Change Your World-NOT your Body

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Trans Regret -One Transman's Personal Story

I've been corresponding with a transman  looking for a little guidance and a lot of hope in her desire to de-transition. This is her story:


 Readers of Dirt’s Blog,

     I want to write to you all as someone who understands what is going on inside the transgender community (or at least, the majority).  Too bad there are not many resources on what I am about to share with you all, but before I do, I want to say that this IS a real message. I am considering going through de-transition from FtM to my biological female-self. This has been difficult to bring up this subject, so please bear with me. I won’t release too much of my story in fear of being found out.

     I was raised single-handedly by a strong woman. I never knew my father, and it took a toll on me. We weren’t rich either, so my mother and I had to live under my grandparents’ roof. I would roughhouse and watch WCW—The Undertaker was my favorite wrestler. The fighters were large and powerful; many were feared. My mother allowed me to wear boys’ clothing and the public thought I was a little boy. It made me feel good. After the first four years residing there, I attended school for the first time. I was mesmerized by the toys the teachers laid out for the children to play. Girls were playing dress-up, dolls, and other things little girls would use their imaginations. I had my eye on one of the girls. She had light brown skin and dark, almond shaped eyes. I thought she was very pretty, so I would do whatever it took to be around her. One of my cousins would tease me for liking her—it was so obvious. I felt ashamed because fairy tale princesses ended up with a prince, not another girl. So, knowing that I liked doing “guy things” and had crushes on girls, I automatically thought it meant I was really a dude. The boys on the other hand, were rough and tumble. G.I. Joes, walkie-talkies, and Superman action figures were what they enjoyed. I decided to do what they were doing; I faced rejection due to that decision.

     It continued this way all the way into my teen years. Short haircuts, baggy jeans, and anything else I could do to appear masculine. Around this time, I started hormones and other procedures to “match”. I was bullied constantly because of it. I knew it would happen, so why should I bitch about it. I sunk into a lower depression, especially because I still couldn’t have someone love me and had to lie in fear of not passing (and I didn’t despite all of what I went through). Surprisingly, I had one partner, but that didn’t work out (one of the reasons was because of who I was). The only friends I really hung out with did not know about my past (unless someone told them, which I would lie to tell them otherwise).

    I experienced problems during the “transition” as well. I knew there were side effects, but what kid thinks about the consequences? My skin was so dry, flakes would peel off despite the fact I was using lotion. Cramps worse than the ones you have during your cycle felt like someone was jabbing me with a knife. Pain relievers didn’t do squat. I was losing my hair in my early 20s already. Yes, I know there are males who lose hair around that age, but damn…Now? I was so dry “down south” that even masturbation sucked…That is if I did masturbate. My child-bearing hips did not alter from the HRT and when I would check my blood pressure, it was higher than what it was before. I had the picture perfect image of being good looking and buff like those wrestlers, but my crazy fantasy was slowly deteriorating my health. 

      The FtMs I talked to were kinda annoying. All they talked about was transition and such. A couple of them were assholes—needlessly dissing lesbians. I’m not talking about lesbians that started shit; I’m talking about FtMs actually provoking the attack by using homophobia as a sword. You know what I noticed as well? A lot of the partners that were with them pre-hormones were not with them on the other side, if you get what I mean. A lot of them were single and had a hard time getting partners. I saw one guy say that “he” actually regretted transitioning and how “his” ex was hurting his feelings. He also had a hard time finding someone to be with or actually keep.

    Right now, I am trying to figure out what to do. I want to de-transition and already I am off hormones, but that demon is trying to keep me from doing that. I’ve done so much, but how can I go back? I am stuck between lesbians who don’t agree with transgender folk and vice versa. I am trying to find that woman in here somewhere, but it’s a struggle. I want to be with a woman, but are there women who are attracted to women without breasts? Would they want to make love to me and treat me as a human being instead of a confused freak? I don’t know. What I do know is that ever since I’ve gotten off hormones, I have felt less depressed. I am trying to find myself and trying so hard to tell myself, “It’s okay.” Is it really worth losing what you have health-wise, psychologically, and socially?   To the teens that want to transition, think about what you are sacrificing. No matter what you do to your body, you will always be a woman, and that is not a bad thing at all.
  
dirt


PS Do NOT underestimate the sheer bravery taken by this transman to not only share her story here, but do the ever difficult task of reclaiming the female self she desperately tried to bury alive. To her and any transman considering de-transition,  there is not only hope, there is promise. All you need is a little guidance and the right tools to help you find your way through the labyrinth of misogyny.  
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59 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for your trials. I hope you find some peace.

