Change Your World-NOT your Body

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

I was Born in the Wrong Body-An Anthem to Woman


Branded with an F at birth. Circumscribing my whole life's worth. Shoddy. I was Born in the Wrong body.

Thrown into a volcano. Drowned within the sea. Burned alive over an open pit. Sacrificed for my virginity. Shoddy. I was Born in the Wrong body.
 

Stoned to death, blamed for his lascivious eyes. Stoned to death for asking Why? Stoned to death to gain my property. Stoned to death because my father stole my virginity. Stoned to death because I was raped. Stoned to death because of 48% of the population's hate. Shoddy. I was Born in the Wrong body.

Burned at the stake for being a fake. Burned at the stake for fear I was real. Burned at the stake for lacking puritan faith. Burned at the stake for failing the two finger test. A history of witch trials, you know the rest. Shoddy. I was Born in the Wrong body.

My pussy pleasure, cut from me with a rusted knife. Held down against my will. I'm 4 years old, what do I know about being a good wife? My body mutilated to assuage their insecurities. My body butchered to control my sexuality. Shoddy. I was Born in the Wrong body.

Arrested, forced fed and trampled by horses, I wasnt birthed with the right to vote, I had to earn it. In many countries I still do not own it. Shoddy. I was Born in the Wrong body.

Cutting my long locks while sporting men's pants, got me diagnosed with dementia praecox. Refusing an arranged marriage, running away with the man I love, got me put into an asylum-diagnosed as promiscuous. Refusing to be quiet as a mouse, I screamed about my father's rapes and was thrown into a nut-house. Bored out of my skull, I rebelled against the grain. Pronounced insane and sentenced to Rest . I failed as a mother and excelled as a poet. Punished. I was given shock. Stained with a past I could not unravel nor unwind. I wasnt mad, but I was Her Kind. On the lobotomy list for being too shy. Writing saved my life, while thousands of others mentally died. Shoddy. I was Born in the Wrong body.

Women's Liberation got me branded unfit. My husband divorced me and took my kids. Fired from my job for demanding equal pay. I lost my home come rent day. Lady Godiva may have been a freedom rider, but the wage gap didnt get smaller it got wider. Burning my bra only scorched my breast. Standing up to men with fists clenched was the real world test. Both eyes black. Was it all in jest? Shoddy. I was Born in the Wrong body.

Too fat. Too short. Too thin. Too old. Too quiet. I rot within. Too pretty. Too ugly. Too sexy. Too plain. I rot within. Too fast or too tame. Too wild. Too full of sin. I rot within. Too cold. Too strong. Too weak. Too vain. I rot within. Shoddy. I was Born in the wrong Body.

I breathe. I'm a whore. I breathe. I'm a tease. I breathe. I'm a cunt. I breathe. I love dick too much. I breathe. I'm a bitch. I breathe. They find me dead in a ditch. I breathe. I'm a slut. I breathe. I need to keep my fucking mouth shut. I breathe. My skirt was too short. I breathe. I was asking for it. I breathe. I hate men. I breathe. I'm a fucking lesbian. Shoddy. I was Born in the Wrong body.

dirt

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33 comments:

  1. This is like a memoir, you seem like someone carrying around a lot of pain.

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    Replies
    1. It's not Dirt's own.

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    2. Then it probably shouldn't be published here like that.

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    3. This is like a memoir. Of every woman.

      Delete
  2. I'm a woman. It's not my memoir. Maybe you should go find that tiny violin of yours.

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  3. You can't put a memoir on the bodies of other women, every woman has a right to write her own story in her own words and to decide that the words of another don't speak to her heart.

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  4. You know sweetheart, sometimes being a good listener is a truly radical thing. I can't figure out if your a troll or an unevolved feminist who longs for a community that is perpetually changing (you're really not alone) or if you're just stubborn and not terribly bright. This isn't an anthem, its a beautiful memoir. Memoirs are so much more powerful than anthems, they are more powerful than theory, than fact. I've read memoirs that changed the colors of my outside.

    You should write one

    I'm sure everyone would love to know why you wipe you're pain around the world like shit on a windshield

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  5. Obviously, some of the anonymous commenters above totally missed the point. It was not meant to be Dirt's nor any ONE particular woman's story; it was meant as the representation of the global collective experience of women: representing the harassment and subjugation and pain of the female experience as a whole. Because while some of us are privileged and/or lucky enough to never experience some of the horrors mentioned, as long as women anywhere are oppressed, raped, or murdered, we as women need to be aware, and keep fighting for equality and justice. If we had been born in a different time, or different place, those stories could be ours. Flippant remarks about tiny violins, etc. only make commenters look shallow, uninformed, and vacuous.

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  6. Once again, I'm a woman, and it's not my story. Dirt your the one who has been making flippant remarks about tiny violins, "Where did I put my tiny violin because its so hard being and FTM woman?" You said in on public forums such as youtube where young lesbians and female assigned people look for help. telling FTM women that the "real" struggle belongs to women of other identifications. You've been cruel, you've been dismissive, you've rejected the mode of kindness and compassion that combating a patriarchal condition requires. You are failing. If you weren't, you wouldn't need to post on this site at all. The site itself wouldn't be necessary.

