Change Your World-NOT your Body

Monday, September 12, 2011

Gender Specialists/Therapists Pressuring Women to Stay with Transmen

A woman recently emailed me regarding her concerns, and displeasure at her partner transitioning. After exchanging a few emails she told me this when she expressed those same worries to her partners therapist:

The therapist is now trying to get her to see another therapist at the same clinic to HELP her adjust to her new man's fractured mind and body. She smartly saw through the bullshit and has declined therapy at this "pro-trans" clinic. Thank god for her!

I'm glad this woman chose to come out about this, its very brave of her. We're hearing more and more stories like this, "gender specialist" and "therapists" trying to "counsel" lesbians into staying with a female partner who has transitioned. It signifies the still very much alive notion even in psychiatry, that lesbianism isnt legitimate and that all we need is the "right man" to straighten us out, even if said man is really a female. It is obviously, among many shrinks, just as important to maintain compulsory heterosexuality as it is strict gender norms!

One of the worst cases I know of was a woman who stayed with her g/f after "T" and after the g/f had her breast mutilated from her and had her vagina sewn shut (can we say someone was daddy's little fuck toy?). After all was said and done, the woman found sex repulsive (naturally) with her man. She went to a therapist familiar with transition, and his advice to her was for her to "have sex with HIM whenever HE wants it"! The shrink said she will "learn to like it"! Needless to say, she didnt.

It is one sick fucking thing that these ignorant gender conforming therapists are transitioning young women and now even young girls, but it is getting much worse when these "gender specialists" are trying to convince lesbians that we in fact really DO want to be with a man!

Lesbians desire women, body and soul, period! Not men and certainly not other women who have drugged and hacked apart the beauty of the woman they could not see and respect.

dirt
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63 comments:

  1. Let's just try this for size.

    According to the usual trans cant, this womans partner was ALWAYS a man inside anyway (if we believe either the male brain stuff, OR the innate genderb identity stuff). Hence by their logic, this woman WASN'T really in a lesbian relationship in the first place! Hence the supposed lesbian relationship was just a disguise, and now she should be happy, because she can now have what she obviously really wanted all along, which is to love her man in a normal heterosexual relationship...........

    If she doesn't acknowledge this and still wants to leave, then she is obviously suffering from internalized heterophobia......

    If you can take any of this seriously, means you've spent too much time listening to Chaz Bono..............

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  2. How many wives have lost their husbands to GayTrenders?

    How my husbands have lost their wives to LesbianTrenders?

    If this partner does not like what her partner is doing, move on!! Just like the partners of LesbianTrenders and GayTrenders do!!

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  3. BadDyke-- You got that right. Jan Raymond is looking more like a genius every day.

    Interestingly, there's a new copy of The Transsexual Empire on Amazon right now for TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS. Time for a reprint!

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  4. Ooooooh! We have an *empire*! Sweet!

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  5. As regards Chaz Bono, what she apparently said was:

    "Chaz Bono says his girlfriend of four years, Jennifer Elia, has been completely supportive during his process of becoming a man, and that his gender reassignment surgery allows the couple to physically have what they've always had emotionally: a heterosexual relationship."

    So, back when we all said Chaz was a dyke, somehow they were still having what was emotionally a heterosexual relationship.

    Now what the frig is that supposed to mean?

    So, I presume that is the same sort of nonsense that some of these lesbians loosing their lovers to transition are going to hear from their NICE therapists -- it wasn't REALLY a lesbian relationship you were having, it was EMOTIONALLY heterosexual, you just didn't realise it. Your lover is a man, and always WAS, and you're just another confused heterosexual woman............

    So that's TWO lesbians erased for the price of one! Hey all you butches and femmes, THIS is what the counselling industry really wants to make of you, but lets face it, we knew that all along!

    Whilst looking at the qualifications of such therapists, I did come across this:
    "The etiology of transsexualism is, at this point, unknown. Behavior in humans is complex and largely inexplicable. We do know, however, that treatment must be provided for those who seek medical intervention. Current treatment comprises changing the body to align with the internal sense of gender identity. "

    SO, does at least admit no clue what causes it, but still treatment MUST be provided (surgery) -- despite the lack of evidence as regards the proper assessment of such a treatment, which is UNIQUE in that trans is the only such condition where the supposed treatment is surgery...............

