Change Your World-NOT your Body

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Breast-A Discussion

Due to a serious bout with the flu and having to take some serious cough meds I apologize for neglecting the blog/comments.

I like to have an all around serious discussion on breast, your breast to be exact. Discuss feelings you had or have about your breast, even if you have had them removed. How did you feel about your body before your breast developed? How after? Do they make you feel uncomfortable? Powerful? Self conscious? Sexy? For those who have had them removed, would you have felt more comfortable in your body had your breast never developed? Why? Just a few questions, but discuss your feelings about your breast using these few questions or how ever your feelings take you.

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23 comments:

  1. I used to hate my breasts with a passion and i've put them through a lot. First i started binding which gave me a weird infection with green-brown discharge from the nipple (kinda TMI, sorry), which went on for two years. Wasn't even binding that tightly, but it ended up ruining my breasts and it looked like an old lady's sagging breasts. Then i had breast reduction surgery (i really wanted top surgery, but thank God, my family wasn't supporting of me transitioning). Today i honestly regret having the surgery, not because of the results, my chest look almost normal again and my posture is like ten times better, but because at the time i did it for all the wrong reasons.
    I wouldn't say my chest makes me feel sexy or powerful, rather i'm feeling pretty neutral about them, like they're just another body part. i would love to love them, but it's kinda hard to simply start loving something you've hated for so many years.

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  2. Before my breasts developed, I never really paid any attention to them. Until, that is, my mother started making me wear sports bras "training bras" in third grade (when I had nothing note-worthy until 7th or 8th). After that I was on "boob-watch" and was sent down a horrendous path knowing I couldn't escape. There were points in time I would wish for a chance to have them removed, or never come in at all.

    I basically denied any other bodily changes I had until periods started, at which point I tuned out completely and set my life on auto-pilot.

    Right now I feel pretty indifferent about them. I'd rather they not be here more for aesthetic purposes rather than me being uncomfortable with them, although that creeps up from time to time. Having breasts is more of a hassle to me rather than anything else. The most uncomfortable part of having breasts right now is working in a binder (actually I'm so small I typically only wear a sports bra, in the proper size, for those concerned about my breast-health).

    I do plan on having them removed, so I'll answer the last question as well. I think it's difficult to assess whether I would have been more comfortable if they had never grown in in the first place. Part of me says I would, because I wouldn't have to worry about the hassle me breasts are causing me now. But the other part says no, because had everything else developed "normally" I still would end up completely uncomfortable in my body and worked toward transition, I just wouldn't be getting chest surgery.

    I hope everything comes out clearly. If not, let me know what needs to be clarified. I think this is a great discussion to be having!

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  3. Today, I feel sexy and confident with my breasts, but it was difficult growing up with them.

    I had C cups in middle school, which developed into Ds in high school. I remember a lot of boys going to detention for talking about my boobs in middle school, a lot of pointing and snickering from the other girls, and my mother having obvious issues with my breasts. She was constantly on edge when we went out, always on the lookout for men looking at me inappropriately.

    I was already socially awkward and shy growing up, so getting the extra attention for something beyond my control made things difficult for me. I would have rathered been invisible than to be known for that.

    Today, however, I do enjoy them. I still get unwanted attention from men, and I'm always cautious when in public, but they're me. I like the attraction they receive from partners of my choosing, and the many pleasure I receive through them. When I was 14, I would have loved to get rid of them, but I've grown to appreciate them.

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  4. Ive never liked them, not from day one of puberty.

    I started wearing sports bra's as soon as it started so that i could some how conseal them, as they got a little bigger i'd wear two bra's. A basic kind of binding, started at 13.

    They never developed into anything too unnobtainable, but in no ways did i feel sexy. Though i was told COUNTLESS times from gf's how great they were.
    I agree, they're shape is pretty perfect, i dont have bad ones that make me feel self concious,
    They just dont do a damn thing for me no matter how many people compliment me.

    Its a ME thing. Not an inadaquecy problem.
    They just make me feel discusting, targeted. I'd rather not be noticed.
    even by females.

