Change Your World-NOT your Body

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Femme-Where Invisibility and Visibility Collide

A few days ago my wife and I were at the grocery store picking up a few things for our New Years Soiree:
While walking through the store, we walked near a guy offering up samples of wine and prosecco. He politely offered us a taste. Making it very clear that I dont do either (strictly a vodka collins gal), but my wife enjoys the odd glass of wine with dinner, he began pouring her a sample of the wine first. While giving her the sample, he proceeds to give ME (looking directly at me) not HER, a full description of the wine. He then gives her a sample of the prosecco and again, while looking only at me, explains the difference between prosecco and champagne, followed by a brief description of this particular prosecco.

This sort of thing happens to us all the time, it can happen because my sex is assumed to be male and we're presumed to be a heterosexual couple. It can happen even when its apparent to hetero party's we're lesbians, because it is presumed I'm "the man" one. And sadly even among "our people", like the VERY GAY wine sample guy who acknowledged we were his "sisters". Its an unspoken/written dimension of Femme Invisibility. VISIBLE Femme Invisibility among gay and lesbian spaces/peers.

There was seemingly no reason for Mr Gay guy to defer to me/rendering her invisible, regarding the wine tasting, when it was made clear I do not drink, nor like wine but my Femme wife, loves it. Seemingly. That this VISIBLE Femme Invisibility happens when we're among other gays and lesbians illustrates how internalized male dominance/privilege/masculinity--female weakness/submission/femininity is within the Gay and Lesbian community. Even when the masculinity being acknowledged/heeded/respected is purely a perceived masculinity. Obviously my wife and I are both women, there is no hierarchy, we're both oppressed-differently, but equally. So much for subversive divisiveness within the Gay/Lesbian community!

But the VISIBLE Femme Invisibility that occurs within/among gays/lesbians (spaces) adds a warped dimension to general Femme Invisibility, i.e. not being recognized as a lesbian or believed after divulging said lesbianism, by gays, straights and various persuasions of dykes. But it is a kick in the cunt when the LG community KNOWS/BELIEVES a Femme is genuinely lesbian, then invisiblizes her when a Butch is standing to her side, by talking directly to the Butch, particularly where money or decisions are to be made. Or even when alone, conversations toward Femmes by dykes are often dumbed down/limited to questions about their hair, make up, what colour panties they're wearing or the weather! Most Femmes have experienced a good portion of the material that has gone into the making of dumb blonde jokes from gays and particularly from dykes, regardless of hair colour!

Femmes do not exist to fetch beers for dykes, prop up pseudo masculine dyke egos, stroke queenie gay male egos with make up tips or be the beard for macho fags. Femme's lesbianism routinely is lost in hetero crowds, it shouldnt be used, abused and distrusted by other lesbians or gay men for that matter. Femme isnt hetero constructed femininity DICKtated/designed to harden limp pricks. It takes, guts to look like most other women and have to regularly turn down male advances running the constant risk of pissing men off/male violence. It takes gallantry to do dyke so different even dykes question Femme's love/lust for women. And it take courage to visiblize Femme sexuality by walking side by side/hand in hand with Butch lovers while simultaneously risking straight male violence, jealousy from straight women, distrust from other lesbians and treated like little girls or free maid service by dykes!

Femme is the ultimate lesbian subversive, she is both visibly invisible and invisibly visible, depending on who is viewing her. But regardless of interpretation, she is most certainly ALWAYS a LESBIAN!

dirt
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8 comments:

  1. Happy New Year, Dirt! As a 52 year old straight woman married for over 20 years, I have more examples of this than I can bother to mention, and I'm not too surprised to hear it also happens to lesbian couples. But I am kind of surprised that a gay guy would do this. Isn't modern culture all about breaking free of the straightjacket of gender instead of verifying and strengthening gender stereotypes?

    /sarcasm

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  2. dirt, i agree with a lot of things you say, and too am educated in gender binary/spectrum/prism and institutionalized homophobia and misogyny... so i hear what you're saying about dykes being pushed into an FTM box wrongly, but i am wondering how you feel about MTFs?

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    1. I fail to see what your comment/question has to do with this post. This post is about Femme Invisibility then you comment about something COMPLETELY unrelated, FURTHER invisibilizing Femmes as SUBJECTS!

      Try again.

      dirt

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  3. Did you even take the time to explain your righteous indignation to that young gay lad? Did you complain to his manager? You could have taught him a valuable lesson. Instead, you just ignored the impasse and went on grocery shopping, making a mental note to write a really enraged blog post about it later. Chalk one point up for the patriarchy! Thanks dirt!

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    1. Actually my wife bought a bottle of wine from him and through polite conversation we found we play on opposite nights of pubtrivia. He was so excited about that he switched nights and is now playing on our team (TheLilyLangTrees-get it?) But since he read this post he's been cutely paranoid about offending us! In other words, he trying.

      dirt

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    2. Anon @ 1/6/16: It seems you need to brush up on your reading and/or reasoning skills. Nowhere in the post was it suggested that the guy did anything that would merit getting him in trouble with his employer, nor was there "righteous indignation". Rather, it was simply a commentary on something Dirt noticed that the guy himself likely was not even consciously aware of. He wasn't malicious in any way. "Chalk one up to the patriarchy"??? Ridiculous. Get over yourself, because you aren't as witty as you seem to believe you are.

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  4. Gay men despise all women. They call butches ugly. They act like femmes are dumb. They think anyone without a dick is disgusting. They worship straight male homophobes. They run the media and fashion industry, and are responsible for innumerable women starving and hating themselves. Gay men hate anyone female who doesn't kiss their ass and internalize their misogyny. Straight men hate women and want to rape them. Gay men hate women and don't. I can't believe you'd let this penis fool you. You insult radfems, but seem to have the libfem view of gay men as cute besties who are just like women! Gay men are the ultimate misogynists. While you play trivia with this hateful prick, he is thinking about how your genitals smell like fish and how many pounds of make up your wife needs to disguise her gross womanity. Ever seen a drag show, where all the lovely gay men in dresses go out into the audience and hold their nose near a girl's crotch and then asks the guy with her if he ever had to go near her rotten fish market? I have. Gay men, and the women who worship them, have set feminism back decades. I never thought you'd be one of the fag hag bloggers.

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    Replies
    1. I know this is a month+-old comment, but had to comment back...you said Dirt is a "fag hag blogger"!? Seriously, I have no idea what Anon Feb 3, 2016 at 4:53 a.m. is smoking, but I wish I had some of it. Dirt nowhere said that she "loves" or "worships" the gay dude, rather, she simply said that it turned out to be a cordial situation. So while I agree with the above Anon's assertion that gay men can be some of the most misogynistic individuals alive, the second part of your comment sadly devolves into speculative nonsense regarding Dirt's opinion/stance.

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