Change Your World-NOT your Body

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Where all Paths Converge-A Transman's Story

Maybe it was the way people always said I "act like a guy." Maybe it was the clothes wore or the games I played. Maybe it was my friends. Maybe it was the way I walked. Maybe it was when I first heard the term "sex change." Maybe it was all the videos of transmen on YouTube. Maybe it was all my fantasies since childhood of getting married and being the groom. Maybe it was how I liked women. Maybe it was the way I hated my breast. Maybe it was how easy it was to tell the doctors what they wanted to hear. Maybe it was getting a T script after a few appointments. Maybe it was all the excitement I felt after my first shot. Maybe it was how my body started changing in less than a month. Maybe it was the new muscles I felt. Maybe it was the way my body now smelt. Maybe it was just trying to make it through this hell. Maybe it was all the new trans friends I made. Maybe it was all the support they gave. Maybe it was the coaching on how to cut my hair, how to shave and what binder to wear. Maybe it was the way my ribs hurt after a few months. Maybe it was they way I looked in the mirror and saw a man with breast. Maybe it was all the "top surgery" pics. Maybe it was how fast it happened since I had insurance. Maybe it was how happy I was having a flat chest. Maybe it was the way my hair kept falling out. Maybe it was the way I was now treated in public. Maybe it was the way I thought I deserved male privilege. Maybe it was the way I secretly felt guilty. Maybe it was the way lesbians stopped looking at me. Maybe it was how lonely I felt. Maybe it was they way everyone else who transitioned was so happy. Maybe it was the way I sometimes still got she'd. Maybe it was how I felt calm or mad. Maybe it was the way I started having doubts. Maybe it was the way a whole community turned its back. Maybe it was the way I couldnt tell my parents. Maybe it was the way all roads converged into a big mistake. Maybe it was the way there was no going forward and no going back. Maybe it was the way the razor blade felt in my hand. Maybe it was the way no one ever said stop. Maybe...

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13 comments:

  1. Maybe you HAVE to write about transmen to get your shitbird fans to be interested. They sure didn't appear to give much of a crap about your butch posts. But they'll come to judge and condemn transmen, to pick apart and deride people they don't know at all. Basically you all just have really shitty characters and this is all you
    can do. A proper waste of time for idiots.

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  3. Go back to fisting your 300 pound partner who looks like Rosie O'Donnel with down syndrome.

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  4. @May 1, 2014 at 12:03 PM

    Go back to fisting your 300 pound partner who looks like Rosie O'Donnel with down syndrome.

    May 1, 2014 at 12:03 PM

    A cranky trans person insulting a woman for the zillionth time.

    Maybe she didn't get her "T" shot, or they injected too much testosterone.

    What's wrong with Rosie O'Donnel, and why the reference to disabled people with Down Syndrome?

    Love to dirt, Rosie O'Donnel and all kids and adults with Down Syndrome.

    @Kate,

    "Maybe it was the way I detransitioned and accepted myself as a woman again.

    Maybe it was the way I asked people to no longer call me HE."

    I like the way you phrase this.

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  5. Maybe it was the way people always said I "act like a guy." Maybe it was the clothes wore or the games I played. Maybe it was my friends. Maybe it was the way I walked.

    All this applies to me, and I'm a proud female. I had some body dyshporia when I was younger, but I love my female body now.

    Maybe it was how easy it was to tell the doctors what they wanted to hear. Maybe it was getting a T script after a few appointments.

    It's way too easy to get a prescription for "T". I've heard stories of doctors writing "T" prescriptions after talking to a patient for five or ten minutes.

    Maybe it was all the videos of transmen on YouTube.

    Yes, this is one way they share information on the easiest ways to get "T", how to breast bind, etc.

    Unfortunately, all the information about "T", breast binding, etc. on hundreds of youtube videos can't be counted on to be accurate.

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  6. Have any of you ever even attempted a civil discourse with a happy trans man to understand what it is that he *actually* thought and felt when deciding to transition? To approach him as one human to another with a slightly open mind and modicum of dignity and respect? All I've seen here is a lot of supposition and subjective opinion.

    My decision to medically transition is 15 years in the making. I lookeded at it from every possible angle. I lived identifying as butch, genderqueer, and transgender but none of thise identities ever felt right to me. But you want to assume that my decision is based purely on being easily swayed by a "trend". That could not be further from the truth.
    No one said you had to like trans men but to spend so much time actively disrespecting them on the internet is SAD.

    And leave the kids alone, bullies.

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  7. And leave the kids alone, bullies.