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  5. I'm mostly indifferent about my breasts, actually the only time i might be bothered is when they are sexualised by others at inappropriate times (I should note - not only by men), because I just see them as any other body part and that makes me feel uncomfortable/ dehumanised. Before my breasts developed I used to run around without a shirt on all the time, so I was disappointed when I had to start covering up/wearing a bra, sometimes I envy men who (for the most part) don't have (what's seen as culturally) sexual objects on their chests. However I do appreciate my breasts sometimes, I like their size and shape and how they look under shirts/ tshirts tailored for women, how they compliment my figure, it's mostly when I wear mens shirts/ collared shirts that I sometimes wish I could have a flat chest just for a while, I just want the best of both worlds! Haha. Though I wouldn't "bind" because of 2 main reasons - The damage it can cause to your breasts, and also I have a theory that "binding" might actually increase body dysphoria. (Great topic by the way)

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  6. I have a pretty complex relationship with my breasts too, largely due to being sexually abused as a young child but not entirely. I hit puberty young, at 9. I now know that very early child sex abuse can trigger this so I wonder if it might have been different if I had been left alone. Questions that will never be answered.... Anyways, life can be tricky for the only girl in grade 3 wearing a bra. I was teased mercilessly, mostly by the other girls, but not entirely. My abuser also noticed the new growths and commented on them CONSTANTLY. I was a C-cup by the age of twelve and they were noticed by adult men too. I would get whistled and shouted at pretty much everywhere I went. Even the male teachers and principal at school were constantly checking me out and trying to hide it.

    I was torn between being glad and proud to finally get some attention, any attention, and being creeped out by it. As I grew, I liked the sense of power that they gave me. And when I was 18, long after having run away from home at 12, I decided to put them to work. I worked as an exotic dancer and that strange sense of empowerment mixed with creepiness that I had felt when they first grew raised it's head again, but multiplied. I only danced for about a year and a half, and then I got pregnant.

    My abusive boyfriend/fiancee said he would stay with me and support me as I had the baby. We would get married as we had always planned, the summer after I was due, when I would be 21. I had a rough birth, one that it would take years, and therapy, and education, and the love and support of other birth-rape survivors to overcome. But breastfeeding, now THAT, that was AMAZING.

    There was no ambiguity there! I loved, loved, loved feeding my daughter. I was blessed to have a good nurse in the hospital who helped me get a good latch. And I was blessed to find an amazing family dctor who helped me through the rocky first weeks of breastfeeding. Most other women don't get this support and so they are sabotaged and unable to have a successful breastfeeding relationship. But I was one of the lucky ones and I am so thankful. Breastfeeding has been the most empowering, freeing, dignified, beautiful and self-affirming thing that I have ever done. Because of breastfeeding, not only that daughter, but the four other children that I have had, I can say that I have no mixed feelings about my breasts at all! They have been the safe place, the comfort, the nourishment and the joy of all my children. I am currently breastfeeding the two youngest, aged 14 and 38 months. I'm not saying it has always been easy and that I haven't had rough patches. There has been mastitis, thrush, nipple confusion caused by hospitals giving formula, nursing through pregnancy and then pumping for a preemie and having to spend three months teaching him how to feed from my breast instead of a bottle. But it has always been a positive relationship. It has been the foundation of my parenting and ensured the good start my children have all had. I love my breasts, as I love my uterus and all that is Womyn about me. It is my power, my peace, my joy and my gift.

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  7. So you have some idea where my opinion is coming from, I'm FtM and I'm naturally pretty flat chested (A cup, give or take depending on weight/hormone fluctuations).
    Before they developed, I actually wished they were bigger because I was worried I was fat and thought they would make me look skinnier. I also had sexually toned fantasies about having them.
    After they developed...well...they didn't develop much...but what did develop, I felt were in the way. They hurt, and I never really liked secondary sexual characteristics. There were quite a few years that I believed that the perfect human had no breasts, (womanly) hips, or penis, which I felt detracted from efficiency in activity.
    I've had more than one person (like my mom, guys...) telling my chest was flat. But for some reason it always made me really happy and amused. Never insulted like it made my mom feel when people bullied -her- about it in school.
    I would prefer if my breasts had not developed because I would look more like I would like to look, and they would not be annoying and in the way, getting hurt when things bump into them.

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  8. @Scribe

    "I was already socially awkward and shy growing up, so getting the extra attention for something beyond my control made things difficult for me. I would have rathered been invisible than to be known for that."

    I totally get this. I got my period at 10 going on eleven and developed a 36B Chest. I was the only girl at my age wearing a bra and getting me periods. And the attention I got from boys totally confused and embarrased me. I resented the changes and resisted them for years because I knew that the expectations that these changes signified had nothing to do with who I was inside. It took me quite a while to realize that I could be who I was and woman at the same time....

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  9. I like my chest but...July 12, 2011 at 11:48 PM

    I just want them smaller...thats all I ask So I don't have to deal with the binders anymore. I've been binding for 2-3 yrs now and the breast tissue is still intact but there's excess skin that doesnt need to be there (I got droop-age like no other)I'm looking into a reduction...

