Topic Tuesday

Today's topic is...Has the "queer/trans" revision and co-option of lesbian identities caused you stop identifying as a lesbian or any lesbian identity? Please explain why, if yes.


Trans Trenders and Who is Transitioning

Change society, NOT YOUR BODY!


Trans Trenders-the New Goth and "themagazineproject" caving to Transfascist Hormonally induced Rantings

The below article was written for and posted here originally last week, it was removed last night due to transfascist threats, lies and pressures. This is the article in full:

Trans Trenders-the New Goth?

Transgenderism/sexualism began as a treatment to cure gay males of their homosexuality. It was ignorantly believed that gay men by their attraction to men must really be women trapped inside a male body, compulsory heterosexualism at its most extreme. The treatment for feeling “born in the wrong body” hasn’t much changed in the last sixty plus years, hormonal drugs and various surgeries based on the believed sex remain the treatment used. How Transgenderism/sexualism is viewed, trans rights, academic jobs based in trans ideologies and public opinion of trans people has however changed. Queer Theory combined with the almighty internet being the primary reasons for the most significant changes in public perception of trans people and the dissemination of trans related information.

Among females there has been until recently a generalized but standard female of the lesbian persuasion who has been the primary seeker of transition. These are females who felt from an early age or around puberty that they were “born in the wrong body”. With those feelings also comes a feeling of extreme body dysphoria, which very often is centered on body parts society deems specifically female, such as breast, shapely hips and vagina. The advancements of trans rights, scholarship, general knowledge, popular reality TV etc. has unfortunately come at a time for females when the feminist backlash has reached all new heights circumscribing the female role to that of a hyper-femininity coupled with a hyper-sexuality. Girls as young as two or three years old are now being clothed to please the male gaze. Options for female possibilities and female futures have drastically gone from house wife to that of visual “eye candy” whore. For females, “dressing for success” has come to signify; no erection equals no raise, no promotion or no job, take your pick.

In the past, youths have used Punk, New Wave, Goth, multi-colored dyed hair, mohawks, shaved heads, piercings and tattoos as a form of rebellion, self expression and a way to transcend momentarily narrow gender roles. It is a different story today however; female youths are choking and gagging on the inescapable hyper-femininity/hyper-sexuality being shoved down their smooth young throats by family, religion and society. Only they are escaping, in droves even, through transition. Technology and narrow gender norms have created a circumstance and a space where female youths are changing their limited female destinies by transitioning to “male” rather than changing the rules for all females as feminist had done in the past.

The hugest difference in the female youths who are falling prey to this trans trend is that most of these young women are heterosexual. They begin transition believing that they are and will be “gay men” once transitioned. Many, once on testosterone seek gay male sex/relationship partners knowing little to nothing about gay male culture or how gay male culture functions within gay malecentric spaces.

One of the main technological sources spreading this “trans trend” like wildfire, a trend affecting mostly white females, is Every week there is a whole new set of trans trending females ranging in age from young teens to early twenties. They range also in the arena of transition from “pre-ftM”s cutting their hair short and binding their breast down for a flatter appearing chest, to others just starting a testosterone regimen and others still, several years on testosterone and having already had their healthy breast surgically removed. Each YouTube trans trending testament and record of transition begs for supportive unquestioning listeners.

These young pre-ftMs and ftMs give each other that support, through friending, subscribing to and copiously supportive commenting on each trans trender’s video. The comments alone encourage and increase trans trending behavior, affirmative comments read on their videos and positive reinforcing comments trans trenders read on other trans videos. These trans trendering YouTube spaces function very much in the way Pro-Ana sites function supporting the behavior of anorexics, they are both instructional and reinforcing.

The article, like the "who is transitioning" posts here, highlight the mass trans trending taking place among female youths growing up in less than radical feminist times. Times which demand hyper femininity and hyper sexuality to signify "normal" female development. Times which leave no room for females youths to dream, let alone realise those dreams unless those dreams are bent like the hairpins holding the perfectly coiffed hair in place so as not to upset the narrow straight jacketed status quo demanding our female youths SUBMIT SUBMIT SUBMIT! Times which lead our female youths into believing that to resist or out right tear off the female gender jacket constricting their choices, thereby their lives and futures, they must tear off their very female natures!!! But in the word of the folk genius Bob Dylan: The Times They are a Changin!

If you were ever on the fence regarding trans ideology, this issue alone should be the deciding factor in your about face from the trans position. If you have lived past the age of 30, you are well aware that the greatest judge about any community is how it treats its children. The trans community, trans adults are more invested in trans trenders justifying their trans decision than they are in questioning this trend or even allowing it to be questioned. This isnt a community who loves its/our children, this is a community so narrow and narcissistic it would rather thousands upon thousands of girls be given a drug that has no long term studies, a drug that unless the breast are removed and a hysto completed these girls will have a HIGH chance of developing cancers in those areas. A community that supports and encourages the removal of these female youths breast leaving them permanently mutilated, despite the fact that most of these trans trenders will later regret their youthful trans trend exuberance.  A community that prefers and practices the mental and physical distortion/destruction of children and young adults isnt part of MY community, is it yours?

You can contact TMP (themagazineproject) here:  

If you have even the slightest bit of feminist backbone, contact this site immediately! Our female youths very lives are at stake right this very minute!

Edit to add, the article has been reposted after the site owners of TMP reviewed the comments and realized most comments were from trolls who havent even read the article and were/are merely there to angrily trouble make/silence women.

