Femme Invisibility

Femme Invisibility. The term has been tossed around a great deal in the last decade, but it has been suffered by Femmes forever.

 Let me begin by defining Femme Invisibility as I, a Butch woman understands it. Femme Invisibility is invisibility tripled. Femme's experience invisibility first, through the assumptions from the hetero world that because visually how they carry female falls within the range of the general straight woman that they too must also be straight. Secondly, the way Femme's carry female they are assumed even in the lesbian community to be card carrying lipstick lesbians and lipstick lezbo dating material by other lipstick lezzies! Last because of both of the above, Femme's are often invisible to the Butches they so desire.

Passing is one of the greatest complaints/problems that Femme's have with Femme Invisibility. When Femmes pass as straight woman, their lesbianism is invisible leaving them open to male attentions they do not desire. Couple this with Butch invisibility, even when Femme's do come out, since straight girl on straight girl sex is a mainstay of hetero male porn, men's first sick thoughts when a Femme declares she is a lesbian is envisioning her with a long nailed hyper feminine chick having sex for his minds dirty pleasure! This straight girl on girl male porn that usually winds up with the male jumping in, leads to the assumption that Femme lesbians are not legitimately lesbian at all.

Because the lesbians in male porn/fantasy readily accept a male watching/joining in. This is often why the lesbianism within Femme/Butch couplings is suspect by hetero-patriarchy. If a Femme resembles the lesbians in porn and the Femme is dating a woman who "looks like a guy", she is just confused and really needs some man dick to show her the way! This barely touches on the mind/field Femme Invisibility endangers Femme's to, but it gives a minor notion of the kind bullshit Femme's daily deal with.

Femme Invisibility within the larger lesbian community present its own set of problems. The larger lesbian community makes plenty of their own assumptions about Femme lesbians. Like say if at a lesbian bar many lesbians assume Femmes to be interested in other Femme/inine lesbians. Often when non Femme lesbians find out Femmes are interested in Butch partners, non Femme lesbians may and do turn on Femme lesbians, viewing them as traitors of a sort. I remember an ex telling me when she had moved to a new town she began going to the local lesbian bar and was soon befriended by a lipstick lesbian.

My ex started hanging around with this lesbian knowing she said, straight off this woman was attracted to other lipstick lesbians. She enjoyed this woman's company and they had a few things in common, who this friend was attracted to had nothing to do with their friendship. Some weeks into their friendship they both hit the local lezzie bar. After an hour or so there was a Butch who came in that my ex found attractive. My ex said something to her friend about how "hot" she thought this Butch was, where upon my ex's friend showed immediate disgust and said "that’s what you're into"? Needless to say this woman never contacted my ex again. I have heard over the years similar stories by Femme friends. Because of the type of woman (Butch) a Femme dates, her lesbianism is automatically suspect. This is why Femme Visibility and Butch Visibility are so dependent upon one another. Were Butches actually viewed and understood by the larger lesbian community as the women we are, Femme's would be understood as the lesbians they are. 

Invisible to the general public, invisible distrusted and disdained for who they love by lesbians, then to top it all off invisible quite often to the Butches they wish to attract, isn’t Femme Invisibility grand! I have often laughed with Femme partners and Femme friends at the interesting twists dating usually takes with Femme and Butch. Funny because there has and remains the ignorant notion that Femme/Butch is nothing more than male/female mimicry and Femme/Butch dating techniques are yet another thing that illustrates how nonsensical those ideas are. Most Butch women never got the chance to develop asking a girl out in school, we fear trying it as adults.

What usually happens is, in many instances if we were to compare Femme/Butch to male/female it is the Butches taking on the straight girl role, not the Femme like most might think. Butches are notorious for letting Femmes make the first move. What happens when we see a woman we might like, do we go up and talk to her? No way! We sneak a glance, we make ourselves seem available, we laugh at everything as cool as we can. If at a bar setting we might find a reason to walk past her as smooth and as butch as we possibly can. Then like so many straight woman before us, we sit back and wait and hope this Femme makes a moves. I don’t believe I'm exaggerating when I say I bet 9 out of 10 Femme/Butch relationships began with the Femme making first serious contact with the Butch! Femmes like all women grew up being conditioned to think when it came time for them to date, all they would have to do is simply say yes or no. But because of Femme Invisibility and Butch fear, Femmes have had to completely rewrite for themselves a different dating manual, no easy feat I would wager!

Just as there are things only a Femme knows about a Butch, this is something only Butches really see, get and appreciate about Femmes. This strength that creates uniqueness in Femmes that most women do not posses, and which is hidden/unknown to all except Butch lesbians. Make no bones about it, it is strength, strength of femmeness we Butches do not posses, that allows a Femme to dare against all she was raised and conditioned to ask another woman, a Butch woman at that, out. Without that unique Femme strength we Butches would be some very lonely souls.

Personally I am as interested and invested in Femme Visibility as much as I am Butch Visibility, I believe they're both dependent upon one another. I am also interested and invested because I care about Femmes and their deserved happiness's and life simplicities. One shouldn’t have to struggle so hard for something as simple as being seen. I fully understand what needs to take place for Butch Visibility; though that is no small task, it is at least definable. The answers for Femme Visibility are more difficult to nail down, obviously regularly coming out (in safe places) is a given. I think for the good of both Femme and Butch women within lesbian spaces Femmes need to be more vocal about their lesbian desires.

