In my last post (read here) I discussed how dominant heterosexual culture ignorantly/willfully and wrongfully posits the heterosexual female child category Girl on ALL female children thereby harming and in some cases denting Lesbian children. The damage done to Lesbian children via heterosexual presumptions follows Lesbian youths straight into their Lesbian teens where confusion is compounded and the blooms of self hatred can flourish.
Puberty under even the best circumstances is no picnic, for Lesbian teens it often falls somewhere on the line of difficult, cruel or a nightmare with difficult being the best case scenario. The myriad of issues that Lesbian teens struggle with during puberty can all be traced back to dominant heterosexual culture and the heterosexual categories Teenage Girl or Girl Teenagers/Young Woman. As discussed in the previous post on brain functioning/behaviour differences between Girls and Lesbian children, these differences grow larger during puberty; partly out of how puberty differently affects Lesbian teens and partly from how puberty further develops Lesbian teen romantic feelings.
Some of the core ways puberty differently affects Lesbian teenagers:
- Lesbian children are not culturally groomed to have our bodies change (develop) for the purpose of pleasing other (teen/adult) Lesbians as/when we mature.
Lesbian teenagers instead (including Lesbian teens who pass as straight) feel uncomfortable, terrified and for some of us even horrified with our changing bodies. Partly because those changes socially signify a new stage in heterosexuality (heterosexual coupling) and partly because those changes signify Woman which links to heterosexuality ie the kind of female Lesbians are NOT. Lesbian teens are not remotely interested in heterosexual coupling anymore than we are interested in performing the heterosexually defined role of (young) Woman.
In the past Lesbian teenagers were especially vulnerable to suicide. Remember unlike emotionally damaged Girls who tend to act out masochistically, Lesbian teenagers act out in (milder anti social) ways often associated with male teen behaviour such as taking drugs, drinking, getting into fights (with male peers), punching or kicking walls etc. And where especially hurt/sensitive, Lesbian teens were prone to suicide and suicide by more violent means more similar to male teens than to teen Girls.
In lieu of the current pro Transgender moment, Lesbian teens are now vulnerable to suicide via transition. Meaning Lesbian teenagers are seeking to kill themselves through transition, a living death if you will. And while that may seem more productive than death itself, it by no means equals happiness and unfortunately (statistically) signifies only a delay in actual suicide.
Another core area Lesbian teenagers differ is romantically:
- The (hetero) teenage landscape which has (for centuries) spawned a bazillion books, plays and TV shows/films where teens get to practice adulthood and specifically adult romantic couplings is barred to Lesbian teens.
Lesbian teens do not possess the luxury of practicing Lesbian adulthood or Lesbian romances with another Lesbian teen. And where there is the rare occasion that two Lesbians find each other in grade school or junior high, it is rarer that they can freely (safely) explore their feelings at say a school dance or walking hand in hand through the schools hallways or invited home to meet mom and dad. There are much more occasions where Lesbian teens have tried, only to be bashed, kicked out of school or home or all of the above. There is no adequate junior high or high school support of Lesbian teens, because Lesbianism itself is still (even among Radical Feminist/Feminism) suspect, disbelieved, co-opted or hetsplained into the unrecognizable!
Lesbian teens are often used/abused by Girl peers, treated by Girls all too often as boy stand ins who are immediately dumped/pushed aside when a Boy teen shows a Girl interest. Unlike Girl peers who are biologically/socially understanding of Girls dumping/blowing other Girls off for Boys, Lesbians are routinely emotionally hurt and understandably confused. In the same vein, all messages Lesbian teens receive are heterosexually transmitted. Lesbian teens either have the gumption to reject these foreign messages (which happens only rarely to the Lesbian loner) or more likely try and apply heterosexuality to their Lesbian experiences which again, usually means playing Boy to some Girl which always ends in Lesbian heartbreak or worse.
Lesbian childhood may be confusing, but Lesbian teen years can be down right painful, even suicidally lonely. For all of technology's globally shrinking the world via internet connections, Lesbian teenagers remain distant from each other and even more distant from honest, useful and accurate Lesbian information. Lesbian teenagers are pelted with hetsplained notions of Lesbian children/teen and adult behaviours/experiences as abnormal or gender non conforming as Liberal homophobes loathsomely put it today.
As lonely as Lesbian teen years can be, it is far better to be lonely than to be the trial run for some straight Girl/s culturally sanctioned hetero sexual dalliances. Since the innate Lesbian ability to find one another has diminished in the last hundred years making Lesbian teen romance fraught with even more difficulty, some Tips for Lesbian teens in avoiding the pitfalls of Lesbian/Girl teen crushes/romances and for potentially finding each other:
- Cliches are cliches for a reason, that said by all means join a school sport! Lesbians have many natural athletic abilities superior to straight Girls, therefore chances increase in finding a Lesbian teen friend or girlfriend if you join a sport or school sport.
- Girls at puberty suddenly lose their straight minds for Boys (boy crazy). This (crazy) lasts throughout the child bearing years of Girls/Women and mildly subsides only after menopause. If your crush suddenly cannot stop talking about/thinking about/doodling about some boy, chances are she is NOT a Lesbian, regardless of any practice kissing she might have done on you and no matter how important she made you think you were to her. Once her adult heterosexual hormones kick in, Lesbian teens become toast while Boys become everything. Let her go!
- If you are being treated like a Boy stand in by a Girl in any capacity, the fact she views you as a Boy says she does NOT see YOU as a Lesbian. This is a huge issue even adult Lesbians can be confused by, that begins in Lesbian youth. Do not be flattered when you are being treated like a Boy/Guy, be angry you are not being seen as a Lesbian, teen or otherwise!
- Lesbian teens, like Lesbian children rarely play head games or boy/girl games. Lesbian teens tend to be more serious, not always serious about school but serious/reflective in their every day approach.
- And outside of sports, Lesbian teens are rarely school function joiners. Look for the tough or cool teen, that teen who dresses for comfort over style, that teen always quick with a joke, that teen who wears crudeness with pride, that teen who is on all sides yet no ones side. Say hi to her, you just might find a Lesbian comrade or Lesbian friend or more.