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  2. It takes a lot of courage to be honest with yourself and sharing your story. I commend you for that, I hope you find the balance that your are searching for. You are well on your way, for change starts with acknowledgement. Wishing you the best of luck, and most of all peace with your decision. Self acceptance is half the battle. May God Bless you on your journey of finding your true self.

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  3. I'm glad that this person is finding herself. However, Dirt, I fear that you are using this one experience to prove that transmen don't really exist. One persons experience doesn't erase all the transmen who are immensely happy with themselves after transition and live without regretting it at all. Those people exist as well.

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  4. Hi Readers--
    I'm the person who wrote the letter. I am still struggling with my identity, but with patience and guidance, I can make it through. A "transman" is only happy if "he" can continue to live in delusion.

    I honestly think these people (including myself) either have borderline personality disorder, which is identity problems is a symptom or Asperger's syndrome--research it yourselves.

    I am not the only de-transitioner or regretter. We just hide in the shadows...

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  5. Transition ONLY exist at the end of a needle and/or s surgeons knife period!

    If you are deluded enough to think otherwise then this WOMANS space is NOT for you!

    And to all those "happy" transmen reading my blog, once again THIS IS A WOMANCENTRIC BLOG, show some respect if you do not embrace or seek to embrace the female you are and will always be!

    dirt

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  6. Rather revealing that rather than sympathise with this woman, the usual trans crowd would instead either:

    Dismiss trans regretters, and still maintain that most don't regret it (whilst totally failing to adress the issue as to WHY some people regret transition, and fear that they will lose the support of the trans crowd if they SPEAK about this, or to provide any support for those who may regret it).

    Or deny the story wholesale as a fake.

    we KNOW why -- because the trans cant of 'you're a man if you SAY you are' allows no room for people who might mistakenly say that, because IF you allow that some people could say that and BE mistaken, then the whole edifice falls down around your ears.

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  7. Thank you for your story. I am another person who previously identified as FtM. I begun to socially 'transition' after I was told by older transitioners that I was probably 'trapped in the wrong gender'. In the back of my mind I always knew that the trans label was a cover for my more serious mental issues and luckily I saw sense before I started medically transitioning. I have so much respect for you and I wish you the best.

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  8. "I want to be with a woman, but are there women who are attracted to women without breasts?"

    I think your last comment is the key:

    "No matter what you do to your body, you will always be a woman, and that is not a bad thing at all."

    If you can see that about yourself, then other women will be able to see that too, whether you've got breasts or not...........

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  9. Exactly BD, in a male breast obsessed culture, we are so inundated with sexual messages about breast. The very nature of womanliness is defined by the size of your breast. The bigger your breast the more of a woman you are, even if you're a man.

    There is much more to being a woman, than our breast, and any good woman knows that.

    dirt

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  10. To the person whose story this is - I wish you courage and power to believe in yourself! You are doing the right thing IMO! There are definitely women who can love you in this world, breasts or not, you just have to begin loving yourself for that first!
    I also think you are right and many people with the borderline personality disorder are misdiagnosed as trans (also other personality disorders; not sure about Asperger though). I say this as someone who got the "trans" (mis-)diagnosis while actually suffering from BPD (and eating disorder) instead. I didn't transition though.

    Dirt, thank you so much for providing this space for a personal story like this.

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  11. Agreed, Doll, the trans support group I was once a part of told me that a serious psychotic episode I suffered at the age of 18 happened because my brain 'probably couldn't handle being in the wrong body anymore.' This kind of bs coupled with the stigma surrounding mental illness makes for a dangerous combination.

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  12. @Anonymous 4:31 pm

    Hey, I'm the writer of the above letter.I feel sorry for you. You are so deluded and are unaware of the fact that transgender is an illness. No matter what you people do to yourselves, you will never "pass", gain a partner, or have friends. You will never be seen as male. Someone needs to see a psychiatrist.

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  13. @Anonymous 5:48 pm

    So tell me this, why are people with GID are also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder? BPD disturbs a person's identity and that is what's going on with you sickos. I'm teaming up with other regretters and taking you all down.