I think this would help non Femme/Butch lesbians to see Femme lesbians are just as lesbian because they too want a woman's body sexually-only difference being that woman's body is in a Butch package with Butch energy behind it. I think Femme sexuality has taken a back seat in a similar way straight women's sexuality gets diminished because it’s all about what the man wants. Check out any B-F forum and under sexuality most of it reads pretty hetero based/Butch based. There is a great shame in Butch sexuality and Femme's will mask their own desires publicly by downplaying or not mentioning that their desire goes past being fucked by a Butch. And that’s not to take away any pleasure both Femmes and Butches gain from that, but we all know behind close doors there's a little more to Femme sexuality than merely lying there!

The prime factor in Femme IS lesbian. That is something Femmes need to reclaim and reassert if they are ever to truly be visible. Butches need to encourage the lesbianism behind Femme, for Femmes and also for us too. To take away some of the shame once and for all rather than letting Femmes mask it for Butch partners, which in the end only hurts us both. In soooo many Femme/Butch spaces both RT and online it has almost become shameful for a Femme to admit she enjoys a Butch's breast/pussy. And if she does admit it all too often she must slip into some insane Orwellian doublespeak of "chest" for breast and "cock" for clit. I say shame on any Butch who has EVER put her Femme in that position out of their own shame and sexual insecurities. (Side note-I'm not talking about playing around in bed-I'm talking legitimate sexual discussions)

 I realize I have given only a few examples in the ways in which we can begin fighting Femme Invisibility, clearly there is a multitude of Femme Invisibility factors Femmes face every day and each an arrow cutting through the heart of every Femme. I hope talking about it even a little will begin a discussion leading to more discussions leading to a little light on a distant horizon that is the first signs of change.


National Womens Studies Conf. waste time with MENS "issues" pt 2

Here is the other email I referred to in my last post. More idiotic than the "discussion" regarding men in women's private spaces.

"Getting rid of gender"? Are you fucking kidding me? Wouldnt that be better discussed at say a national _____ conference, rather than a WOMENS conference?

There isnt a thing wrong with gender, there are men, there are women, and a small minority of in-betweens who are themselves predominantly male or female and live as such (provided they are allowed).

The problems arise when individual males and females are too cowardly, too ashamed, too ignorant, too self hating (due to patriarchal misogynistic systems in place which they fail to fight/see through) to live being the kind of male or female they naturally are. (and I am not speaking of autogynephiles (hetero Mtfs) here-clearly thats a serious mental illness) There isnt anything wrong with male or female, there is everything wrong with how post modernism has easily convinced the desperate that male and female is more than male and female to the point some actually THINK they are one sex "on the inside" and another sex "on the outside". WHA? Gender equals sex, always has, always will. You can thank post modernism for some ignorantly thinking like "sex" they can mutilate words into a whole new meaning mid-way through as well. But to the majority who live and breath reality, those changes only occur in the heads of ignorant or disordered.

Getting back on track, this is more of men doing what men do, wasting womens time with BULL SHIT in order to keep women from working on REAL WOMENS issues.

Fucking sicking!


National Women's Studies Association Conference

One of two emails I recently received. I'll deal with this one first.
THIS is what is being discussed at a National Women's Study Conf.??? While I deal with Butch invisibility every day I walk out my door, while I deal with regular negative experiences when using a public restroom, even I read this shit and go WTF??? Hello! Its 2010 and women in the US STILL do NOT have an ERA, over a million women a year report being raped, women make only 76 cents to a man's dollar, less if you're a poor minority woman, domestic abuse of women is immeasurable, 1 in 3 collage age women will be raped, 1 in 4 women sexually abused in her life, women are sexually objectified in all media forms, women are conditioned to adhere to those patriarchal media forms to perform for the male gaze if they are to have any worth, through trying to adhere to media forms women are developing multitudes of disorders related to body dysphoria when they cannot measure up to plastic female images created solely for the pleasure of mens penis's.

I could go on all night as any woman knows, but apparently the real issues affecting the majority of women, have no bearing when men posing as women are running the show. Like your average run of the mill man in the street, THEIR problems MUST come first! MAN MAN MAN = ME ME ME And from the looks of things women are letting them by even entertaining their special agenda's as a WOMENS event! This is yet another tactic for men to gain legal entrance into women's most private spaces.This also hurts actual women like Butches who due to invisibility issues have to deal with crap when using those same womens spaces despite actually being women. But for all the crap, as a woman I understand why women freak when seeing a woman like me in the bathroom. Not being exposed to Butches in general most women do not look too close, so quickly make a leap to male, and their very next thought is rape. I as a Butch understand this, and deal with it for the sake of women, for my love and care for women. Like every female alive, women KNOW from a few years of age they are susceptible to rape. It is something on some level with all women all the time in all places. I wont get into what this says about men and the patriarchal systems currently in place.

Men posing as women? Rape is the last thing on their minds, because they grew up being potential raper's rather than potential rape victims. This doesnt change because their penis and nutsack has been stitched inside their body cavity. So when issues like womens private spaces comes up, Mtf men have no idea what womens fears really are about, and through their male privilege could give a shit about. You dont see any topics regarding how to deal with womens rape fears when seeing a non traditional appearing female in the rest room on that list did ya? Neither did I!

If Mtf's truly believe they're are women, they would use their first hand knowledge of men to fight for changes in how women are treated by men so when a 6'4" Mtf in a cheap skirt and heelz enters the ladies we wouldnt worry about being raped!


Femmes are important too

A beautiful comment made to an older post of mine from a Femme last night. I often write of the value of Femmes, my value of Femmes but I sometimes forget their need to be validated, validated as subject instead of hetero object, their need to be validated as legitimate lesbians, their need for lesbian visibility, their need to have the fucking shame wiped from their bodies and minds, their need for Butch kindness and Butch love.

I will make more of an effort to write about Femme issues, because as a Butch we are in this together,  because without each other, neither of us really exist. Your eye, my eye equals us.


