Trans Trender-A Profile and a bit about TMatesFTM (Part 2)

I'll begin Part 2 of this post with a comment from the lesbian that the previous post began, she asked me to post her reply to some of yesterdays comments:

That done, lets get on with the profile of our typical trans trender in the best way I know how, visually. Since it is visuals and the lack thereof that inform so many many trans trenders and the trans disorder in general:

And from her Tmates video, which illustrates some very bizarre weight changes from testosterone to her head/face, although clearly not enough changes to mask her natural female femininity that is obviously struggling to remain intact.

There you have it, the trans trender in picture, from an attractive young woman, to the early stages of a female monstrosity. We dont know what awaits her in the future, but given the short time she has been in transition, between the disastrous mutilative effects of surgery to the strange ugly effects of T, it doesnt look good. As she is far beyond being saved, we can only hope, regardless of any negativity she has caused or might cause to any woman, that the life transition has snuffed out, in the end doesnt snuff her out as well.

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Trans Trender-A Profile and a bit about TMatesFTM (Part 1)

All this comes to me via email from another lesbian who has been silenced by the Trans Brigade. Some of it comes from an emotional place, a place that is obviously still somewhat hurt and angry. But it goes much further than the basic pain and anger one experiences due to a break up, which is why I bring this to you. It doesnt take much to see that beyond the end of thisa relationship between two females, there is a perfect profile of a Trans Trender.

Like all good tales, I'll start at the beginning. The lesbian in question (and I do consider her a lesbian regardless of her experience with this transman) told me this when asked how it was she as a lesbian wound up in a relationship with a transman:

It was a late afternoon and all I wanted was a cold cider (they do wonderful tap cider up north) and to meet a woman. And this person came in with friends near to the place I was and "she" catched my eyes. I was updating my FB profile on a free Mac they provided there and I remember having written: "ah a nice creature came in :)". We finally talked to each other and the punk rocker lesbo I thought I have met told me in fact with a female voice she was a "he" (this person was pre-everything when I met her: boobs and no T). we spent the night together with his friends and ended up at my hotel (without the friends ;). That is how it started. 

She goes on to add:

The sexuality we had was very lesbian sexuality (if there is any). It is not someone who wants his vagina removed apparently :) So I think I thought "ok you are trans" like someone would say to republican lesbian, "ok you are republican but I still want to make love to you/f* you as you are hot". (I am democrat ;) It starts like this because people live an attraction and they don't pay so much attention to the gender queer talk. That how you switch from women to dating a transguy once. 

Here is the gist of an email she wrote to me:

I write this email to you in the hope you will publish it on your blog as you are my last chance to be heard as a woman and an ex-female partner of a transguy. This email is warning for all previous and current partners of FTM or women who have questioning/doubts about a potential affair with a FTM.

English is not my mother tongue so sorry if my points are not clear or badly written.

I used to be engaged to one of the guy whose female partner is making videos on TmatesFTM. Our relationship broke-up 2 years ago. Time has passed by and I am now happy with someone else.

So when I saw that he was pushing his new girlfriend to do videos on TMatesFTM, I was naive and thought it could be also a great way to share my own experience with this transguy as commenter of the different topic oriented videos.

By sharing my own experience, I don't mean childish angry stupid comments: no! I am a middle-aged woman and a grown-up.

I mean I thought it may be great to interact with the different topics oriented videos and give another point of view than his current partner for the same transguy.

As I had the time to think about this relationship and its impacts on my life, I thought it may be useful for other women partners of FTM and I was eager to give my own experience....

But every time, I wrote meaningful and respectful comments on this TmatesFTM channel to give a different perspective, they were not published. It was a loss of time and of my energy because I had to watch the video, to write them in English and every time I thought it may start a nice/interesting discussion, they were never ever published. They accepted only low end comments like: "great video", "you did well"...

As a consequence, I came to the conclusion TMatesFTM gives a biased vision of FTM/partners relationship as TMatesFTM censors interesting comments of ex-partners.

It is new and very surprising to me as I used to watch TMatesFTM when I was with this transguy 2 years ago and at that time, I would never had suspected TmatesFTM would have been a promotion channel of “partnering with FTM”. I thought in opposite I could find support and a neutral/safe place as a partner of FTM. I thought it was a discussion community and channel for women.

I understand now the only mission of TMatesFTM is to give an unrealistic very pink very positive picture of FTM as partners. TmatesFTM is not a SOFFA place at all and certainly NOT a support channel for present and past partners of FTM. It is certainly NOT an open minded place where we can virtually meet-up and share what we think with respect for each other's point of view whatever they may be.

I am writing you to warn women who may watch this channel and may wrongly think, like I used to think 2 years ago, they have found a women only space and so to warn them: "do not believe all what you see/hear on this channel".

