Change Your World-NOT your Body

Monday, July 16, 2012

Transition isnt Inevitable when you Obtain the Facts

I received this message yesterday and with the young woman's permission I wanted to share it with you:

While she still speaks from the confines of the Gender Straight Jacket in her use of the term "masculine", her message is clear: listen to the voice within rather than drowned her out it in the noise of unless drugs and mutilative surgeries. And before any self haters scream "she wasnt REALLY trans", of course she wasnt, she didnt go so far as to inject herself with testosterone.

I too am glad you found your way here lost girl, and even more pleased that this blog has been a lifevest for you till you learned to swim yourself.


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  1. Simply beautiful and profound.

    This young woman seems so proud and strong!

  2. what a wonderful story! this makes me so happy to hear her finding peace with how wonderful she is, as she is. warms a mother's heart :)

  3. If she always knew she was a woman, why would she even consider transitioning into a man? Why would you let what other people think about you being butch make you consider this as an option?

    There's a huge difference between being a butch woman and being trans, the fact that she couldn't figure it out for herself means that she, and other like her, aren't using this little thing called their brain.

    Be who you want to be, who you need to be, don't do something because you it's what you think people want you to do.

  4. Hello, everyone! This is the writer of the email. :) Thank you all for the support, and I would like to add that I hope I did not step on anyone's toes by saying what I said in the email. I have no intentions of offending anyone, and I apologize if I have inadvertently.

    As to answer your comment, Anon 2, it's a little difficult to explain. Being one's self can sometimes be easier said than done. (Especially when you grew up in, and still currently live in an area where being yourself when being yourself consists of some form of homosexuality or even implication of it by dressing or acting certain ways. I know that sort of phobia is present almost everywhere, but in my part of the south you haven't got much luck in finding tolerance from many people. Moving out of state is...easier said than done. At least in my current situation, anyway.) I think all of us are a little self-conscious about something or other, and it takes a lot of courage to be and do what you feel on the inside in front of everyone despite what they might say or do. Everyone's circumstances are a little different as well since we all grow up around different environments and etc. I wish I could be as confident and strong willed as you seem to be and maybe I'll be some day, but it'll take time.

    As for why I considered a transition, when I was introduced to the concept of FtMs in a time when I desperately needed some sort of "cure" for my lack of self-pride, I had noticed that a lot just so happened to have backgrounds that mirrored my own in a lot of ways (including the fact that they had started off as identifying as butch lesbians), so I wondered if that was my answer. It's really tricky to properly express the way I felt at the time, and what was going through my head. Maybe a part of me insisted that maybe life would be a lot more convenient if I were male. I was content with my female body, but I wasn't happy with the way I was treated.

    For some people, it takes a lot of effort and willpower to freely be who they want to be. Sometimes who you are alienates those closest to you, for example. It's not easy to just "get over it" when people who used to have a strong sense of respect for you now find you repulsive, shady, and/or hell-bound over something that hardly even effects their personal lives if at all.

    Self-acceptance comes hard for anyone. It's human nature to always want something you don't have--even if it's something you're not even positive you want at all. I just wanted to send Dirt that email to let her know that I appreciate her blog, because it's helped me and I know it will help many other people out there. I feel a lot more happy with myself now, and I think that's what really matters. :)

    (Sorry if..a lot of this comment is a little hard to make sense of. I'm a bit sleepy. I just wanted to at least attempt to clear up a few questions. Like I said, I'm not trying to bring anyone down or force opinions down throats or anything like that. I'm just giving my personal story in hopes that it may have some sort of positive effect on someone out there.)

    (Oh and about the use of masculine bit, my bad! I just wasn't sure of how to communicate things such as my preferred relationship role in a way where the concept would be understood. Is there a more appropriate way of putting it, by the way? The only alternative I could think of at the time was "dominant", but the term sounds aggressive I guess you could say. Would matriarch be more suitable? I really never stopped to consider the possible terminology.)

  5. "There's a huge difference between being a butch woman and being trans, the fact that she couldn't figure it out for herself means that she, and other like her, aren't using this little thing called their brain."

    No. She is not stupid for being bombarded with the message that butchness has something to do with maleness, and then not magically being able to filter the truth from these lies.

    Respect to her for sharing her story.

  6. The difference between being any type of female and being "trans" is transitioning! Thats it. There is no magic trans fairy that lights on a pregnant mother's belly creating trans babies.

