At my worst, dysphoria affected my whole life and all my routines. i would shower in the dark or look at the wall or seiling while i was showering to avoid seeing my own body. Something as simple as urinating was source of dysphoria and sometimes i would avoid going to the toilet simply because the fact that i could'nt stand up to pee was a making me dysphoric. Of course i couldn' hold it in forever and , to my own despair, i eventually went to the toilet. Being called by my birth name or by female pronouns was source of dysphoria, and that happened everyday. Sex life? Let me put it this way: if anybody had even suggested that they found me attractive i would probably have hit them other the head and told them to piss off. This are just some examples, if i was tell people everyway dysphoria affected me, i would probably have to write ten pages.Today, some things still make me feel dysphoric, but since i now understand the real nature of gender dysphoria, it doesn't affect me as much.
Due to the fact that my body is relatively androgynous, dysphoria doesn't bother me -that- much on a functional basis. Usually it can just put me in a really bad mood and make my depression/stress worse. It's irritating when I have to worry about how my clothes sit when I'm trying to pass. I wish I didn't have to think about that. Or if I'm at home and I have to wear tight shirts and bras to please my parents, it feels really humiliating like I have my sex on display which is something I prefer to have the choice to disclose or not. Other than being massively annoying and depressing, though, it doesn't really affect my sex life or looking in the mirror or anything. I actually find myself relatively attractive, if a bit less toned than I wish (but I think a lot of people feel this way).
It affected and affects my whole life. Communication with others is the worst, because if I am alone I can pretend. Sex life usually involves communication, so it is also difficult. By the way, thank you. Reading what you write somehow begins to open my eyes (sorry it is not very easy to express myself in English).
Doll,If you ever want to talk feel free to email me.dirt
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