Being and Doing

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you know I make a huge distinction between BEING and DOING, meaning we arent what we do, we are what we are. In less double speak, I wasnt a boy growing up because I did things that were considered by most to BE "boy" things, and yet, that assumption was still there. Growing up I had very long hair, down to my butt, long hair and bangs. I remember every time I was to get a trim, I would be asked if I wanted it shortened, not necessarily into a "boys cut", but something shoulder length or slightly shorter. I never did. Parents or parental figures always seemed surprised by that.

I had no language to explain. I only figured long hair meant I was a girl, because I too had been snowed into believing DOING was BEING. So if girls DID long hair and I DID long hair, everyone would know I was a girl. From about age three on up, that was how I understood things. I couldnt wrap my head around peoples confusion of me, my childhood logic was this: even though I'm DOING "boy" things, I am doing "boy" things with long hair and only girls have long hair so why cant everyone see I'm a girl?

My earliest memories, feelings of wanting to be a boy centered around this confusion, BEING and DOING. I felt if I were just a boy, that constant, persistent question and all those questioning eyes that contained that question would just stop. No one would ever ask me again "are you a girl or a boy"? My logical "girl" hair failed me, it didnt matter that girls have long hair and I had long hair, it was more about what I DID having long hair and what I DID were "boy" things.  "Girl" hair and "boy" things were societies confusion of me, something they couldn't reconcile, two polar opposites that begged the question "are you a girl or a boy"? What I couldnt reconcile was DOING long hair didnt make me a girl any more than DOING "boy" things made me a boy, both we DOING. I only knew I enjoyed and I felt comfortable DOING "boy" things despite BEING a girl, "boy" things made the girl me happy and made the girl me feel "normal".

Strangely it wasnt until around puberty that I more or less quit feeling ashamed when asked if I was a boy or a girl. Perhaps the horrific Butch Shame and body dysphoria I felt at puberty eclipsed any other shame I had up to that point in my life. Yet even carrying the burden of Butch Shame and body dysphoria on my young back and shoulders, I didnt stop having long hair nor did I stop DOING "boy" things. In fact it was DOING "boy" things that helped me get through puberty and helped alleviate some of the Butch Shame and weighted burden of body dysphoria.

Look for my sequal to this post coming this week, Being, Doing and Dysphoria in which I will share how DOING helped me with my dysphoria.


Poll Question Discussion-Why do you read this Blog?

You may use this post to further discuss or answer Why do YOU read this blog?

Happy Friday to all!


Thanksgiving-Giving Thanks and What are you Doing?

Hope all my American readers have a blessed Thanksgiving tomorrow. What are your plans for Thanksgiving?

For everyone, what are some of the things you are thankful for?

this is an open comment post-please keep comments thanks and Thanksgiving related.

As for myself, both my parents and my little hillbilly granny are long since dead, I am thankful for the time they were in my life, especially my ma whom I retain only the vaguest of memories. I am thankful to those in my life, both near and far and as sure as the sun sets every evening, I open my eyes every morning to face another day because of you. I am also thankful to my little cat babies who I love more than life itself and I know I shouldn't have a favourite, a little extra thanks to my little daughter Agatha who means the whole bloody world to me.

Last, I am thankful to you, the readers of this blog, whether you love me or hate me, you're here and thats something special, a special we create together.


Topics Tuesday-Dysphoria

Today's topic for discussion is dysphoria.  (by dysphoria I specifically mean here, feeling any uncomfortableness in your body at any time to down right hating your body)

Some possible questions you might answer:

1) Have you ever felt dysphoric around your body?
2) If you have felt dysphoria, was it primarily certain body parts or primarily your whole body?
3) At what age did you begin feeling dysphoric to your best recollection?
4) Did something happened that triggered your feelings of dysphoria? (sexual abuse/puberty etc)
5) Have you done anything to work through your dysphoria? (maturity, self help, therapy etc)
6) Have you successfully over came your dysphoria?
7) Have you ever felt like if you (your body) were just fill in the blank your feelings of dysphoria would go away and you would feel "normal"?
8) To what do you attribute your feelings of dysphoria? (such as family/society/religion expectations etc)

Feel free to answer/discuss any or all of these questions or some of your own.


Topics for Topics Tuesday

Looking for topics for Topics Tuesday tomorrow. Post a topic you would like to be discussed tomorrow. I will choose from a topic you suggested here.

thanks for participating!


Female Body/Gender/Sexual Dysphoria Normal-Not Trans

 Butch lesbians have been dealing forever with BGS dysphoria, our Butch Shame informs it and our society insures we develop Butch Shame. Until about four decades ago, most Butch lesbians worked through their BGS dysphoria, usually a combination of us maturing along with us coupling with Femme lovers. We've all heard about the "stone butch" and the Femmes who "melt the stone". Meaning a Butch lesbian whose body shame was so great, her insecurity about her body and sexuality so strong, she panicked or froze or pushed away her lovers hands or mouths. And the kind, loving, patient Femme who let her Butch know that being made love could never unbutch her lover, and that afterward nothing would change except how close they became, the Butch is still the Butch and the Femme is still the Femme.

As the medical community began to believe it could "cure" homosexuality through heterosexualizing gay men(men they thought were gay) through transition, it was only a matter of time lesbians would become their next target for sex change, making them "normal"  (heterosexual) too through transition. Among those early females who were transitioned, most were primarily Butch lesbians. Women who the medical community ignorantly believed had all the "classic signs" of being born in the wrong body. (as if-I know) The classic signs being, interest and comfort in things associated more with male than female, from clothes, to friends to play.

