Change Your World-NOT your Body

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Body/Sexual Dysphoria

Seeing how this blog is read by nearly females only, lets discuss a topic that affects nearly all females on some level: body/sexual dysphoria.

A few questions to get things going....

How has body/sexual dysphoria affected you personally? That can mean you as an individual, as well as if you have partnered with a female suffering from extreme body/sexual dysphoria?

At what age did your body/sexual dysphoria largely begin?

Does your monthly cycle increase your dysphoria?

Has body sexual dysphoria hurt or stopped you from comfortably enjoy sex with a partner?


Have you worked through your body/sexual dysphoria? If so, what has helped you to work through your dysphoria?

dirt
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71 comments:

  1. //How has body/sexual dysphoria affected you personally? That can mean you as an individual, as well as if you have partnered with a female suffering from extreme body/sexual dysphoria?//

    From my pre-teen years to my mid-twenties, I would mostly wear guy's clothes. I was not comfortable in women's clothing. Luckily, the skater and hip-hop styles allowed for the very baggy, long shirts and baggy pants - the better to hide one's female figure. Of course, the shoulder seams on those shirts were down to my elbows, LOL. I did the Ace bandage thing a few times, and wore compression-style bras to flatten it out.

    Partnering with women who've had this issue, it means they often don't take their shirts off during sex (which I used to do myself), or they won't let you touch them or they get upset when you do touch them (even if it's on accident or carried away in the moment). It makes you feel embarrassed, ashamed, wrong, as if you are hurting her. You know that society hurts her, maybe her family has too, and you don't want to be another person contributing to that.

    //At what age did your body/sexual dysphoria largely begin? //

    I developed early... probably about 9 or 10. I've only come to accept the structure that I'm in, and to like some aspects of it. I don't know how. I didn't go to therapy or write in a journal or something. Maybe it's just that I grew up eventually, and my concerns became larger than this (family, work, etc).

    //Does your monthly cycle increase your dysphoria?//

    Yes. I denied for years that it took place. As soon as it was over, it was a thing forgotten. Then I'd always be surprised the next month. I wanted to be older, in the sense of being independent, but I didn't want to grow up. To me, it meant that now some man could get you pregnant. On top of the way teenagers (and society) in general treats the thing (smelly, messy, gross, makes girls irrational and moody and crazy, etc.)

    I never use the actual words for it or anything. I know enough now to track it in a calendar and what the signs of it's impending arrival are, so it doesn't take me by surprise. I will be glad when it really is over for good.

    //Has body sexual dysphoria hurt or stopped you from comfortably enjoy sex with a partner? //

    Yes, in the past. I felt that certain things about me were yech, so I wouldn't allow it. Even things that I wanted, I was too embarrassed or ashamed, so... As a partner, in the past, I didn't get to explore or do things for her that I might have wanted to. Now, I have a different attitude, and an understanding of the issues and I work with it.

    //Have you worked through your body/sexual dysphoria? If so, what has helped you to work through your dysphoria?//

    I think getting older has helped a lot. I just began to have bigger day to day concerns that sort of took me out of that place in my head. Some of those concerns weren't good ones, but they changed my focus and energy.

    I still don't believe my girlfriend, however, when she says I'm beautiful, etc. But I figure if she likes what she sees, then that's good. I feel the same way about her. I think she is so beautiful, so hot - that edge on top of her female body and those female attributes - and I know she doesn't see herself that way.

    By the way, in case anyone thinks this is a Butch issue, I'm Femme.

    ReplyDelete
  2. know what i find funny with these silly baby ftms? the fact that they continually come here and click 'disagree with post' on every single topic, even when there is nothing to disagree with- such as in this post and the previous.

    just shows what trolls they are and how they really are just children acting out.


    dirt- so it make those counters really silly to keep on your blog. they serve no purpose, as they are continously used this way.

    i mean really how do you disagree with this post and the last?!