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  6. To the goofball who said "We have an empire! Sweet!"-- Maybe you should read the book. What you have is a patriarchal empire of death for women, and heterosexual normatives at all cost. Yeah. Real sweet.

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  7. "So that's TWO lesbians erased for the price of one! "

    it is not possible to erase who a person is, if that is in fact who they are..

    Get over it. Move on. Get a life!! If someone chooses something you would not choose for yourself live and let live. If you are secure in yourself, none of this would matter to you anyway.

    Nowhere does it say others have to think like you, live like you, or act like you.

    Be the navigator of your own ship and let others navigate theirs.

    Tend to your own garden.

    Personally, I fought for diversity all the way through my adult life and will continue to do so.

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  8. "To the goofball who said "We have an empire! Sweet!"-- Maybe you should read the book. What you have is a patriarchal empire of death for women, and heterosexual normatives at all cost. Yeah. Real sweet."

    That was sarcasm, dumbass. If I believed this "empire" was real, I would be alarmed. As it is, it's nothing more than a false concept rooted in paranoid hatred.

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  9. Transguys shouldnt expect lesbians to stay with them after they transition. Lesbians like women and Transmen aint women. Makes sense. I agree on most of what you said apart from the way it was said. Somewhat offensive.

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  10. Yeah what was the "daddy's little fuck toy" comment in reference to? The girlfriend of the transguy?

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  11. It is in reference to the trans g/f having been daddys fuck toy, hence the extreme self hatred to the point of having her vag sewn shut!

    dirt

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  12. @Dirt Rape jokes are not funny. Ever. I doubt any victims of sexual assault perusing your blog would find them savory, at least. I would think a self-identified feminist would know better.

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  13. Dirt, just because you were "daddy's fuck toy" doesn't mean that every person who is uncomfortable with their assigned sex was.

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  14. I dont see anyone laughing Anon, nor do I see where there is any "rape joke".

    To the other Anon, show me where I said "everyone". Also there are plenty of posts here regarding what an awesome father I and my brother had, try reading them if you dare.

    dirt

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  15. ... I'm pretttyyy sure any human being with a heart would think that you referring to someone who suffered abuse as "daddy's little fuck toy" is HIGHLY offensive. You're probably directing that more towards the father (who I doubt was abusive, but you never know), even still, it's extremely insensitive.

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  16. If you have read a single post ever in this blog then you are well aware I do not mince words nor to I adhere to PC bullshit. And I doubt her g/f of 10+ years struggling for help is going to lie. Its not like child rape isnt high among female transitioners.

    dirt

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  17. It's not about being PC, it's about being.. empathic? Aren't you supposed to feel sorry for these "women"? Why would you reduce someone who suffered abuse at the hands of a MAN to an object of sorts?

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  18. It is in reference to the trans g/f having been daddys fuck toy, hence the extreme self hatred to the point of having her vag sewn shut!

    This actually makes sense. If some female hated being daddy's little fucktoy then of course she would hate being female and everything associated with being female in a patriarchal society. The concept to which Dirt is referring, is different ONLY IN DEGREE (and crudeness lol) from all the other more well known and certainly already accepted-as-valid feminist theories.

    Btw, there was a commentor in another thread who said that the transgendered do seem to understand the concept of gender roles as merely a role and a social construct. No, they do not. Period. Fullstop.

    If they did understand that the various categories of femininity (madonna, whore, maid) were merely an fictitious ideal forced-fed to females since birth for the benefit of men, then they wouldn't be transitioning AT ALL, nor would they have ANY desire to do so. Nor would they do anything other than criticize transgenderism.

    As soon as someone realizes that gender roles (both masculine AND feminine) are an unnatural state of being unfit for any human, then they would also realize that any attempt to conform biology to such a role is INSANITY PERSONIFIED. It's like saying "since god is real then we need to worship him in the way that he demands". Uh, god isn't real and neither is gender. Their belief is real, yet the only thing proven by the existence of their belief is that they're INSANELY STUPID. A fond hope that the Tooth Fairy is real, isn't the criteria which proves the existence of the Tooth Fairy. duh. seriously, duh.

    Anyway, these people are just morons who lack a working brain and I greatly admire Dirt's persistence. Keep up the most excellent work!!

