Sunday, July 22, 2012

Female Shame and Dysphoria Has No Age Limit

As females, from our very first moments outside our mother's womb we are swaddled with negative signifiers (pink) that signal to the world that we are less than human because we are not male. From there we are repeatedly assaulted with misogynistic messages aimed at reinforcing that very first message, we arent human, but objects! Objects that should at all times be available to whatever a male needs or wants or desires. In a nut shell, fuck toys with a pulse.

Lesbians are not exempt from these monstrous messages and unless there is a serious (lesbian) feminist intervention to disrupt these constant cerebral onslaughts, we can carry their patriarchal trespasses well into our lives. BUT when the misogynistic onslaught is interrupted and the strangulation of the Gender Straight Jacket loosened just a bit, women can begin for the first time to think and maybe for the first time since we were expelled from our mothers, draw breath.

This from a lesbian whose self hatred was interrupted here just the other day:

A life time of T to the ass has yet to block even one iota of misogyny but a drop of feminism to the brain can eradicate centuries of shame and dysphoria!



  1. getting better all the timeJuly 22, 2012 at 3:36 PM

    Thanks, Dirt, for publishing my email.

    "Fuck toys with a pulse" is how I felt about women for more than half my life, and how I treated them.

    It never occurred to me that I was a woman, too because I identified womanhood not as an unalterable fact, but as a choice.

    I identified as a member of a yet unrecognized 3rd sex and rejected all feelings of vulnerability and sensitivity because I saw them as signs of weakness and the dreaded "femininity" I despised.

    It was only after I was victimized several times by women in the same way I had hurt other women that I began to accept my womanhood, my femaleness, and to exult in it.

    I am certain that if transitioning was as accessible when I was in my teens and 20s as it is now, that I would have transitioned to escape my loathsome femaleness.

    To any teen-agers considering transition: Please consider the fact that you may in fact merely hate being female, as I did.

  2. Thank you for a message that may help others!


  3. Im still not sure about my gender, on some days i aspire to be male and spend time admiring them. Other days i feel like telling gender to fk off and im happy to stay the sex i am. I do not and will not conform to what is expected as a woman, not in dress, not in mind and emotion, not in any way i dont want. But i also refuse to id as butch, to take on the traits of the types of men i despise. I wish to stand on the masculine role as much as i do the feminine one. As a man i would not do whats expected either. Like prove im hard, unemotional, in control of women etc. All the feminism of past decades still has not resolved the biggest problem in society, gender is the biggest problem. I think its all a lie, dispite what i see everyday i do not believe most women are feminine and want to dress pretty, and i dont believe the macho mind set is the natural state for men. Everyone is living one big lie and dont know it. Its like they cannot see all the forces in society thats holding them in these boxes. The more i reject the feminine gender, and explored the possibility of being ftm, im starting to want to challenge the concept of masculinity. Its like why should i be told what i should be. If i was to be trans i would be a gender non conforming man. There are so many things i dont know yet, and im still not sure if what i experience as a gender issue is just a product of societys gender problem and me refusing to conform, instead of it meaning theres something wrong with me. Even if i had a mind layout thats more common in men, all that means is evolution has not favoured it, it does not mean its a disorder. Ive never cared about having things to match, so why should this have to match. A lot of people do so much acting when it comes to gender, its hard to know whats real. Up to 2 months ago i wore long hair always tied up. Ive not changed how i dress, infact ive not had any new clothes in the past two months. I cut my hair short two months ago, and i know im treated differently. I live in an area where its not uncommon to be gay. I know im seen more masculine, or feel under less pressure to be feminine. Its like people are not shocked if i act more masculine. I also feel women are less competitive with me. Also i get less male attention, i get brief eye contact rather then them looking over my body. For me cutting my hair has made a big difference as the only thing feminine about me was my hair, most of my clothes are things considered unisex and most are out the mens. This to me is all interesting as its been proven that a lot of human behaviour is not thought out, gender conditioning runs the lives of so many people. Im the same person as ive always been but because im treated in a different way im bound to change over time. Conforming to gender could be effecting how every woman views herself and the world, and switching gender expression is an eye opener. Ive done it before, when young ive moved from femme to butch, back and then to somewhere in the middle. You do get a different set of freedoms in each box. I think half the problem is people are always looking out to see whos competition and whos a possible mate, gender roles are a code for this. This makes a persons gender expression an easy target if one wants to control them. Its a good way to get people to follow the capitalist system. They have convinced women that being feminine depends on outside factors, and made them slaves to capitalism. They have also done the same to men, as capitalism needs workers, it needs to keep people in line, and it wants to sell expensive things. If gender was to fall, capitalism would fall too. Most of the things people buy are centered around competing with ones own sex. Men have been conditioned to not be attracted to women in there natural state,which is great for lesbians as all we have to do is drop the woman drag and they back off. Its bad for streight women though. Its not just feminism thats declining, socialist ideas are being pushed away too. Both are linked together.