Change Your World-NOT your Body

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Help for De-Transition

A reader passed this link off to me for women seeking to de-transition or those preferring not to transition but feeling a lot of female self hatred and pressure to transition.

http://peacefulqueen.tumblr.com/

From the site:

Come in from the rain

You can come home. There is always hope. If you are a FTM thinking of detransitioning and living as a woman again, I'm your sister in struggle ready to welcome you home. Been there, done that, have the pain and the scars to show for it. Welcome home, friend.

 Good to see more of these places popping up since the trans community not only frowns on those who de-transition or question whether they should, they often attack those with the slightest doubts.

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14 comments:

  1. I have never talked anyone or pressured anyone into transitioning. I would never turn my back on someone who de-transitions or who isn't sure if they want to transition.
    I have never seen any kind of hatred towards anyone who de-transitions. I only know of one person who is de-transitioning and I support the person 100%. It took me from the time I was 18 when first diagnosed up until I was diagnoseed a second time at 35 in 2007 to do all my research and decide that taking hormones is the right thing for me to do.
    I know a lot of trans guys who don't feel that they need to take testosterone to be a man because they are already men. I also know some who decide not to have top surgery.
    No one should be pressured into transitioning or anything else.

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  2. Yeah I have also not seen this hatred towards people who de-transition.

    If anything I see alot of trans people encourage people to thoroughly think things through and seek counseling before seeking transitional hormones or surgeries.

    I cant even imagine a situation where I would be pressured in to transition.

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  3. "I have never seen any kind of hatred towards anyone who de-transitions."

    Ever been on tumblr?

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  4. We're seen plenty of hate filled comments right here for anyone who even questions the trans disorder and we all know how the trans community reacted when public figure Mike Penner detransitioned. No doubt it pushed him to kill himself.

    dirt

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  5. "Questioning" trans and de-transitioning are totally. different. For one thing, a person who struggles with transition and de-transition may be assumed to have knowlege of themselves. For non-trans people to "question" transition involves them dissecting other people's experience without truly experiencing it, or experiencing it but rejecting themselves and their transness. Rejecting it so forcefully that they believe it is appropraite to tell other people who they are and how they should live. This looks to me alot like closeted gay preachers and senators who preach hate against gays while getting blow jobs from men in public bathrooms. Yes, they have more power than you in the larger political context, while you assume your "questioning" to be harmless, even helpful. That's how you get away with calling us child molesters and our partners child molesters.
    I would never, ever try to tell anyone who they are, regardless of trans status or anything. That's why you are losing this argument. Trans people are not very invested in the gender identity of other people, while you are invested to the point that it's driving you insane.

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  6. I agree 100% with Anon @12:17 PM.

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  7. This was taken from Teachthefacts.org called Vigilance.

    "We can't know what motivated Mike Penner to commit suicide, you never know those things really. Maybe it was money, or depression, something that had nothing to do with gender identity. I hope that over the next weeks we will gain some insight into this person's life, his tangled motives, and I hope that some of the discussion will enlighten us about our own attitudes. What is so important about gender? Why do people get so upset about it? Why do some members of society feel it is necessary to enforce conformity to group norms above the autonomy of the individual?"

    Once again Dirt blames a WHOLE community for this suicide! Maybe I should blame the whole lesbian community for the butch dyke who raped a friend of mine's 9 year old daughter. She got probation! At 13 the girl comitted suicide. She overdosed on her mom's pain pills. Had that been a man who raped her, he would have been put in prison. No, I wouldn't blame a whole community for one sick dykes actions unlike dirt!

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  8. "Once again Dirt blames a WHOLE community for this suicide! Maybe I should blame the whole lesbian community for the butch dyke who raped a friend of mine's 9 year old daughter. She got probation! At 13 the girl comitted suicide. She overdosed on her mom's pain pills. Had that been a man who raped her, he would have been put in prison. No, I wouldn't blame a whole community for one sick dykes actions unlike dirt!"

    First of all, I despise anyone who would abuse children. As to this "one sick dyke", I don't know the specifics of the case. According to this person's account, the judge gave the "sick dyke" probation. If there was rape or ongoing sexual abuse, it's strange that this individual would only get probation. If it's not sealed, I would love to see the court records. Perhaps she deserved worse, but I'm not the judge. I take sexual abuse of children very seriously.

    It's interesting that there was no link, name, or source of information related to this post. Who is this person so I can research this? Where did this happen? What were the specific charges?

    All women are far more likely to be victims of sexual abuse, rape, or incest than perpetrators. Since FTM transmen are female at birth and raised as girls originally, there is a high probability that they too are victims of sexual abuse or incest. Women (and transmen) need to heal from abuse, and the offenders should never see the light of day.

    The Center for Sex Offender Management from the U.S. Department of Justice states,

    March 2007

    National criminal justice statistics reveal that of all adults and juveniles who come to the attention of the authorities for sex crimes, females account for less than 10% of these cases (FBI, 2006). Specifically, arrests of women represent only 1% of all adult arrests for forcible rape and 6% of all adult arrests for other sex offenses.