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  19. The only reason some of them will say they understand that gender is socially constructed and socially enforced is because it's relevant for their next, more important point that they disarm you.

    Notice what they they say NEXT and notice how that (whatever it may be) directly contradicts their first statement.

    "Gender is a social construct and I've always felt like a social construct and I'm trying to be the best social construct that I can be and how dare you hurt my feelings."

    Their IQ is that of a gnat.

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  20. Dirt, it's not connecting history of sexual abuse to transition that I'm pointing out as problematic, but this is not a matter of you speaking your mind. It's a matter of you making a joke out of sexual abuse and shaming people who have been made victims of it. Above all, it is sexist. By making rape jokes you minimize a form of horrible violence that has been used systematically in the oppression of women. Not to mention that, for survivors, reading that kind of thing can trigger PTSD.

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  21. "Daddy's little fuck toy"? Was that really necessary? I have a little mantra you might want to learn. It's very simple, it goes: Rape Jokes Are Not Funny.
    I do agree that lesbians should not be made to stay with trans men upon or after transition. But hey. You don't need shitty counselling to arrive at the conclusion that a relationship is at its end.
    I do admire your style in making this not about the douchefuck counsellors that say ridiculous shit, but about how trans* folk are so mutilated and misogynistic that they must force the women in their lives to be unhappy.

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  22. >>As soon as someone realizes that gender roles (both masculine AND feminine) are an unnatural state of being unfit for any human, then they would also realize that any attempt to conform biology to such a role is INSANITY PERSONIFIED. It's like saying "since god is real then we need to worship him in the way that he demands". Uh, god isn't real and neither is gender. Their belief is real, yet the only thing proven by the existence of their belief is that they're INSANELY STUPID. A fond hope that the Tooth Fairy is real, isn't the criteria which proves the existence of the Tooth Fairy. duh. seriously, duh.<<

    One of the most beautiful paragraphs
    I've ever read in my entire life. THANK YOU.

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  23. well I'm a victim of childhood sexual abuse, and I didn't think Dirt's comment was offensive. Jesus christ, I had tits by the time I was eight or nine years old -- boys would NOT leave me alone and their harrassment wasn't because they wanted to play dominoes!

    They harassed me CONSTANTLY precisely because I refused to be docile and fulfill my little housefrau/sexbot role. The other little girls (teenagers really by the time they received that sort of sexual attention) who had already been prepped/brainwashed by society and coerced into acting like a ignorant bimbo were left alone from the boy's most vicious attacks.

    So fuck off. You are exactly like the liberal porn dogs who will carefully caution other liberal porn dogs of the need to speak respectfully of the "empowered" girl they're busy raping. That weird re-naming of reality is why they will call it "surprise sex" instead of rape.

    It's why they will call a woman with authentic feminist views "cunt" and threaten to rape her in extremely crude, violent language, while carefully referring to the woman who has already been brainwashed into serving as their cum dumpster in more polite euphemisms.

    When a feminist names the hatred and dehumanization for what it is, it feels threatening to you. HA. good! You feel threatened only because you prefer to keep the depth and breath of misogyny under wraps, silently invisible whenever possible and only referring to those very real horrors in oh-so polite washed-out phrases as a last resort.

    Hitler chucked the jews into the ovens like so much pizza. I'm surprised he didn't eat them.

    How exactly is that disrespectful to jews? It frames their abuser quite accurately as a monster, after all.

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  24. "daddy's little fuck toy"???

    You disgust me, Dirt.

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  25. m Andrea, would YOU refer to yourself as "daddy's little fuck toy"? No? So it's only ok when Dirt does it, and only when she directs it as trans folks, right? Would it be ok if Dirt called a butch lesbian struggling with self-hate "daddy's little fuck toy"?

    FUCKING DISGUSTING. Sickening. Incredibly offensive. Not at all feminist. Morally bankrupt.

    I have to go throw up now.

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  26. Okay, I have to agree that what those gender therapists are saying, (should these be the same wording.) Is not right. Have sex whenever HE wants, learn to like it? That is disgusting. That's like telling me if I sleep with a man enough times, I'll get used to penis and start to like it. (Makes me shudder at the thought.) This is a huge step backwards for society, and these therapists are only pushing on the door.