TMatesFTM is not a women space: it is almost a cult like initiative whose only purpose is to serve FTM not their partners.

And I truly hope you will publish my email because you are my only chance for the truth to be heard and I don’t want other women to believe their hear/see the truth of a FTM/partner relationship on TmatesFTM like I used to believe 2 years ago. If I had known at that time it was biased, I would have lost less time watching those videos and more time listening to myself and some of my closed friends 'advices and relatives.

I wrote TMatesFTM a Youtube message to understand why they were censoring me and they told me my ex-partner, this transguy, did not want my comments to be published even if they were interesting and not offensive.

So the person who has the final decision on TmatesFTM is the guy not women…

It is called patriarchy in my country and it has been eradicated 40 years ago where I live.

I would never suspected patriarchy would come back online triumphally and via female to male transitioners ie people who know what is like to be oppressed when you are female bodied....

Thank you for your consideration,

A screencap of one of her comments:

She discusses in further detail this break up in her own blog by saying:


He dumped me because I was asking him to give his position about fatherhood through a wall discussion on FB. I am a middle-aged woman so the clock was ticking and as I was to the point of moving to live close to him, I just wanted to know if he was serious about his commitments and if he was serious when he said we will have kids together.
His friends made the FB discussion the worse couple discussion of my life and he broke-up like a coward by msn and sms the same day based on his friends' advices.
And on the "right" timing: a few days before X-Mas when he was supposed to come and visit me, my friends and family for 2 weeks...
Then I learnt many things about him through some of "his friends": he cheated on me with a MTF (typically Mike), was telling different things to me and them.
And the best: he described me as mentally ill. He was so coward to face the break-up consequences (I think he did not expect I could react differently than the 20's women he had dated so far), he refused to see the pain he had inflicted me, he closed any possibility to have an adult peaceful talk/closing by using the old good "she is a female with hysteria" sentence. This "hysteria/she is too emotional/she is mentally ill" sentences are used by males for ages to silence women when those women try to make their points respected...

• Is it the kind of males privileges he searched from his transition?
• Is it what he learnt from being born female bodied?

...We were engaged at the time of the break-up as he always pushed me for more commitment: he was the one who wanted to brag about our couple and then our engagement on FB and at the University. I imagine it was, at that time, a good validation of his malehood and it valued his ego to say he was dating an average (not a dyke) middle-aged executive woman while he was just a student and pre-everything at that time.

I spent some time one the TMates thing yesterday, and there are several things that stand out. The first is no matter the age of the TMate the maturity level is very low, and second is the same point the woman above makes, Tmates seems more about using women to create, prop up and help to maintain the "maleness" and "manhood" of those the TMates are dating than any actuall honest discussion about the myriad of issues a female faces when dating a female on a lifetime of T. 


Seeing how this is getting a tad long I will break this up into two parts. Part 1 centering on how a lesbian found herself in a relationship with an ftM to disastrous effects and Part 2, the ftM in question before transition and during.

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Trans Trending-Who is Transitioning

You know what strikes me every week that I make this post?  If you actually take a moment to look at each young woman, you can see the beautiful woman that she will never become. There is not only a poignancy in that, but a tragedy, made more tragic since it is an avoidable tragedy. I also wonder how much of their "choice" to transition is about skirting and avoiding the hyper feminine beauty that is today's female beauty standard, rather than wearing their natural beauty on their own terms?

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A Trans Pill

Many trans minded folk argue that it is their brain that made them "trans", so that when they seek transition they are merely "aligning" their body with their brain. We've all seen the brutalizing unsuccessful effects of trying to "align" the body with the (trans) brain, my question to trans readers specifically is this: Were a pill created that would change the brains perception so that the brain and body become one, should that pill be given to those diagnosed with some form of GID?

My question to all readers, should that same pill be given to those already in some form of transition as it stands now? Especially since we see over and over and over again with trans after trans after trans person even well into transition still being unhappy, uncomfortable and even dysphoric in their trans bodies?

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Male Privilege among Transmen

Some interesting finding from a 2006 study about transmale privilege in the work force, entitled "Before and After: Gender Transitions, Human Capital, and Workplace Experiences".

From the article:


In this paper, we use the pre- and post-gender change workplace experiences of
MTF and FTM transsexuals to examine the persistence of gendered workplace disparities
that advantage men and disadvantage women. Drawing on survey data about transsexual
employment experiences before and after gender changes, we demonstrate that these
gender transitions bring important changes in workplace outcomes. In becoming women,
MTFs experience significant losses in hourly earnings from becoming female. In
contrast, FTMs experience no change in earnings or small positive increases in earnings
from becoming men. Additionally, we find that MTFs transition to become women on
average 10 years later than FTMs transition to become men. We interpret this as
evidence that the male gender, net of all measured and unmeasured individual
characteristics, has a labor market benefit which MTF transsexuals delay giving up.