As the option of transition became more well known, postmodernism birthed "queer theory" and more and more dykes, dykes who dreamed of being Butch, began to transition. They too claimed to have had all the classic signs that put them in line for transition. They were and remain the primary number of females who seek transition as an answer to their troubled minds. 

Now, forty plus years after the womens movement, with the backlash against feminism coupled firmly with queer theorist, queer peoples and queer supporters fluidly spreading their semen stain across college campus's globally till todays female youths options have shrunk to either hyper-femininity, hyper-sexuality or bust, now more and more female youths are turning to transition as the only god in their starless skies.

There is one thing all these different types of females have in common, it is something we have in common with nearly all women, only most of us dont realize it. I whose only close relationships growing up were with males wouldnt understand this till I was well into my 20's and began dating and forming friendships with women. What I learned from women is that we all in our own way suffer from some form, some degree, at some time, feelings of hating or being uncomfortable in our bodies, feelings that would have us think our bodies are "wrong". We're made to believe before we even have the ability to speak, to form a sentence, that our bodies are inferior to male bodies. We're made to believe that our bodies are something to be ashamed of.

We're reminded everyday to hate our bodies, to feel ashamed, while just writing this post I heard in the background, no less than half a dozen tv commercials regarding weight loss specified towards females only and a few commercials geared around the smell of our vaginas which man has taught us is unnatural and stinky. I've seen women try to laugh off in the company of men the horrible jokes about our bodies such as men joking "I never trust an animal that can bleed for 7 days and live", hardy fucking har har. With all the blatant and subtle messages informing females how gross, how fat, how smelly, how weak, how unnatural our bodies are, how could we fail not to have body issues, body shame, body/gender dysphoria?

Most females through our super female strength, that inner strength that only females posses, most of us endure, we work though our body shame and all the different area that that shame colours. It takes time, maturity and us learning to love ourselves.

If you are female, and you have suffered from any form of BGSD, you unfortunately, are normal. Sadly these unfortunate normal feelings that females develop from growing/living in femalephobic societies have been misconstrued by the money making male medical machine. In a world where man is god and male doctors are GOD, and women are shit, strangely he cannot fathom why (unless something was inherently wrong with her) that a female would feel uncomfortable or wrong in her own body. The male medical machine thus has deduced that BGSD is a sure sign that the female in question is "trans".

If you are female and uncomfortable in your body, feel your body is somehow wrong, feel ashamed to let a lover make love to you, hate your hips or breast or ass or scrawny arms etc, this isnt a sign you are trans, it is a clear sign that you are NOT trans. 

If trans wasnt created in a lab, if trans wasnt about correcting something wrong and if one were actually "born" trans, there would be no dysphoria. There may be feelings of feeling different, like when one is right handed and tries to write with their left hand, it doesnt feel wrong, it feels not quite right. It is something that with a little practice one easily adapts, there isnt any feelings of dysphoria or wrongness about the body, only a feeling a difference. Knowing one is different, living and being proud of that difference, if one were born trans, thats what it would be like.

Dysphoria isnt something that can be corrected surfacely, it isnt something one can take a pill or get an injection or cut off or add on to "cure". Dysphoria isnt skin deep, its at our core because it began when our core was being formed. If you seek transition because you feel dysphoric in your body or around certain parts of your body, you arent truly trans, you are truly female.

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Poll Question Discussion

I've created a 24 hour poll which is located on the top right of the blog. If you would like to discuss the poll question "Has anything you've read on this blog changed how you feel about transition"- further, you may do so here.


Top Surgery and the distorted vision of the Trans Eye

I, like many of you, view "top surgery" as the misogynistic mutilative butchery that it is, but if you have viewed any female bodied person posting pictures or videos of their "top surgery" regardless of the worst possible scenario, what we find in the comments section by both transmen and soon to be transmen is blind support. Its a combination of comments such as "your chest looks great bro" or "Love your chest man, can wait to get mine done". These distorted pro responses do two things, they reinforce the decision of the one who had the "top surgery" and they encourage those who havent had or are unsure to get "top surgery".

Like others who have BDD's the trans sufferers inner eye doesnt coincide with the reality of what is actually being viewed. This inner image is very much in the same vien of the inner eye of the anorexic and begins very similarly. The anorexic starts off just wanting to lose a few pounds, she does, and those around her respond with praise and positive messages. She hears "you've lost weight, you look so good" or "god I wish I could lose weight like you, you look great". This positivity urges her on, she looks to the web to help her continue her weight decline, she finds pictures and videos on pro-ana sites where she over doses on extreme ideas of thinness to the point her inner eye can no longer recognize healthy weight from near death weight. All the comments on the pictures of adult bodied young women weighing 73 pounds or 67 pounds are supportive and positive.  These skeletal figures become bodies to emulate, anything less, equals fat and fat equals in her mind, bad. Even after young women reach these deadly weight, they look in the mirror and still see that they have fat on their carcasses.

When we immerse ourselves with (negative) images, bombard our mind over and over and over again, we can literally corrupt the minds eye to the point that what is seen pales to the reality of what is. Like anorexics who glut themselves on the images of skeletons till that picture of death becomes normal to them. We see this too in the trans trenders and other transmen who binge on "top surgery" pictures and videos till the mutilated scared chests of the female body become "normal", therefore something to strive for and seek out.