    A lot of trans guys do identify as lesbians prior, and thus end up in a relationship with a lesbian. I for one would be prepared to lose my girlfriend if I decided to transition. It's one of the many decisions one needs to fucking weigh before taking the leap. If you're a man, and your girlfriend identifies as gay, then it's a likely chance that she will leave you. It's just logical. It's not homophobia. It's not transphobia, it's HER feelings. Something far, far more important then any of that fluff.

    Yes, there are girls that can work with you through it, that doesn't mean you should expect everything to be hunkydory. Every woman on the earth is a beautiful, unique and special creature, but that doesn't mean every one of them is attracted to transsexual men. Transition affects every one of your friends and family members and special people. A lot of kids need to realize that it's not just cool to cut your tits off. When you transition, you don't "Turn male." You turn into something that mostly resembles male as best as you can get it, so you can be comfortable WITH YOURSELF! Not to fit in, or be cool, or to play with the baseball bat.

    Going through the medical system is one of the reason's I'm so hesitant. My feelings about gender aren't because I wanna hop on the hetero train or fit in with the youtube crowd or wear tuxedos or any of that socialized bull crap. (Though tuxedos look fantastic, on the ladies too, usually even more so!)I would do it for me, and purely me. I've never fit in with society and I never plan to. Bullocks, all of it. The system seems to think differently, however. (It's cuz I never got to play with my brother's legos, OBVIOUSLY. I was forced to my barbies that I hated and THAT'S why I'm secretly a boy qq. Stupid as hell. The little boy in my house loves my little pony. He doesn't tell me he's a girl for it, and it sure as hell doesn't make it so.)

    It's hard to explain how I could possibly feel the way I do, while rejecting this modern day 'queer theory' so I'm not gonna dig into it. I... don't quite fit in with that crowd, lol.

    Trying to keep on the subject; No lady should be forced to stay with her relationship. If she's unhappy, she deserves every right to leave. Whether her other is sporting a vagina, a penis, both, or nether. That shit only matters in bed. And the advice these 'therapists' were giving to the ladies could not be more wrong. They oughta have their licenses revoked. Ugh.

    Sorry, I ended up ranting a bit.

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  27. "which is UNIQUE in that trans is the only such condition where the supposed treatment is surgery..............."
    yes, it's not like those people who feel their leg shouldn't be a part of their body gets to shop it off, right? Should they? The only way for them to be happy is to become and amputee, so why not?

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  28. @MIss A,

    I'm channeling another Miss A. Miss Arendt, who would likely deem all this the "banality of the gender straight jacket"!

    dirt

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  29. "Get over it. Move on. Get a life!! If someone chooses something you would not choose for yourself live and let live. If you are secure in yourself, none of this would matter to you anyway."

    More liberal personal choice pseudo-feminism.

    The last line though is utter bollocks! It implies that if you think it matters what others do, then you are insecure in some way. Or conversely, if you are secure in yourself, then it DOESN'T matter what others do. La-la-la, they're all consenting adults, so WHATEVER.

    So, by this line, it doesn't MATTER that women go back to abusive male partners, as long as its not me, why should I worry why they do that? She even says it is her choice, so why worry? She says he never hits her, so why worry?

    Okay, let's stop playing this we don't care about the choices of others game, because in any SANE society, a member of that society should be concerned about a situation where they think others in that society are making choices that aren't the best.

    "it is not possible to erase who a person is, if that is in fact who they are.." So why do so many trans people get pissed when we won't use male pronouns, or argue that surgery is a bad idea? If they REALLY are the men they claim they are, why do they need all this?

    In what subtle way is invalidate different to erasure?

    Possibly linked to the fact that lesbians don't seem to NEED the validation that trans people always seem to be looking for, and throw a tantrum about when they don't get it...........

    "Going through the medical system is one of the reason's I'm so hesitant. My feelings about gender.."

    Sorry, are we back to the little voice in the brain view of 'gender' here, because we're still waiting for an answer as to what it is supposed to MEAN, feeling like a boy, because if we junk all the gender-roles crap, what is left to feel LIKE..........

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  30. m Andrea, would YOU refer to yourself as "daddy's little fuck toy"? No? So it's only ok when Dirt does it, and only when she directs it as trans folks, right?