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  14. Anon at November 11, 2011 2:35 AM says: "I honestly think these people (including myself) either have borderline personality disorder, which is identity problems is a symptom or Asperger's syndrome--research it yourselves. "

    I don't know a lot about borderline but I am an Asperger myself and I think this is really true, at least for FtM's.
    When you are a female Asperger, you really fit more in the role society has reserved for males: rational, "systemizing", self-centered, egocentrical, less inclined to socialize, less inclined to care for others, less inclined to please others, just "being yourself".

    Not saying that this are traits females don't possess - just that girls get socialized to not be this, to be pleasing, other-centered etc. etc. They get socialized - however, socialization will at leats partly fail when you have Asperger. (I know why, sensory stuff, but goes too far for this single comment.)
    The combination of an innate predispostition towards treats associated with the male role, and unsuccesful socializing, leads female aspies towards feeling uncomfortable with their assigned gender role.

    (Usually Asperger men are different though. They try to play the hypermasculine male role because it has privilege and it's easy when you are Asperger. Still looks awkward.)

    Anyway, so, you might as wel think you're male as an unsure female teen Asperger - cuz you don't do anything "female" alot . Yeah, how about the radical notion many women have not any *innate* tendency for "female" traits.

    I have thought at some points in my life I was FtM too (and I am not even a lesbian or a hipster) but even at those points always was unsure deep down. I had a psychologist and told her but she (fortunately) emphasized on the individual rather than on society's expectations etc.

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  15. Hey, it's fine. Glad you all have happy lives and that people love you. Like Dirt said, she has been helping realize the way I'm living is not right. Have a good weekend :)

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  16. I do not agree BPD and Aspergers are related. That is a very limited study and needs a lot more work before it could possibly be considered concrete. Most Borderlines are black and white thinkers and most borderlines are incredibly manipulative. Aspies are in the Autism family and their physical traits are much different than any of the BPD's I have ever delt with. In fact Aspergers is being removed from the DSM and all aspies will be on a continuum of all other Autistic people. Aspies will be considered high functioning autism.

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  17. "I do not agree BPD and Aspergers are related. That is a very limited study and needs a lot more work before it could possibly be considered concrete. Most Borderlines are black and white thinkers and most borderlines are incredibly manipulative."

    Anon at 11:11 PM, while I agree with you that autism and BPD are essentually very different disorders, and also know about Asperger being argued to be a high-functioning form of Autism or at least related to the autistic spectrum, there are also some things I strongly disagree with.

    Black and white thinking, okay, it is a symptom that is more prominent in people with BPD in STRESSFUL SITUATIONS. Also "normal" people have black and white thinking too. It is just more prominent as a way to solve an inner conflict in a "borderline". Still, I will let that alone, because you are partly right with what you said.

    But the thing with manipulation is just bull**** in my opinion. Okay, you might argue I am saying that because I am a (high-functioning) "borderline" myself, but I also have a psychology degree and work with all kinds of people in difficult life situations, and have seen many, many other people with this diagnosis. Please let me tell you there is a lot of demonizing people with BPD out there, and that the public opinion about them is very skewed. Most "healthy" (meaning merely neurotic, and not personality disordered) people are at least as manipulative as the BPD people I know; you just notice it less because they neurotics function better, and are also better at manipulating. A good manipulation is one you don't notice.

    Most people who get called "borderline" by laymen usually don't even have the diagnosis by the way. There are these sh**ty books around like "Understanding the borderline mother", and all the unhappy grown-up kids like to hobby-diagnose their abusive mothers as BPD-demons... while mommy was 1)simply a usual unhappy mom in a patriarchal world and 2)actually just another neurotic nutcase like the kids themselves (and like almost everybody in our society).

    The demonizing of BPD (a disorder of which most sufferers are female) and the labeling of women who don't have BPD as borderline-sufferers is just another ugly tentacle of mysogyny. They tried this trick with "hysteria" in the last century already.

    Also... no one in the above discussion actually said Borderline and Asperger is related. They just argued one or the other could lead to a wrong diagnosis as a transsexual.

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  18. So tell me this, why are people with GID are also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder? BPD disturbs a person's identity and that is what's going on with you sickos. I'm teaming up with other regretters and taking you all down.

