The Trans Closet and the Trans Fetishizers who Wanna Keep them There

A few days ago I received an email from one of the many variations of  "aiden" (Aydian to be exact) who requested that I take down some references to her/her "fiance". Apparently her "fiance" freaked when she googled her own name (Jen) and her facebook account was linked to a comment someone left on one of my blog posts:

Anonymous said...

On TmatesFTM, you have also women who are "serial FTM daters" like Jenilee Anzalone (https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=65601358) who is now engaged to Aydian Dowling (one of the biggest Lynn fan: http://www.youtube.com/user/alionsfears).
Prior to be engaged to Aydian, Jenilee used to do date Aiden Daniel (note the similar first name) and used to share her experience/video on TMatesFTM about Aiden which was her BIG love at that time (AidenDanielLIVE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmNtui8QLc0).

March 7, 2011 8:16 AM

Aydian, who made an angry video about me on youtube which was linked to several dozen trans sites and received thousands of hits and hate filled comments against me personally said she would remove that video if I would comply with her wishes.  Seems now Aydian is more interested in pacifying her "fiance" who is intent on keeping her little trans fetish a BIG O secret, than fighting for what she believes in when she made the video. So much for "trans pride"!

I just viewed Miss trans fetishizer Jen's FB account and for someone dating a trans person, she doesn't list a single page or group having to do with trans issues or trans support pages, as if she isn't even engaged to a trans person or doesn't have a past dating other ftMs. 

As a lesbian, I have never been in the closet nor dated or would date a closet lesbian or any lesbian who wanted to remain in the closet, whether for professional reasons or familiar or both. One has to be highly suspect of anyone who claims to love you but doesnt want people or certain people knowing the you that you are. That also goes for individuals having no personal integrity who are more interested in hiding/lying about who they are for the sake of personal comfort/gain.

Aydian, you may compromise yourself for personal comfort/gain or compromise yourself for another, but I've never been one to compromise and I cannot start now. I realize you are quite young and based on your transition alone cannot see that every move we make, every word we utter out loud can potentially have consequences, some of them grave. Only through maturity do we learn like chess players to anticipate some of the consequences of our actions, till then, you have no choice but to make peace with regret.

dirt

Keep Smith College Female Forever

"...in April 2003, by a campus-wide vote, Smith students decided to eliminate the words “she” and “her” from their student government’s constitution . . . To avoid offending those Smith students who don’t identify as women. Apparently, a small contingent of students consider themselves “transgender,” and this all-female school feels constrained to placate them."

 Student Life

Even when women ID as men, IN women's spaces, women still cater to and cower to those claiming maleness regardless of the number of women involved.

Patriarchy and misogyny, alive and kicking at a woman's college near you or soon to be. 

dirt

Trans Trending: Who is Transitioning

 

And the sea of female self hatred continues to swell...

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Transition: A Mother's Worst Nightmare

Sent to me this morning:

i regret coming back to talk to you that day but i could tell by your voice that you had something important that you needed to say. i regret saying "spit it out" when you hesitated. i regret that the second you told me you felt that you're transgender i wanted to put the words back into your mouth and out of my head. i regret that i cannot wrap my mind around what all of this means. my sweet perfect baby girl, i regret that i am yet again failing you because i dont know how to support you through what i know is a difficult time for you. i regret that, in a dark corner of my mind, i think i would almost rather have you live a lie than face this mountain that im not sure i am strong enough to climb. ive examined every little detail of your life that i know of and i regret that if there were signs along the way i missed them all. i love you. i have loved you since before you were born and i will love you as long as i live. i regret that im not handling this in any way you wanted or expected me to but youve told me youve known for *years* what i've only had *days* to process. when i look at you i see my beautiful, funny, intelligent, quirky daughter. The baby i carried inside of me. The baby that i knew was a girl from the time of conception. try as i might, i cannot see the man you feel as though you were meant to be. i cant bring myself to imagine what the world might do to you. i regret that your dad doesnt understand why i cant shake this off. he has a *plan* to seperate you from your friends with the hopes that you may be just confused, curious or even following the crowd. He continues to operate under the assumption that this will pass and he hasnt even let himself wonder, as i do, what if it doesnt.im glad you got in to therapy and im glad i have as well. i regret that what you need most right now is my love and support but what i need most right now is just the chance to grieve for the *you* that has probably never existed outside of my own head. I have always told you to be yourself and i still mean for you to do just that and i pray that i have taught you well up to this point so that you can stand your ground on your own with whatever you decide because im a little busy fighting my own battle in my head. Please just know that i love you and im doing the best i can.

Love, Mom/42

Sounds like the father has the right idea and based on what the mother says regarding his "plan", I suspect some serious trans trending influences.

Thoughts?

dirt

A Spot on Winterson Quote

Women still have little power in the decision-making processes of government and industry. And the culture is punishing women as never before. We have to be smart, pretty, sexy, good in the kitchen, good at the office, good with the kids. Good in bed. Good at handling men. It is impossible. Older women are written off and teenagers feel they have to be sexually available all of the time. Hence the line in my story: Fucking is the new frigid. There is so little in the culture that helps us to love well, either ourselves or our partners. Love is a casualty of the upgrade culture but women just don't have time anymore to be in charge of love and that is everybody's loss.

dirt

Keep Smith College Female Forever

A friend, radical lesbian and Smith College graduate has began a page on FaceBook to keep Smith College women only. Smith sadly has fallen prey to queer politics by allowing transmen into the all WOMEN space as well as into the dorms.

Please "like" the Keep Smith College Female Forever FB page and help to restore this historical women's college back to what Sofia Smith had founded it for, WOMEN ONLY.

dirt

"Whats 'his' Name"?

I've recently agreed to take an online English course for my roommate's brother, who's quite busy and needed the help. He came over last week to bring me the textbook and explain what I need to do for the course. He had his boy/girl set of twins with him who have just turned three. I've only seen the twins a few times at my roommate's mom's, but had never had any real interaction with them. The little girl was showing me her stuffed animal and explaining to me who it was. When my roommate came back into the room she looked at him and said regarding me "What's his name?"

We hear very often from the trans minded how they "always" "knew" or "felt" like the opposite sex, from their earliest memories (along with plenty O Butches and tomboy types as well). Earliest (always) memory for most, usually is somewhere between 2 and 3 years old. Despite being only a few years old, children as young as 2/3 years old have already been so overwhelmed with markers that indicate (according to patriarchy/society) what/who is male/female such as:  clothes, toys, colours, mannerisms, hair lengths/cuts etc. And it is through this overwhelmingness of gender markers that this three year old girl assumed I was male. 

It is also through the complete indoctrination of these same gender markers by age 2/3 that some of us come to believe ourselves to be a sex other than what we are. And because some of us believed ourselves to be the opposite sex by age 2/3, some grow up believing they "always felt" like the opposite sex. And because some believe they "always felt" like the opposite sex, believe they should "change" their true sex to the one they had "always" believed themselves to be. 

It is horribly sad and difficult to grow up feeling completely alien from your own body, and even more horrible and sad to live within a society that constantly reaffirms there is something wrong with you, when in fact there isnt. And the more we conform to societies strict gender markers, the more we continue bending our wills and bodies to "fit" into that society, the more that society remains unwelcoming to those of us who can and never will fit. 

But the more we choose not to fit, the more we choose, instead, to love ourselves.

dirt

Questions for Dirt

I'm setting aside this post for any direct questions for me. I know I quite often I miss questions within the comments, so this is your chance to ask me anything with reason, be it personal or about any blog topic.

I'll do my best to answer in a timely manner.

dirt