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Topics Tuesday-The "Queer" Alphabet Soup Mix

Someone recently suggested I start a "topics tuesday", using a Mondays post for topic suggestions, then picking one for tuesday. I choose one to begin, then going forward, I will look to you for suggestions on Mondays.

Today's topic is the "Queer Alphabet Soup Mix". What are your opinions of the never ending additions to the "queer alphabet soup mix"? Has it gone too far? Not far enough? Has the additions to the Gay and Lesbian community pushed gay and lesbian rights forward or backward? Have lesbians been buried alive within the "queer mix"? As a gay or a lesbian, how do you feel about the co-option of "queer" by fringe groups, many of which are not gay or lesbian? Should gays and lesbians remove ourselves from the "queer mix"? Does the "queer mix" have our (gays and lesbians) best interests in mind or have us in mind at all?

Feel free to discuss the "queer alphabet soup mix" however you like, the above are merely some suggestions.

If your comment is not related to the chosen topic, it will be deleted.


Because I'm in a Mood Today

A REAL Open Day. Leaving town. So no moderation, no deleted comments.

Say what you will.


Dirt's Open Comments Day

As today approached, I've been thinking about those days when I was a kid in school and a few kids would be caught screwing around and the whole class would be made to put our heads down on our little desks. I hated the unfairness of it all, why should the majority of the class be punished for things we didnt do?

In the handful of Open Days we've had, there has been some really good comments posted by dykes, transmen, gay men, lesbians, parents, therapists and so on. Comments posted in the name of discussion,with the hopes of understanding. I feel moderating comments will inhibit OPEN discussion and those good comments wont be so good because they'll be edited. I HATE editing. Editing is what females are conditioned to do from birth, we edit, we edit what we say, how we say it, who we say it too, what we wear and how we wear it, where we wear it to etc.

So on that note, I've decided to leave Open Day unmoderated-what I will do instead is delete comments I find trollish or made solely for the purpose of drama mongering or purely for the purpose of hate. While I cannot be on here the whole 24 hours of Open Day, if/when a trollish comment is made, please ignore it and I will take care of it when I can.

Happy Friday and lets have a productive Open Day!


Edit to add, clearly the trans community isnt interested in reasonable undrama mongering discussion. So be it. All comments moderated from here on out. Again, folks like HS (whether we agree or not) who are interested in making a serious point, your comments will be put through.

FTM Top Surgery-Where the Best is Bad and the Worst is Abominable!

If you are thinking about "top surgery" think long and hard, because NO doctor in any country can guarantee top results.

No doctor in any country can guarantee, like this woman, that one or both of your nipples will not rot off.

No doctor in any country can guarantee your chest will not remain numb for the rest of your life.

No doctor in any country can guarantee you will regain sexual nipple sensation.

No doctor in any country can guarantee your chest will be aesthetically pleasing to your eye or that of anyone else.

No doctor can guarantee you will be able to comfortably remove your shirt in public.

The only guarantee with "top surgery" is, there are NO GUARANTEES!


Edit to add: For those claiming there are "great" top surgery successes, unless accompanied with a before and after picture so we can be the judge of that, your comments will be deleted.

And for the idiot who deemed "bad" top surgeries are to be blamed on the lack of funds to afford a "good" doctor. The above "surgery" was performed by B. Fischer, whom according to a popular ftM site says "Dr. Fischer is one of the better known surgeons doing FTM top surgery in the United States, and it’s public knowledge that this is one of her favorite surgeries to perform".

The FACT is no amount of money paid to any doctor in the world will guarantee your surgery will not look like the above. The above is considered by both patient and doctor to be a success.

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My "cool" Gloves (a repost)

Its right before my 4th Christmas when I see the gloves I want, the only gloves I want, not having wanted any before. My ma has been after me to pick some gloves out for Christmas. I had planned on not picking any so I don't have to wear any. I don't like wearing extras, shorts and a tee, no sox no shoes. Fine except for those cold snow driven winter months, not exactly practical. For those months I'm forced to wear long sleeves, long pants, a coat, snowmobile boots, which I hate and gloves which I hate also. Its not that I'm some uncouth backwoods raised kid where clothes are a cross between a luxury and a nuisance, that's not it at all. Its a skin thing. Like my insides, devastatingly sensitive, guts as well as personality. I cant stand things on my skin, it almost either hurts or assuredly itches. Well the snowmobile boots actually don't hurt or itch, I just hate how clumsy they make my feet. I also hate when I remove them, that beggars booty felt Xmas stocking comes out every time! So that every time I put them on again I have to put the booty back into the boot. This I have a sensitively about, because I cant always get the booty back in perfectly enough so that it doesn't annoy my toes. So I walk around clumsy and bothered.

As for gloves, gloves I don't like because they create a distance between myself and everything I touch. I am constantly having to take them off to bridge the gulf they keep creating. On off on off on off on off...But the gloves I want, well maybe they'll be worth the trouble. Why? Because I think they make me look "cool". They are black and midnight blue, black leather palms with midnight blue stitching which matches the colour of the top leather part of the gloves. They fit so they barely reach the tops of my wrists, my hands appear stockier when I'm wearing them which adds I think to the "cool" part. My ma makes no trouble for me and buys me the gloves even though they are "boys" gloves and I'm not a boy. I stopped wearing dresses when I was 2, except for once when I was three, my aunt paid me five dollars to wear a matching yellow dress with my cousin Sherry to have our picture taken together. It will be thirty years before I realize how lucky I was not to have had parents who tried to conform me to societies rigid gender norms and equally as long to appreciate that they didnt.

