What is Stopping YOU from Transitioning?

Between quite a few emails over that last year and quite a number of comments made here, many females have expressed feeling all the "trans" feelings that lead women into transition, but either being on the fence about going forward with medical transition or flat out deciding not to transition and work instead to deal with their "trans" feelings.

If you are struggling with this issue and are either in limbo about transitioning or refuse to altogether, tell us what stops you from going forward.

If you have medically transitioned in any way, please do not comment on this post.



  1. The United States Military!!!!

  2. Acceptance that transition cannot give me (fully) the body I desire and the fact that I have my whole life to explore these options and lifestyles. I don't need to rush into any labels or groups. Finding myself and making myself comfortable within a controlled and non radical manner are key for me.

  3. I don't have antipathy towards trans people and sometimes I have felt like I am staying behind on the shore as I watch FtM's sail off into manhood. But I wasn't socialized as a man. I'm not real thrilled with the idea of using men's bathrooms. While it might be easier to walk in the world passing as a man, I'd walk more alone, I think. I guess I have decided to let the world suck it up that I am a butch dyke. But if I'd been born 20 years later, I might have an "M" on my driver's license right now.

  4. Inquiring Minds Want To KnowApril 10, 2011 at 9:50 PM

    My reasons why I haven't transitioned:

    The fact that I have to "start over" and put my strong and meaning female past behind and go into the future as male.

    Being seen as just a str8 male and nothing more - I dig that my features are a mix of both masculine/feminine - giving me that pretty/handsome boi look

    All the lesbian femmes who go crazy for butches - leaving them behind would crush me.

    I could probably get a str8/bi girl to partner up with me but when her biological clock starts ticking I won't be able to do anything for her.

    Family...Traditional Catholics from the West Indies... surprisingly they accept me being gay but to explain to them that I'm now a "he" and not a "she" will probably boggle their minds into insanity

    Personally I think Transition should only done when the person has done MUCH soul searching and has come to the CLEAR HEADED conclusion that this is something they want to pursue. They should know the pros and cons inside and out. Everyone should know that T and the surgeries are not a game and shouldn't be taken lightly

  5. Why would I not transition?

    Because I was born female, with a vagina and ovaries and a uterus. Therefore all the feelings, thoughts and desires I have, .... alot of which are characterised or labelled as masculine in this society .... are therefore those of a woman.

    I hated going through puberty and growing breasts .... I wouldn't even wear a bra for years simply because I did not want to acede to the notion that I was a woman. I totally hated that my body was beginning to identify me as a female like a label I didn't want to wear. The clear and pervasive perception I had of our world was that it was so much better to be a man than a woman. To me man=freedom while woman=a certain imprisonment that I was terrified of. All the role models, all the heroes I looked up to .... all the images that I saw my wants and desires in, were that of men.

    However, maturing and growing helped me accept my female body, emvrace it and be proud of it's power. Reading alot and learning through simply getting older or what one would call, 'becoming more wordly' helped me discover positive female role-models in literature largely, as well as the Arts, sport and the general connections and relationships I have formed in every day life.

    I learnt, just as I learnt to walk and talk, that 'female' is not valued as highly as 'male' in society and in maturing I began to understood that it was my responsiblity as a woman, like all over women, to change that.

    By being who I am, I think I do help to change that, like all other butches, tom boys and women who say 'fuck you, I'll be who I want and I will be a woman.' There is so much power in that expression. I see no power in transitioning and that is why it is and never was for me.

  6. Clare
    For real. Well said :)

  7. totally agree with clare.
    grew up "feeling male"- and hating all things 'girl' and all girl parts about myself.
    toyed with the idea of transition for many, many long ego-centric, self-absorbed years.
    matured- and with that came acceptance of myself which is still growing daily- along with a much less self focused life--- which also brought me out of a long suffered depression.
    so in retrospect, i can say that i didn't transition because i (finally) came to love both myself as is, and the label "butch lesbian"- which of course i hated when younger.
    i'm comfy in my boi/handsome look as stated above and would never trade that in for the results of transition that i've witnessed.

  8. As a child I was very boyish. I just coulnd't relate to girls or to things girls do and I hated my breasts.
    The problem was that I was thinking in labels. But this whole girl stuff and boy stuff is just insane. I do whatever I want and I don't have to be a man to like monster trucks or whatever. There is no need to transition because I can do everything (ecxept a few things) with the body I was born.

    sorry for my english I'm from europe. :-)

  9. I would not transition because I don't see that the dysphoria goes away much in my ftm friends.
    I have this unhealthy idolized version of myself as a man in my head and I know that I could never acheive that with T and surgery.