Lookie Dirt has admirer

From a man who recently tried to "friend" me at FB.

A picture perfect example of your run of the mill Mtf. Straight, white, married, middle aged and completely ignorant regarding women and lesbians. What ignorant assumptions!

These Mtf's make up the majority of men who seek trannification. While it is impossible due to the pathological lying of all "trans" people, based on many many years of occupying "trans" spaces of all kinds I wager they number somewhere in the high 90 percentile with gay men comprising the other few percent.

These are the men who think because they rub their cocks while wearing clothes patriarchy deems female, they can simply default to a "lesbian" status after they have taken their fetish as far as they can through trannification. These are also the men who are legally fighting to have the legal right (regardless of what stage of trannification-not that it matters really) to enter freely into womens bathrooms, womens locker rooms, showers, dressing areas etc.

These are not the tiny percent of queenish gay men who through pathological homophobia convinced themselves they are "women trapped in mens bodies" in order to escape their internalized homophobia. These men never felt and never feel "trapped in the wrong body". These men (men btw running the "trans machine") developed a fetish through the familial while pre-teen usually, then combined with misogyny/male privilege later convince themselves they are "true transsexuals"(as if there were such a thing). The pathology behind these men is not in BEING women, but in OWNING women. They seek through self creation to create a "female" image they can control and sexually ab/use whenever they feel the need. And as in the example here, note the "female" image is the image patriarchy deems "female/feminine". An image for the male gaze strictly for masturbatory purposes, these men are both at once gazed and gazer.

Interestingly between having their cocks mutilated into a monstrosity that no/longer properly functions and years of being on faux cancer causing female hormones, many will begin taking synthetic male hormones because they cannot get aroused in order to enjoy the rape fantasies of the "female" self they went all out to create! But even that in no way measures up to the fantasy, because of the extreme pain involved in penetrating the body cavity their testes descended from. This penetration is on going, like the faux cancer causing female hormones for the rest of their lives or else their cavity will close up like the wound their male body understands it to be, this is call "dilation". (a graphic pic of a mutilated penis/scrotum that doesnt even resemble an actually pussy-dont get me started on the weird/scary pubes in that pic or the hole being in the wrong spot!)

The short of it, (pun intended) is straight white middle/upper middle class married men are the majority of (trans)men seeking legal recourse (right now) to get into women's (girls) most intimate private places by defaulting to a "female" status. An illegitimate status PAID for with MONEY, NOT in actually BEING women. In typical male fashion these men believe "woman" is something for sale, something a man can purchase, something a man can own, in effect a "whore". These men believe there is nothing more to "woman" than a cosmetic hole and a good pair of heelz.

Janet Frame ends her short story Snowman Snowman with these observations made by the snowman about man based on himself: "man is indeed simplicity, coal, brass, cloth, wood-I never dreamed"...


Dirt's 8th Weekend Women's Day of Remembrance

Starting the grieving a little early for my butchered sisters since Dirt's having an over night elsewhere and lord know when she's gonna be back!


Yesterday a Butch friend sent me a message asking if I had been aware of the post you see here. She said she along with 300 other plus members received this message in a facebook group regarding Femme Invisibility. No, I wasn't aware of that. I had seen the message on a note I was included on from the Femme who issued this, but I had no idea this went to every woman in this particular group. Clearly this woman is no "friend", and clearly these are not the actions of a friend, at least not where I come from. These are the actions however of a very cowardly, insecure, self hating woman who completely bends to the slightest of pressures. I've debated for the last two days on whether or not to post about this, and after much thought I decided it not only in my best interest (for the sake of clarity) but in the interest of truth which I hold as high as I hold nature herself.

I will give you a blow by blow as I understand it, then my feelings on the matter. Sometime last week I believe, a member of this "femme invisibility" group commented this:  "I was sharing my frustrations about femme invisibility a while ago, and was reminded by a friend that many transwomen regularly experience femme hyper-visibility". Obviously after reading such nonsense I commented something to the affect of the complete co-option of Femme identity and misogyny of such nonsense. Clearly to even take into account such a post modernistic (be-anything-you-can-think-of) notions, the woman who commented has no respect for women and even less for Femme lesbians, given she would even entertain the thought of how a MAN (autogynephile btw) feels in a FEMME community. WHA? Not being exactly new to how misogyny coupled with post modernism (which equals queer theory in a nutshell) has infiltrated the Femme/Butch community I expected a small bit of flack. The FB "friend" who wrote the above is one of the maintainers of the group, if I hadn't mentioned that yet. She commented back to me that men are allowed in her "femme invisibility" group to co-opt Femme identity as they choose and I need to take my opinions regarding truth and common sense elsewhere. I was immediately silenced aka "banned" per a very typical patriarchal tactic-women speaking the truth must be shut up at all cost or patriarchal systems will suffer and die.

Again, being banned, not something new when one is a speaker of ugly truths, as I am. That this was a "friend" who silenced my Butch woman's voice? Well that hurt my heart a bit. Not simply from a personal standpoint but because this silencing is another brick in the wall of Butch Invisibility. It affects us all because it says, you  have no voice here, here being Femme space. Men and male-centrism is more important than your Butch WOMAN'S voice in these Femme spaces. So while I grieve a little for my own hurt heart I grieve more for what this indicates for the hearts of my Butch sisters! Butch women were excluded from early feminists groups, then lesbian separatist groups and now from Femme/Butch spaces themselves! I would bet not a single woman in that community had even slightly harbored the idea of how these actions towards one Butch woman's voice affects how all Butch women will be affected, not one. And if by chance there were one Femme who did, this public attack of me by a "friend" no less, lets her know if she even wanted to open her mouth she too would be silenced and singled out as a "hater" of sorts.And patriarchy being what it is, women are conditioned that womens worth is built upon approval, therefore no approval equals worth/less. A smart patriarchal way to keep women in check, especially smart when other women are using it against other women. And by smart I mean sickening.