    In the last several decades thousands upon thousands of Butch lesbians world wide HAVE transitioned! Thank god this girl had the wherewithal to figure out she didnt have in order to be who she is!

    And anon writer, you do not have to apologize for anything. I told you your story would fill many readers who have not realized their mistakes till it was too late who would be filled with fear after reading your story. As we can see already.


  7. Thank you for sharing your story, it is a brave thing to do. I am so glad you have found some self acceptance and pride in being who you are. Accepting and being proud of being a lesbian is not an easy thing to achieve in our culture.

    I am so glad you resisted the pressure to transition and I hope your story helps other young women also resist that pressure.

  8. Anon who wrote the email,

    You are to be applauded for having the bravery to take the decision not to go through with transition before you started anything irreversible, but I am curious to learn how you were introduced to the concept FtM's. Was it via the internet or through real life experiences? For many people who go on to transition, I am certain there will be some who do so having had no contact with other trans people prior to or during transition. This comes from within, just as finding the courage to finally be yourself and present yourself in a way you feel comfortable.

    Kudos to you.

  9. Why would I be afraid of a woman not transitioning? I don't want women to transition at all! It just muddies up the road for the rest of us who are not women and ARE better off transitioning. If this person can set this to rest now, then thank goodness!

  10. 4:54, somehow I think you actually ARE a woman, just like her.

  11. yes 2:51, I wonder the same thing, how they come up with the FTM idea. I know an FTM who decided she was trans after watching Boys Don't Cry. craziness!

  12. "4:54, somehow I think you actually ARE a woman, just like her."

    Ha! Of *course* you do. Is that supposed to surprise or upset me? The mindset of the people on this blog is nothing new to me. I'm not so tentative or unexamined as all that. What you *think* has nothing to do with my life, my body, or reality itself. You can call me whatever you want to, but I would suggest that "woman" is less than descriptive or useful at this point.

  13. Hi this is the email anon again here to answer another anon's question about how I learned about FtMs. I have a couple of long time friends whom of which are close to my age and, like me, were and still are trying to find themselves. Apparently with awareness on transgenderism having been raised so greatly within the past few years, once they had a better understanding of the concept, they began testing the waters with the idea of "what if this was what they were, and never knew until now?" They felt they had found a name for their feelings and such, which at the time brought them hope and some comfort. Although, like me, in recent times they started to realize that maybe it wasn't them after all.

    Also I'd like to clarify that I'm not saying in any way that the feelings of those who believe they really really are transgendered are invalid. I respect your feelings and thoughts, and you are entitled to be whoever it is you want to be in life. It pains me to know that those who strongly feel this way are not content in their own bodies, though. I think many of us have all been down the whole "I don't like the way my body is." road. If not because of "I don't have the right body parts", but more common things like "I don't like the shape of my nose, the size of my feet, etc." It's a real struggle living a happy life when one doesn't love one's self. I wish and hope that perhaps some of you have a change of heart and discover a new-found appreciation for the body life has given you, because you are all special and perfect just the way you are! :) And most importantly of all, I'm concerned of what may happen to those of you who wish to transition in terms of emotions, health, relationships, finance, and just life in general.

    Transgenderism is a painful road to walk down filled with hardships everywhere you look. Please, those of you who aren't positive without even an ounce of doubt, think very hard about what you really want to do. And those of you who feel positive, at least wait a couple of years and ask yourself every question you can think of to make sure that this is something you won't regret. Some people just rush right into it out of panic that they won't feel emotionally well until they just get all the transition done ASAP, but please calm down, take a deep breath, and REALLY think things through. I don't want any of you out there to end up in a worse situation in the long run if it turns out that this path just really isn't for you. Chemical alteration and surgery is a major deal, even though we live in a society that tells us it's as easy and painless as getting a haircut. Heck, we're a culture that pops all kinds of potentially harmful pills like aspirin and birth control and etc. on a daily basis, believing that it won't hurt us in the long run! For some of us, the pros may outweigh the cons, but all I'm saying is that it's not as safe as we're made to believe and what may be a quick fix now may come back to haunt us forever later in life. Take care of your bodies, everyone. :) You only get one, after all.

  14. yes 9:21 I'm sure you and many others think or pretend you're something other than female, probably because of the effects of drugs, but that doesn't mean you are.

  15. maybe people are born with great variation in their brains, their bodies, their everything; it doesn't mean that there was a 'mistake' that needs 'fixing.'

