Change Your World-NOT your Body

Monday, May 18, 2015

FTM Detransition-The Courage of Going Back in order to go Forward-A Reader Thanks Us

Hi! My name is________.

I emailed you almost two years ago and we had such a great conversation. I was really struggling de-transitioning and you calmed a lot of my fears and my hurting heart that was full of regret and ache. I didn't think it was ever going to be possible to de-transition and feel female again. I passed as male 100% of the time when I emailed you and reached out for support. I was dating a wonderful girl who was supportive and tried to help and understand as much as possible. It was a very hard time two years ago. I felt trapped...10x more trapped than I felt when I first decided to transition to male in the first place. I felt alone. Lost. Confused. And so much self hatred and regret and anger. I was approved for top surgery after seeing a therapist for 1.5 months. That time in my life was devastating. After you posted my email (with my consent) there were a lot of messages that the therapist who approved my surgery that quickly for such a permanent and radical surgery, was in the wrong and that that should have never happened. I didn't even have my bandages off from surgery before I felt such heavy remorse and complete devastation and regret.

After reading those comments, I felt that the therapist was indeed in the wrong. So, I decided to take legal action against him. For the damage emotionally, financially, and physically that I was caused. Almost a year later, after hiring two lawyers, my case goes to court this summer. My lawyers and I are taking legal action for medical malpractice. The outcome is looking very much in my favor. Thank you to you and all your readers for encouraging me to take action  for something that should have never happened in the first place.

Update on my life: I am scheduled for a reversal surgery at the beginning of fall 2015 (2.5 years after my double mastectomy.) the girl I was once dating when I first wrote you, is now my legal wife! As of six months ago :) we were engaged in June and married in October 2014. We have been building a house the last 7 months and it is finally done! We move in on Monday! I am happier, healthier, and more confident than ever before in my entire life. It was really hard coming off T hormones, and took almost a full year for reversal effects to show up, but I was very lucky and they did reverse. To the stranger on the street, I am a female who is more masculine with a deeper raspy voice (which my wife thinks is very sexy :) ) I am so happy with my body and my curves coming back and my smooth female face and my lack of body hair and getting my soft feminine features back that T had robbed me of.

 My wife and I have found a sperm donor and will try and get pregnant next August! My wife will carry our first baby, and I will carry the second. My heart is full and tears filled my eyes writing that. I am able to carry a baby still! After many OB and fertility appointments, my female born reproductive system is back to fully functioning and fertile! I am happier than words will ever describe, that I didn't do anything to take away my ability to carry our baby. I thank god everyday that I didn't damage that gift. I am so proud to be female and to be married to my very best friend. I love life and have healed almost completely from the pain and regret of once deciding to alter my body and transition to male. I am not male. I am a masculine female who is madly in love, so happy, a strong feminist, self compassionate with the thick scars on my chest from a surgery that should never have happened, and gentle and patient and kind with myself and owning my story and my life. Thank you for all you and your blog and your readers and their comments did for me. Truly. It was the catalyst that changed everything.


No dear fellow lesbian, THANK YOU! For looking back, and having the guts and courage to fight and find your way back. I also want to thank the lovely smart, feminist, lesbian readers, you too make a difference! 

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5 comments:

  1. This is why I post her as a regular reader.

    Good news and great to hear how her story ended.
    A lawsuit is a good thing, it'll make doctors think more careful, I hope.

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  2. Awesome woman!

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  3. Thank you, Big, but do you understand the health care issues? I confess I do not. Very comfortable, EU (obligatory) insurance for all my life covers me, but it's a different story for my partner (wijfske, OK let's get it over with). He's kinda covered in a secondary way, but keep calling 112, and not the European Claims Office, if he keels over.
    For American readers: 112 = 911 .

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  4. @Big,

    This human experiment called "transitioning" simply isn't sustainable, and the ethical issues are enormous. Wait till the lawsuits over the GnRH agonists (puberty suppression) and cross gender hormones pushed on kids start to pile up.

    I wish this courageous woman all the luck in the world,, and much happiness for her and her partner.

    "I was approved for top surgery after seeing a therapist for 1.5 months....After reading those comments, I felt that the therapist was indeed in the wrong. So, I decided to take legal action against him. For the damage emotionally, financially, and physically that I was caused. Almost a year later, after hiring two lawyers, my case goes to court this summer. My lawyers and I are taking legal action for medical malpractice. The outcome is looking very much in my favor. Thank you to you and all your readers for encouraging me to take action for something that should have never happened in the first place.

    Stay strong sister,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's great, in a capitalist-medicine society like the US, but in countries that have socialized health-care, we don't expect to have to sue our doctors when they screw up (though we can, of course). What we DO expect is to have some say in how our tax-money (state health insurance) is spent. We are the real target of the "transsexual" lobby, seeing our tax pounds or tax Canadian dollars flow toward the costly "treatment" of entirely fictitious conditions, while we remain on an endless waiting-list.

      Delete

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