To What Degree of Trans?

This was emailed to me yesterday from a female transitioner. As Trans Trending is reaching more and more girls and young women on the net, a serious jealousy is arising in the ftM community among those already in the throes of transition. A jealousy that is creating a division between the girls/women who appear more manly than those female transitioners who do not.

In the email alone, we can clearly see how the female who sent this message utilizes patriarchal lingo in typical gender straight jacketed ways to place herself in a higher category of manliness than those females found on the tumblr account she linked. She tries to emasculate them by calling them "boys" and claiming they have no "balls", completely ignoring that she isnt a man and as a woman, she too has no balls, i.e. testicles.

This line of ignorance and jealousy is fast becoming a regular topic on and in ftM groups all over the world. Rather than embracing these girls/young women and welcoming them into the ftM community, females already on T and/or who've had some cosmetic surgeries, they are treating the newly converted with suspicion, jealously, and in some cases out right anger! Apparently the ftM community isnt big enough to house the freshly reborn.

It seems there is a real fear among female transitioners that other female transitioners may become the real men their disorder has set them dreaming they were. There is a constant watching and comparing themselves to each female in transition, praying that she doesnt appear more manly than they do. And when and if she does, look out! Testosterone induced anger to ensue!

No female is more male than any other, because she's a female period. And in truth, no male is any more male than another (and I'm not going into double YY's). That some males carry their maleness differently than the majority in no way makes him any more or less manly than any other male. That those females with the trans disorder cannot grasp that simple common sense truth only illustrates just how truly they have ingested the Gender Straight Jacket.



  1. Haha. He gets what he deserves for throwing young ftms under the bus. That' s the first time ive actually enjoyed hearing you call one of us she.
    Does anyone here think that perhaps age and jealousy are part of the problem here? I dont think its limited to just transmen though. ive heard alot of older "dykes" say they would have transitioned if they were younger. Shoot, i'd be pissed too! Especially because the changes are more radical the younger you are.

  2. Sorry, sister, nobody in their right mind is jealous of the young girls who think they're men.

  3. Why would older dykes be wishing they could have transitioned? Were they really men all this time? It seems so similar to lesbian bashing from straight dudes - ' they just want to be men!'

  4. Hey, they said it! not me!

  5. I wonder if you have a chance to escape it when you got already sucked in the whole ideology - especially when you are a young girl.

  6. Ok your analysis of the use of patriarchal language is bullshit. What, leabians don't use the term "haven't got the balls?" please. The leabians I know use more patriarchal terms and misogynist language than ant trans guy I know in Toronto. You wanna know why? They can get away with it cuz they're women. Let a trans guy say the exact same thing and everyone cries "misogyny!" - complete ridiculousness!

  7. How hilarious this trans person would throw his own community under the bus.

  8. To anon 11:38PM
    How many lesbians do you know (personally)for you to make that assumption?

    I'm guessing only a handful.

    Remember, Toronto is only ONE CITY in Canada
    (I'm also from Toronto - Born & Raised)

    How bout you do a nation wide census of all 10 provinces and 3 territories and then get back to us with your results.

  9. On the other hand - and not taking this one transitioner's rant into account - the particular tumblr site is a clear demonstration of FTM as a fashion trend among teenagers searching for their identity. It's what teenagers do. Tomorrow many of them will want to be vampires (or was that yesterday?)I think transmen are right to question this exlosion of transitioning, just as you are, even if they're doing it for different reasons.

    Though it beats me why this particular one thought your blog would be the place to do it...

  10. and from what I understand there are lesbians even OUTSIDE of canada!
    the first 'transman' i knew was from toronto
    there's lots of trans-style queerness up there
    (i've said things like 'you're busting my balls' before, only because it's funny for a ball-less person to say
    it's quite different when it's said by someone who thinks they are supposed to have them
    i wonder if eventually ftm's will have a testosterone delivery system atached near their vaginas

  11. Anon 11:38 never said that all lesbians use the term. Anon said the lesbians THEY know use the term. Yes more lesbians then the ones they know use that term. Still Anon never said all lesbians do. Simply just pointed out that some lesbians use the term too. Just like some but not all FTMs use the term.
    No its not really different on who is using the term. Its a term that is used mostly by young adults no matter who they are. I am sorry but "Your busting my balls" or something like that is funny for anyone to say. Its just one of those phrases that is funny.

  12. "the particular tumblr site is a clear demonstration of FTM as a fashion trend among teenagers searching for their identity."

    In my opinion identity searching is not a bad thing. The problems come with the drugs if they take them.