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  10. For most of my life i've been indifferent toward my chest. I don't really remember getting them but I do remember being one of the first few who had on a bra in the locker room. I gained a few pounds a couple years back and i couldn't ignore them any longer. At first I was weirded out but I began to like them. I'm topless most of the time at home. But oddly I wish they went away when i put on clothing. I really don't like how clothes drape around them. I've thought about binding but I'm into physical comfort more than anything. I don't call myself a woman and I don't call my chest breasts because these words cause me discomfort. Maybe one day i will no longer be uncomfortable with these words i don't know

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  11. One day a shirt I loved fit funny, and from then I needed a bra. I never minded my breasts, or the attention they got me. I've shared them many times over with all sorts of people of my choosing, and they have brought tremendous joy. I used them to feed my baby once upon a time. Today I love them for the pleasure they give me and my better half. I can't imagine life without them.

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  12. Before I hit puberty I never really thought about my breasts. Around 15- bam- there they were. As a self-identified Butch lesbian I often wear sports bra's because it is the only way I feel comfortable. My breast are a c/d cup and I like to "control" them as much as possible. I would never consider binding or top surgery but, hope to one day have a reduction operation. I generally feel pretty neutral about them.... but, the feelings come and go. In the bedroom I have no quams with my partner touching them etc... but, I really wish they were smaller.

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  13. At the age of 15 I wanted breast implants. The media images had infiltrated my brain and when I looked at myself in the mirror all I saw was a body that was not doing what it was supposed to. I would never go swimming because of my flat chest. I was bullied, by girls and boys in school for not developing.
    The only reason I didn't get the OP was because I didn't have the cash.


    Now I am truly horrified that Body Dysmorphic Disorder was imposed on me by my culture at such a tender age, and that I was actively seeking out breast mutilation in order to look "normal".

    As I mentioned on another thread, I am currently breastfeeding and at the age of thirty I've never been happier about my breasts.

    I am so grateful that I never actually made it to the operating room of the Doctors of Death i.e the Nazi male surgeons who butcher the healthy bodies of women.

    The same cultural forces are behind breast implants and FTM mastectomy. Are all part of the same forces: money-making, misogyny, the objectification and sexualization of the female body, the gender binary, women-as-playthings for men, women hoping to lessen the impact of misogyny in their day to day lives.

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  14. Oh and this is my three-day anniversary of going bra-less. I'm giving up wearing bras.
    Even doing a little bit of research you can see that bras are not good for breast health.

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  15. I know quite a few lesbians who treat their women like play things and have no respect for them what so ever. It's not just men that can be total asshole, it's women too! You can't judge a whole gender based on your beliefs or what you want to believe.

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  16. I never enjoyed my breast. I didn't get them until late and I hope to have them removed in the next five years. They are just these huge things that get in my way. I have no use for them. I don't plan on carrying any children and I don't enjoy my breast being touched. Since I got them they have just been something that makes my back hurt. My back and mind will be better off without them.

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  17. Anonymous, To clarify:

    Male-dominant cultures have created the gender binary in order to push women into the subordinate role of playthings for men. We're talking about cultures that are so sick that raised scars filled with plastic are more acceptable on a woman's chest than living tissue. It's a patriarchal horror show.

    It does not surprise me that masses of young women are signing up to get rid of their breasts in an attempt to escape the gender role of sexual playthings for men that has been assigned to them.

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  18. Before they developed, I wasn't aware of my body as ... an object of scrutiny really, if that makes any sense. But the self-consciousness came with that and other developments. I disliked it a great deal. It was humiliating to have that going on.

    When I was a teenager, I sometimes used Ace bandages or I would wear multiple bras (like two minimizing bras) to make them smaller. The religious / cultural milieu that I came out of emphasized women covering themselves, that the body was about sexual temptation, shame, degradation and men's inability to control their penises. That made it an issue one couldn't ignore, because your clothing and presentation was so policed by others. Constantly worrying if you were presenting yourself conservatively and godly enough. Plus, men being men, even in my most conservative time, I often got comments, looks, touches, etc. about them. This is how patriarchy works anyway. No matter how a woman tries to follow the dictates, it still punishes her for being a female.

    After having children, it became like, "Oh well, fuck it." I nursed them and since babies tend to nurse so often, I had to deal with them all the time. I don't like that they got bigger and never decreased after weaning, like supposedly happens with a lot of women.