    November 11, 2011 6:03 PM


    I don't have Borderline personality disorder.

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  19. Can we try to keep this on the topic of detransition.

    I'll will start a post for a discussion on the various other disorders most trans people suffer from.

    dirt

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  20. @Dirt:

    I apologize for going off topic. Anyway, detransition has so far (physically) been good for me. My sharp pains that I described above are gone, my hair is growing back (yay!), my chest is getting flabbier--I know breasts aren't important, but still...I'm happy! I used to have pain in my arm, possibly from high blood pressure; it has disappeared. Facial hair is going spotty and I removed most of that nasty body hair growth.

    My wories is HOW I am going to change my birth certificate again and how to change everything else, too. My gender marker is still female on my birth certificate and social security, but I don't know how that's going to look.

    Psychologically, I am still in pain. I'm hoping I'm making the right decision. I don't want to look like I'm confused.

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  21. "No matter what you people do to yourselves, you will never "pass", gain a partner, or have friends. You will never be seen as male."

    Please don't confuse your experience as the experience of ALL individuals.. I am NEVER read as anything other than male, in fact, when I come out to people, they don't believe me. I have also been happily married for 9 years, and have wonderful friends. You don't speak for everyone. That being said, I am happy that you found yourself and what works for you, and regardless of what changes you made to your physical self, you will find that special someone.I'm happy for you that you're getting your life all sorted out, and wish you all the best. Never let anyone tell you who or what you are. Only YOU get to decide that. I wish you the best and I know you'll be fine :)

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  22. @Extrospection:
    I am so sorry that your partner allows you to be this delusional. And it's not just MY experience, but many others. No one here is confused except you and other trans trenders. No one should transition...you will regret it 5, 10, 20 years from now. Hope that T is doing wonders for your health. I find it funny you or any other opposing commenter never talks about that.

    A website is being blueprinted and with Dirt's permission, may be promoted (again, not sure yet--I haven't talked to her).

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  23. I don't take T anymore - haven't for years.... so not a concern for me. I'll talk about it all you want. And honestly, "digs" are wasted on me. I don't have a need to get the approval of strangers, of anyone really. I feel for anyone who struggles with happiness in life, for whatever reason, and I'm thankful I don't feel the need to judge others to build myself up. Judging others isn't a reflection of their character - but it does say a lot about your own. I posted to applaud your courage to follow your heart and mind - to support your decision since so many claim the ENTIRE trans community would be against you - not to debate who is or isn't delusional. No one can decide that for another person.

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  24. I agree, anyone regretting transition should be supported 100% in their desire to stop and be immediately accepted as their birth sex - and any transperson, well, ANY person who gives them shit for it is pathetic.

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  25. "I'll will start a post for a discussion on the various other disorders most trans people suffer from.

    dirt"


    Dirt, are you serious even uttering these words? What makes you think that this is even your right to discuss?

    What part of you have no education do you not understand?


    Insert ANY other group of people in your statement in the place of "trans people" so your dumb degenerate self can wake up and see how ignorant and dehumanizing that statement was.

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  26. I've reported this blog to the department of psychology at my university. And I've turned in the screen shots of the incriminating posts you've deleted as well.

    I was told to inform you that the police will be notified, because one of the people you have shamed on this blog has finally come forward to defend themselves legally.

    Good luck.

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  27. I would like to ask a question - please delete if it's too much off topic. I have worked through a lot of the things that made me want to transition. There is one aspect of body dysphoria which is hard to get over and I wonder if anyone has advice...

    My breasts are physically painful a lot of the time. I have lost all the weight it is safe for me to lose and they are still a D cup and hurt so much I avoid running or jogging. I think don't think I would obsess about having my breast removed if they didn't hurt so much. Is there anything I can do about the pain? Is it normal? If its relevant I am 25 yrs old and I have had this pain since I was 13.

    Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this question.

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  28. Anon, Do your breast hurt all the time or in and around the time you get a period?

    dirt

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  29. Dirt, the pain starts as much as 2 weeks before my period and goes away when my period ends.

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  30. Anon, here's a link that may help: http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/4098/1/Home-Remedies-For-Breast-Tenderness.html

    I too had horrible soreness at your age, once I got into my early 30's the soreness began lessening and now I rarely even notice any hormonal changes to my breast. I also, like the link suggests, quite caffeine in my late 20's.

    dirt

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  31. Thanks Dirt, I will check out the link.

