This blog has and continues to dismantle the WHOLE of misogyny and ALL patriarchal structures instilling/maintaining that misogyny. It also focuses on (primarily) how historically misogyny (via the internet/pop culture) has shifted lesbian fears through to lesbian pride and onto current lesbian shame (in excess) suffocating/shrinking the lesbian community today. Stumbling onto this blog or dropping by for the odd post isnt going to give that impression, anymore than knowing the intimacies of a stranger from passing her on a street might.
The fact that a reader or readers attribute "butch" or "gender non conforming" to any aspect of posts to me or this blog illustrates these readers havent read much, if any post here. That, or they have completely and utterly misunderstood the meaning, especially the myriad of underlining meanings holding each and every post together. And that isnt to say I think some readers dumb, in fact I believe most readers who find themselves here are likely quite bright, even those who violently disagree. But intelligence doesnt magically arm one with a shield of invisibility protecting one from social conditioning and expectation.
The truth is, even with an armful of feminist knowledge and lesbian herstory (thats where I come in), it can feel like it is far easier to join 'em than beat 'em (thats where YOU come in). I've been VERY fortunate to have found some truly great great hero's, and I have brought many of those same hero's to you in post after post. But those hero's didnt remove my pain growing up, they did better. They inspired ME to move through and beyond pain, grief, shame, horrors even to the pursuit more hero's, greater knowledge, beauty, other inspirations, pride and periodic happiness, a bank vault of which I can draw from for a lifetime.
They handed me the ball, but it was I who ran with it! I fell, and I fell again and I was knocked to the ground, kicked sometimes. But inspired, I crawled on my belly when I didnt have the strength to stand. Till I crawled right across the goal line and I kept crawling until I could walk again. Armed with pride and self assurance gleaned through struggle I stand firmly on my own two feet. The world may be upside down, but through introspection, inspiration, pride and extrospection I'm confident I'm right side up and on the side of whats right.
I am perplexed at the younger generations, at their laziness and their strange sense of self entitlement. I realized quite young that life wasnt fair and no one, NO ONE promised me a fucking rose garden! When I was growing up, there was no internet, no Google or Wiki in the privacy of my bedroom. I had to brave strange looks from librarians when checking out The Well of Loneliness or the History of the Stonewall Riots etc. I received (by snail mail of course) Sinister Wisdom in a brown paper envelope (which I couldnt wait to open each and every time) with no return address, because the lesbian nature of the package might have gotten me thrown out of my home or let go from a job, beaten or worse-killed.
While young lesbians still face similar issues, they also have (via internet/media) an abundant of excessive access to lesbian herstory, lesbian music, other lesbians, lesbian/feminist hero's etc. What they dont have however is someone to spoon feed them, someone to bring them their lesbian ruby red slippers and kindly slide them onto their feet. Then they run across a blog like this and feel robbed because "dirt" wasnt their for them in their hour of need! OMG life isnt fair!
Life isnt fair and sometimes life is as hard and as tough as nails. Nails driven into your mind, nails driven straight through your blood beating heart. We ALL need the occasional helping hand, helping to pull us to our feet again. I extend mine to ANY reader here, I WILL help pull you to your feet. What I wont do is carry you. Because that isnt giving you strength to walk on your own, it is crippling you from ever walking.
One of those inspirations I found in my despairing teenage years:
Mother to Son
Well, son, I’ll tell you:
Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
It’s had tacks in it,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
But all the time
I’se been a-climbin’ on,
And reachin’ landin’s,
And turnin’ corners,
And sometimes goin’ in the dark
Where there ain’t been no light.
So boy, don’t you turn back.
Don’t you set down on the steps
’Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.
Don’t you fall now—
For I’se still goin’, honey,
I’se still climbin’,
And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.