    Why exactly should I take Dirt's comment personally when I know Dirt wasn't talking about people like me? It looked to me as if Dirt was referring to victims who have internalized so much sexist bias that they can't even recognize all the ways they've been victimized.

    Besides that, it wasn't the fucktoy comment that got trans so riled, it was Dirt describing how a transgendered would sew her vagina up so daddy couldn't fuck her anymore which caused the upset. Think that one hit a little too close to home...

    And that comment wasn't even ridiculing victims of sexual assault, it was merely contemptuous of those too stupid to make the connection between sexual assault (or just living under patriarchy) and the subsequent desire for females to run away from their female body.

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  31. "Dirt describing how a transgendered would sew her vagina up so daddy couldn't fuck her anymore which caused the upset. Think that one hit a little too close to home... "

    Yeah, let's face it, we can all get that. Sew up that which makes you vulnerable, and always will, and instead replace it with what is seen as the ultimate symbol and weapon of that abuse. Go from being the one that gets screwed, to the one that does the screwing. From passive to active in the male sexist lexicon of genitalia.

    We can ALL feel the deep, visceral lure of that sort of desire, because we can ALL remember some time where we did feel that vulnerable, and the deep-seated anger and resentment that we could be made to feel like that.

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  32. I don't believe in gender but I do believe in muscles and beards.

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  33. "I don't believe in gender but I do believe in muscles and beards."

    Yeah, and all human beings have muscles, and most have facial hair of some sort............

    What was the point supposed to be?

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  34. There is nothing that can be said on this blog that will change a person's desire for male physical attributes.

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  35. "There is nothing that can be said on this blog that will change a person's desire for male physical attributes."

    If so, WHY bother posting, if we're no 'threat' to the trans trend?

    We have trans trenders proudly commenting on every little wisp of facial hair that sprouts, yet NO ONE saying anything about the fact that many women are naturally hairy, and almost no one that I've ever met thinks that such natural hair is a thing to be desired and praised. Many women I've met learn to like it, or at least accept it, but no one I've met actively desired it, or would write -- wow, that looks so sexy, I wish I was as hairy as you!

    So why do some women desire it? Because it's supposedly a sign of maleness. Because all these daft gender sterotypes just limit our freedom to be naturally what we are, and the trans cant just supports the same limits.

    If everyone, men and women, was free to just be, then there'd be nowhere to transition to or from, and if anything, you'd just have some people with a slighty odd desire to have body parts they didn't have. There'd be no 'feeling like a boy' to talk of, just females who might say that they feel they should have a penis, not a vagina, which presumably would then be treated as some sort of body dysmorphia, just as some people think they need to loose a limb to be happy and fulfilled.

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  36. "If everyone, men and women, was free to just be, then there'd be nowhere to transition to or from, and if anything, you'd just have some people with a slighty odd desire to have body parts they didn't have."

    This is the fallacy. Being able to do anything or look like anything you want to will NOT change what transpeople want for their bodies. You are talking about a social issue, but transition is a very real physical process that has many, if not all, desired results. That's why you are fighting a losing battle.

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  37. Okay wow... could you please put a trigger warning somewhere before the sensitive part of your post. For some people phrasing like that can be very triggering and it would probably not be too hard to add a few words near the top.

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  38. Lies more lies from the angry femme Dirt. I call HER FEMME because she's about as hateful towards anything male identified and as self righteous and bitchy as one. Get over yourself Dirt. You know nothing about transmen and need to stay in your own community. Go be a lesbian and let people be happy being themselves. You fought as hard against oppression as they did, so get the fuck off your pedistal before someone knocks you off of it. Seriously, you are pissing off a lot of people with this hateful banter. Let's see how you feel when someone makes a page about stone butches and how similar you are to transmen minus the dyke label. Also, most people who are stone have suffered sexual abuse. So you're no more than a Daddy's little bitch then we. Or maybe your mom fucked you? In any case, what you fail to see is butch is a lesser shade of trans. You don't feel the need to transition. So therefore you have no right to speak on it like you know what its like or even the mental physical, social, or intellectual aspects of transition are. What you need to do, is kindly put the keyboard down and go commit suicide to the latest antigone rising CD :) I hope you get bashed and left for dead.

