left off. Oddly enough, it was this transition that helped me get over my physical insecurities. It was this transition that helped me realize it wasn't my female body I hated but my masculinity - and I've been able to simply accept that that is the way I am and that nothing is wrong with it. I've looked at old photos of myself and I've realized that, while I wasn't lean and feminine nor worthy to be photographed for a GQ issue, I was not unattractive - and that even if I was, transitioning to male wouldn't fix that.

    I'm sure there are many other ways of coming to the conclusion that a woman is perfect no matter what she looks like, no matter what her insecurities are - but there were other factors that led me to transitioning. I'm not transgender, I feel that what I went through was a bad identity crisis and a need to run away from my own life - and the only reason I had to explain that to myself at the time was that I was transgender.

  10. When I was six I took my shirt off and put my hands on my chest and said, "Stay flat, please." That'd be the first that I remember.

    Feel dysphoria over: my breasts, my height, my lack of muscles. Working out makes it worse because of how awkward I feel and how everything shifts around, contributing to me not working out contributing to a further lack of muscle. Hands. Arms. Torso shape. Jawline. Thighs. Waist:Hip ratio.

    Nothing really helps. Binding feels nice but has a nasty bite afterward because it's not real. Sex with someone who actually wants me makes me like everything more, because it feels good and I feel loved.


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