I never felt like a girl

"I never felt like a girl." An affirmation spoken by tomboys, Butches and an assortment of dykes past, present and undoubtedly the future. When our surroundings do not match our own perceptions of how we see ourselves, our dreams or the possibilities we want and imagine for ourselves, we can feel wrong about our very nature. That there wasnt something wrong, sadly is only realized later on in adulthood. When we have a greater vantage point perspective to see that our feeling wrong was perhaps the rightest thing we could have ever felt! Because that feeling wrong was a lone truth among columns of lies, a lone truth that confused us at first but later, one that we used like a bat to knock down each and every one of those patriarchal pillars!

I've been told it was between two and two and a half that I refused to wear the dresses my ma tried putting me in. I have heard similar stories from so many many many dykes and a good share of straight tomboys alike over the years. That before we even had a voice of our own, we intimately knew that the "girl" our parents/society etc was trying to cloth us in, wasnt the kind of girl we were or wanted to be!

We wore dresses only when and if made to, we didnt cross our legs at the ankle, we never sat up straight, we didnt play nice, we didnt wanna be good girls, we made rude noises with our armpits, we laughed with open mouths and slung back heads, we beat up the boys, we ran fast, we climbed trees, we jumped ramps with our bikes, we rode wheelies, our earliest friends were boys, most of our earliest crushes were girls, we told rude jokes as much as we laughed at them, we talked back, we liked and played sports, we didnt throw like girls, we dressed to be comfortable not popular, our favourite colours weren't dependent on our sex, we played with toys we liked no matter what isle of the store the were found, we said 'why' when told girls cant do that, we did that, we played war, cops and robbers and cowboys and Indians, we never lost at tag, we were strong and proud of our strength, we never accepted anything at face value and we grew up questioning EVERYTHING!

This post is for all those girls who did girl differently despite all its difficulties, grown girls still challenging, changing and rearranging the status quo!

This dyke salutes you!



  1. This was awesome!

    Thank you...

  2. I can relate to everything in this post, your story is my story. ;)
    And still going strong!
    Great post, Dirt.


  3. Yep and I loved growing up so free. I watch vids of older FTMs who are so ashamed of their dyke past. Its heartbreaking to realize how they've subsumed to the strict gender definitions. But thats there choice. I'm free without T.

  4. check out these kids.. I think I agree with them, but I am still unsure of why they choose to identify themselves as male... it seems to contradict their own reasoning


  5. I checked that movie, Superslayer. It's indeed very confusing, they want to be boys, not men and they want to create their own manhood?
    It makes sense and on the other hand, it doesn't. LOL


  6. As an ftm who has only recently stopped taking hormones, I can agree with all of this. I wish there was more known out there about gender fluidity, the bullshit that is gender stereotypes and the fact that no, I certainly do not need a beard and booming voice to be a powerful force to be reckoned with.
    It took me my third year on T to realize that I could have been all this without the hormones, that why should I need hormones to wear cargo pants and 'men's' shirts?

    Heck, I can still be masculine as hell and sit with my legs spread and make fart jokes all the while sporting a long hairdo if I so wished. Gender doesn't define who I am, my personality defines who I am.


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