Cool. I aspire to coolness. I want to be cool. I want to look cool. I want to throw cool. I want to run cool. I am cool! What I know now that I didnt know then, is that "cool" for me then is another word for Butch for me now. My four year old self knows nothing of Butch, she hasn't seen Butch, she hasn't heard Butch nor in her ears has the word Butch been spoken. But cool? Yeah, that's something she knows! As I write this I wonder what words other baby Butches used in place of Butch. I feel lugubrious realizing how through using our "Butch" word we must have been misunderstood thousands of times and thousands of times over. "I cant wear that, I wont look "cool" or "tough" or "strong". Was it within our lacking the word for what we were, that as children we placed an unnecessary burden and emphasis on those externals? Externals like my "cool gloves" who had every right to a life and identity of their own simply a pair of gloves independent of whether or not my hands occupied them. Externals we used like last years jeans to be worn or discarded had we out grown them. Externals constructing the foundation for an identity that existed already, only we didnt know because we had only those externals informing us, so that by the time our word reached us we were so covered in externals we looked like the child of an over protective mother sending her kid to school on the first day of winter.

I have heard often from both Femmes and Butches that Butch is something one grows into. Butch for me was something I slowly uncovered, layer by layer, stripping and ridding myself of decades of externals, so that Butch only appeared once I laid myself bare.


Another Trans Regret

Another trans regret story-see full article here.
Born Sam Hashimi, the businessman and divorced father-of-two had a sex-change operation in 1987 to turn him into glamorous interior designer Samantha Kane.

He spent £100,000 on cosmetic operations and tooth veneers to create the ‘ultimate male ­fantasy’...
Then, in 2004, after seven years of living as a woman, he decided he’d made a horrible mistake;

Initially thrilled by his transformation, life as a woman quickly paled despite a jetset lifestyle in Monaco. He hated the way female hormones made him moody and emotional. Shopping bored him and sex was a disappointment.

No matter how feminine he looked, he felt he was merely playing a role.

So, five years ago, Charles spent a further £25,000 on three operations at the gender clinic at London’s Charing Cross Hospital to turn him back into a male.
His breast implants were removed and male genitalia re-constructed from skin grafts.
The trouble was, he wasn’t the man he had been before.

‘Based on my own experiences, I believe sex-change operations should not be allowed, and certainly not on the NHS

‘People who think they are a woman trapped in a male body are, in my opinion, completely deluded. I certainly was. I needed counselling, not a sex-change operation. 

'In many ways I see myself a victim of the medical profession. Even with the glamour of Samantha Kane and the £100,000 I spent on myself, I had people shouting abuse at me and builders throwing stones at me from rooftops,’ he says.

I find it sad that it is primarily only sensational rags who choose to write stories on trans regrets, this fact alone would deter other trans folk who realize their real sex/identity after transitional changes. Would only go to making them feel like "freaks" of sorts, rather than the misfortunate who have been snowed by a gender conforming medical community who did this to them in the first place. 

If you are trans and feel like you have made a mistake, remember IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! And it is NEVER too late to be yourself!

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Trans.........MAN enough to Rape?

I will preface this post by saying, I have never said nor am I saying now that all transmen are rapist. There are no credible statistics of transmen who have raped, but as someone quite versed with this group, the number who have raped is very small.

What isn’t small though is the number who seems to support rape on some level such as the 5000+ transmen who support the known serial transmale rapist: Kael T Block. Or the untold number of transmen who have threatened me personally with rape or prayed I get raped, and that's just two incidents that I'm aware of.

I was banned from FaceBook for protesting various pro-rape pages earlier this year, along with some other feminists; we did manage eventually to close down these pages/groups. Rape is a tool that males have used to keep women fearful, shamed and controlled globally since man first dawned. There are cave drawings by our cave ancestors depicting males raping females, classic artwork hanging in our most famous museums depicting men committing rape. As a female child we learn regardless of the loving or not so loving families we were raised in that we are vulnerable to rape. As young females we learn to edit our behaviors so we do not incite rape. Because we live under patriarchal systems, rape is place in our laps as something we as females are responsible for, making men unaccountable for their actions. We learn that if we weren't asking for "it" in some way, then males wouldn't rape us.

Rapist are scary we're taught, and men are primarily behind rape, which gives all males a silent power over all females, even if they never rape a single female. Just having that power in their back pockets is what is behind keeping males who do not rape from challenging rape on the scales it would take to eradicate/seriously punish rape/rapists. The threat of rape helps to keep men in power; therefore rape culture is essential to males maintaining their throne.

So where do transmen fit into rape and maintaining rape culture? Transmen are biological females, who grew up as biological females, who are subjected to the same internalize misogyny all females are subjected to. Does then the development of a transmale identity coupled with an internal misogyny, and a history of rape vulnerability, compel consciously or unconsciously, thousands of transmen to utilize rape or the threat of rape in helping uphold male control, by helping to maintain rape culture? Thus insuring their membership into the boys club? Is rape or the threat of rape the ultimate password into REAL manhood for transmen

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Butch-4th grade

Circa the first few weeks of 4th grade, new school, new kids, new teachers, new rules. I knew right away the gym teacher, Mr. Timney, didn't like me. I just didn't know why and wouldn't until I was an adult. We play Dodgeball on Fridays in gym class, sometimes Mr. Timney plays on a side as well. He's around 33, over 6' and maybe 175-180 pounds, reasonably fit. It’s obvious he prefers females to males, even as a 4th grader I could see that, except for me, he doesn't prefer me. When he plays Dodgeball he lobs the ball at the girls feet in order to try and get them out. If aiming for a boy, he winds the ball up and gives it his all, as if the power he puts behind the ball could not only force the boy out but obliterate him from the planet.