    ReplyDelete
  3. DD,

    Thank you for your honesty, as I Butch know first hand, these are the most difficult subjects to talk about, even within a loving Butch/Femme relationship.

    dirt

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  4. Anon,

    Like far too many ftMs and their comments here, they clearly indicate they read nothing posted here.

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ftms actually DO read the post and I don't know about others, but I dont press the disagree button just because I can and anyway why should it matter? It's not like I'm posting hateful things and ftms are NOT babies. It takes a lot of courage for some of them to take a shot for the rest of their life even though they hate needles. Or that they don't like hospitals, but still get the surgery. If anyone is acting like a baby it's the people who are being rude about ftms. I know not all are nice or whatever, but don't generalize. It's wrong.

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  6. Anon@1:32pm,

    Can we get back on topic as body/sexual dysphoria in females is a HIGHLY important topic and affects us all.

    thanks

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anon@1:32pm,

    Can we get back on topic as body/sexual dysphoria in females is a HIGHLY important topic and affects us all.

    thanks

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm not your usual target audience, I know.

    "How has body/sexual dysphoria affected you personally? That can mean you as an individual, as well as if you have partnered with a female suffering from extreme body/sexual dysphoria?"

    It made me suicidal until I decided to transition, and I have felt much better since I started to take estogen and antiandrogens.

    "At what age did your body/sexual dysphoria largely begin?"

    As early as I can remember. By the time I was four, at the latest, and probably before that.

    "Does your monthly cycle increase your dysphoria?"

    I don't have one. I used to stare up at the full moon and cry and pray for healing.

    "Has body sexual dysphoria hurt or stopped you from comfortably enjoy sex with a partner?"

    I haven't had physical sex. My last relationship was a long-distance relationship.

    "Have you worked through your body/sexual dysphoria? If so, what has helped you to work through your dysphoria?"

    No, but it's not nearly as bad as before. I feel much happier in genera, and feel happier with my body, but I still feel like that one part isn't right. My last girlfriend helped me with that, but it still feels wrong more often than it feels right. I look here and there – I used to read Blue Traveller's blog, I have read Natural Butch, etc. as well as trans blogs – to see how people cope and to see if there is anything that can help me accept my entire body without surgery.

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  9. Anon@2:40pm,

    While I dont mind you reading, especially if you get some help from it, but in future I would appreciate if you didnt comment.

    This blog is for females only.

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  10. "How has body/sexual dysphoria affected you personally? That can mean you as an individual, as well as if you have partnered with a female suffering from extreme body/sexual dysphoria?"

    I've dealt with body issues my entirely life, though I've been fighting against them more aggressively the past couple of years. I'm definitely far more confident now than in high school.

    "At what age did your body/sexual dysphoria largely begin? "

    I was pretty young, probably 7 or 8. My mother was always plus sized and made it obvious that it bothered her. She began working at a weight loss center, and I watched her weight fluctuate throughout my childhood. She was even featured in our local newspaper for losing so much weight at once (very small town). She was never able to keep it off though and gained it all back within a year or so.

    Like DD, I developed really early. At first my mother was proud but became concerned when I became large breasted in elementary school. I got made fun of at school for my chest, and I got my mother's well meaning criticisms about my weight at home. All that kind of affected through the rest of my life.

    "Does your monthly cycle increase your dysphoria?"

    It's when I feel the least attractive. I would take birth control just so I can skip my cycles, which not really that healthy at all. I've stopped taking birth control earlier this year. I don't like it when it comes, but it's just something to deal with.

    "Has body sexual dysphoria hurt or stopped you from comfortably enjoy sex with a partner?"

    It used to a lot, but I'm mostly happy with myself now. Taking better care of myself these last couple of years has overall improved my confidence, so I'm happy to throw down any Butch that happens to come by. ;)

    "Have you worked through your body/sexual dysphoria? If so, what has helped you to work through your dysphoria?"