  13. I'm an FTM and I've seen that tumblr site. Its ridiculous. Nor do I think the guy is "throwing his community under the bus". All these younger FTMs want is for people to pay for their surgeries which is ridiculous.

  14. This is coming from a femme who loves butches, who wouldn't date a transman, but who doesn't think there is anything wrong with transpeople... to an extent. I don't think teenagers should be allowed to be given hormones and surgeries, anymore than I think teenagers should be allowed to get liposuction or nose jobs or breast implants. They are young, their bodies are in flux, their hormones are in flux, they do not have the emotional or mental tools yet to deal with wreaking havoc on their bodies. I'm not saying do not allow them to transition. I'm saying, do not allow underage children to do so. When I was a teenager, I was sure I was going to be a teacher! It was my biggest dream, I KNEW I was meant to be a teacher. AS I got older, I realized that wasn't my dream. Teenagers are ever changing, and what they desperately want now (I'll kill myself if I can't go to the Duran Duran concert) will mean nothing to them a year or two from now.

  15. And to clarify, the reason I would not date a transman has nothing to do with their "label" but because I do consider transmen to be men, and I am a lesbian. I date women. Exclusively. As a side note, I say things about my balls, and "suck my dick" all of the time. :)
    (Previous commented deleted for typos.)

  16. I never give money to chest surgery fundraisers anymore. I worked my ass off to pay for mine and never got a dime from anyone that I didn't have to pay back. So yeah, I'm a little bitter. I don't look down on younger transguys though. I just don't have anything in common with them. They are teenagers for chrissakes. Same reason I don't watch their YouTube videos. I support their identity but I like talking about other things in life.

  17. People don't stop changing their minds about the course of their lives when they hit 18 or 21 or hell even 75
    To me it's tragic when people lock themselves into anything
    Especially an (in many ways) irreversible thing

  18. "I never give money to chest surgery fundraisers anymore. I worked my ass off to pay for mine and never got a dime from anyone that I didn't have to pay back. So yeah, I'm a little bitter"

    Do you think ftm chest surgery is a cosmetic indulgence then?

    All this bitterness suggests that further transitioned FtMs see it that way or else there would be more altruism, right?

  19. Sugar, love your blog. Keep up the good work. MWAH!

  20. " but because I do consider transmen to be men" so presumably you would date a transwoman, even one with a dick, because you consider them to be women?

    I wouldn't, because they're not -- but nor would I date a transman because there you have a woman ashamed of their female body, which doesn't bode well. Not cos they ARE a man, but because they are deluded and think they are. Because THEY think they'd be straight by dating a woman.

  21. BadDyke, that's a good question. Honestly, I am not sure. I'm attracted to butch women, strong, tough, kick ass women who hold doors open for me, offer to punch people who hurt my feelings and fix my car. So, are my wife and I falling into previously defined gender roles because she is butch and I am femme? (Though I am not some simpering female who hides behind my big butch wife, either) Would I date a transwoman? I don't honestly know. The few transwomen I have met were ultra-femme, with full make up and done hair and huge nails and that, even in a biologically born female does not attract me.

    That is a great question though. I honestly do not know if I could date a transwoman, especially one with a penis. ESPECIALLY with a penis. Great question. Probably hypocrisy on my part. Or maybe just a matter of what appeals to me and a penis isn't it.

  22. I'm anon from 11:38 pm. Ok so "I'm attracted to butch women, strong, tough, kick ass women who hold doors open for me, offer to punch people who hurt my feelings and fix my car. "
    Thats great, and i'm happy youve found your type but why is there a dichotomy of that being cool when a butch woman does it - and especially regressive, damaging, submitting to the gender straight jacket when a trans man does it? Of course effeminate men and masculine women are more attractive then manly men, or womanly women, to a culture obsessed with androgyny.

    Also, about the lesbians use more patriarchal language comment:
    1. why would I do a bloody survey for all of Canada? Im not a social scientist. I was narrating my personal experience which is: My lesbian friends (now not so much) - and I assure you I know plenty - say things like "so i was bench pressing at the (insert university) gym and i saw this chick" (and go on describing her in the most vulgar tones) - OR, use terms such as "sloppy seconds" and other such... which are way worse than the way trans men i know talk - and ironically they are the ones called out on offensive language.

    2. I was not born in Canada, and I don't have a North American mentality, so no, I won't agree with many of the stuff. Have you people that comment here ever even been outside of your respective Canadas and the USA ? Because that sort of thing is important. It gives one perspective.