    Now, I do wear what would be called push up bras. I don't wear very low cut tops or dresses or if they are, I supplement with a cami or tank top. I know that the women I have been with tend to be women who like that aspect of a female's body very much and I appreciate sharing it with them. ;)

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  19. I went back and forth with my breasts. There were times where I wanted them large. I was tormented during puberty since my breasts felt like the last thing to grow. Boys and girls would tease me! There were times where I wanted them to clearly not exist (aka they get in the way too much.) I think the major key for me was to stop dealing with people who made such a fuss over 'em whether they were females seeking breast implants, females stuffing their bras, females seeking top surgery, females binding them down with ace bandages, duct tape, or fancy binders sold online, or males or females drooling like idiots (the worst of it from my experience comes from males). I sometimes imagine what the world would look like if females were just as proud of their breasts (or even vaginas) as males are as "proud" of their penises.

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  20. When younger, I used to hate mine (got in the way whilst bowling playing cricket). Later years, despite being fat, I decided to stop wearing a bra (too damn uncomfortable with large breasts!), and now I just kind of let them jiggle about under a loose lycra top.

    My wife loves them, and they feel pretty good in that regard! :-)

    I guess the real problem is that we don't have any realistic clothing options other than:

    bra (display them for the boys)

    binder etc (try to hide them).

    Binding just sounds jolly uncomfortable to me, I've tried the whole tight clothing to try and hide the fat nonsense, and it's a pain!

    Nope, it's all just me, every billowy, curvy bit of me, and after a lot of hassle, I like most of it most of the time.

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  21. I like this post, simply because it gives everyone, including transmen, an equal opportunity to share their personal feelings. I am an FTM. For me, puberty was the start of a long time living in hiding.

    I did not develop early or late. It was somewhere in the middle. I was not picked on for being large or flat. No one snapped my bra straps. Regardless I still hate my chest. Having the shape and size change was horrifying. I felt humiliated when my mother took me shopping for bras.

    True, I did not want people to see that I was maturing sexually. I did not want men (or women) looking at my chest with any sort of desire. There was more to it than that though. I felt horribly wrong in my body. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I didn't want anyone to see a deformity.

    I hid in sports bras and baggy layered shirts for years. In my early college years I tried to get over it. I tried to fix my problem mentally. I tried to act and dress more feminine. I let people put make-up on me, got pierced ears, wore feminine clothes, and even picked out a few "real" bras- the ones with cups and designs as opposed to the white, black and neutral athletic bounce-preventers.

    I rarely wore them. I thought they were pretty, but could not stand to wear them. I felt like I was playing dress-up, but not in a good way. I was trying to do it for other people's pleasure. In the meantime I was horribly ashamed and embarrassed.

    I do not shower often enough because I hate my body. When I do shower I do not look down. I stare at the wall and look for patterns. I only look in mirrors to make sure that I don't look too busty or feminine. I know females do not have to be feminine, but it does not fit who I am. I am simply not female.

    After failing to fix this mentally, I finally accepted myself and decided to transition. I will be having top surgery in January and look forward to a life-changing discovery of self-confidence and not feeling like I have to hide myself.

    I've been binding and actually feel better about being looser and saggier because it doesn't show as much. I can cover and pull my skin enough to almost look naturally flat now and I like it. I believe without a doubt that being born biologically female or male with this mind and identity, it would have been much simpler never having developed. It would have helped me confirm who I was sooner and I would not have experienced so much self-hatred.

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  22. I also do not experience any positive sensation in my chest. Sexual attention does not feel good, even with women. If, and I know this is a risk, I look sensation when I have surgery, I will not have regrets. I do not have any erotic sensation there currently. It just feels bad.

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  23. One day I bounced when running, and looked down my shirt in confusion to find I suddenly had half-baseballs stuck to my chest. From there it degenerated into 34DD/E, and then 34F/32G, but I didn't find that out until my late teens because I was too busy wearing three sports bras at once under my baggy clothes. No one else suspected how huge my chest was, luckily. Insert lots of stories here about sobbing in bra fitting rooms. :P

    Now I usually bind, and my chest has gotten saggier but I actually like it better this way---I can see my pecs better, it's easier to imagine them gone, and they can get flatter when I bind. I've never understood the horror of sagging; it's just something that happens to human beings, and I've always thought that having alien sacks of flesh hanging off your chest is pretty horrifying in the first place. It took me a while to be attracted to my gf's chest, but now I can appreciate it---partly because I'm attracted to everything about her because it *belongs to her*, and partly because I associate them with the nice reactions they elicit. :)

    I like the sensation in my nipples when I don't overthink it too much, and all things being equal I would probably breastfeed, but I'm not willing to suffer these... _things_... for another 10+ years until/if I have kids. (I'm 25 now; I think I probably would have grown out of it if I was going to.) I debate between a major reduction and top surgery, but I sincerely doubt that any reduction doctors will reduce me to an A or AA cup, since they seem to be obsessed with being "proportional."

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