We play Dodgeball with a set of three balls, two larger more difficult to handle balls (especially with our small hands) and a smaller ball (which we can palm/handle). I'm pretty good, quick, agile and I throw hard and accurate. Its maybe a month into 4th grade, Timney is on a team, I'm on the opposite. It comes down to him and I. I have no balls, he gets his hands on the small ball. He looks me dead in the eye and says “If you're going to act like a boy, I'm going to treat you like boy”! Before I can contemplate the meaning of his words, he throws the ball at my head as hard as he can.

This is the ground I grew up on, where I recognize nothing. I'm looking everywhere for me, I look high, I look low, I look out into the mirror of society and like Dracula before me I see nothing. That’s it then, I'm a vampire, only instead of filling myself with the blood of others, this burden of invisibility is filled with the blood of myself. That’s where you come in. Amazingly, YOU see me! No one else does, but you do. It is through your eyes, the eyes of the Femme that I finally find my reflection! Through your eyes, I learn for the first time, I exist! You give me back to me, and in handfuls and mouthfuls we give each other back. But invisibility is a hungry tireless beast, and when you place your hand in mine and we step together into the world, my invisibility joins with yours, invisiblizing us both.

Oh and btw Mr. Timney got his ball caught by a 4th grade girl for the first time and lost the game, I pray it wasn't the last.


Confining gender "norms" and do "men" belong on Women's sports Teams?

A few different readers sent me this article, which deals with a female basketballer who has been convinced she is a "man", but desires to still play for a woman's team.

From the article:  For the last 20 years, Kay-Kay Allums had appeared to the world as female. She was born with the anatomy that other women have. Her mom tried to dress her in only the most feminine clothes. But inside was a man waiting to burst out of the female body he was born in. Feeling uncomfortable, or down right HATING hyper-feminine clothing does NOT make you a "man waiting to burst out", it makes you a female who does not like or feel comfortable in hyper-feminine clothes. 

Growing up, Allums was a tomboy. The oldest of four kids, he would often say he was a boy despite being born a biological girl. Around age 12, he realized that no other girls behaved or dressed the way he did, so he adopted some of the trappings of other girls his age: Putting on make-up, wearing skirts and dresses. After just a year of putting up a feminine front, it was back to the tomboy clothes and wondering why he just didn’t fit in. Seeing only hyper-feminine notions of female from the time you open your baby eyes as being "normal" usually lead to girls as young at 2 years of age thinking/expressing they must be "boys". Gendered brain washing begins even before we're born and continues through our child development and through the rest of our lives. The good news is it can be undone!

“I’ve always felt most comfortable dressing like a boy, but my mom would take all of my clothes from me and she’d force me to wear girl clothes,” Allums said. Her gendered brain washing is clearly intact, clothes to her are "sexed" rather than merely something one wears to clothe the naked body. If we switched the "men's section" clothing sign with that of the "women's section" sign or placed articles of clothing from the "men''s section" into the "women's section" and visa versa, or male style clothes designed for female bodies, what clothes would she choose to buy? 

In high school, Allums met other people who acted and dressed like him: They were lesbians. For the next few years Allums identified as lesbian, finally fitting into a group that he could define. As he progressed deep into his teens, despite their similar dress and manner, he realized he just didn’t fit with the lesbians at his school either.    Hmmm How many possible lesbians were at her school? Even were it in the hundreds, what is the chance her brand of lesbianism would coincide with the dominant group of lesbians at her school? I remember the first time I went to a popular over crowded lesbian bar, I thought this is going to be awesome, I'll finally fit in. Needless to say from the disappointing first night there to the last (years later) I never fit in with any of the dominant groups. I didnt assume it was because I was a "man" and should be dating straight women, I learned instead fitting in isnt all its cracked up to be, valuing instead not fitting in.

“I used to feel like trans anything was really weird and those people were crazy, and I wondered, ‘How can you feel like that?’” Allums said. “But I looked it up on the Internet and I thought, ‘Oh my god, I’m one of those weird people.’ And I realized they’re not weird. It’s all in your mindset and how you think.”  The narrow gendered trans info found on every trans blog, website, community board, video, forum etc confirmed her already brain washed ideas of "normal" hyper feminine female and her inability to live up to that, giving her the out through transition rather than expanding the narrow notions of "normal" female behaviour.

“When people refer to me as ‘girl’ or ‘she,’ it doesn’t sit well with me,” Allums said. “That feeling you get when someone pisses you off, that feeling you get when your stomach gets hot and it aches, that’s what it feels like. And that’s how I know I’m not supposed to be a girl. If I was, I’d be walking around like everybody else, getting make-up and doing my nails. But it doesn’t sit well with me.”  Pathological internalized misogyny and again her brain washed notions that every female enjoys and subscribes to hyper feminine trappings is what she is using to self diagnose that she is a "man trap in a women's body". A BIG BIG no no! 