    Most of it, yeah. I think watching my mother through the years has helped me a lot. I saw her as a woman who would tear down walls everywhere, from home to school to her career. She was confident with everything else, just not with her own body. Which was sad, because I always thought she was beautiful and someone I wanted to be like in almost every way. I saw how much her body issues held her back, and I didn't want that for myself.

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  11. I thought about answering this honestly, and then I thought why the hell should I when she's (dirt) just going to delete it. Whatever. You suck DIRT

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  12. Nice excuse for your fears Anon. Besides I dont "suck dirt", even as a child I never even ate dirt.

    dirt

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  13. Y don't we just call you by your name Lynn instead of dirt. I'm sure you wouldn't respect anyone else chosen name.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Because you dont know "lynn", you only know "dirt". Those who do know me do call my Lynn.

    dirt

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  15. I don't have fear, I'm just damn sick of you deleting anything unless it's some insult or threat. Do I need to put a fuck you in here so that you don't delete it?

    In the female, nature made a very bad design. That's what I think every time I see my own reflection and have to deal with hormone cycling and periods.

    Every bad thing you can think of, the female got it, while males got everything good. If I was religious I might think it's as though god hated us for some reason.

    This is not patriarchal conditioning I'm talking about, but rather facts of nature. The female body is a shitty design regardless of societal conditioning, it's shitty all on its own.

    I wish I could upload myself into a computer then I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore.

    Or die. Thankfully I'll get to that eventually, hopefully sooner than later.

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  16. If you actually look at the female body as opposed to the male body, female bodies are far superior biologically.

    Your issues are clearly internalizing external BS.

    dirt

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  17. How has body/sexual dysphoria affected you personally? That can mean you as an individual, as well as if you have partnered with a female suffering from extreme body/sexual dysphoria?

    It made me really depressed, contemplate suicide, and start self harming. I wore guys clothes while in elementary school, but later my mum decided to take it all away from me. I dressed more androgynously in Middle school, which made me feel dysphoric. Then when I was a freshmen, I wore "feminine" clothes. which werent really that feminine, just feminine for me. Thats when I started to self harm.

    At what age did your body/sexual dysphoria largely begin?
    Body dysphoria for me began when I was 9 or 10. It got worse when i was about 12. and then even worse around 14.

    Does your monthly cycle increase your dysphoria?

    yes. it took me a while to accept that I was going through the monthly cycle. When I was a young child, I thought I was guy. Then as a got older and was told "youre a girl" constantly, I thought that I would go through male puberty and just be a guy. When my chest started grow and I started experience my monthly cycle i was just like "woahhh". My monthly cycle started when i was about 11/12, but I didnt tell my mum (or anyone) until about 1 year later.

    Has body sexual dysphoria hurt or stopped you from comfortably enjoy sex with a partner?

    im currently only 15... So I dont think that I would be sexually active even if I didnt have dysphoria. I am not a very sexual person...

    Have you worked through your body/sexual dysphoria? If so, what has helped you to work through your dysphoria?
    Not completely.. I bind and buy my clothes in the boys department, which has really helped a lot. I've also been more open about discussing how I feel with some people I can trust. That has helped as well... But i still dont feel comfortable in my body.

    (I am a half "out" pansexual ftm transgender. Pre-T and surgery. Even though I feel like T and surgery may help (not bottom surgery though), its something that I think you really have to think about. I wouldnt start T for a while. Even though T may be frowned upon by a lot of people, its really about feeling comfortable and happy. T would be more of a last resort for me though I think... no permanent changes for now..)

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  18. Anon@8:45

    (this is anon@11:02) I dont know if you're an ftm or genderqueer or what... But as an FtM, i understand how you feel about your body.. That being said, I dont agree with what you said about female anatomy..

    At least in my personal experience: theres a difference between hating female anatomy and being dysphoric about being female. I dont know if you were exaggerating your opinion to strengthen your argument, or if thats how you actually feel... If its the latter, tht actually makes me.. sad..? Yes, you can be whatever and hate the female body, but just because you hate the female body doesnt make you an ftm or genderqueer if you identify as one of those...