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  39. Seems to me you like mommy better than dad, dirt. How much time did you spend worshiping your mother's pussy as a child you sexist sea cow? You're a disgrace to the LGBTQ community with your hateful blogs. I find it funny how you dedicate your life to talking shit about FTMs, sending out WRONG info on them, and making a joke of rape. Well Dykes get gangraped all the time, they too are Daddys little dyke toys. Even if they'd rather their moms touch them. See how easy it is to stereotype? Lesbians shouldnt be camp counselors. We wouldn't want them touching the girls when its time to change for swim class. We should also only hire MALE gym teachers or married heterosexual gym teachers. Dont want the dykes near the girls in the dressing rooms! Easy to poke fun. See? I can also give out the game bullshit info you do.

    Butches secretly envy men but use anger, hostility, and bias to deflect their wish to be the dominate source of reproduction. They'll drink beer, fix a car, and appreciate a woman in heels but scowl at their own father. Lesbians resent men so much they normally grow to hate any male in their family or future lives.

    See how easy it is to MAKE UP SHIT?

    Kill yourself.

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  40. BadDyke. Trans isnt a TREND. Educate yourself without being a sexist DYKE like dirt. Fucking femmenists...sigh. I'm all for equality but seriously its people like you and dirt that make all queers look bad. They dont have medical treatment for TRENDS idiot. You cant buy a gender at walmart. Nor does it have a designer label. Seriously. Grow up. Get over yourselves.

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  41. Seriously... what does it do for you to cut other people down? Is that how you get your jollies? Go ahead, trash ftms. Trash people with the cajones to live their lives in accordance with who they really are, not who everyone else wants them to be. Go for it--- because farbeit for you, a member of a discriminated-against group who expects respect from others regardless of your own orientation and choices, to lend the same courtesy to a member of a similar cultural group.

    Just two questions I have, because I fail to see the point of recriminations toward someone so obviously mired in self-hatred: 1) What is your opinion of male-to-female transsexuals? and 2) Why, if you're so against ftms, do you look and sound exactly like one?

    Have a beautiful day.

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  42. So, if lesbians in their past were raped by their dad or step dad, would you also call them "Daddy's little fuck toys?" I think not! Yeah, what a feminist you are!!!!

    Everyone at the club I was at thinks you are disgusting as hell. They all think you have issues that you have not yet dealt with. You are the laughing stock of the gay club here as well as the Raleigh/Durham Gay pride. People had pictures of you and they were burning them. No one here takes well to hatred and abuse.

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  43. Sucks what the gender therapists are doing, but don't hate on all ftm. we ain't all like that.

    To much hate. Learn to love.

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  44. Exactly Anon, learn to love yourself and all your female beauty, inside and out!

    dirt

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  45. Anon@3:46,

    AWESOME! "Everyone" at a club knows the dirtster! Tell "everyone" hi for me.

    And prettying up the ugly truth is exactly how rape turned in "sexual assault".

    I'm not interested in prettying up the ugliness. Until we actually see child rape and other such uglinesses for what they are, they will continue happening. And some women will continue hating their bodies afterward to the point of transition. Another ugly truth.

    dirt

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  46. Yeah, because describing someone as a fuck toy is the ugly truth. I don't see "fuck toy" as ugly. If anything, it's more sanitised than describing someone as a young child repeatedly abused, raped, violated, broken. Compared to the truth, fuck toy sounds almost euphemistic.

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  47. "BadDyke. Trans isnt a TREND."

    Nooooo of course not. Not even in iran.

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  48. AWESOME! "Everyone" at a club knows the dirtster! Tell "everyone" hi for me.


    Not in a good way by any means! The club owner would NEVER let you in to be honest. She would never let filth into her club!

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  49. "Daddy's little fucktoy?" WOW. That's a really astonishing level of viciousness you have there, to speak of *anyone's* situation with such glib savagery. You're a classic fundamentalist, no different in kind than some patriarchal religious nutjob. Fortunately I know you don't speak for all lesbians any more than Chaz Bono speaks for all transmen.

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  50. Hun, I didnt say I wanted in, I've never been one for "clubs". I merely said tell "everyone" hi from me.