    May 2, 2014 at 1:10 PM


    Please leave the kids alone. I completely agree with this statement.

    Unfortunately, kids are being intentionally sterilized by GnRH agonists and cross gender hormones. They slap a label of "transgender" or "gender dyshporia" on 5 or 6 year old kids, and start them on GnRH agonists (puberty suppression) when they start puberty. At age 16 some of these kids start cross gender hormones. Infertility is an issue with GnRH agonists, especially if they are followed by cross gender hormones at age 16. The sterilization of children is a generally viewed as a human rights abuse. It's amazing what people can do all in the name of "gender identity". Besides fertility issues, do we know the long term side effects of GnRH agonists on developing adolescent bodies?

    Yes, I agree that we should leave the kids alone.

    Where did the teenage girl in the youtube video get the idea that she should be binding her breast, especially when she states that she has asthma? Where did she get the idea that "proper binders" are safe? There is no such thing as a "proper breast binder".

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbKfBvo_fDA

    This is just one example of thousands of FTM youtube videos, websites, blogs, etc.

    But you want to assume that my decision is based purely on being easily swayed by a "trend". That could not be further from the truth.

    For 90% of the these young people, it is a cultural trend. This is the driving force behind the vast majority of decisions to "transition".

    There are hundreds of thousands of youtube videos.

    Google "ftm transition"
    975,000 results

    As to FTM (biological females who transition), I've repeatedly made three points

    (1.) Considering the extent to which healthy female breasts, genitals, and reproductive systems are radically altered, if we are wrong about FTM transitioning, it does resemble female genital mutilation. Few people realize what "top surgery" (elective mastectomies with the surgical trimming down of areolas and nipples) and "bottom surgery" (skin flaps taken from the arm are sewn onto the female pubic area).

    A Belgian woman who was so depressed after botched sex reassignment surgery that she begged a doctor to euthanize her.

    https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/damien-leggett-surgery-fund--2

    This is what botched "top surgery" looks like"

    Because female areolas and nipples are generally larger than what we see on males, the areolas and nipples are often cut off, surgically whittled down to size, and then sewn on after the double mastectomy. Loss of sensation to the nipple area is common, and every now and then a nipple graft fails to take.

    Nancy/Nathan Verhlest expressed concerns that the skin flap taken from her arm and sewn onto her female pubic area was showing signs of rejection. Nerhlest also said she didn't like the way her chest looked after "top surgery"

    (2.) It's impossible to clearly distinguish between "gender dysphoria" and internalized misogyny. Girls receive messages that they are inferior from the time they are born. I can certainly can understand why little girls would want to be boys.

    (3.) Although a biological female can never truly be male, in FTM "transitioning", we are socially losing female identity. How can the loss of female identity not be a feminist issue?

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  8. My decision to medically transition is 15 years in the making.

    For some people, it's more like 15 or 20 minutes.

    Some FTMs say they got a prescription for "T" after five or ten minutes of talking to a doctor. They share information with each other online.

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  9. "I lived identifying as butch, genderqueer, and transgender but none of thise identities ever felt right to me."
    Why must one live IDENTIFYING as something?
    Maybe that's the problem.

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  10. "I lived identifying as butch, genderqueer, and transgender but none of thise identities ever felt right to me."
    Why must one live IDENTIFYING as something?
    Maybe that's the problem.


    Exactly. Labels are for clothes.

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  11. e and Big: Yes, you are both so right. Not many of us are rich enough to get our clothes made “bespoke”, just for us, and few of us have the skill or patience to make our own. But as regards our social and sexual identities, this is precisely what we both can and must do.

    That said, I think K.'s comment (May 2, 2014 at 1:10 PM) deserves closer attention. It seems to posit being “ a woman” or “a man” as neutral options, morally value-free. If we were talking about being biologically female or male, that would be true. True but irrelevant, as K. will never be male in that sense, whatever he does or has done to his body. But the aspiration to be “a man” in the wider sense (sociological, political, fill in your own terms...) is not at all value-free. Men really are the “bad guys” of human history: you can make all kinds of excuses for us, but the bedrock of any kind of feminism must involve some version of that insight.

    I can only speak for myself, K., but my dismay at F2M transsexualism has two roots, which, if we are to argue honestly, need to be separated. Firstly, that anybody should submit to the mutilation of their body in pursuit of what is really a social goal; and secondly the outrageously antifeminist nature of that goal itself.

    I assume you regard yourself as “a happy trans man” and hope this post counts as “civil discourse”. My intent is not aggressive, and I hope you reply.

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  13. Fifty years ago it would be science fiction, today its science FACT.

    dirt

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