  16. Anon@9:21 If you are "of age" and are a biological female, then you clearly are a woman. As a woman who has nearly always "passed", "passing" doesnt negate my femaleness/womanness. Just because you look or carry your womanness differently, doesnt mean you arent one.


  17. maybe people are born with great variation in their brains, their bodies, their everything; it doesn't mean that there was a 'mistake' that needs 'fixing.'

    This is the only argument I've EVER had against transitioning and Transism as a belief system. I've never thought of it as a 'feminist' let alone 'radical feminist' argument. I was surprised when I found that the only people discussing this issue online were coming at it from a 'radfem' angle, politicizing it beyond just looking at the simple facts of human biology and evolution and how we work with the rest of nature.

  18. Sure, Dirt, I carry my womaness differently then. That is to say, I look like a man to such an extent that even other transguys don't see my "womanness". To the extent that the words man and woman have any sociological meaning at all, I am a man. I can't remember the last time I even said, "I am a man".So exactly what import should you calling me a woman have for me?

  19. wow 4:19 what an accomplishment! a great chemical disguise. or did this just happen all by itself? (most 'transguys' think they are the exception when it comes to their awesome passing-powers)

  20. I don't really think of 'man' and 'woman' as sociological classifications so much as biological.

  21. (& no, I don't consider 'biology' to be solely about reproduction or genitalia)

  22. "wow 4:19 what an accomplishment! a great chemical disguise. or did this just happen all by itself? (most 'transguys' think they are the exception when it comes to their awesome passing-powers)"

    Babe, I have plenty of accomplishments. They concern art, music, the intellectual, and professional. None of them have anything to do with my trans status, nor do I claim passing as any kind of feat. It's just my body and genetics, and hormones. I could no more be proud of that than the size of my nose. I was just speaking the truth. I did pass before I used hormones, as many biological females do. What's you point? *My* point is that every single one of you has FAILED to delineate the import our physiological/genetic femaleness should have for us. We already *know* we were born female. DUH! It's like we've processed the information and you all are just having one big, slow brain-fart about how to convince us that it should mean something for us. What's the deal? Are you really so dim-witted?

  23. "I don't really think of 'man' and 'woman' as sociological classifications so much as biological."

    That's silly. Obviously 'man' and 'woman' have sociological meaning. Were it not so, I would not be treated differently now than I was before.

    I'll remind you that transitioning is actually a biological process. That's why it works. My body contains receptors for androgens, and those androgens I subject my body to come from yams, believe it or not. Overall, probably less harmful than Splenda, which has no chemical structure ever seen in nature before.

  24. Speaking of regret, though, I saw someone who used to have big plugs in their ears, but now they don't have anything. Gross! I don't mean to be uncharitable, but their ears look like assholes or vaginas or something. I have never once regretted my transition, but I'm so fucking glad I never got those plugs!

  25. 'Babe?'
    Is that how 'men' talk to 'women?'
    Well done!
    I truly think transsexualism is regressive (and that it has no business being grouped with homosexuality).
    You're treated differently than you were before by people you're fooling? This is something good?
    (Maybe if your vagina (or whatever's become of it) was showing to the world like those dangly ears, you'd regret transitioning more?)

  26. I only called you Babe because you already set the precedent for being an asshole. I always try to communicate with respect, but you already crossed those lines.
    I don't care what kind of 'gressive transsexuality is. Trans-, re-, whatever. It's my life, my body, my truth, and it's real.

    Personally I don't regret transitioning. I regret the time I wasted having shitty judgmental thoughts like you are having. I'm so glad I did not sit around for many more years hating transmen and judging them, obsessing about them, only to realize I was full of misdirected self-hate at the *end* of my life. I've met a few older people who would give anything to have been able to transition when they were younger, but now feel the changes won't be much to speak of. Sad.

    Why don't *you* show *your* vagina to the whole world when you walk around? Oh, because that's not what people do generally. What was your point?
    You have no point. Just a bunch of nit-picky barbs which expose your simple-mindedness.

  27. comparing those ear-holes to vaginas I was just thinking that it's only because their mistake is so physically obvious to the general public most of whom when they see a 'transman' probably think it's some kind of man, since it has hair on its face and whatnot, though one with some kind of serious medical/glandular problem, certainly not a normal healthy adult male, while I see a female with a serious mental problem...


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