    Love all the red herrings though, typical from those in the never ending state of transition.

    dirt

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  51. Learning to love yourself and your body is not a process restricted to those who do not transition. All people, trans or not, are fully capable of this process, as it is a human journey. If you react with horror to the surgeries and hormones of transness, then by all means do not transition. At this point though, I've seen way, way too many transphobic "lesbians" hate on transmen and question our validity only go on to transition later in life and be much happier. Once you are at peace with who you are-trans or not- you don't have this huge chip on your shoulder like some of the "women" on this blog. The proof is in the pudding. If you find yourself disproportionately mentally engaged with transness, you'd be better off digging deep and finding out what that's about. Go easy on yourself and open your mind. If there was no stigma attached to transness, many of you would have already transitioned.

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  52. If you find yourself disproportionately mentally engaged with a relatively small group of woman who disagree with the concept of "transness", perhaps you'd be better off digging deep and finding out what that's about. Go easy on yourself and open your mind. If there was no stigma attached to being an unconventional woman, many of you may not have transitioned.

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  53. "If there was no stigma attached to being an unconventional woman, many of you may not have transitioned."

    This is hilarious because I was an "unconventional woman" for years and years before I transitioned. Actually I was not unhappy with being unconventional, I was unhappy because I realized that I could change my body and get on with my life as a PERSON.

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  54. "This is hilarious because I was an "unconventional woman" for years and years before I transitioned. Actually I was not unhappy with being unconventional, I was unhappy because I realized that I could change my body and get on with my life as a PERSON."

    Yes, because women who don't conform to what is generally expected of them are not people. We are, in fact, from the planet Zurgon.

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  55. This is absolutely unacceptable and these "therapists" should be investigated for malpractice, if that sort of recourse is available.

    No one should ever be pressured into having sex with someone they don't want to have sex with, for any reason, at all, ever. And partners of transitioning trans people should be supported by understanding professionals who acknowledge their sexual orientation and desires as real and their grief over the relationship as legitimate.

    Trans people need to grow up and find partners who are actually attracted to us. It's not exactly that hard.

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  56. I found what you said about the person's reasoning to undergo genital surgery ("daddy's little fucktoy") incredibly insensitive, vulgar, and offensive. As someone whose girlfriend was molested by her father, how dare you make some rash, snap judgement with such horrific language.

    My girlfriend does not want her vagina sewn shut. She wants that trauma to have never happened.

    Likewise, you have no way of backing up that claim towards this individual. You have no way of knowing whether there was abuse or not.

    To claim that decision was based on a history you cannot prove, and in such an offensive way, shows your level of ignorance.

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  57. I don't see how tossing "hate" (however one defines that) in anyone's direction is going to heal anyone of anything. That goes not only for Dirt, who based on her own understanding of bodies and identities, I think is sincerely trying to do what she feels will make this world a better place for women (of various gender expressions, religions, sexual orientations, abilities etc.), it also goes to my fellow trans-identified folks tossing hate at Dirt. If a space is not safe for one group, it is not safe for any group because at such a time we ALL become members of a suspect population. In other words, when you throw hate at Dirt then you hurt yourself, your friends, your loved ones, and vice versa. We don’t escape the cycle of violence this way. We fuel it.

    To hate someone for their own good, or to hate someone to protect someone/a culture/one’s self-identification etc., to hate for revenge or self-preservation...how can these things lead to healing and well-being regardless of who is lobbing it?

    I am very heart sore.

    There are contradictions in me and places where I fail to achieve my own goals and hopes extolled here, that we can heal by not harming and then in return not be harmed. My name is not anonymous, it is Amiko-Gabriel. I want you to know that because I am as real in feelings, failings, beliefs, and vulnerabilities as any person on this board. And you are likewise all real to me.

    And by real I mean significant. And by significant I mean that I love you. And by I love you I mean that I want to be good to you. And by be good to you I mean that I want the violence and cross fire to be much less (and so I want to contribute to it less). And by wanting the violence to be much less, I mean I support Dirt's being a woman and a non-trans butch lesbian; I support those young trans people she parades and shames and fears for, I support them in their endeavor to create the definition of safe space for themselves, within their own bodies and by the powerful act of self-naming their identity; and I support their girlfriends or boyfriends in personal decisions to take care of their own emotional well-being, even if that means leaving.
    Words are munitions and the mouth or typing fingers can be used as a weapon (but does not have to be!). And the more I read the more I care about everyone who has posted, the more I see that we are hurting each other. Stop! Please! Every one of us, we all bleed pain through our labels of “dyke”, “lesbian”, “trans”, “genderqueer”, “valid person”.