    Census and Caseload Data from Criminal and Juvenile Justice Agencies

    In contrast to the approximately 140,000 men incarcerated in prisons nationwide for sex crimes, only 1,500 women are estimated to be imprisoned for these offenses (Harrison & Beck, 2005). They represent only 1% of all adults incarcerated for sex offenses, and 2% of all females in prison. Similarly, adolescent girls represent only 2% of the roughly 7,500 sex offenders placed in juvenile residential facilities nationwide, and they account for only 1% of all girls in residential placements (Snyder & Sickmund, 2006).

    In contrast to the burgeoning body of literature describing male sex offenders, the research on female sex offenders is considerably under-developed. Much of what exists is purely descriptive in nature and tends to be based on small samples of women and adolescent girls in clinical settings, making it impossible to draw reliable inferences about any defining characteristics, risk factors, or offense dynamics of female sex offenders as a whole.

    http://www.csom.org/pubs/female_sex_offenders_brief.pdf

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  9. "I have never talked anyone or pressured anyone into transitioning. I would never turn my back on someone who de-transitions or who isn't sure if they want to transition."

    Kudos to you! You sound like a reasonable person. In this blog, dirt often catches hell (I don't know how she puts up with it), and it's nice to hear from someone who sounds sincere and honest.

    I would be honored to shake your hand.

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  10. @Anon @6:30 PM
    Thanks! I am a reasonable person and if I were to meet you I'd probably shake your hand too.

    I Just don't understand why some people seem to think it's their job to talk someone into transitioning. It's not something you just jump into. It's not an easy road and to just jump into it out of pressure is the wrong thing to do.

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  11. I commented at 8:49 pm.

    It's also not right to sit and tell someone that they are trans because they look like a guy. I have seen a lot of people tell Dirt that she is trans and looks more manly than most FTM's. That's not right! I am sure that if Dirt was trans she would say she was. People shouldn't just assume things about people by appearance.

    I was involved in a conversation with a few lesbians and one said to the other, "You just need to transition already. You already look and act like a dude. I can look up what you need to say to get your letters." I think it may have been said jokingly but yeah, you shouldn't have to look up "what to say" to get a T letter or whatever.

    Anyways...that's my rant for the night. LOL!

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  12. I'm FTM and I just want to add that not only have I NEVER pressured anyone to transition, or ridiculed or walked away from someone wanting to stop transition, I have also steered people AWAY from transition. I think it's reprehensible that people behave this way. I also think blanket generalizations of an entire group, based on the behavior of a few is reprehensible.

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  13. I'm a trans man and I've also never pressured anyone into transition but usually held the opinion "it's to be used only as a last resort. Try living as a butch lesbian or androgynous person or whatever you want first" because in my experience most ppl who think they're trans just want to be a bit more androgynous and not necessarily male or female. In many cases it would've been better if they stayed as they were. I may have once asked a friend "have you considered transitioning?" but even that was wrong of me but thankfully she replied "I have but it's not for me". I didn't actually mean any harm, even if it was a projection.
    As far as women being generally the victims and not the perpetrators of sexual abuse, that hasn't been my experience. I've never kissed or had any sexual contact with men but from the many experiences I've had with women, prior to coming out, most of them have been unpleasant and many have been older lesbians that have touched me in ways I didn't want to be touched or convinced me to do things to them I didn't want to do. I'm entirely ashamed to even admit this because since I've always viewed myself as male, I thought I was untouchable when it came to rape. Also I do believe I was physically stronger than these women because I was working out but I'm not sure how I let them do this to me. Well some ideas are a) I thought it would be emasculating to turn down sex with a woman if she's offering, because hello it's sex! B) I would've never used my physical force on them because of the idea that "a boy shouldn't hit girls because it's unfair, etc" - I'm not very tough it appears because I was even afraid of a couple because they were mentally unstable and I don't know threatened me a lot. I've also had abusive parents but not really sexually. This is fucked up but it's the first time I admitted it fully to myself, my current girlfriend and even in a bloody blog.

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  14. As someone who has de-transitioned, I have been met with nothing but hate from the trans* community. My best friend, whom I shared many intellectually and ethically challenging debates for YEARS, has recently cut off contact because I told this individual that I was doubtful that transition had a clear-cut medical explanation (that being, there is SOMETHING that only trans* people have that non-trans* people lack, or that there's an existance of a "male" brain or a "female" brain). I've been told that I was faking, that I didn't know myself. I've been told it is my fault that it takes people so long to access hormones/surgeries.
    I was "full-time" for five years before I began HRT. I had the consoling, I had hormonal changes that I loved. I didn't regret any changing of my body, rather I relished it. It was the disconnect between what is scientific and logical and what is cultural and sociological that stopped me.

    Male or Female is what exists between your legs, not your ears. What exists between your ears is a brain, and it is not "gendered." Use it.

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