    Be a listener.

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    Replies
    1. Just to be clear, I'm a woman who experiences white privilege, it hasn't saved me from sexual and other types of gender violence.

      Still isn't my story.

      Still want my own words.

      Still think you're not done reading.

      Delete
  7. There is no global collective of women. In some cultures the idea of women doesn't exist (that's not the same as saying that gendered violence doesn't exist in the face of westernization and the globalization of patriarchy.) For example, the 2002 article "There are no Lesbians here" exemplified a culture outside the grip of westernization where in which "researchers" (fucked up right?) observed the romantic pairings of "female bodied" people who insisted they were neither lesbians nor women, because within their cultural context, those ideas didn't exist. They were operating within different gender systems and different modes of sexuality than the ones imposed by a western consciousness and the one in which lesbianism is positioned against heterosexuality beneath a patriarchal norm. This is one of the reasons why (in the face of white and western privilege) it is so important not to speak for "women" globally, but to allow the voices of the gender subjugated people of the world come from the margins of their cultures to tell their stories.

    Because believe it or not, you don't already know them, and you can't tell them FOR these people. This isn't about individualism, this is about building a bridge of voices to conquer the violence in the many ways that we all face it and not silencing each other with overarching narratives.

    You NEED to read more. You're the one who's missing the point, and if I didn't care about you I wouldn't keep talking to you're dumbass.

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    Replies
    1. Magical thinking doesn't work in reality. Those "female bodied" persons you refer to were....um, yeah....women, whether they identified themselves as such or not. And women are collectively oppressed whether you choose to acknowledge it or not.

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    2. /not the OP
      These people think in completely different mindframes... They don't fall into our "woman" category because their lives and experiences are completely different. They might be oppressed because of their anatomy or gender otherwise but they aren't oppressed in the way Western women are... It's like comparing Latinos and Blacks in American context - both are discriminated because of their skin color and we can collectively say it's racism but their mindframes and culture are very different - and mostly they don't want to be treated like one and the same.

      Delete
    3. There's a phenomenon called "westernization" that applies the oppression of western women to female bodied people of many cultures.
      It in itself is a form of racism.

      Delete
    4. @ 4:55: its not magical thinking, its just another culture. You're suggestion that the gender systems of other cultures are less valid or somehow less tangible because you experience/understand global gender violence/oppression through the category of woman is very erasing and violent.

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    5. Actually, your intellectualization that the category of "woman" is nonexistent/unimportant is more violent and erasing than any pseudo-psychological-intellectual-academic-mumbo-jumbo-bullshit can ever be. Good luck with that thinking.

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    6. I'm not an academic or a psychologist, I'm a high-school drop-out, I'm in my mid-twenties and I work at dominos pizza. Lesbians like me are just super smart, and I do my reading. And I would never suggest that the category of woman doesn't exist, or isn't important. It just belongs to specific (western) cultures and not necessarily others.

      Delete
  8. How's your rosegarden doing?

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    1. I'm not one for roses. Nor do I have time for gardens of any kind. Maybe in my old age. But it wouldnt be flowers, but veggies. I do weekly purchase flowers to add more color to the living room. Alas no roses. You might be confusing me with that other lezzie genius, Stein.

      dirt

      Delete
    2. If you fancy yourself a genius you should demonstrate it by being more knowledgeable about how gender violence intersects with race and border politics, how cultural histories shape the many faces of gender violence. Cause you do a shitty job.

      And you're never to young or old to grow vegetables, but I was being sarcastic/rhetorical about the roses. I don't actually care what you do in your spare time ;)

      Delete
    3. (Although, I love to plant native vegetative species around my house -I don't own any property and my complex won't allow gardens- to help native pollinators like bumble bees and flies etc. because its good for mama earth :) You should look into that too, it takes no time at all, it is good for the soul, it's pretty, its good for the sweet little critters, and you don't have to keep on buying flowers, and they won't die sitting in your living room. Gives you a good reason to go outside :)

      Delete
  9. Nobody here has said that each individual woman can't or shouldn't tell their own individual stories; because of course they should. Everyone's story is different and important. Nobody is saying that all people experience the same situations or that anybody can or should speak for anyone else. Nobody is trying to "silence each other with overarching narratives". But it is possible to look both at history and the present and see that oppression has, and continues to, occur against women. I don't claim to know the women who were burned at the stake at witches. Dirt didn't claim to know them either. But we don't have to know them personally to ascertain that it sucked to be burned at the stake. And unfortunately, they cannot speak for themselves at this point, so it is up to others to keep those injustices in the public eye. I am not sure how or why anyone would think that discussing these injustices as a whole in any way minimizes or precludes people from speaking and sharing their own individual experiences. Rather, it should be an opportunity to start a discussion, and to start to find ways to hear others' stories.

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    Replies
    1. Please see the reference to "critical interventions in theory" in the comments in the previous post. It's a great read and it should address what you're confused about here.