  10. When I was 20 years old, I had huge feelings of discomfort with my female body. Wearing a dress was totally cross dressing to me. I did not fit in any female activities and had not the desire to join women hobbies or groups. I had a "male job" (engineer). On top of that, I dated women so I had a lot of questioning and was thinking god had played a trick on me by making me a female bodied. At that time (it was 20 years ago), nobody was talking about trans identity and FTM transition. And then I grew up and started to love my binarity which makes me unique : to have a very feminine body and in the same time to have an energy and hobies which are most seen among men. I know it surprises all my contacts and I like it this way. I have also learned that I could be who I am my way : I did a therapy some years ago to accept my identity. So ok I am feminine, ok with a dress I am a hottie (straight guys fantasy) but I were pants and I like it :)

    When I look back, I always ask myself one question 'what if I had the opportunity of transition from female to male back then when I was 20's ? Would I have done it ?

    The answer is yes. When I was young, I would have probably "solved" that huge issue by transitioning but in the same time it would have been the bigest mistake of my life because transitioning would have killed what makes me unique..

  11. Such beautiful stories in these comments.

    The fact that the sweeping majority of current FTMs are young 20 somethings and teenage girls, makes it very difficult to take seriously as someone over the age of 40.

  12. Because your "indentity" in your teens/20s is about as permanent as blue hair dye!

  13. Although I don't have any problem with FTMs at all and anyone I've met has always been really nice, I'm just too aware that transitioning would never do what I want it to do (Not much point going on T when your 5'1 and 95 pounds :P). I think theres too much pressure to be either a very feminine woman or just be a man, there doesn't seem to be any room in between, especially in my own age group (I'm in my late teens). I don't think its fair to say that your identity in your late teens is that shaky (I'm sure you guys all knew you were gay pretty young) but I'm very wary about making huge changes to my own body when I'm aware I am very heavily influenced by the 'ideals' of male and female.

  14. I've come to understand that my body is perfect, it is society that is fucked up. I don't want to chop up my body to fit into female or male. I don't feel like a woman, as in, I don't relate to most women and most women's issues. I have varying levels of comfort with this place I live in (my body). I am definitely dysphoric... would love to have a flat chest, etc. But, I don't have that.

    Finally, I have a daughter. I want her to have a good relationship to her body. I wouldn't want to cut off my tits and have to explain that to her.

    Mostly, I find it interesting, navigating the world as a different kid of woman. As I get older, it's more challenging... put ona bit more weight, more curvy...

    One thing I notice: I really enjoy getting called Sir. I love seeing how little I have to do, in terms of my gender presentation (cutting hair short, wearing men's clothes) to get "sir'd". Makes my day. I try never to make a big deal out of it, to the person who calls me Sir. I watch them scamper and dance around it... and act liek ti is all nothing.

    I just feel like it is my job to come to terms with my body, it's presentation, it's pleasures, etc.

    I just can't get behind the notion that anyone is born into the wrong body. Yes, many of us have dysphoria. I have it. This is not some magical thing. But, let's get more creative than cutting up our bodies.

    I very much considered transitioning over the last 20 years. But, it seems kinda stupid to me now (mid fourties). Like, really? I thought that would solve something? Really?

  15. I would lose too much. It's a permanent procedure and thats frightening. not to mention it's a long, hard road.

    And because my feelings of gender fluctuate wildly, I doubt being the boy in a dress rather than the girl in a suit would fit me any better... I want to be both.

  16. I don't transition because surgeries or T effects are unpredictable and I know there is a huge risk of having a body I will hate more at the end and not the body I have in mind.

  17. "But, let's get more creative than cutting up our bodies."

    This sentence is a perfect articulation of exactly what I think this blog is about and why I am interested in following it. Thanks Sillyme.

    Anon @12:11pm - it is very difficult to take seriously I agree. But that is why this forum is so important because we need to take it seriously. This is a great thread Dirt, I have enjoyed reading the stories of other women that have experienced simliar if not the exact thoughts and feelings I've dealt with in this society, thankyou. I hope other young women going through the same thing read this thread and find comfort and assurance in the fact that, 'it does get better'.

    I am seeing too many amazing and beautiful girls get lost to this fad in my social connections and it makes me quite sad.

  18. I was going to transition. i cut my hair, started binding and taking on a gender neutral name. i considered going on testosterone injections and getting surgery. One day I literally photoshopped my head onto a photo that Dirt posted on here of a transman and thought, no, that's not me. Even though I'm not thrilled with my body, I'll dislike it even more if I get my breasts removed and started getting hair everywhere. I could always work out and tone the areas I'm not comfortable with.
    The idea of being born a man appealed to me more than actually trying to become one. As of today I'm proud to say I still have my breasts and are completely happy with them, and never had a testosterone injection. I'm glad I didn't ruin myself.