I also expected some fallout because very recently a lesbian I used to know was appointed a maintainer of this "femme inv." group. She claimed to have severed her "friendship" with me and my ex because of our "trans" views. But truth be told, she was gung ho on helping to rid an LJ "lesbian community" of its "trans" disordered when we first became "friends". I suspect it had more to do with the fact of her obsessive stalking of a close lesbian friend of mine. My friend G. ended up meeting her realtime because she had become part of a lesbian clique I was a part of. So when G. and her partner decided to get married she invited all from this clique to her weekend wedding. Both G. and her partner had concerns I'm told right off the bat regarding her "stability". Then when this lesbian started calling G. dozens of times a day for months on end, trying to initiate a romantic connection with her (whom my friend said "not even if she were the last dyke on earth"), my friend ceased even speaking with her online. After months of G's rebuffs the calls finally stopped. It was then both my ex and myself were "unfriended" by this particular lesbian. So can we say ummm "axe to grind"?

How much any of this has to do with DV's (the community maintainer) feeling the need to attack me on a public level, I dont know. But I bet more than even she knows. As to DV's misogynistic Butchphobic behaviour, unacceptable! Even the "trans" disordered who read this blog I'm sure will wonder what the hell she is talking about, as nearly nothing she said has anything to do with my convictions or what I write about. Clearly she is not a reader of this blog, or else she figured she could just blatantly lie about my stances since I was banned and couldn't refute them, perhaps a little of both. I advocate a NEW RADICAL LESBIANISM that incorporates a Wittigian radical feminism. I advocate Butch VISIBILITY. I advocate women (whatever the variety) learning to love themselves AS women. I advocate it be acceptable for women to say "I" without shame. I advocate mentally ill people be treated humanely, not drugged and mutilated into freaks of society. I advocate Butch FEMININITY. I advocate lesbians taking the L back from the alphabet soup it has been drowned in. While that doesnt even begin to cover it, you get my point, and if you are a regular reader, you know my point.

This public attack is also because I was on her "friends" list at FB. She pulled the juvenile school yard crap when the weak minded/hearted get caught talking to one of the "not so cool kids"(according to the crowd), they had to quickly let the "cool kid group" know "oh I was just telling him/her what a douche-bag I though they were" then laugh so their new "friends" will laugh and think they hate this kid as much as they do, even though none of them know said kid. Its for show, appearances, fear at not being liked. Remember what I said above about women and approval.

Regarding DV's advocating "diversity", what she and those of her simple mindset advocate is CONFORMITY. A person who does everything in their power to ID as a particular something isnt diverse, its the same old shit. A Butch woman who loves her body, her life, her spirit, her mind amid a lifetime of invisibility, erasure, shame is diverse! A Butch woman being present as a woman in ALL womens spaces is diverse! Interesting though, when Butches express such feelings, the first thing out of misogynist's mouths is "self hating" or "trans in denial". Hmmm wonder why that is? Projecting much? And DV's notions of "acceptance" is pure misogyny. I will NEVER accept a straight (white-middle-class) man as Femme! And the women that do are nothing more than pure products of patriarchy. These are the women who would have men in our bathrooms, showers, locker rooms. Because a MAN said he's a "lesbian" it must be so, because MEN MUST be listened to and obeyed! Yeah right! No man will EVER be Femme or lesbian! One has to wonder how little women value women when they not only allow men to co-opt female identity BUT advocate for men co-opting women's identity!

Only those who accuse others of "hate" hate. DV hates. She hates herself and hates her life. She struggles to convince herself and others how "happy" she is which only makes her hate herself more and feel more disappointed in herself. She is a page out of Fromm's Escape from Freedom, in every sense. She cannot comprehend how a Butch woman could feel good about herself as a woman, when she feels so failed as a woman which insinuates she does not really SEE Butches AS women. The "invisibility" she claims to be fighting isnt Femme Invisibility, it is a core self invisibility. Until she can work through her own issues of self, she will continue doing the nothing she has been doing regarding Femme Invisibility.

All this to say this is sign of where the Femme/Butch community has let itself be led,  Femme's turning on and attacking Butches all in order to gain male approval from MEN no less! Any Femme who chooses male in any form over that of Butch WOMEN is plain and simple no fucking Femme!

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I'm sorry

This comment was left this afternoon to my last post entitled "Butch Skin". I published the comment in context but wanted to say a few words up front to the person who left it.

First and foremost as soon as I read your comment all I could think was, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry I wasn't soon enough. I'm also sorry every woman in your life and in the life that was reflected to you, failed you.You deserved better and I hope you are treating yourself good now.

I'm pleased you have got back your tears, because without tears there is no capacity for joy.Once you lose the ability to cry, you also lose the ability to laugh. I hope you do not judge yourself too harshly and I hope you understand the "choices" you made were set in motion long before you were born. I hope too you are imparting your experiences with these issues onto others like yourself. I suspect that for every person who has been trannified there are two times the number untrannifying. Only these men and women remain silent through their own shame at what they think they have done, shame heaped on them from the "trans" community and threats/attacks from the "trans" community.

Anon. I wish you the ability to truly love and embrace yourself for that is the ultimate human achievement.

If you ever for any reason need/want to talk (no judgments) my email addy is dirtywhiteboi67@yahoo.com

Again I'm sorry.