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  32. "A website is being blueprinted.."
    I think there is a huge need for a site like this by and for female transitioners who are healing from genderism, and for those who are questioning and need info and support around de-transitioning.
    Now that children as young as 18 months old are being slotted into a lifelong medical/surgical track (http://theconversation.edu.au/eugenics-and-the-practice-of-transgendering-children-3838) it is absolutely critical that trans in recovery speak out and take their place in the public discourse around gender.
    I applaud this project and will support it.

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  33. @dirt. You wrote to me as an answer to one of my previous posts that the ONE thing that made you female was your "pussy." Now, you write there is much more to being a woman than having breasts ( or pussy, both things are sexual characteristics.). So, again, you contradict yourself and you don't make much sense, as usual.

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  34. Also, you people keep saying there is basically nothing different about men and women, except for sexual differences, that gender is only a social construct, but then you keep writing about how different women are from men, going as far as saying that women act different from men, even when both men and women suffer from the same mental desease! Way to go, lol.

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  35. I thought she was very pretty, so I would do whatever it took to be around her... I felt ashamed because fairy tale princesses ended up with a prince, not another girl.

    Have heard this sentiment quite a few times now. Young lesbians do not not see a role for themselves in Disney movies or any other media -- they only thing they hear is that girls grow up and marry boys.

    And it occurred to me that if they did see portrayals of lesbians in the media to which they were exposed, they wouldn't be as likely to get hooked on the trans cult.

    Much thanks to the person who shared that, wishing you all the best!

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  36. I was told to inform you that the police will be notified, because one of the people you have shamed on this blog has finally come forward to defend themselves legally.

    Good luck.


    LOL The Bill of Rights protects your civil rights, not your feelings. Any lawyer who was stupid enough to argue that case would be censored.

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  37. Anon@4:18am, Hows about some context hun. Biology makes you female, part of female biology is our pussys and breast, doesnt matter how your mutilate either, doesnt matter if you have an A cup or a DD cup, if you were born female, then nothing can or will EVER change that.

    dirt

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  38. I'll also make note, breast tissue remains in EVERY breast removed, hence the reason transmen must still get regular mammograms when they are of proper age.

    Males as a whole on the other hand do NOT have to get regular mammograms, they do however have to get prostate exams. Transmen will NEVER get a prostate exam, cuz they're female. Clear some pedestrian biology issues up for ya?

    No need to thank me hun. You're more than welcome, I aim to educate.

    dirt

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  39. Anon@4:29am, Do NOT confuse me or this blog with radical feminists.

    dirt

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  40. Again, your telling me that I am female is your own presumption. You have no proof. Then, anyone can change their exterior to fit their own view about themselves. You can't do nothing about that. As for breasts tissue, once it is removed, it is removed. Transsexuals have less of a chance to have breasts cancer than people who haven't, including biomen. Each year in Canada, there is 150 cases of male breasts cancer because even though they don't have women breasts, they still have breasts tissue, whereas transmen have had their breasts tissue removed. Transmen could take all the estrogen they want, the breasts will never grow back. Biomen who never had a mastectomy and take estrogen will grow breasts. It's not for nothing that male bodybuilders who take exogenous amounts of testosterone have to take estrogen blockers to keep from having bitch tits because testosterone aromatizes to estrogen. The more testosterone a man has, the more estrogen he has. So biomen as a whole HAVE more risks to develop breasts cancer than transmen who had their breasts removed. The stupid things you say...

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  41. And by the way, I've never had a mamogramm done in my life, never used pads, and never wore a bra before transition, so MY experience in these regards is male. I also don't mind not having a prostate because that's one more cancer I don't have to worry about, since I had the breasts removed, as well as the ovaries, tubes, uterus, and cervix removed.

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  42. @ Dirt. 9:38am Also, you deflected my question about what makes you female besides your "pussy" at 4:18am.

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  43. "Also, you people keep saying there is basically nothing different about men and women, except for sexual differences, that gender is only a social construct, but then you keep writing about how different women are from men, going as far as saying that women act different from men, even when both men and women suffer from the same mental desease! Way to go, lol. "

    Anon at 4:29 AM, LOL WHUT? Who says what of those things you mentioned?