      Delete
  10. I'm not sure if most commenters on this post are unfamiliar with books, poems, songs, films, plays, histories, documentaries, narratives etc etc etc but those who live where these wild crazy newfangled craze called poetry exists should clearly know the "I" is NEVER assumed to be I!!!!

    If that seems a difficult concept and you find it difficult to follow along, refrain from commenting. If you decide to comment anyway and it is anywhere near the bottom rungs on the intelligence ladder as were most of the comments above, your time and comment will be gone forever.

    dirt

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    Replies
    1. The "I" isnt the issue. You're not understanding. Delete away.

      Delete
    2. I've skimmed/skipped the haze of ignorant comments, to say...

      This is beautiful. Profound. Made me tear up. Eff the haters; keep on writing. Much love.

      Delete
  11. Hey listen, I'm smart, I'm capable, I'm exactly who you would've been had you been born in the 1990's in the face of a trans paradigm, I can adjust, build and strengthen the feminism butch women built to accommodate the grip of changing misogyny and it's partnership with the medical industrial complex, even having been put through it... I can use trans to attack how trans IS used to attack... the same way one very smart group of women long ago turned the category inside out and used it to attack patriarchy when it was being USED to attack bodies.

    I know there's more out there like me with a radical mindset. Why will you have nothing to do with us?

    -Branded with a T

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  12. "Feminism in partnership with the medical industrial complex."

    Wow, that's rich. And that, dear sisters, if not an outright lie, is DELUSION.

    ReplyDelete
  13. " misogyny and it's partnership with the medical industrial complex"

    You misread.

    I am sorry. My apologies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it's quite alright.

      Delete
  14. You know what. it isn't alright. if you don't even take the time to properly read what a person has to say because you suspect that they might have a trans identity or have been put through the medical industrial complex, don't bother hear their story or carefully interpret their words, and then go so far as to misquote them and call them delusional because you don't like your OWN misquote, that's the definition of transphobia in the lesbian community. Or at least that's what I'd really like it to be, because it's bullshit and it keeps you from listening to good ideas and good people with beautiful bodies and amazing stories who aren't hurting anyone.

    This attitude (and frankly most of this site) isn't critical of patriarchy, its critical of its victims, and you people aren't practicing a modern feminism, you've become angry bullies with nothing better to do but argue online. I know I'm better than that and I don't want to be apart of your sad crap.

    Have fun festering in cyberspace.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous July 9, 2015 at 4:55 PM

    Magical thinking doesn't work in reality. Those "female bodied" persons you refer to were....um, yeah....women, whether they identified themselves as such or not. And women are collectively oppressed whether you choose to acknowledge it or not.

    They will never acknowledge it because trans* and queer are part of the neoliberal post modern backlash against feminism.

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  16. Anonymous July 9, 2015 at 2:21 PM

    Well said....

    Dirt, I really like this.

    Anonymous July 9, 2015 at 3:03 PM

    There is no global collective of women.

    Women exist as a distinct historically oppressed class of persons.

    Anonymous July 9, 2015 at 8:53 PM

    There's a phenomenon called "westernization" that applies the oppression of western women to female bodied people of many cultures.
    It in itself is a form of racism.


    WTF is with the "westernization"? By and large, the female sex doesn't control commerce, industry, and the economy in western countries. In developing countries, most women aren't even in control of their own bodies, and many die in childhood.

    Trans* and queer theory are nothing more than a politically correct, b.s. form of "westernization". After all, it was invented in western countries by western scholars who have way too much time on their hands. It has nothing to do with reality. Poor people, especially poor women of color wherever they live are too busy just trying to survive.

    The sexist, post modern bullshit term "female bodied people" that these morons use to describe the female sex is nothing more than warmed over sexist p.c. bullshit. The human species is sexually dimorphic and all primates reproduce sexually. Females are just female. If females didn't exist, this person wouldn't exist.

    Since this person brought up the subject of "westernization", I'm not afraid to go there.

    When wealthy white males like Bruce Jenner say they are a "woman" they don't mean a poor woman living in a slum in India, or a poor woman of color in a developing country. Hell, no. That is not the image Caitlyn (rich white Republican) wants to purchase with all the money he has accrued by taking full advantage of his white male privilege. Trans* and queer folk preach "intersectionality" and other bullshit, but none of it has anything to do with reality. What does "woman" mean to wealthy white males like Jenner? It's the stereotypical white woman who is surgically and chemically created. She has the perfect Caucasian shaped nose, the perfect body via surgery, and the perfect everything, and a ton of expensive makeup and fashion accessories to go along with it all. If this isn't the epitome of custom designed, "westernized" womanhood, then I don't know what is. Unfortunately, this "westernized" form of womanhood is being sold to poor women in developing countries. Poor women of color can't afford all that plastic surgery to look "womanly", nor do they want it. Bruce Jenner's image of "woman" is nothing more than a commercialized and utterly "westernized" version of woman. Then, these holier than thou queer theorists start some lame discussion about racism and "westernized" b.s. If it weren't such a serious subject, it would be hilarious.

    ReplyDelete

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