Butch Skin

You tell me " your skin" when I ask whats your favourite part on a Butch, because "it covers every inch, nook and cranny, both seen and unseen, clothed and unclothed" you reply. Because there is "nothing more beautiful, and surely nothing softer than stroking a hard Butch jawline covered in baby soft skin" you continue, as you trace my own jawline with your hand gloved in silk skin, followed by kisses from your velvety lips. "Definitely skin" you laugh as you smooth your hand down the softness of my neck and throat. "Skin" I say, "whats the big deal"?

You stop trying to seduce me for a moment and as we're lying side by side facing each other, you look at me very seriously, seriously enough I pull you closer than you already are. I feel suddenly like I need to protect you. You say "you wouldnt understand". "You were never force fed males for breakfast, lunch and dinner the way us Femmes were". "None were ever put upon your plate where you were expected to eat them along with the potato's and carrots till you were over full". "You didnt have to stomach their course skin, rough shaved faces, strange smells which together formed an ugliness that more than once made you feel as though you would throw-up". "I'm sorry" I say and kiss your forehead.

"You weren't there" you go on. "Thats the Femme tragedy of your Butch invisibility" you say. "Femmes think we must accept this unspeakable imitation of Butch because we grew up thinking you didnt exist". "And if you don't exist" you continue, "then I as Femme do not exist either". "If we cannot SEE each other, then we cannot SEE ourselves through each other". You tell me "I wasnt Femme till I was 24, because thats when I saw my first Butch woman"! "Thats when I knew I could no longer and would never again settle for an imitation"!

I ask you "what was it exactly about this first Butch that drew you to her, that made you KNOW"? You pull me into you a little more, slide your hand caressingly up my back from just above my ass where it was resting and say "her Butch skin of course" and smile!


The Box

 The Box

Once upon a time in the land of Hushabye
AROUND about the wondrous days of yore
They came across a sort of box
Bound up with chains and locked with locks
And labeled "Kindly Do Not Touch, it's WAR"

A decree was issued round about
AND all with a flourish and a shout
And a GAILY colored mascot TRIPPING lightly on BEFORE
"don"t fiddle with this deadly box
"or break the chains or pick the locks
"And please, don't ever play about with war"

Well the children understood
children happen to be good
they were just as GOOD around the time of yore
they didn't try to pick the locks
or break in to that deadly box
they never tried to play about with war

Mommies didn't either
sisters, aunts, grannies neither, cuz
They were quiet, sweet and pretty in those wondrous days of yore
Well..very much the same as now
Not the ones to blame somehow
for opening up that deadly box of war.

But someone did,
Someone battered in the lid
and spilled the insides out across the floor
A sort of bouncy bumpy ball, made up of guns and flags and all the tears and
horror and the death, that goes with war.

It bounced right out and went bashing all about
And bumping into everything in store
and what was sad and most unfair
Is that it didn't really seem to care much who it bumped
Or why, or what, or for.

It bumped the children mainly
And I'll tell you this quite plainly
It bumps them every day and more, and more
And leaves them dead and burned and dying
Thousands of them sick and crying
CAUSE when it bumps
it's really very sore

Now there's a way to stop the ball
it isn't difficult at all
all it takes is wisdom
I'm absolutely sure that
We can get it back into the box
And bind the chains
And lock the locks
no one seems to want to save the children any more

Well that's the way it all appears
CAUSE IT'S been bouncing round for years and years
in spite of all the wisdom whiz since those wondrous days of yore
in the time they came across the box
bound up with chains and locked with locks
and labeled "Kindly do not touch, "IT'S WAR"

Patriarchy: The Real Natural Disaster?

It is impossible not to be aware of and empathize with the earthquake disaster in Haiti. There is round the clock news on every street corner, news station, news paper, internet news site. Many local stores have it so you can donate your remaining money after purchases to a fund for Haiti. Local news stations are regularly giving info on where monies can be donated at, both on their websites and while the news runs. This is nothing new in America, a disaster occurs here, there or anywhere and Americans pull together and do our part. Its a good thing. Its the right thing to do. They're estimating when all is said and done the death toll alone in Haiti will be somewhere between 50,000-100,000 people, clearly a natural disaster.

What I sit here wondering though is in the US alone with stats like this:

  • Women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner-related physical assaults and rapes every year.
  • Intimate partner's kill approximately 33% of female murder victim
  • 84% of spouse abuse victims are females, and 86% of victims of dating partner abused are female
  • In the United States, 1.3 women are raped every minute. That results in 78 rapes each hour, 1872 rapes each day, 56160 rapes each month and 683,280 rapes each year.
  • 1 out of every 3 American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime.
  • The United States has the world's highest rape rate of the countries that publish such statistics. It's 4 times higher than Germany, 13 times higher than England, and 20 times higher than Japan.
  •  83% of rape cases are ages 24 or under.
  • 1 in 4 college women have either been raped or suffered attempted rape.
  • Only 16% of rapes are ever reported to the police.
  • More than 75% of teenage prostitutes have been sexually abused.
  • Nearly 50% of women in prison state that they were abused as children
  •  Not to mention the untold emotional abuses suffered by women and children daily that is immeasurable.
 So with stats like this, what I'm wondering exactly is at least in the US, how many millions of women, children and babies need to be beaten, raped, sexually abused, emotionally abused, burned, tortured and shamed every day before their plight is considered a fucking disaster worthy of our attention?


    Featuring Trans Mutlilater: Doktor Marci Bowers

    Marci Bowers regularly performs female genital mutilation surgeries on ftMISOGYNYST women. Marci (Mark) Bowers also happens to be a MISOGYNISTtfaux (Mtf). Here are some samples of what he's doing to the "trans" disordered women (who pay out the nose btw) to see him.

    Looking at the Doktor's work here I cannot help but ask wtf did this poor woman pay a minimum of $4000 for?? Your average women could shave her pussy and achieve the same results!