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  58. it seems to me your focus is on lesbians dating trans people, aren't you perhaps forgetting transpeople arent always "lesbians", many transpeople are also attracted to men, so after transition they identify as gay cos i really dont see any mention of this anywhere

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  59. "Being able to do anything or look like anything you want to will NOT change what transpeople want for their bodies. You are talking about a social issue, but transition is a very real physical process that has many, if not all, desired results. "

    Except if it's JUST about bodies, why does so much about 'transition' have to do with trying to ape the social signals, modes of dress, modes of speech of those who were born with the bodily attributes that you supposedly desire?

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  60. "why does so much about 'transition' have to do with trying to ape the social signals, modes of dress, modes of speech of those who were born with the bodily attributes that you supposedly desire?"

    Rather than, say, trying to GET RID of the rigid boundaries.........Except, whoops, that would mean getting rid of the concept of 'gender identity', and where would the trans cant be without it? We'd just have female persons with a body dysmorphic disorder that meant they wanted a penis, and that would have NOTHING to do with dress, or wanting to be treated like a person with a penis, or any of that nonsense.

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  61. "Trash people with the cajones to live their lives in accordance with who they really are, not who everyone else wants them to be."

    CLASSIC trans doublespeak! Who they really are is female, what society wants them to be is either PROPER females or proper MALES, and hey, that's what they are willing to mutilate their bodies to conform to! If they can't do what society views as proper female behaviour, then the only other option is proper male behaviour.

    Very little of which is about who they REALLY are (i.e., females who have figured out that ACTING female and feminine in this sick society is a load of nonsense).

    Instead, we have the MAGICAL 'I'm really male inside', which is the only valid response as far as society is concerned from a female that can't/won't do feminine.

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  62. What people do to their privates are no one else's concerns. You're a twisted loser, Dirt. They are not hating on anyone. They are minding their own business and simply trying to become happier. Go hate on the rapists and the sick murderous people out there, not on 19 year old kids. This has nothing to do with self hate. Nor love. They are simply in the 'wrong' body and that is simply that. It is a medical diagnosis, not a trend. Are you ignorant? Being a therapist myself I know many of my patients love themselves and embrace the fact that they are trans. It is not hindering their life in any way at all. They are wonderfully happy through their transition and live life as any other person.
    You are not trans (though you could probably be in denial of that) so who are you to claim that they HATE themselves? How do you know anything of these young adults by simply stalking 1:30 long clips of them on Youtube? You're so pathetic. If they did hate themselves I assure you they'd take their lives as many do, trans or not. I know for sure that you are just hateful and will never be happy. You are a sad, sad little being. Their bodies may be 'mutilated' as your ignorance would say, but at least their hearts are not. Enjoy your life, obsessively stalking young 19 year old transmen.

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  63. "They are simply in the 'wrong' body and that is simply that. It is a medical diagnosis, not a trend. Are you ignorant? Being a therapist myself I know many of my patients love themselves and embrace the fact that they are trans. It is not hindering their life in any way at all. They are wonderfully happy through their transition and live life as any other person."

    Bollocks. As a medical diagnosis, it is flakey. As a therapist, you should actually know that studies in this area admit that there is NO basis in evidence for the efficacy of SRS in the long term (sheffield university meta analysis).

    "I know for sure that you are just hateful and will never be happy. You are a sad, sad little being." And yet you want us to believe you're a trained therapist, and you come out with crap like this?

    Sorry, those of us who are proper scientists have looked at the medical evidence, and as regards psychology and psychiatry, its as stuck with patriarchal notions of gender and gender approriate behaviour as the rest of society. And of some nutty gender therapists too, I might add.

    "They are simply in the 'wrong' body and that is simply that." Nope, that's a hypothesis, and a pretty flakey one! Indeed, given patriarchal society and gender conditioning, we could have PREDICTED trans behaviour purely on the basis of social conditioning, we don't NEED all this wrong body/sexed brain nonsense to explain the phenomenon of some girls feeling so alienated from their own bodies.

    And if you don't think that wanting to cut your own breasts off is a sign of hate, then you're sicker than your patients.......

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