Femininity and the Heart of Femme

I view the femininity held by Femme bodies in the same way I view the butchness born of Butch bodies. I see it in its rawest nakedness, stripped bare of all artifice. Femme femininity isn't about the clothes choices a Femme is sporting, it is how she occupies and moves in or out of those clothes. Femininity in the general has through patriarchy come to have more to do with performance (for the male gaze) than simply being female (feminine bodied), whereby clothes DO make the woman. It is clear this is a MALE driven ideology proven over and over by trans males who perform their (male) version of "female" through a SEXUALIZED caricature of constructed hyper femininity. Straight women derive a false notion that women can utilize femininity to capture the male gaze and in doing so achieve power along side patriarchy, nothing is further from the truth. There is a definitive difference in being feminine and performing femininity, one you do on your feet, the other on your knees.

There is a real power source in a Femme's femininity, even when playfully extending into performance for a Butch. Not that false sense of power men temporarily allow hetero women to believe they own, they own nothing. Every Butch knows the Femme is a woman in control even when she chooses to give that control up. I am not merely speaking sexually, there is a power in the way a Femme exercises her Femme femininity; whether comforting another woman, protecting another woman, loving another woman, needing another woman, wanting another woman, holding another woman, touching another woman or simply being herself as a woman (often a foreign concept to straight women, who give themselves up to be whoever everyone else needs/requires). Perhaps it is here that the greatest difference lies between Femme femininity and general (constructed) femininity.  FEMME femininity emanates from the lesbian body that Femme lesbians define/defy identity. While straight women, through a male sexualized created/controlled femininity, only lose themselves, never to be found their whole lives through.

Within Femme Femininity there lies an open field, a field of play, expression, living, often unknown or forbidden to male dictated femininity. While this field is not always free from patriarchy, it is none the less a field where how a Femme expresses her feminine body is not determined or dependent on the male gaze or male approval. Butch females are often viewed as rebels, their lives radical, because Butch females externally display a radical difference in how they appear/function as females. But the truth is Femme lesbians are every bit as rebellious and radical as Butch lesbians, maybe more so. Because they rebel through femininity (presume heterosexual norm). That thing men believe they hold in a vice for their own sweet cock's pleasure. Femme femininity is a kick in the balls of patriarchy.

Because Femme femininity isn't reliant upon male approval, (its very nature in complete opposition to this) Femmes determine for themselves what femininity is! And that determinant isn't based on what a Femme DOES, but who she is. If she is Femme, she is feminine, and what she does through her body creates her own Femme femininity. She is feminine whether changing a flat tire, feminine whether buying a new pair of heels, feminine as the CEO of a large corp, feminine when making love to a Butch, feminine when putting on make up, feminine when chopping wood with no make up, she is feminine when eating, sleeping, breathing, she knows this and anyone who crosses her path will know it!

The femininity owned by Femmes is both REAL and Powerful, because there is Power in the REAL! Unlike the costume of constructed heterosexual femininity, Femme femininity cannot be donned anymore than it can be strip teased off glove by glove. The fabric of a Femme's femininity lies at the very core and depth of her lesbian heart.



  1. Wow! Much of this post is so on point. Been an out femme for many years & few have articulated what being a femme lesbian really is. Indeed I can get into heterosexual lady drag, but at the heart of my femininity is the rareness, and therefore rebelliousness of being a dyke & being a lady in these times. My femininity is happening even when I'm not thinking about it, which is a gift & responsibility.

    Anyway great stuff & keep up the good work. My butch wife gets asked constantly if she's trans. She's not, thank God. I love her femaleness and masculinity that would become unnatural if she "transitioned" into a replica of a medical lie.

  2. I only date butches and FTMs mostly because of the stone thing but that's another story. I too like flouting the straight male patriarchy ,who has given the GLBT community (that includes you and I) so much scorn, by being seen with a butch. It is as if to say, I'm hys to enjoy not yours. Anyway, to the author I pose these questions.

    1) Can one who is born male express femininity in any form be it manner of speaking, dress etc.

    2) a) If you answer to 1 is no , then how do you rationalize your position given that a) you express masculinity and b) that you are not only OK with femininity from from a sis female but are attracted and even captivated by it. If your answer to 1 is no , do you not see it as hypocritical that you can express masculinity and it be legitimate and femme women your attracted to can express femininity and it be legitimate but not when one born male expresses it? c) You seem to be OK with visual expression of high femininity in a sis femme as you mention her wearing heels without without showing scorn for her. If you say no to #1 on grounds that many MTFs express fake high femininity, how do you rationalize your acceptance (and probably your attraction) to sis femme in high heels. Is it only OK if a sis female does it. Isn't this the same argument that enemies of butches (straight bigoted men)have regarding your masculine expression, i.e. said bigots believe you should wear a skirt and if they had their way you would be in one.

    2) If one born male who wishes to take medical steps to appear more like a female with SRS, FFS etc, would you take issue to this?

    3) a) Hypothetically speaking, if you have a femme girlfriend/wife , and she suddenly had a masculinized face to be within male norms, would you be supportive of her getting FFS (facial feminization surgery) (as I have) so that she can have a feminine appearance again that, to her feels more appropriate for her gender expression which is also feminine? b) Would you consider leaving her because she now has the face of a man and you are not attracted to men physically (I assume).

    If your answer to 2 is no and your answer to 3a is yes, how do you rationalize this position as being fair as FFS is OK for some but not all.

    You miss the point that femininity radiates. You know this as the femmes you are attracted to radiate. You would not be attracted to a gay feminine man who has not desire to dress or look female as he may be as feminine as a woman you are attracted to but doesn't have the feminine appearance. Your arguing from a privileged position in that as a butch you don't have to radiate. It's not a masculine trait. You go after the femmes that radiate their feminine appearance and manner. If they didn't radiate and acted more like a butch whom is attracted to the femmes radiance, you would not be attracted to them. As a butch you don't have to radiate. You like that a femme radiates by being female bodies and feminine acting and dressing for you only , in the face of cis male patriarchal privilege. For me it is not OK.

    1. Clearly this blog is about biological Lesbians, period. In other words, the ONLY kind of Lesbians.



Missing Person Kristin Snyder: Lost in a Sea of Myths Pt 4

Next up in our series on the The Lost Women of NXIVM mockumentary is Joseph O’Hara of Albany, NY. O'Hara was an attorney who worked fo...