Hi! My name is________.
I emailed you almost two years ago and we had
such a great conversation. I was really struggling de-transitioning and
you calmed a lot of my fears and my hurting heart that was full of
regret and ache. I didn't think it was ever going to be possible to
de-transition and feel female again. I passed as male 100% of the time
when I emailed you and reached out for support. I was dating a wonderful
girl who was supportive and tried to help and understand as much as
possible. It was a very hard time two years ago. I felt trapped...10x
more trapped than I felt when I first decided to transition to male in
the first place. I felt alone. Lost. Confused. And so much self hatred
and regret and anger. I was approved for top surgery after seeing a
therapist for 1.5 months. That time in my life was devastating. After
you posted my email (with my consent) there were a lot of messages that
the therapist who
approved my surgery that quickly for such a permanent and radical surgery, was
in the wrong and that that should have never happened. I didn't even have my
bandages off from surgery before I felt such heavy remorse and complete
devastation and regret.
After reading those comments, I felt that the therapist was indeed in
the wrong. So, I decided to take legal action against him. For the
damage emotionally, financially, and physically that I was caused.
Almost a year later, after hiring two lawyers, my case goes to court
this summer. My lawyers and I are taking legal action for medical
malpractice. The outcome is looking very much in my favor. Thank you to
you and all your readers for encouraging me to take action for something
that should have never happened in the first place.
Update on my life: I am scheduled for a reversal surgery at the
beginning of fall 2015 (2.5 years after my double mastectomy.) the girl I
was once dating when I first wrote you, is now my legal wife! As of six
months ago :) we were engaged in June and married in October 2014. We
have been building a house the last 7 months and it is finally done! We
move in on Monday!
I am happier, healthier, and more confident than ever before in my
entire life. It was really hard coming off T hormones, and took almost a
full year for reversal effects to show up, but I was very lucky and
they did reverse. To the stranger on the street, I am a female who is
more masculine with a deeper raspy voice (which my wife thinks is very
sexy :) ) I am so happy with my body and my curves coming back and my
smooth female face and my lack of body hair and getting my soft feminine
features back that T had robbed me of.
My wife and I have found a sperm
donor and will try and get pregnant next August! My
wife will carry our first baby, and I will carry the second. My heart is
full and tears filled my eyes writing that. I am able to carry a baby
still! After many OB and fertility appointments, my female born
reproductive system is back to fully functioning and fertile! I am
happier than words will ever describe, that I didn't do anything to take
away my ability to carry our baby. I thank god everyday that I didn't
damage that gift. I am so proud to be female and to be married to my
very best friend. I love life and have healed almost completely from the
pain and regret of once deciding to alter my body and transition to
male. I am not male. I am a masculine female who is madly in love, so
happy, a strong feminist, self compassionate with the thick scars on my
chest from a surgery that should never have happened, and gentle and
patient and kind with myself and owning my story and my life. Thank you
for all you and your blog and your readers and their comments did for
Truly. It was the catalyst that changed everything.
No dear fellow lesbian, THANK YOU! For
looking back, and having the guts and courage to fight and find your way
back. I also want to thank the lovely smart, feminist, lesbian readers,
you too make a difference!