Change Your World-NOT your Body

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Dysphoria-A Cautionary Tale

I rarely share personal info here unless I feel it is both relevant to this blog's general content or may be a lesson for this blog's readers. I write this post from a hospital bed. If everything goes as expected I will have a partial hysto this afternoon. Reason for this procedure? For the past two plus years I neglected something I felt/knew was wrong inside me. Why? I did not want to have to see an OB/GYN.

While having worked through the worst of dysphoria, having someone I do not know and am not in a relationship going near my vag was just too scary for me. Last week, this changed. The huge lump in my right side and horribly uncomfortable swollen uterus scared me enough to finally tell my niece what was going on. She brought me to the hospital last Thursday, where my fears for my life and lack of quality of life superseded my dysphoria. After many tests, some obviously more uncomfortable than others, it was discovered I have a nearly 10 centimeter fibroid tumor on my uterus and which has stretched my uterus to its current uncomfortable larger state. My hemoglobin was also in the toilet. I was released the next day (friday last) after having had several bags of blood and put on iron pills/iron rich diet. Was scheduled for surgery the first week of December.

I was directed to come back to the hospital if I start bleeding. I woke up at 3am yesterday and began bleeding. I waited for a few hours to see if the bleeding would subside, it only grew worse. My brother picked me up and took me back to the hospital where the bleeding got so bad I nearly fainted. After under going several pelvic exams, my gyno said I would be having surgery today (this afternoon). I've received three more bags of blood since and will receive more during the surgery.

I couldnt have prevented the fibroid tumor from starting, but had I sought help sooner, the last few years of my life (quality wise) would have been much better, and less worrisome. Also because I waited and let the tumor get so large, I cannot have the more desired laparoscopy. Instead I will be cut wide open the old school way, which has a longer recovery period. No working out for about three months. Ugh!

My point? Please please please, see a gyno on a regular basis and PLEASE if you think something is wrong (female wise) seek help ASAP. I know (trust me) its scary, uncomfortable and embarrassing. But find a family member or friend you love and trust, tell them and have them go with you for support. And honestly, it wont be as bad as the worrying is.

That said, in the next two-ish weeks I obviously wont be posting much or anything. If you are a regular reader, and are interested in writing a guest post that is inline with with the blog's usual content, email them to me and I'll put them up.

dirt

edit to add.

Everything went well, other than a slightly larger incision due to the over size of my uterus. Going home from the hospital today. Lots of pain, but dealing with it. Your kind thoughts and words have been a source of comfort.

 thank you
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47 comments:

  1. All the best for a complete and rapid recovery!!

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  2. Get well soon, Dirt!
    I hope you recover well, I wish you all the best.

    Hugs,
    Big

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  3. GET WELL SOON!

    SENDING YOU MUCH LOVE!

    Hugs,

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  4. Keeping you in my thoughts, d. Healing vibes. <3

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  5. Dear Dirt,

    Wishing you a good and speedy recovery!

    It's not unusual for women, particularly butch lesbians, to delay or to abandon routine examinations, gyno, mammograms, etc.

    Beyond wanting to be appear unaffected and no burden, it is a fact that most examinations are invasive. Not to mention the expense of health care.

    Fortunately, I have a great lesbian doctor, who always knows to use the smallest speculum in existence. I think its actually for teenage girls.

    Again, love to you, Dirt. Rest comfortably.

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  6. That sucks. Hope you get better soon. Get someone to bring you some peppermint cordial to the hospital, and if you feel bloated after surgery, sip some warm cordial through a straw to relieve the pressure, it's like drinking a can of coke really quick to make you burp, but without risking more gas being trapped.

    When you get out of hospital, take things even easier than you think you might, as you don't want to end up back in hospital.

    Get well soon.

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  7. please take good care dirt, and get better soon. i'll be sending you well wishes for your speedy recovery.

    also, thank you for taking a moment to speak to how your dysphoria has affected the ways in which you seek medical care. thank you for always being so open. this too shall pass, and you'll be back at 'em better than ever.

    my absolute best,
    zombie

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  8. Best wishes, Dirt, take it easy during your recovery. And don't skimp on the pain killers, it will really hurt, as you probably know.