    This is yet another example of misogyny in action! This Doktor is charging "trans" disordered females exorbitant amounts of money for results (a male penis) he cannot provide. The ftMISOGYNIST who see Doktor Bowers go in with an idea in their poor disordered brains of the "man" they are going to be when they leave. But what happens to the already disordered self image when one looks in the mirror and still sees their pussy staring back at them? Even the pussy's w/plastic balls STILL look like pussy's w/plastic balls!

    I have to wonder how much jealously also plays a part in Mtf Doktor Bowers practice towards is female patients.

    At any rate, here is another doktor whose mutilative practices are harming women, both physically and mentally, permanently! Doktor Bowers email is at the bottom of his website let him and the complaints board know these "procedures" are UNFUCKINGEXCEPTABLE!





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    A Butch Conundrum

    I've been in 5th grade for about a month now, its early October, a Friday, the weekend. School is out and my granny and I are getting ready for a weekend up north, up north being a few hours north of where I live. My dad gets out of work at five, he's a skilled labor painter for the local painter's union. This is the first time he'll be taking his new girlfriend and her son to our cabin with us. He lives elsewhere but I see him regularly and we go up north most weekends until winter.

    His girlfriend's son, Bobby, is two years older than me. I've only met him maybe four times then. He runs his mouth a lot and tried to bully me from the moment we met, the Fourth of July at my house a few months before. My brother talked me down from kicking his ass the first time we met, the second time we meet I kick his ass after he bullies my younger cousin repeatedly then jumps on my back while out at the lake. My dad lets me beat his ass while my granny and his mom had left for snacks and pop. Other than him seeming quite the asshole I know little about Bobby.

    My dad, his girlfriend and Bobby pull into our dirt driveway with the tire paths on either side of the grass between. My dad and his girlfriend come in for a few minutes while my granny and I collect ourselves, I dont know where Bobby is. Bobby comes running in the house, saying something is wrong with the cat next door, we all run out to witness the small tiger cat dying in agony. Its mouth open its eyes pleading, and me standing there, powerless. I do nothing. I cant do anything to save it. It dies in seconds after us seeing it. I'm crushed, grief stricken, depressed, I cant stop crying. It becomes apparent Bobby killed it, turns out Bobby has a habit of murdering small animals. His mother neglected to warn us. We pile into the car and go up north like nothing happened. I cant pretend. Something DID happen. I cant get the dying cat out of my mind, not on the way up north, not while up north, not while back home, not even now. I see it now dying as clearly as I saw it dying then, I am still powerless. I still cannot save it.

    Once up north, I'm dejected and depressed and cry periodically. I dont want to ride my motorcycle or shoot my BB gun or go fishing or swimming or even run to the party store for candy. My dad tries everything to snap me out of it, but I dont snap. Later the next day he says something to me that I dont exactly recall, but I remember feeling his shame, which created a shame in me. A shame for having emotions, feelings, empathy for this dying cat that I didnt even know. I felt like I let my dad down for having these feelings, lost his respect, that I should be stronger. Stronger meaning male/r. Its the Butch conundrum. When we're treated like the tom/boy we seem, it gets forgot the girl that we really are. We forget it ourselves, till something reminds us and we feel a shame in our remembering. Imagine, shame for caring, utterly caring.

    I would have given my life for that little cat that day, probably would today even. Today I feel blessed for having had the Butch GIRL capacity to grieve for that little cat's suffering/death, rather than the boyness to except it and move on as if it didnt exist at all.


    The Death of a Baby Butch

    The pure IGNORANCE of this is INFUCKINGCREDIBLE! In all likelihood this little girl is nothing more than your basic baby Butch. But given the ignorant fucking clueless parents along with an equally ignorant fucking clueless "gender specialists" this little girl is never going get to know the Butch girl she is or the Butch woman she could become, instead she's being brainwashed into believing she's a boy rather than a Butch girl!

    I never wore a dress after age two, I had every hot wheel known to boy growing up, my dad bought me my first mini bike when I was 4, my first BB gun age 5, all my friends were males, my sex was questioned since age 3 by strangers, I HATED having to use the girls bathroom in school from day one, all very typical Butch girl feelings/behavior. I shutter to think what this poor girl's life is going to be like, and the constant confusion between who she is, who she thinks she is and the who her parents/shrink are telling her she is.

    This is the danger with mainstreaming the "trans" disorder, parents who see gender play/feelings that do not coincide with their hetero-patriarchal conditioned ideas (butch girls/queenie boys) are going to have their kids trannifying before they're out of fucking diapers! This will end the lives of Butch girls before they even begin! This is why the general public needs to be educated on this disorder. We who are in the trenches know it isnt Butch girls and queenie boys who mostly develop this disorder, but straight males, straight females and tweener dykes!

    But until the public can be educated, until doctors begin a different course in REAL treatment, baby butches are going to become (like this girl here) the victim of a disorder placed upon her by a hetero patriarchal medical system! The Butch in her is going to murdered right out from underneath her before her very eyes!

    Butch visibility, its literally become life or death for some. And Femmes? Or any dyke who dates Butches, dont think its merely our problem, it is YOUR problem too! You know too well how small the dating pool is within Femme/Butch spaces, now think about that in light of this! Without the future of Butch women, who exactly are the future Femmes going to be coupling with????? If you love Butch women, this is your fight too.










    Miep Gies dies aged 100

    Miep Gies, the last surviving member of the group who helped protect Anne Frank and her family from the Nazis, has died in the Netherlands aged 100.

     I weep as I post this. I find this both horribly saddening and horrifyingly distressing. It has often been said that the "future is now" but as we move closer to day when no living person will have to quote J. Semprun "any REAL memory of this", I fear the future will prove Santayana correct “Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it”. 