Allums has been aware of NCAA regulations for years, and he’s made plans around them. Circled on his calendar is the last possible date he could play in an NCAA game, in April 2012: That’s the date he can begin hormone treatment. Between now and then, he does plan to have sex-reassignment surgery next summer before he plays out his senior season. I find it interesting given how "life threatening" according to trans claims are regarding the urgency of trans treatment, that this "man" trapped inside a woman's body could psychologically postpone transition just so "he" can play on a women's basketball league. Sounds very much to me like the transmen who wait to transition once they get into a women's colleges. Why do women continually have to be inconvenienced so "men" can safely explore their chosen identities? 

If you are not a proud woman you do not belong on a women's sports team, where team spirit is essential to winning as well as losing. Also I didnt see them mention the locker-room situation, does anyone have info on that? Personally I would not want to be sharing intimate quarters with someone who is mentally "male", the male gaze does not belong in the ladies room. 

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This Weekend's Who is Transitioning

More of the same, with more and more and more young women falling like sheep at slaughter to the trans trend every week.


All pictures can be found publicly on youtube. I urge you to contact youtube protesting this dangerous, female murderous, trend.

To those complaining about the educational use of your PUBLIC pictures with threats of "suing". Be all means please do, your participation will greatly help me to bring these issues to light and to the public on a national level, perhaps global(keeping fingers crossed).

Open Day is now Closed Day

A heads up to readers who may not have read my last comment on yesterday's Open day. Due to the trollish elements that immaturely felt the need to abandon or out right ignore reasonable discussion and piss all over Open Day, I will no longer have a day that does not have moderated comments. I do not blame transmen for this, nor the trans trender kids who posted idiotic comments, I can deal with a differing opinion, I can even deal with empty comments by trans youth. But I will not tolerate comments made but privileged bio-males aimed strictly at creating drama or comments that outright lie in order to make a point. For instance, the "ftmdad" I have ascertained is actually an Mtf who from what I've been able to find out, has no children. Clearly this man was there for drama mongering only, but he was just one of many bio-males drama-mongering.

If transmen have an issue with the closing of Open Day, I suggest you confront the bio-men in your community, you have them to thank.

If their are mothers, lesbians of all flavours, feminist, queer females, trans youth or transmen who would like to have Fridays as a closed, moderated discussion day, let me know. If enough folks show an interest on this post then Fridays will continue as a place of discussion and occasional controlled ventings. And just to clarify, while comments will be moderated, so long as they are in the spirit of discussion whether I agree or not, they will be released.


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Dirt's Comment Open Day

Please, no spam! And if we could all keep the insults to a minimum that would be great. We can feel passionately about things and still keep our heads when discussing them. If you feel you cant, then please do not comment till you step away from your computer for a bit. In other words, count to ten before commenting.


When Lesbians Lose a Lover to Transition

This poignant comment was left a few days ago and I didnt want to see it get lost in the mix. And to the lesbian who wrote the comment I will write more about the pain and suffering loved ones go through when women murder their femaleness through transition. And if you ever need to talk one on one, I'm here.

If anyone reading would like to share their personal story of losing a loved one to transition, you can email me at I think it would benefit not only those who have went through similar experiences with a loved one, in knowing they are not alone, BUT equally important it would benefit those on the fence about transition, because you KNOW personally that transition isnt merely a physical change, but that testosterone also changes the brain and personality to the point the person you knew and loved isnt found anywhere, outside or in.


Edit to add for the reading/comprehension impaired: This is a space to validate and empathize with specifically lesbians who have lost a lover to transition and secondarily a space for anyone else who has lost someone to transition to be heard. If you do not have that experience or empathizing words for those who do, do not waste your time commenting, your comment will simply be deleted.

Transmen, the Trans Community and Rape

There is one main issue that has come out of this recent trans trenders frenzy over my blog. The seething anger and sheer hatred this community or at least those representing the trans community hold towards women and specifically lesbians, anger and hatred that has now become very public, in the form of comments, blog posts and videos.

While a certain portion has been made towards me specifically, the threats of rape, since we live in a rape culture, where one in over a million females REPORT a rape every year in the US alone, and it is estimated that unreported rapes are twice that number. But when we live in a rape culture, one threat of rape against one woman surpasses that individual woman and threaten all women, because rape is a fear and reality of all women, everywhere in the world. When one person says "someone should fucking rape you, you fucking bitch, cunt, whore", they are in fact by what rape cultural is, is saying that ALL women should be raped.

How divorced could this group be from their very much still rapable female bodies that they are either advocating rape or supporting those making rape threats? I dont care how much of a "man" you are as a transman, but I assure you if some guy is violently shoving his cock repeatedly into your vagina against your will, you arent going to experience that rape as a man would. You will however be brought back to the female body you still possess and experience that rape just like any other woman. I dont know if this is how the majority of the ftM community feels, but right now I have yet to see a single post, comment or video admonishing those advocating rape(the exceptions being here by made by a few). The silence reads to me like the majority of transmen think that rape and rape threats are no longer their problem because they are "men" now and rape is problem of women.

 I did receive comment after comment and email after email about how I'm suppose to be "accepting" and "understanding" of transmen because I'm a Butch lesbian and we're all in this together, well if RAPE and ADVOCATING RAPE and RAPE THREATS are your idea of "togetherness", I'll tell you like I would any man, go fuck yourself! If I am "suppose to know better" because I'm a "lesbian", than why is it that transmen arent supposed to "know better" as female bodied "men" that RAPE is no idle fucking joke???? Sexism much???

Someone commented yesterday that the T needs to be removed from the GLB, if had any doubts about that before, I no longer do now!

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William Blake's America, 2010 and Trans Youth

Read this article this morning and wanted to share it with you all, as I feel much of it and Blake of course, IS pertinent, even to us/this blog, and our discussions on the matters at hand.