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  9. dear sister, i was so upset to hear news of your health challenge. please know that i love you and always will. you are my sister, and dear to me for no other reason.

    love is the ultimate and only true healer. love, and loving will carry you through this unpleasant time.

    thank you for all you do for women, speaking the truth.

    (hugs)
    RedHester

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  10. Echoing the above, thank you for all your work and your commitment to telling the truth. Love and strength to you sister. Two months from now you will be better, stronger and back at the barricades. In the meantime, like others have said take it even easier than you think you should. x

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  11. We don't agree on much, but I hope you heal well and quickly. Take care.

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  12. While we disagree on nearly everything..best wishes for a complete and speedy recovery.

    I'd rather have you healthy and hating than in poor health.

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  13. I'm sorry, but also perfectly understand not wanting to go in, which I too did but once bleeding starts well, it's kind of necessary for an exam, at least. Believe it or not women have had those symptoms, that massive bleeding and still not been hysterecomtized.

    Me. Twice, so here I am a septugenarian and intact. They took out the big fibroids, but left my uterus. She's grande! She helps my ovaries keep my organs and bones strong.

    It's up to you, but it's an option to just have the Fibroids removed, and keep your uterus which is the centre of the most amaaazzzing orgazms, :) and contributes to your ocytocin supply (that contentment happy hormone that also plays a big role in those uterine orgasms and also in breast feeding--oh Mother Nature you are so clever).

    Fibroids can bleed like mad and be very scary, but they are NOT carcinogenic and a hysterectomy is not the only option to treatment.

    http://www.hersfoundation.com/

    xxxRiver

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  14. Karma finally caught up with her ..

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  15. Ask your doctor about myomectomy: Because the patient wished to preserve her uterus:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMKJ9IoTdD0

    xxxRiver

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  16. Wishing you a speedy and full recovery. Ice packs and Sylvia Plath, frozen peas conform to the body well. Louise Gluck, Heather McHugh, Housekeeping by Marliyn Robison (sp) is wonderful.

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  17. And lest you think it's too late to speak about options Dirt... .

    I was on one raised up on one elbow with the other hand held on the anaesthiologists arm, repeating what I wanted my reluctant gyne to do, while being prepped in the operating room. I wanted the nurses and the other doctor to hear what I had already asked for in her office. Repeated in front of witnesses. Because legal.

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  18. I am posting this information for other women who might be dealing with this gyne problem or some other gyne issue, now, or later.

    Heterosexual or Lesbian. "Child-bearing" age (you will hear those words), or post-menopausal. Never surrender sisters. Not even "pre-cancerous" means you have cancer.

    :)http://www.ratemds.com/doctor-ratings/83554/Dr-William-Parker-Los+Angeles-CA.html

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  19. Wishing you a smooth procedure and a speedy recovery.

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  20. Sending good vibes and best wishes your way. My thoughts are with you.

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  21. @Zoe,

    I'm sure the kind words are appreciated. Don't worry because dirt will be back. Even if she is gone for awhile recuperating, someone will fill in for her.





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  22. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I chuckled about the "working out" bit. Your body is going to be working hard as fuck to heal itself. You're going to be stronger than you've ever been. At least thats my wish for you. I hope you recover and find little bits of joy and gratitude to fill your life.

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  23. The joy of being a middle-aged woman. After all the subsequent joys of being a girl, then a teenager, then a young woman...

    I have fibroids, too. The only options for my kind of fibroids are hysterectomy or waiting for menopause. I've opted to wait but know that option may foreclose.

    In an earlier age, women died from this stuff. Around the world, without access to simple medical procedures like blood transfusions, women still die. So don't anyone tell me that "gender is greater than genitals." If it was you potentially bleeding to death through yours, you might think differently.

    Dirt, I wish the trans crowd wasn't so threatening and you could give us an address. I'd love to send you some get well presents. But hate-sick men have made that impossible. So I'm sending you some conceptual good novels and chocolate, though it's nowhere near as good as the real thing. Stay strong, sister.

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  24. Anonymous said...
    Karma finally caught up with her ..