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    Butch: One of the Guys

    Have a self to recover, a queen.
    Is she dead, is she sleeping?"

    One of the guys; I was thinking about this earlier at the gym where I walked in and fist butt two guys on my way to the free weights, mutually nod at three other guys while going back and forth to the drinking fountain, gym gossiped with two other guys while doing shrugs and had a conversation with one guy about politics while hitting shoulders. These guys and a few others I speak/goof with are all the big monkeys who've been going to this gym (a golds) for a minimum of 10 years and other than a few exceptions all are straight males. The relationship I have with these guys is surface at best, we have a mutual report, a mutual respect and a commitment to ourselves through working out. None of which ever stops me from my commitment to myself as a woman, my commitment to other women or my commitment to dismantling patriarchy through disrupting/destroying its many patriarchal systems that support misogyny.

    That being said, for all intents and purposes at the gym, I have very much become "one of the guys". Like a lot of Butches, something I'm quite familiar with being. Butches being such a small minority and Butch invisibility being what it is, as children Butches generally gravitate towards male friends because we share play interests and a way of being that seems closer to male than female at the time. Thats not to say we didnt have female friends as children, I think most of us did, but those friendships I think would better be classified as similar to the surface relationships adult Butches have with adult males. As children most Butches spend more time with boys and forge closer bonds with boys. From wrestling with them, playing sports with them, throwing stones with them, causing mischief with them, hamming it up with them etc

    What I was thinking about at the gym today is how much of a divide between our self and our self  is created through our growing up being "one of the guys" as girls? No doubt the larger the gulf the more time it takes to re-couple Butch with female as adult Butch women. I dont think the re-coupling even begins until Butches begin having serious love relationships with other women. And depending on the woman, some can and do even further that divide through their own personal demons/issues. As much as Butch is a core identity, it is also a long growth process requiring a great deal of personal insight before one can feel good about it. Insights we will sabotage ourselves until we reach a level a maturity that can handle those insights, and even greater levels of maturity before we can glean pleasure in ourselves from what those insights tell us about ourselves as women.

    Because we aren't given opportunities in our youth to feel good about being butch(hell we arent even made aware of it), Butches take pleasure and pride in being "one of the guys" in order to "feel" butch by not feeling female. But through this close male association we often (for decades) lose the thing itself that makes us Butch, woman. Woman is something that EVERY Butch must recover and recover in her own individual way at her own individual pace, but make no bones about it, she IS something that in the ways of being all Butches misplace or hide, usually through shame. How can a Butch feel pride in her "one of the guyness" with her femaleness constantly hanging around???

    This is why each and every adult Butch must step up and show off the unique woman she is, be visible, because all us Butches owe it all those baby Butches out there right now looking for themselves in every face and finding only males. Give these Butch girls a chance be "one of the Butches" for a change instead of the "guys" we were!

    Butch Women-Represent!


    Howz about a Dirt ftM Test? Shall I?

    Seriously short on time as I'm heading out to a skating rink date, so I'll make this quick like. Seeing how I've had multiple comments about how "difficult" it is for women to gain access to "T" and "surgery" I was thinking  I'd try a little experiment. How about I see myself just how "difficult" and "lengthy" it takes and post results here eh? I bet I could get a "T" script in week and book "surgery" as soon as something was available if I said I had the loot. What do you think? If I'm right and I document this (which I will) I can present it to the medical complaints boards. Let me check it out then perhaps we could put something together for other radical lesbian feminist to follow suit in other states. Maybe we can seriously begin putting and end to the slaughter of mentally ill women, at least in this respect. Let me know what you think, either here or email.





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    Dirt's 6th Weekend Women's Day of Remembrance

    Soon to be ftMISGOYNIST

    Here are a couple of your typical females who wind up with the "trans" disorder; the girlish dyke. These currently make up the majority of females who "transition", although that seems to be changing with a huge spike in young straight girls, in part due to lack of feminist role models and availability through "transition" to escape the stunting female roles these girls seek to dodge.

    Given that the "trans" disorder is bathed in mythomania even in "trans" communities truth rarely sees the light of day. What these girlish dykes dont find in all the "trans" literature about "changes" is the mental changes the "T" drug has on the female brain and on their lesbian sexuality. They will NOT remain the same person they are before "T", they will however become someone they do not know, nor their loved ones know. And a high percentage of dykes who "transition" will see a change in their sexuality, from a sole attraction to women to a prime attraction to men, usually settling for relationships with other "transmen" because men will not date them. A similar sexuality change occurs with straight women who transition going from male attraction to female attraction. Any way you juice it and slice it, these women are being murdered from within and without by a sick woman hating medical establishment/society more interested in profiting from keeping women like this on the drugs they will require to keep their natural female body at bay.





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    This comment earlier brought me to tears

    Other than two radical lesbian feminist blogs who honored Mary's legacy, I didnt see her death mentioned anywhere. How horrific that "feminist" are trashing her because she dared to care about women, even those mentally ill women who cannot see to care for themselves. She was gift who will be missed.

    Lewis, thank you for a most lovely comment and I'm utterly flattered to be put in the company as Mary Daly! You have my word I will do whatever I can to keep the torch going; to put a public face on Butch WOMEN, fight Femme and Butch invisibility, reestablish a radical feminist ideology within Femme/Butch, fight misogyny on all levels and dismantle the LIES that surround trannification by disseminating the TRUTH!





    Top Surgery Doktor: Todays Feature Michael L. Brownstein

    Along with the Weekend Womens Day of Remembrance it was suggested recently to me to bring to your attention the "top surgery" doktors as a regular feature here. I'll begin by focusing on those  doktors who are primarily known for this mutilative "treatment" then move to the lesser well known doktors as time goes on.