    3. The idea of "love your body as it is" is problematic in many ways. Yes, patriarchal standards of beauty are completely fucked up - but that doesn't mean one should entirely not give a shit about their appearance - just because someone's idelogy decided that giving a crap about your OWN appearance, is somehow shallow. So yes, lets be obese, and unhealthy, for fear of being labeled "shallow" - and I'm not pointing fingers here but I have heard that argument a lot.
    We shouldn't unconditionally love our bodies in that sense. We should realize that our bodies are different and then try to do the best we can with the bodies we are given. Keep them healthy and clean and nice looking, and for some, if it is deemed that the physical alterations produce more well-being an improved quality of life, than harm, they should be allowed - within reason.

  23. Not giving a shit about your own appearance, and hygene and that kind of stuff, is one of the symptoms of depression. I should know, because I have personally, and continue to, suffer with it.

    Again, one more time. I love women who are curvy and even a bit on the heavy side, so long as they are healthy. But really there is no excuse for obesity, unless it's some medical condition, and even then it should be checked out. It's not even a matter of aesthetics anymore - its a matter of health. Rare are people that want a mate that looks like they are going to die soon and run out of breath after 5 steps.

    Go to beaches in Europe or elsewhere and see young, fit, vibrant people that are not so depressed and are actually intelligent and not "shallowly adhering to patriarchal standards of beauty"

  24. ditto goes for annorexia, etc

    Health, symmetry and beauty are correlated as much as we don't like to admit so. You like who you like at first glance, no matter how one ideology or another makes you feel guilt/shame over it.

    It's another matter who you like as a person after getting to know their personality. I'm strictly talking physical attraction - which IS important

    The body IS important: for fucks sake youll be living in it 24/7 all your life. Ideologies should come second. Including *gasp* feminism

  25. "But really there is no excuse for obesity,......"

    You fat-phobic bunch of bastards -- there is really no other word for it!

    "I love women who are curvy and even a bit on the heavy side, so long as they are healthy."

    What, so a curvy woman who contracts cancer (i.e. is no longer HEALTHY) then becomes ugly to you?

    Don't try and use weasel words, it's the SAME phobia time and time again, that values youth and apparent health and appearance over actual substance.

    "It's not even a matter of aesthetics anymore - its a matter of health."

    Fuck right off -- WHY should my status as a woman depend on your mistaken assessment of my health or otherwise. You aren't actually CONCERNED about my health, you just don't like looking at fat bodies on the beach.

    This is CLASSIC fat phobia, with all the usual excuses, and I'm just not willing to put up with this shit on a woman-oriented site without making it clear exactly HOW ANGRY this makes me.

    "You like who you like at first glance" More romantic patriarchal claptrap -- it is LEARNT, as anyone who has looked at differences in aesthetics in different cultures realises. Venus of Willendorf again, I suggest the fat-phobic and ignorant go look it up..................

  26. Actually, we have the same problem here cropping up in various guises. We have the tendency to view our personal perceptions and value judgements as natural and unchangable, whether that be attitudes towards fat (in ourselves or others), or perceptions as to gender and 'inner identity'. Fat is unhealthy, therefore natural to view fat as unattractive. Innate gender is natural, hence natural to view females and males as different in the head.

    Whereas once you are prepared to admit that the ways we think and feel about ourselves and others is influenced by culture, and that even these seemingly deepest and 'most natural' feelings are in many aspects a product of social conditioning, then your perspective changes. Yes there do seem to be some aspects of appearance that are innate, but these are fairly abstract stuff like facial symmetry (as indicating lack of developmental problems or a better response to such stresses), but as regards fat, views have varied widely over time and between cultures. Current western perceptions (that contribute to fat-phobia, anorexia, and the cult of plastic surgery) are based on an ideal of youth, slimness and apparent health. Superficial appearance is valued over and above the actual health and inner qualities of a person.

    Hence we have current situation, where breast implants are seen as a relatively simple way to achieve the desired look. Face lifts and tummy tucks and liposuction as again a relatively 'simple' way to achieve an appearance of slim youth. And SRS seen as a relatively 'simple' way to adjust appearance to the desired form.

    Whereas the harder task, of analysing the origins of our perceptions, and trying to change them, is seen as unnnatural, or just too damn difficult. The quick fix and the surgeons knife is the preferred solution..............

