Change Your World-NOT your Body

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Transition: A Mother's Worst Nightmare

Sent to me this morning:

i regret coming back to talk to you that day but i could tell by your voice that you had something important that you needed to say. i regret saying "spit it out" when you hesitated. i regret that the second you told me you felt that you're transgender i wanted to put the words back into your mouth and out of my head. i regret that i cannot wrap my mind around what all of this means. my sweet perfect baby girl, i regret that i am yet again failing you because i dont know how to support you through what i know is a difficult time for you. i regret that, in a dark corner of my mind, i think i would almost rather have you live a lie than face this mountain that im not sure i am strong enough to climb. ive examined every little detail of your life that i know of and i regret that if there were signs along the way i missed them all. i love you. i have loved you since before you were born and i will love you as long as i live. i regret that im not handling this in any way you wanted or expected me to but youve told me youve known for *years* what i've only had *days* to process. when i look at you i see my beautiful, funny, intelligent, quirky daughter. The baby i carried inside of me. The baby that i knew was a girl from the time of conception. try as i might, i cannot see the man you feel as though you were meant to be. i cant bring myself to imagine what the world might do to you. i regret that your dad doesnt understand why i cant shake this off. he has a *plan* to seperate you from your friends with the hopes that you may be just confused, curious or even following the crowd. He continues to operate under the assumption that this will pass and he hasnt even let himself wonder, as i do, what if it doesnt.im glad you got in to therapy and im glad i have as well. i regret that what you need most right now is my love and support but what i need most right now is just the chance to grieve for the *you* that has probably never existed outside of my own head. I have always told you to be yourself and i still mean for you to do just that and i pray that i have taught you well up to this point so that you can stand your ground on your own with whatever you decide because im a little busy fighting my own battle in my head. Please just know that i love you and im doing the best i can.

Love, Mom/42


Sounds like the father has the right idea and based on what the mother says regarding his "plan", I suspect some serious trans trending influences.

Thoughts?

dirt
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37 comments:

  1. this is so close to the letter I got from my mom when I came out as lesbian that it is scary. Not much difference in confusions and fears as nearly as I can tell.

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  2. A Lesbian Daughter: A Mother's Worst Nightmare?

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  3. Anon@8:11,

    It doesnt specify that the girl is a lesbian, read again.

    dirt

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  4. I read it pefectly well.

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  5. I am curious to how old the daughter happens to be. The mom is 42, so I can't imagine the daughter being old enough to really understand the death that transition causes.

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  6. A lesbian daughter: A mother's worst nightmare
    A gay son: a father's worst nightmare....
    A trans son: a mother's worst nightmare...
    A trans daughter: a father's worst nightmare...
    The list goes tragically on...

    This is the most ignorant manipulation you've ever tried to pull, Dirt.

    Lord help you if someone finally commits suicide over the slander and dehumanizing filth you write and try to persuade here. And I hope that no sources ever lead back to your name if that were to happen. You wouldn't be ready for that type of attention, I know that much. This comparison is morally wrong. You're absolutely groundless in all of your opinions, and feminazism. You are a disgrace to feminism and I want nothing more to do with this.

    My mother said similar things to me and I did try to kill myself. Nothing hurt me more than that. The fact that you would sympathize with this letter is truly demonic. You are the face of hypocritical hatred and intolerance.

    Live and let live or DIE and let live. Those are your only options. Otherwise, YOU are the abomination. No better than ol' Adolf himself. No better.

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  7. Anon @ 9:13 refers to a loving mother as Hitler. Damn. And "tried" to kill yourself because your own mother expressed loving concern (according to your narrative). Sounds more like you punished your mother with a manipulative false "suicide attempt". Because mom was like a Nazi: an anti-semetic genocidal sadistic torture-killer, right?
    Yes, it is right because it's what you just said. So yer mom tossed a million corpses into unmarked graves. And "feminazism", feminists that slaughter millions, so many bodies that armies of bulldozers are needed to push the piles around. YOU anon, are a SICK ANTI-SEMETIC FUCK, calling mothers and feminists nazis. You also HATE WOMEN. I can't think of a single lesbian, gay or trans acquaintance who responded to a loving, worried parent with such incredible hatred and vitriol. You have a problem not caused by Dirt or any parent. A serious, grave problem. A lack of empathy. A mental disorder. I hope you seek help. I'll pray for you. And I'll pray for the world to be protected from you.