    Featuring today Michael L Brownstein. Here are some samples of his "work" from his website. Note interestingly the bare chested woman in the last photo, exclaiming this "doctor" made her bare/no breastedness possible. These are the messages that reinforce women's breast as sexual objects not worthy of being seen unless its for the sexual pleasure of the male gaze. Where are the messages informing women they have every right to bare their breast with the same freedoms as men without the threat of rape/arrest/ridicule???? I cant seem to find those on Mr. Brownstein's website anywhere..hmmm Nope, no such messages, the message here is lose the tits and you can be free to go shirtless like the menz...(for a steep PRICE) of course. Here are some other sample's from various websites that didnt make it into the good Doktor's good work pics:

    Note to the left of this website the "ftM" and "Mtf" info links pics. Unrealistic pics of a male upper body and a female upper body(note also the faux breast in the female image), both images created from current patriarchal idealized images of what the male/female body SHOULD look like according to men; giving the message to the already body dysphoric/dysmorphic individuals seeking "help" that if they go through this doktor they too can have the unreal body in these unreal pics and be the "man" or "woman" their disorder has conned their brains into thinking they could be.

    I thought this interesting, pec implants for back up just in case the faux male hormones dont work, the diet and exercise doesnt work (if you bother to) and of course if the good doktor doesnt manage to give you quite the results you believed he could(which he cant). So you can go from real tits to a fake chest resembling the real breast you just had hacked off. And given the pics on his website and those I presented which all the while appearing flat, yes, still clearly look very female. Imagine then one of these body dysphoric females getting the pec implants? She could end up potentially with larger breast than what she started!

    Have a read of this too, sounds to me like the "misinformation" might be some complaints the doktor is trying to cover up.

    Dont let this doktor continue to butcher the HEALTHY breast from the mentally UNHEALTHY. Take a minute to contact the complaints board in CA where this doktor "practices" his mutilations of healthy bodied women.


    Female Transition-Progress for Women or The End of Womens Progress??

    I've been thinking historically how the male medical establishment has used its highfalutin medical authority to assist in the control of women. Women have been and remain the dominant sex diagnosed with mental illness. They also have been and remain the dominant sex tortured, experimented on and locked up for those mental dis/eases. Disorders "discovered" no less by men. I wondered where would Freud's Anna O or Dora be were they alive today, with all the new disorders available to Freud and the "treatments" to go with. I then thought where would all our great god mother's be had the patriarchal medical establishment had the current "treatments" we have available them then?

    And so I take you on a historic tour of the future of women through the women of the past bearing that in mind:

    If wondering what instead of furthering the advancement of women would have been in the hearts and mind of these medically "treated" nonconformist woMEN of the past, I leave you with what is on the minds of the medically "treated" disordered women of today snapped from several major trans female forums:
    Here is the future concerns of women. Thank the patriarchy on your way out.


    Trans Community admits organized attack of Dirt and this blog

    The first cap is my response to a several comments from another angry "trans" person admitting that this blog has been singled out for "attacks" from the "trans" community. These "attacks" are deemed justifiable because the "trans" community does not like the things I write about such as: positive Butch role models, Butch femininity, misogyny in all its forms, how misogyny underlines the "trans" disorder, positive Femme role models, Femme/Butch invisibility/a future where femininity and masculinity are stretched far and wide enough to include all women and men so women and men do not develop disorders such as the "trans" disorder and can feel good about the kind of women and men they were born etc.

    Sadly this group isnt interested in helping future generations they are much to busy contemplating new chin hairs or balding patterns. Its a shame lesbians had taken the back seat of the gay and lesbian movement for the last 40 years. I feel confident had they (lesbians) been in the drivers seat or at the very least co-driving, lesbians wouldnt be dealing with such a self hating community who has deserted lesbian women and allowed lesbian women to desert themselves.

    The last cap is from a nonsensical comment left on one of my youtubes. Notice the discrepancy with which this person juxtaposes "butch" and "girl", as if they are two very different things. Those whose minds view Butch as NOT "girl" are the very same women who are likely to trannify and/or support the trannification of women.

    I speak like a woman btw, NOT a "girl" and clearly I'm unmistakably Butch. To be honest I'm the Butch 99% of ftMs wish they could be.

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    More Trans Hate/Attacking of the Dirtsters Blog

    Interesting Jackie, you reiterate here there and everywhere I'm doing nothing wrong (which I'm not) then in the same breath "report her" "report her" "report her". The only hate here is from the "trans" community whose fragile faux identities cannot handle what they already know.

    More "trans" slanderings, hated, attacks all in order to silence the truth. Revealing the truth about this disorder isnt "hate", it is giving a true, clear picture of how the "trans" disorder comes about and is followed through on with the help of the patriarchal medical establishment whose ideas/theories/practices are steeped in misogyny and how that affects "treatment" for this disorder. I didnt put this disorder in the DSM, if you have a problem with me or anyone using the proper terminology I suggest you deal with the AMA. Funny though how when it came to uniting to get trannyism taken off the DSM next year the "trans" community voted a resounding NO because if it is taken off the DSM the "trans" disordered worried medical insurances would no longer cover the lifetime use of drugs to keep up the cosmetic appearance of their chosen ID....hmmm



    Dirt's 5th Weekend Women's Day of Remembrance

    Stop the torture and mutilation of women by the patriarchal medical establishment!


    Missing Person Kristin Snyder: Lost in a Sea of Myths Pt 2

    The next part in our forensic postmortem of the mockumentary The Lost Women of NXIVM will consist of dissecting the major proponents surrou...