Change Your World-NOT your Body

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Why is No one Asking Why? (A Story of Transition)

Why is No one Asking Why?

Why didnt I? Why was happiness everywhere I looked? In the faces of boisterous children, the smiling lips of passersby and the exchanging glances of lust filled lovers. Why wasnt I? Why when I looked in the mirror did I want to cry? No matter the amount of my mother's you're perfect just the way you are, I knew the difference! Where was I on tv? Where was I in the check-out counter magazine rack or the big billboard across the street? I wasnt! I remember the strange vitamins I took, promising change for a price. I puked. The countless herbal remedies, witches brews and topical ointments. Nothing worked. Then at my first You Dont Have to be Different meeting I knew it wasnt my fault. I learned, there was a cure! Now I was sure, I didnt have to live this way! My new friends were proof of that! I was no longer alone. No longer wanting to die. There were answers to all my whys. There were others who knew they too were born in the wrong body. Whose immature shoddy attempts to change nature's mistake never took. Struggling through each day waiting for science to finally catch up. I couldnt wait for my first clinical appointment. To find out with all certainty that I would be a candidate. I was. Not that I had any doubt. I had ALL the symptoms and more! Feeling uncomfortable, alien. Never recognizing who stared back at me. Changing the way I spoke, the clothes I wore and how I walked were first on the clinicians list. I did everything I was told. Waiting like a butterfly in a cocoon or a flower dying to bloom. Soon. They said. Soon. I was away at college then. I hadnt told my mother and wasnt sure how to or when. Then I began the injections. Surgery was around the corner. Armed with the clinics many pamphlets, I went home on spring break. Sure we were going to fight. But my mother didnt argue, she read all the new literature and agreed-I was really white.

dirt
Share:

4 comments:

  1. Holy shit. FUCK YEA! This is so spot on. This is everything. You are so right, Dirt, thank you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yep, this is spot on. The funny thing is, so many of your other posts are quick to receive comments from the trans community, eager to defend their self-mutilating decisions. Not this one!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeah! Because no black person has ever 'passed' as white, right? Oh, wait...

    The first time I heard the word "pass" used in this context wasn't in reference to trans people. Google is your friend.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Context is YOUR friend. But interesting leap none the less.

    dirt

    ReplyDelete

Copyright © The dirt from Dirt | Powered by Blogger
Design by SimpleWpThemes | Blogger Theme by NewBloggerThemes.com | Distributed By Blogger Templates20