    "...one more cancer I don't have to worry about, since I had the breasts removed, as well as the ovaries, tubes, uterus, and cervix removed."

    Anon at 10:13 AM, you sound as if it was a good thing to remove random body parts O.o

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  44. It was a very good thing. I'm a transman!
    I certainly wasn't gonna keep female bodyparts. It's bad enough I might never have bottom surgery considering the price and the current state of results I could have for it.

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  45. News flash to anon@3:07pm, EVERY PART, EVERY SINGLE CELL THAT MAKES UP YOUR BODY INSIDE AND OUT IS FEMALE!

    dirt

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  46. @ dirt I thought I went over this before. YOU cannot be sure about my supposed female dna because I never had a kareotype test done. The best you can do is to assume I have xx chrimosomes, but on this blog, you have to repeat things over and over againn. It goes through one ear and out the other. Keep it up.

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  47. Anon at 9:00 AM, if it is you at 3:07 PM and 10:31 AM, then you are DEFINITELY a biological XX female. Because only those have ovaries. And you wrote you had yours removed. :D

    If it is NOT you at 3:07 PM and 10:31 AM, then Dirt probably didn't try and guess anything about you and your words don't make sense :/

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  48. Sometimes, biomen are sterile and they find out that the reason why is because they have an ovum, so no, it is not only xx people who have ovaries. Again, another wrong assumption that was just put to rest. If these stupid assumptions weren't so detrimental to transsexuals, it would actually be funny.

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  49. A person with XY chromosomes cannot have ovaries. A person without ovaries cannot produce an ovum (egg). Why do people who attempt to use the 'I' to prove the 'T' invariably know very little about it? Let's think...because they only care enough about it to further their own very weak arguments.

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  50. Many ftm cling onto astronomically tiny odds that they might not have XX chromosomes, as if they're dodging a bullet. And in the next breath they say their 'maleness' is nothing to do with being afraid of living as a female in this world.

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  51. Hey Dirt,

    I stumbled upon your blog and agree with a lot of what you write. Your views are slightly more radical than mine, but live and let live, right? I appreciate you sharing them, whether I agree or not, because it's so refreshing to witness such open-ended honesty. You have a rockin' set of metaphorical balls.

    I wanted to transition so badly when I was younger. I, like many confused butch lesbians who think they are transmen, had nonstop fantasies about being a boy as a kid. Why? Well, because I didn't know I could do all the things a man could do as a woman! I went through years of self hatred due to the gender straight jacket brought on by small town upbringing. When I was nineteen, I saw a counselor who gave me a letter saying I met the criteria for gender dysphoria. This letter would allow me to start male hormones. I couldn't wait to commence my new life as a man.

    What changed? Well, for one, realizing I couldn't design my own dick was heartbreaking. Knowing I would have to tell every future partner I was trans was soul crushing. I wanted to live life as a man and be done with it, not have trans baggage haunt me forever. In the end, I would "pass" to society (heh, like you, I "pass" frequently anyway as is, and I do not try) but have the demons of my own mutilated body to confront.

    I have a very close trans male friend who feels like he made the right decision without question. He legally transitioned eight years ago and is now married. I do think transition is a legitimate option for some, but plenty of people go that route needlessly.

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  52. I'm commenting so late in. It's already 2012. Anyway, congrats to this person, being happy with oneself is always good grace. I'm an FtM, and I'm not here to do battle. I just want to observe the goings on, no harm meant. :)

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  53. You are not the only one to detransition, and you have my full support. When I first came online in 2001, I met an individual at a Dyke site who HAD considered transitioning, or began the process then detransitioned. She told me about hanging out with a young FTM before the FTM gave a speech on how great it was to transition...or be trans at some trans conference or other, but before the speech admitted to this Butch how she missed her breasts and regretted the surgery...but then went on stage touting the party line. De

    De transitioners who finally came to their senses, have been continually shamed about leaving the trans community. This same individual who relayed all this to me, then told me she no longer could handle being female and decided to transition once again. She also came from a religious background(Islamic) where transition was considered ok,and she could live life in a male role and love womyn, but if she stayed Lesbian, she would be seriously looked down on, if not actively harassed and threatened. I felt sad at her news, and we went our separate ways.