From the article:

What does it mean, from Blake's perspective, to be mentally imprisoned? It means, among other things, that you see the world from your own private perspective. You look out for your own advantage. You pursue your own success. You hog and hoard. You've entered the state that Blake calls the state of Selfhood, which is individualist, reductive, and isolating.
You think that affirming Selfhood will get you what you want in the world—the Self is a radical pragmatist. But all the state of Selfhood does is to cut you off from the possibility of a better life. The ascendancy of Selfhood isolates you from other humans. Selfhood destroys the drive for community and solidarity. It makes you lonely, frustrated, and angry—on your face come "marks of weakness, marks of woe."

And this is exactly what I see befouling this new trans generation/trans trenders which is solely created and promoted by the advent of the internet. A form of technological consumeristic communication which promised global community but as of yet has only born clique (trans) communities where (trans) folks congregate and drown in their own individual narcissistic loneliness's together. A narcissism made lonely by both the nature of individual narcissism itself and the isolating demands from a shade ridden community that cannot see the forest for the trees blocking all the light.

Paul Celan's short poem Threadsuns reads in full: Thread suns/above the grey-black wilderness./a tree-/high thought/tunes in to light's pitch: there are/still songs to be sung on the other side/of mankind. There is an assortment of circumstance that can happen where an individual or community finds itself lost in the forest with thick tree coverings obscuring the lone sun, but what are we to make of that individual or community that shuns and even attacks the woodcutter or the person like me or you who dares to "thread suns/above the grey-black wilderness"?

Moving on, from the article: Blake suggests that if you want to understand the moral state of a country, you had better check first and see how it deals with its children. Does it treat them with loving kindness, or does it exploit them? What is the moral state of the medical "country" who deal with "trans acting" children/young people? How is it dealing with them? Are trans identified/labeled youths being exploited by the medical community? What is the moral state of the trans community dealing with "trans acting" or trans identified youths? How is the trans community dealing with them? Does the trans community exploit "trans acting"/identified youths for its own trans affirmations? If you read this blog, you already know the answer to all those questions.

More from the article: Blake, the High Romantic...A High Romantic, one might say, is someone who believes passionately in the idea that by joining, sexually and spiritually, with the beloved, one can be transformed into a higher, better version of oneself and help to transform the beloved as well. Blake believed this literally...What is the condition of the erotic life that Blake sees around him in London? It has gone over to prostitution—the whore and the john dominate Blake's vision. For Blake, sex is a sacred matter: It's at the heart of the ceremony of fusion between one human spirit and another. To make of sex something that is bought and sold is to give over to the Selfhood something that rightfully belongs to the Soul....The fruit of prostitution is disease, both physical and spiritual. The "youthful Harlot's curse / Blasts the new born Infant's tear / And blights with plagues the Marriage hearse." The infant inherits syphilis from his mother; the bride from her husband, who has been consorting with the harlot. And along with this physical decay comes spiritual sickness....Love for sale! That is perhaps the greatest oxymoron. Love is never for sale, but sex always has been and will be. The Internet is probably the greatest market for sex without love that has ever existed. Hunger for pornography epitomizes the erotic life of the Selfhood in its current state. Porn is exciting, isolating, and attractive. It uncouples physical desire from the desire of the spirit, denying the very existence of the latter. Someone addicted to porn is someone who has given up on the possibility of a transforming love. Such a love involves risk—the risk of rejection, the risk of shame.

I, like Blake, would also consider myself a "High Romantic", but I dont limit myself to strictly occupying a High Romantic belief with a lover only, transformative connections can be made with friends also. I agree with the author of the article, the internet for many has severed the head from the heart (body) and nowhere is this more profound and apparent than in "queer"/trans spaces whose whole ideology is founded on the mind/body split first and second a rejoining the mind/body through transition! Transforming ourselves spiritually (mind) and through High Romantic connections is how we truly transform our earthly selves (how we feel in our body), it isnt the other way 'round. But the isolating individualistic narcissism that the trans identified and the trans community are so entrenched in doesn't leave any doors open where transforming the self/body through the spiritual is even a possibility. Where does a closed door leave a confused, questioning youth, regardless of which side of the door they are on?

Lastly from the article: Jesus said that it was a better thing to put a millstone around your neck and fling yourself into the abyss than to harm a child. Which reminds me of a Dostoevsky character when he said "and if the suffering of children goes to swell the sum of suffering that was necessary to pay for truth, then I protest, that truth, is not worth such a price"!

You have seen the "suffering of children" here, scarred youths, unhappy, afraid, angry, insecure, confused and a community both medical and trans, who selfishly exploit every scar, every unhappiness, every fear, every anger, every insecurity and every fucking confusion, a "sum of suffering" that in the long run the only ones paying for it will be the children themselves while the pink elephant Truth, stands silently, due to the gag in its mouth, in the corner.

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An EXTRA Dirt Open Day

In light of so many feeling the need to vent here, I will open up this post for comments. I do ask that you do not spam and even if you are feeling really angry at me or what I post, please think about what you write before you set your thoughts/feelings down.


PS Can those commenting PLEASE use at least a letter or a symbol for your name in order to make it easier for me/folks to respond to each other.

Missing Person Kristin Snyder: Lost in a Sea of Myths Pt 2

The next part in our forensic postmortem of the mockumentary The Lost Women of NXIVM will consist of dissecting the major proponents surrou...