  27. I think the obesity epidemic is similar to the transsexual epidemic in the way that each seems somehow in response to the unhealthy and exaggerated body image ideals of the day and both a bodily manifestation of mental/emotional issues
    Of course if one is just from an overweight lineage fatness can't be helped nor should it, but as i mentioned in an earlier thread humans are generally attracted to health both mental and physical
    I am writing as a naturally thin and naturally androgynous person so perhaps it's all just 'easy for me to say'

  28. though the industrialization of our food supply could also be having an impact, maybe even for both issues when there are hormones and chemicals involved

  29. i don't mean to criticize your belief system baddyke i like you and really like that not everybody concerned about transism shares identical reasoning or worldview i've been writing these comments on my phone from a chilly central park

  30. "effeminate men and masculine women are more attractive then manly men, or womanly women, to a culture obsessed with androgyny"
    i have never heard this claim before and i must disagree - androgyny generally confuses people who mostly prefer clear differences between genders
    but it does agree with my belief that transsexualism is in direct opposition to androgyny

  31. "i don't mean to criticize your belief system baddyke"

    Not my belief system, my plain experience as a fat dyke, who knows fat phobia when she sees it.

    Sorry, but this -- well, it's unhealthy, so no wonder no one finds you attractive -- is a bit too close to the bone.

    Plus it is true that what people consider attractive or not DOES depend on culture and society, it isn't just the simple fat=unhealthy=unattractive that some would have us believe. It's our western obsession with young and thin.

  32. oh I think there can be attractive fat people and unattractive thin people
    but if i wonder about the growing number of physically/mentally unhealthy obese, i don't think it should be labeled a phobia anymore than my wondering about the growing number of physically/mentally unhealthy transes

  33. "i wonder about the growing number of physically/mentally unhealthy obese"

    Sorry, but are you now saying that obese people are nutters as well? Doesn't sound like an improvement to me!

    Obesity is PART of a larger problem, in that we have a very poor diet in the west. Just cos you're skinny doesn't mean you haven't got a lousy diet, and just cos you're fat doesn't mean you don't eat your five a day, low-fat, exercise etc etc.

    You're focusing on the most obvious visible symbol of the problem, rather than the problem itself.

    Plus the 'obesity epidemic' phrase makes me think that the rest of society view me as some sort of human-shaped virus, like bird flu only bigger. Watch out, I'm coming to INFECT you.................

    It's bad diet, in various forms that is the problem, NOT fat people.

  34. That assumption that someone who is fat is unhealthy is ignorant and ridiculous. If you aren't attracted to fat people, that is your prerogative but don't try to pass if off as saying it is because you like healthy people.

  35. "If you aren't attracted to fat people, that is your prerogative.."

    But that then ASSUMES that who we are attracted to isn't also determined somewhat by society and social conditioning.

    In SOME societies, fat women are seen as attractive, and the western ideal of slim would be seen as ugly. Hence not being attracted to fat women still is problematic, even if you aren't using the 'you're not as healthy' excuse.

    And who uses that otherwise anyway? Are people really claiming that they base their choice of partner on how much medical insurance they'll probably need? Okay, fair enough if you're an extreme sports enthusiast, and want a partner who can share that with you, but apart from that, it's just prejudice hiding under the unhealthy and it's evolution so not my fault attempted cop-out.

  36. Im the person that made the comments that really set baddyke off. I think youve misunderstood me. I was talking about morbidly obese people and not just plain "fat" or "chubby". Ive liked plenty of women, local or actresses on tv that my brother has thought "fat" or "chubby" etc and i dont give a shit cuz im not a cis hetero male so i dont see things that way. In no way do i advocate for crazy slimness and annorexia (i went into shock the first time i saw a photo of an annorexic woman in gr.7 because im a sensutive person). Nowhere did i say "fat dykes" as you phrase it are unattractive.
    Medical insurance is more a usa phenomenon so in canada and most of europe one needs not worry about that. I had a point about health and wantung mates to stay around a ling time but ok maybe my perspective wasnt the greatest - im only 22.
    I stand by my point that androgyny is attractive in the gay subculture so if you want to talj about how culture shapes our perception of who we find attractive, please take that into cobsiderarion cuz i hear a lot of ppl here finding trans nen unattractive whwn they look traditionally manly with all the swagger and what not.

    Seriously, im really sorry if i offended you so deeply to recirve such a... Lets say "passionate", response, but i thought trans people werent allowed to throw the word "transphobia" around; is this similar in anyway to throwing "fatphobia" around?

  37. Dirt-
    It's always quite satisfying when you read right through the sadly lacking hidden agenda of a post so thoroughly and expose such individuals for expressing their narcissistic, self-righteous ideas and/or comments. And this poster has NO loyalty, shes plaaying both sides. Despicable. You don' miss a beat.


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