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  8. GallusMag...that was a sad attempt to revert attention away from everything that anon said.

    youre response was pathetic and moronic. Come on, man. You're silly. You clearly didn't get past grade school when it comes to properly reading something. Your response isn't even worth it. I'm done. Haha.

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  9. "And "feminazism", feminists that slaughter millions, so many bodies that armies of bulldozers are needed to push the piles around. YOU anon, are a SICK ANTI-SEMETIC FUCK, calling mothers and feminists nazis. You also HATE WOMEN."

    ....what?...Is this person serious? When was any of this bs even said?

    Keep your prayers to yourself...you clearly need them.

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  10. feminazi - A radical or militant "feminist", perceived to be intolerant of opposing views.
    en.wiktionary.org/wiki/feminazi

    Moron.

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  11. Wow, who knew Rush Limbaugh was writing Wikis.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminazi
    Obey your right wing anti-semetic master, morons.

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  12. "Obey your right wing anti-semetic master, morons."

    My bad. Anon is all the same creep-o.

    So moron, singular.

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  13. GallusMag said...
    Anon @ 9:13 refers to a loving mother as Hitler. Damn.


    I also do not see the relevance or your post in regards to what Anon @ 9:13 wrote. Where on earth did you come up with the deduction you came up with?

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  14. How come a mother cannot lovingly grieve over something that will have a very lasting impact on her daughter's life? No where did the mother ever, ever say that she hated her daughter or that she wanted to disown her, etc, etc, etc. All I read were the words of a mother trying to respectively and lovingly handle such tremendous news. You are all so selfish and greedy to think that someone, especially someone who gave birth to you, will always say, "YES! I LOVE YOUR DECISIONS!" Some parents will, some parents won't at all, but there are still some parents who simply need time to handle such life altering, literally, news. My mother reacted very similarly when I came out to her, but I gave her time, respectively, to handle the news. She is supportive and ever loving. People need to grow up and realize that the world doesn't revolve around them.

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  15. May 19, 2011 2:31 AM

    I think what I heard many of us saying is this is no different than the *starting point* of where our mothers were when we came out as Lesbians to our families. It truly is not that much different. I personally was not stating my mother was wrong for her initial response.

    But truly.. Think about it for a minute. The letter was not any different than the responses towards parents with gay or lesbian children (adult or child).

    And yes.. Living your life as Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgendered is a very selfish act if your parents are devistated by it. On the other hand it is a very selfish act for parents to want someone they love to live a lie so they will be happy and not disrupt their world. It cuts both ways.

    I can see the initial response, but sooner or later the parents need to come to terms with the fact their child is different.

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  16. This mom should tell her daughter exactly how she feels about this, and why she feels the way she does. Be honest and direct. It might make a difference. Also open up a dialogue about sex role stereotypes. Tell the kid that there are all kinds of ways to express yourself and live the way you want without resorting to drugs or surgery. Try to steer her towards more positive interests. If possible, depending on her age, limit her time on the internet, as this seems to be the biggest source of negative influences. If she's still living at home and is a young teen, keep her away from friends or groups who are bad influences. If you can find a good counselor (feminist), take her there. Don't "accept" it, there's no rule that says you have to- in fact, continue to call it as you see it and KEEP TALKING to your daughter. If you have never seen any past evidence of male-identification in your daughter, tell her that loud and clear. Tell her that you know there is a transgender fad out there and that these kids are NOT trans.

    Our daughter went through a phase last year where she thought she was trans, due to the peer influences that are currently in the "queer" youth groups and on the Internet. If your kid is into Anime and Yaoi, this is often a factor. With many kids, it is just a phase. The important thing is to help them see it for the phase that it is.

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  17. Just calling to attention the intentions DIrt had in posting this. Not the mother's feelings (which are quite common for gays, lesbians, and transgender people). Dirt's intentions to post this were to showcase that being trans is an abomination and a selfish act on their part to deliberately hurt one's mother. Another childish tactic to alienate the transgender community on Dirt's part. She manipulated this in a hurtful way that is just...too close to home for a lot of us this time.

