I'm sorry

This comment was left this afternoon to my last post entitled "Butch Skin". I published the comment in context but wanted to say a few words up front to the person who left it.

First and foremost as soon as I read your comment all I could think was, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry I wasn't soon enough. I'm also sorry every woman in your life and in the life that was reflected to you, failed you.You deserved better and I hope you are treating yourself good now.

I'm pleased you have got back your tears, because without tears there is no capacity for joy.Once you lose the ability to cry, you also lose the ability to laugh. I hope you do not judge yourself too harshly and I hope you understand the "choices" you made were set in motion long before you were born. I hope too you are imparting your experiences with these issues onto others like yourself. I suspect that for every person who has been trannified there are two times the number untrannifying. Only these men and women remain silent through their own shame at what they think they have done, shame heaped on them from the "trans" community and threats/attacks from the "trans" community.

Anon. I wish you the ability to truly love and embrace yourself for that is the ultimate human achievement.

If you ever for any reason need/want to talk (no judgments) my email addy is dirtywhiteboi67@yahoo.com

Again I'm sorry.



  1. Sometimes I think heros like Dirt are fighting an uphill battle, and then I read something like this.

    We can do all we can to celebrate the butchness of lesbians, a heritage we've had for generations, but we are up against the male medical machine and the awfulness of 'gender policing conformity." I face this every day as I deal with the butch lesbian hating world out there, but I also know tears are a key, a door back to your authentic self.
    Thanks goddess for people like Dirt!

  2. This is to the anonymous woman that Dirt wrote to - I agree with Dirt, I hope that you are gentle with yourself. It's so easy to mold and mend to what society (insert any influence here) expects of you but *you* are living your life and no one else. If anything your story can help the next struggling butch woman 'catch herself' before it is too late. Even if it is late - late is better than never. Take care...

  3. Minotaur,

    Thank you for the inspiring comment!

    But every Butch woman out there that has come to love herself and represent in even the slightest ways, is hero in my book.


  4. My heart goes out to her.

  5. My heart just broke when i heard the suffering in that post. this is why us straight women need to listen to our lesbian sisters. so that we can honour their voices and their experiences and allow them to be themselves. As a mother i ache especially for her, because I just want to reach out and hold her and let her know she is still a darling daughter, whether her own mother is able to do so or not.

    such suffering! all because we try to fit women into a mold that doesn't fit. if this poor woman had been honoured as her true self, so much suffering could have been averted.

    my sister, who although straight was kind of butch, was allowed to express herself as what some others tried to call a tomboy, but my mother always insisted was "simply a girl who likes to wear pants and climb trees, and that's great too!" she grew to be her authentic self and is now a mom of two boys who still hates dresses and anything girlish and would rather climb trees and play baseball than anything else. she didn't have to tell lies and "become" a man, thus denying the world her special gifts as a mom.

    my dear friend has an adopted son, special needs, who claims he's a girl, but she says, "no you're a boy who likes to do some things people call girly, but that's great too!" and homeschools him so he won't be abused. he is growing to be his authentic self and won't have to tell lies to not hate himself and invade places he doesn't belong because he'll have his own space to be himself and be loved that way. he loves his mom, because she protects and cherishes him, even when he puts sparkly pink bows in his hair. he doesn't hate women because he is allowed to do all the "fun" things he thinks girls can do and isn't missing anything. he doesn't hate himself because there is nothing about his body that prevents him from expressing his soul.

    how complex is it! just raise our babies with love and acceptance, just the way they are, don't teach them to hate their bodies as a prison that stops them from being themselves and then they won't feel the need to harm themselves! how is it any different form "cutting" if you use a surrogate to self-mutilate yourself? it isn't! people who self-mutilate don't need to be given bigger better knives! and people who hate their genitals don't need to be given knives at all.

    they need love, tenderness, acceptance and above all, they need TRUTH. if this poor suffering soul had been told, "you will regret your attempt to transform, because it will neither change your sex nor your misery, it will just add new misery" she might have had a better chance.

    I wish i could send that love to her. if she reads these posts, please know you are just as sacred, just as beautiful, just as precious a child of the Goddess as you have always and ever been. if she doesn't, i can simply send a prayer that she will soon find peace and joy and love.

  6. That is truly sad, and I've heard it more than once...about those regretting transitioning, or having transitioned back or wanting to...or just letting the hormones go and returning to their former form, somewhat....this is an issue that has been completely invisibilized by the trans movement, and will be till there are tons of lawsuits against the surgeons and doctors and psychiatrists and all the community funded organizations supporting transsexuality, instead of full body, mind, spirit acceptance and societal change against forcing feminine men and Butch/masculine women to conform by use of hormones and surgery and mental pressure, including trans commmunity pressure.

    Not until the lawsuits surface in numbers will these things be questioned.

    Good for you, even though you won't have that perfect Butch skin again, for speaking your truth, surfacing and reclaiming your deep and original Female Self. There is truth to the body and a reason we were born with the bodies we were, as vehicles for our journey through life. We were not meant to mutilate them for another kind of conformity!
    This is why all Female Identified Butches NEED to come forward and bring thsi radical self acceptance to the Butch/boyish/boyish female youth, and mentor them and teach them to have PRIDE in their female bodies, teach them our long Butch Herstory, and teach them they can honor their desires IN those female bodies.

  7. Dirt, you know that comment is from a trans womon, and you really are willful in your desperate attempts to keep the truth from other womyn. You're a disgrace to us makeup eschewing, heel-hating, womon-loving womyn.

    I don't have anything else to say but you're a fraud and I'll tell you as much as often as I can.


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