First, while MTFs are on average about the same age as the general male population, FTMs are on
average about 10 years younger than the general female population and 10 years younger
19 on average than MTFs. As discussed below, we interpret this as evidence that MTFs may
be attempting to preserve their male advantage at work for as long as possible, whereas
FTMs may be seeking to quickly shed their disadvantaged female gender identity. A
second important difference is that both MTFs and FTMs are twice as likely to have a
college degree as the general population.


In all of these comparisons, we cannot reject the hypothesis at the 5 percent
confidence level that mean hourly wages for transsexuals before their gender change are
equal to those for the general population.6 Transsexuals before their gender change are
employed in jobs with wages that were statistically indistinguishable from those of the
general population. The relatively small differences in earnings between transsexuals
before their gender change and the general population is consistent with the notion that
transsexual employment patterns are not substantially different from the non-transsexual
population.


One of the more salient patterns evident in the transsexual sample is the stark
difference in the timing of the gender change for MTFs and FTMs. As reported in Table
1, male-to-female transsexuals transition on average 9.6 years after female-to-male
transsexuals. The MTFs on average choose to remain in their male gender until age 40,
whereas FTMs on average change their gender at age 30. This later age at gender change
is consistent with the hypothesis that MTFs change their gender later to preserve their
male advantage as long as possible. We argue that this difference in behavior between
MTFs and FTMs suggests that transsexuals anticipate that their pre-gender change human
capital will not receive the same value after they change their gender. MTFs react to the
loss they expect to receive from becoming women by minimizing these losses through
delaying their gender change. FTMs, on the other hand, maximize their expected gains
from becoming men by changing their gender earlier.


The estimated average change in earnings for FTMs is statistically
significant at the 17 percent level (p-value of 0.167). Given average earnings for FTMs
before their transition are $18.86, female-to-male transsexuals gain 7.5 percent higher
earnings.


A longitudinal study of
transsexual employment over a longer period may reveal more substantial changes. As
we discuss in the next section, interview evidence indicates that FTMs experience more
subtle changes in the labor market opportunities after becoming male as they gain
increased authority and respect in the workplace.


Survey respondents were provided a blank space to write comments about their
workplace experiences. Five FTMs elected to write comments. All five praised their
workplaces for their tolerance and acceptance. One respondent in a blue-collar job wrote:
“My transition went extremely smoothly. I was shocked at how smooth. No one even
talks about it and it had no effect on my pay. If anything, I have been better accepted at
work because people don’t see me as a dyke like before.”


While blue-collar jobs still could be
precarious locations for gender changes, FTMs in general reported satisfaction with their
post-gender change workplace experiences. In in-depth interviews with twenty-nine
FTMs in Southern California, Schilt (2006b) found that many female-to-male
transsexuals experience an increase in authority, reward, and respect at work once they
begin working as men – even when they remain in the same jobs they had as females.
While they all were subject to female gender socialization as children, and had the same
skills and abilities as they had as women workers, becoming men brought positive
workplace outcomes.


I dont believe this comes as any shock to any of my readers, especially any feminist readers.Women still make significantly less than men in the workforce, so one would assume the average transman once legally "male" and visibly passing as a male, s/he too is going to open up many doors that as a female were previously closed to her/him. Studies like this (small though it is) just confirm that assumption.

I searched high and low across the world wide web and found many examples of transmen confirming their male privilege in both their general treatment in public as well in the workforce through new found job opps and advancements. But I found not one single ftM group who was working with feminist groups to help prove exactly how deep sexism and female disadvantages in the work place still are. I find this not only sad, but utterly repugnant. It only solidifies the empty transmale "feminist" rhetoric transmen are famous for spouting. A "male feminist", looks great on paper, sounds even better in person, but what price the crown of a king on his throne when your chained in the dark all alone?

Nil.

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Promoting Feisty Femmes Blog

A small group of smart, funny, feisty Femme friends of mine are pooling their Femme efforts to confront with honesty and integrity real issues, pleasures and adventures of Femmes, Butches and Butch/Femme relationships, please check their awesome blog out and give them your support.

Feisty Femmes

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"Hacking a Blogger"

 

I bring you this gem from here. Hence the reason I've delegated on old PC to open emails from unfamiliars. This is pure lesbian HATRED and complete fear and insecurity on the poster's part. I'm glad to see no one has publicly commented on this lezbophobic deranged request, but who knows how many private messages this post could have generated. Guess we know now where the recent attempts to hack into my blog derived from.

This very much is a perfect example of the trans mind at work, if your breast offendeth you, hacketh them off, if an opinion offendeth you, silence it through any means possible, one has to wonder what happens when an actual living and breathing human being offendeth them?

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