    November 6, 2013 at 7:06 PM


    And we have a woman-hater in the house, women! They do always reveal their "character", don't they?

    Anyway, I hope you heal quickly. I had a doctor misdiagnose me with fibroids years ago. After talking to me for a mere five minutes and doing no tests, he ordered a hysterectomy. I did research and found that there were other options, so I demanded tests. Discovered I didn't have fibroids at all; I had ovarian cysts instead, and did not require a hysterectomy. I always held OB/GYNs in suspicion. That has only increased. Something only actual women can understand.

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  25. Dear Dirt, be well, and don't blame yourself for avoiding the doctors...I have great health insurance and am not even butch, but every time I deal with the medical establishment, I feel violated, so it's understandable to avoid those people until you have to deal with them.

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  26. To the Anonymous that posted this: "I have fibroids, too. The only options for my kind of fibroids are hysterectomy or waiting for menopause. I've opted to wait but know that option may foreclose."

    Please read my links above. xxx

    River

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  27. Whatever we do, lets make sure to use Dirt's health issue to bash transpeople. Because thas who we are!

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  28. I think you misread.

    Trans are bashing Dirt.

    Please go away. Please have some decency.

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  29. Best wishes for a speedy recovery, Dirt. I hope the problem is completely resolved and you are feeling better soon.

    Branjor

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  30. Dirt ... wishing you a quick and uneventful surgery and the speediest and least painful recoveries.

    Thank you for sharing your experience with us and thank you for finally getting the necessary help.

    Do you have good people taking care of you?

    Love and woo to you, my sister!

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  31. Get well soon Dirt. I need to make me an appointment with a GYN because I have not gone since 2009. I am making me an appointment tomorrow.

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  32. Anonymous said...
    Karma finally caught up with her ..

    November 6, 2013 at 7:06 PM

    ...And karma will catch up to you too!

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  33. Brandon you don't need to go unless there's something wrong. As you can see, "something wrong" announces itself. Random unnecessary exams can injure your cervix and subject you to predatory prescribers and cutters.

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  34. Love and light to you. Speedy recovery and full of joyful exuberance in no time!

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  35. Dirt, as a reader, good luck and godspeed for your recovery. But one thing: don't forget you are only human, you can't shoulder all the evils of the world alone. I think you might have overworked yourself with this blog, and maybe this could have worsened your condition. As much as there NEEDS to be work done, especially with these young girls, you can't bear all this responsability alone, it's inhuman.
    And don't think about exercising for a while, lol!
    Best wishes!!

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  36. Dirt, it's good to know that you're now getting the care that you need. We all look forward to your recovery, and to your continued long healthy life.

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  37. Best wishes and speedy recovery from a frequent lurker and fan!

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  38. I bet you made this story up to gain sympathy.

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  39. All the best to you, Dirt. Speedy recovery. Thanks again for all the great work that you do. You've helped me and so many other sensible, intelligent women more than you can imagine. If you need anything from me, you know where to reach me. Get well soon. Robin.

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  40. I'm so very glad to hear that you're doing well post-op, Dirt. I have another friend going for the same surgery on Tuesday. I am sending both of you all the loving, healing energy I can muster. Thanks for all you do for women!

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  41. we're watching over you dirt! :-)

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  42. How's it going Dirt? Have you reached that point where the best thing EVAHHH is being able to 'go to the bathroom'?

    Yea!

    Please post lots of pix of uterus-es with annotations about what they did to yours, and other hideously transphobic stuff. Then all of us with uterus-es can compare notes.

    xxx

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  43. How sad. Another "trans female" falls victim to fibroid tumors from taking T.

    Oh wait.. my bad. This a Dirt who refuses to transition. LOL @ the irony!

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  44. How are you today Dirt? I hope you're continuing to improve and maybe even well enough to make a proper dinner for you and the kitties. xxx

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  45. More attention to your health, please (long after this current chapter of pain and physical invasion). Consistency where vitamins, iron pills, and nutrition are concerned (read: MORE than merely pita chips). This pain, this pain I wish you'd been able to avoid this pain. You are loved. Know this.

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