    She titled this "Transition: A Mother's Worst Nightmare."

    People...look at her intentions in posting this. It is monstrous. That is what needs to be paid attention to...

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  18. Also, regarding therapy, these kids coach each other about what to say to convince therapists that they are trans. So if the therapist is someone who is likely to co-sign the kid's trans narrative (usually because they are uninformed about the current fad)-- then run, don't walk, to a different therapist with a FEMINIST orientation. Some of the therapists do more harm from good, and I'm speaking from experience.

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  19. As with anything, the ones who try to 'convince' therapists, parents, peers that they are trans are the ones that should be addressed in this blog. I find that those individuals are the one's whose parents are completely flabbergasted and surprised at children who have shown no sign of being transgender (those aside from those who are butch lesbians- two different types of people). I promise you that you won't catch any sincerely trans individual talking that "I played with boys toys as a child, and I wanted to be a boyscout instead of a girlscout therefore I am man" jive. Because these are ploys by trenders who for some reason desire the difference in appearance associated with transgender people. When in reality they are either butch lesbians or slightly confused. (You will also find these same types of people continuing to date lesbians, creating excuses as to why this is acceptable, and partaking in many women's activities that no man has any business asserting to be apart of).

    There are a lot of butch lesbians who desperately attempt to pass for trans, because they are bored with who they are. It is truly no more than that. It just isn't fair that people who are actually transgender have to pay for the performance that these young women are putting on. It is truly nothing but a performance.

    They are easily detectable. It is at these women/girls on whom Dirt should be focusing her efforts. Not the actual men with a birth defect that cannot be helped.

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  20. it's so stupid to compare transitioning to being gay
    yes, some parents don't like their kids being gay, but they don't like their kids doing a lot of things
    being gay doesn't destroy who you are!
    it would be better compared to a kid who decides she wants to remove all her fingers and install horns on her head or something

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  21. My mom didn't feel any of these things. Ever since I was 3 or 4 I told her I am a boy. I went to therapy for years and was diagnosed with GID at 18 and she'd even come into my therapy sessions with me. I waited until 2009 to go on T. My mother was proud of me way back then and is still very proud of me and I'm almost 40.Hell at 5 years old my mom started buying me boys underwear and stuff.

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  22. i'm almost 40 too
    i was raised in a pretty gender-free way by hippies
    have been wearing boy's underwear since i was a kid as well, and still wear mostly men's attire but i mix it up
    i have no desire to transition, or to pass as male (unless for kicks with my girl which is fun because it can be stopped) it just seems so backward to me, the opposite of being cool- incredibly trapping.

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  23. These ridiculous comments about antlers and trying to look like animals are laughable. Do you honestly, I mean seriously, need to be told that transition regards the same species? Do you genuinely think feeling you should be a bloody deer or something is equivalent to transitioning to the opposite sex of your own race? God, it's hilarious.

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  24. (that is how silly it looks to most people, whether they admit it or not)

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  25. "Believe" being the operative word. Medically drugging/mutilating a healthy body due to an unhealthy mind is REAL.

    dirt

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  26. Anon@10:36,

    If you were even slightly exposed to the general public in any way shape or form, you were not raised "gender free".

    dirt

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  27. Back when I thought I was trans, my mother reacted in a similar way when I came out. She was trying to accept "me" and I wish she hadn't. What I wish my parents had done, and what I think every parent of a transperson should do, is to tell their kids that you don't have to be stereotypically male or female to be a "real man" or a "real woman". Instead, many parents of transpeople say things like "It kinda makes sense, you were never like a real girl". Like that's supposed to help you accept yourself... -.-

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  28. Dirt, don't be so foolish to try to tell someone how THEY were raised. You are very uneducated in a number of ways.

    It would do you good to get some schooling and understand how ignorant you truly are. You're absolutely in the dark.

    For one thing, to assume that you understand/are able to make an accurate assessment of the mind of ANOTHER person is ignorance incarnate. Your sycophants are guilty of this tragedy as well.