    There is another that started a Female Identified Butch group who also decided to take back her Butch and Female identity, and I suggested she reach out to others like yourself, but she still has the vestiges of the hormones with the scratchy hormone induced voice, and the flat chest from the breast surgery.

    Perhaps more will see how devastating these surgeries/hormones, or compromises to one's FEMALE mind/body/spirit this all is, and that transitioning is not the sole answer to a Butch or masculine/tomboy/boyish female's liberation, or ANY female's liberation, but the overcoming of both sexism and homophobia on a societal level, which would greatly lessen the angst so many young and other females feel who do not fit into feminine societal paradigms, nor are fuckable by men, and choose or gravitate sexually primarily or solely to women instead.

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  54. Thank you for being brave enough to tell your story. I am glad you realised that you are a woman and that it is not posible to chnage sex.

    You ask if a woman would want you as a partner now you don't have breasts? Yes there are lesbians who would be happy to be your partner, to make love to you and to love you. lso sometimes have masectomies including double masectomies because of cancer and still find partners. And that is because being a woman is about more than just having breasts.

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  55. Well in response to the original post and some of the replies, I'm a (word I can't say here, start with I) and I look an awful lot like a woman, though I'm not, but here's the thing. I'm perfectly happy with who I am on the inside, and even though what I am on the outside doesn't really match (or work), I still make the best of what I've got. I think I'm able to be at peace with myself and accept myself because (other than the fact that I can't fix it) I don't let how I look dictate who I am. I don't feel that I can't be myself just because it doesn't match how I look on the outside. If you can be ok with yourself under any circumstances then you won't make decisions you regret.

    I don't have a problem with transexuals but if you are of the mentality "and after this, everything will be all better" then you might be in for a lot of disappointment. Make things with yourself all better first. Then decide what you want to do with how you look.

    I just define myself as a person, no matter how I look. People treat me as a woman, until they get to know me, then they treat me as the person I am. A lot of times they're impressed with my personality because I wasn't what they expected.

    I kind of thought Dirt was a bit harsh at first but then the thought occurred to me, maybe what she is trying to say is, expand how you define "woman" a bit to be a little closer to "person".

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  56. I am married to a man who transitioned and then went back to living in his birth sex. Was interesting to hear someone mention Asperger's here because my husband was diagnosed with it as a child.

    Anyway I completely agree with many of the posters here, the trans community is extremely hostile to anyone who de-transitions. I tried asking for some advice on trans forums one time and all I got was abuse/being called a liar.

    I think internet trans communities/real life support groups can be a very dangerous thing, if it wasn't for them cheer leading my husband through his transition I don't think he would have ever gone as far as he has in it, but any time he had any doubt about his actions he was always reassured by them.

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  57. My lady friend came out to me last Sunday about being transgendered and planing to transition from Female to Male at some point after finishing school.

    It was very hard on me, but I am being supportive, but I feel that in order for her to make an informed decision, she should hear both sides of the spectrum. The successes and the regrets.

    One thing that concerns me is that she was diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder some time ago. She has had a bad luck run with shrinks. Having had male shrinks that tried to take advantage of her sexually, to the most recent female shrink that changed her medication that was working wonders to one that has her paranoid 24/7 and refuses to switch it back.

    So, with her having this disorder, I can't help but wonder how this will play and affect her transition. Will her therapist try and address and find a way for her to deal with her Aspberger's first before moving on to talking about transitioning?

    Also, her transition to Male would be to be a Man liking Gay Men.

    Any help and info on this would be much appreciated. Please send me any links or numbers to therapist that have experience dealing with transitions with people with Asperger's.

    Send info to dmustion at gmail.

    Thank you all for your posts.

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  58. I'm in the same situation just what's stopping me is having a young son and worrying about his dad trying to take him from me but I don't want to wait for a long time cuz then I'll be to old. And I'm worried I mite regret transition and I'm just wondering if any one who has transitioned has ever regretted it because of the similar situatiin

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  59. I support your right to be who you are.
    I don't support your right to be a trash human being.

    You re rehashing transphovic arguments that trans ppl already regularly here. And You re not even using real science. You re blindly claiming sex is binary, without acknowledging intersex ppl and hormone disorders, along with hundreds of other things.

    If you can be a woman without breasts, (and you can), I can be a man without a Y chromosome.

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