  19. I was going to transition and realised it was a one way process: *once you bind your boobs, you have to remove them as they become flat, *once you go on T, the effect are permanent (baldness, voice, body hair...)so you can reverse them if you don't like them (loosing my hair so young was a no go)
    *once you are on T and you had top surgery, you are still half way because under your belt, your body does not match the other parts.

    And then I learned the bottom surgery were not mastered yet or had a high failure rate.

    I could have done the whole process for free as I live in a EU country whose NHS pays for it but I stopped.

    2 years ago, I realised it was not a full transition but a half way transition, I understood without dick I will not be a male and so I will never transition fully to the other side...
    Also I have seen a lot of lies about how wonderful transition are about other guys who 2 months later commit suicide.

  20. Because you're not a man without a dick, you're just a woman in a mutilated, science project female body and that's not enough for me.

    And because I pass comfortably without hormones, just based on my height and body type. I have been living as male for the past few months and I love it.

    If a doctor could make me anatomically male, I would do it.

  21. By the way, I never binded hard enough to flatten my breasts and make them unusual looking.

  22. what is ur problemApril 13, 2011 at 10:00 PM

    the military lack of money and possible family problems what you are doing is not helping anyone you are putting lives in danger

  23. @ changed my mind! women get hairy too and there is always an option to shave the things DIRT posted yes some have had a bad road but those have to be mainly old old OLD techneques and today they are trying a new one that is like double purse strings and all that and there is really no scaring at all look up the technique and tell us what you thhink as for the rest it takes someone extremely brave to go through these changes and i know i am one that cant wait BRING IT ON lol..

  24. IDontThinkThisCountsAsTransApril 13, 2011 at 10:27 PM

    I would never transition but I do feel uncomfortable with my body sometimes, dont get me wrong, I love my body, even if its not perfect, but like everyone else, I have my moments were I wish I could change parts of it. Like today I was looking at my shoulders and I noticed how broad they are, I've noticed this before but it never bothered me, I just ignored it and would say things like "It goes with my body type/shape/structure, well I dont care, I can work with this" Also when I take a shower I notice things and it makes me feel a little bit ashamed to be a girl (this doesnt mean I want to me a guy either) and I cant really explain why that is.

    Anyways I just want to know what I can do to not feel like this anymore or at least not as often, if I start to feel really insecure about my body, I feel like I would want to change it or alter it in some way. I'm the type of person whos oblivious to what people think/say about me, I dont care about their opinions about me especially if its the "if you have nothing nice to say, dont say it at all" type of comment. Its just lately I've been paying attention to people and their comments, they dont necessarily have to be about me but I still think about their rude ass comments, eh maybe its just the generation I'm in.

  25. I don't want my brain to change, at all.

  26. @whats ur prob -- im not saying Dirt's pics made me change my mind. I just wasn't feeling it. It wasn't me. Now, if you're one of these transguys, by all means, do what you think is right. Don't get bitchy at me for saying it wasn't right for me and that im glad i didn't go through with it.

  27. The reason I don't wanna change my body is cause I think my body is great! it gives me orgasms.. I can walk around in it.. sometimes I like how it looks, especially in a tux! because I don't feel trapped in the wrong body. Because I feel attached to being a woman sometimes. Because I am masculine, but I am not a transsexual! I think trans people are great, infact I have a huge crush on calpernia addams, she is a hottie! but I am not a transsexual.

  28. The reason I don't wanna change my body is cause I think my body is great! it gives me orgasms.. I can walk around in it.. sometimes I like how it looks, especially in a tux! because I don't feel trapped in the wrong body. Because I feel attached to being a woman sometimes. Because I am masculine, but I am not a transsexual! I think trans people are great, infact I have a huge crush on calpernia addams, she is a hottie! but *I* am not a transsexual.

  29. The reason I dont want to change my body or my mind is because I love and accept who I am. I do not wish to conform to the what is more comfortable for others. Yes for a while my appearance brought on strange looks and rude reactions, but this is part of what we all experience as members of the GLBT Nation. This is what we have come to learn. I love my body. I love my brain, and my heart. I am a transman, and I would not change myself for anyone other than me. <3

  30. prejudice. i get beaten up for liking girls and being pre-op. so im scared as sh*t, i dont want it to get worse, but at the same time I'm fed up with being in the body that i'm in :(


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