    You are in the dark. Understand that. The only light you have is your own understanding of YOU.

    Otherwise you are deaf, dumb, and blind.

    In other words, keep your eyes on your own paper. The other's work isn't written in your language. So never compare it.

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  29. I am a transgender and my parents didnt raise me learning about stereotypical men and women. They taught me to be me whoever that may be. They taught me that men and women are equals. That you shouldn't discrimnate against anyone because you don't know their life. I might be transgender and other people may think my parents failed because of it. I know that my parents did a fantastic job.

    K.C. it is nice that you share your experience.Some other people may be going through a similiar thing as you did. I agree parents should tell their children that. I know my parents reminded me of that. I told them I know that I don't have to be male, they raised me better than that.

    I did not have horrible experiences in life. I was never made fun of as a child for being different. In high school i wasnt an outsider. My family doesnt have disdain towards me. In college people dont act weird towards me. My feminist friends dont feel like I betrayed women. I haven't changed into a different person. I am healtheir and happier than ever. My mom sees that my transistion isnt my mothers worst nightmare or not even in the top 100. My mom's worst nightmare is another one her children dying before her.

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  30. Anon@9:51am

    If you watched any tv or were exposed to any persons besides your parents growing in any way, including school, then you werent raised viewing men and women equally.

    dirt

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  31. How can you say how someone was raised? People are exposed to the world parental figures raise them. ( if they have one)

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  32. People arent raised in vacuum, every thing they are exposed influenced their upbringing and adult lives.

    dirt

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  33. Dirt is right. No one is raised in a vacuum. You can find children of minorities who wish to still look white even if their parents/friends/family never ever told them they were inferior in any way.

    Also I find the Nazi/Hilter crap to be sickening, exaggerating, and stupid! I honestly came to this blog looking for the type of things I equate to those comments. I was ready to jump all over Dirt. Now I see that honestly some of you just need to get off the internet. I dont agree with the woman all time but good grief!!!

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  34. LOL - leave lynn's blog for months, come back, and guess what?? Another trans post! It never fails! Your obsession is showing lynn. We all know you're a bad case of sour grapes. You hide behind the excuse that you're fighting misogyny and championing women, but at the end of the day, you and I both know that's bullshit. You're the angry one. Angry at who you are and who you will never be because you didn't have what it takes to walk the walk. You're a sad, sad little woman.

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  35. I ended up having to stop reading this blog because of this. Haha. You're sick. As a lesbian yourself I had been hoping you would understand people's struggles to get others to accept who they are, but you don't. You're just some feminist asshole. I am all for women's rights, really I am, but all this slander against transgenders is sickening. Its not a choice and its not anything you just "decide" one day. I sincerely hope no one like me ever reads this blog again. I continued it in the hopes that just maybe you would prove yourself as something more, but I was wrong. I wish you the best and hope you never touch the internet again.

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  36. "but all this slander against transgenders is sickening"

    The slander against critisizers is much more sickening. But that's standart for trans people. What fucking hypocrites they are.

    "I sincerely hope no one like me ever reads this blog again."

    That's good because you don't understand it anyway.

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  37. "Just calling to attention the intentions DIrt had in posting this. Not the mother's feelings (which are quite common for gays, lesbians, and transgender people). Dirt's intentions to post this were to showcase that being trans is an abomination and a selfish act on their part to deliberately hurt one's mother. Another childish tactic to alienate the transgender community on Dirt's part. She manipulated this in a hurtful way that is just...too close to home for a lot of us this time.

    She titled this "Transition: A Mother's Worst Nightmare."

    People...look at her intentions in posting this. It is monstrous. That is what needs to be paid attention to..."

    All that is ignored, dirt can do no wrong she is an angel.

    "it's so stupid to compare transitioning to being gay
    yes, some parents don't like their kids being gay, but they don't like their kids doing a lot of things
    being gay doesn't destroy who you are!"

    Being transexual doesnt destroy who you are. Seriously people why try to elevate your own identity by demeaning other people's. It gets you nowhere and doesnt score you any points. You don't want to acknowledge me, i will refuse to acknowledge you either. Gets us both nowhere.

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