    Misogyny and being an FtM are not the same thing, they dont go hand in hand.

    Also, I think women are biologically superior? Dont they live longer? Also, I think theyre less prone to a lot of mental conditions and diseases..

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  19. Anon@8:45

    (this is anon@11:02) I dont know if you're an ftm or genderqueer or what... But as an FtM, i understand how you feel about your body.. That being said, I dont agree with what you said about female anatomy..

    At least in my personal experience: theres a difference between hating female anatomy and being dysphoric about being female. I dont know if you were exaggerating your opinion to strengthen your argument, or if thats how you actually feel... If its the latter, tht actually makes me.. sad..? Yes, you can be whatever and hate the female body, but just because you hate the female body doesnt make you an ftm or genderqueer if you identify as one of those...

    Misogyny and being an FtM are not the same thing, they dont go hand in hand.

    Also, I think women are biologically superior? Dont they live longer? Also, I think theyre less prone to a lot of mental conditions and diseases..

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  20. "This blog is for females only."

    Then why does it have a man's quote on the top of it?
    And why is it run by a dude?

    ReplyDelete
  21. I experienced terrible body dysphoria for years and years. I starved myself down to 80 pounds and nearly died. I hated my body so fucking much, every second of every day. I hated it for not being the right kind of body for a woman or a man.

    After much hard work I have learned to love it. Every dip, every curve, every lump of fat. Every hair, every wet spot, every freckle. My breasts, my cunt, my hips, every single inch.

    I am a genderqueer transguy. There is nothing wrong with me, and nothing wrong with my body.

    I do not hate my body, myself, women, or femininity. My gender is fluid, femme, masculine, and male. And my body is perfect for all of these things.

    And if at any point I decided to take testosterone, or otherwise change my body, it will be because it is what I want. Not because of internalized sexism or some sort of desire to mangle myself.

    I'm sure you won't post this, since you never post my comments. But I have to at least try to get my message across.

    It seems like you're coming from a place where you have experienced body dysphoria. And this has been painful and difficult for you. And you have learned to love your body, your femininity, your womanhood.

    And that is wonderful. But everyone's path is different. The resolution of my body dysphoria did not end in a female identity for me. Nor did it end in surgery and hormones.

    The resolution of my body dysphoria also did not end in misogyny, male privilege (as almost no one reads me as male), or an eschewing of femininity.

    Both of our paths are different, but both of our paths are beautiful. And just as I would never tell you that your path to self-love and feminism is wrong, I would hope you would stop telling me that my path to self-love and feminism is wrong.

    Please please engage with this. I want desperately to believe there is a part of you that might be willing to listen to trans experience.

    How can we possibly learn from eachother if we don't listen?

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  22. Anon@3:28- There is no such thing as "gender identity". That would be comparable to "Left foot identity" or "Brown-hair identity" or "nose identity".
    There is only sex, and you are female and always will be.

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  23. This is anon @ 3:28.

    I know that y'all like to point fingers when trans people get upset or angry on this blog. And some of our anger is misguided, misdirected, misspoken in ways that are embarassing to me as a trans person.

    But you have to understand that this is where it comes from. Despite the fact that this blog turns my stomach, hurts me deeply, and makes me feel self-hatred in ways that a whole life-time of sexism has hardly amounted to..

    Despite all of that I am coming here with as much love and compassion in my heart as I can possibly muster. And when I come like that, trying to listen to and understand where y'all are coming from. Trying to share my experiences in hope that you might listen to.

    But I then get completely shut down. There is no conversation. Your beliefs about gender and sex are spoken in a way that makes it impossible for me to engage in actually conversation.

    And when you're left in a situation where no one is listening, no one is entering a conversation, what are you supposed to do?

    You get loud, you get angry, you get frustrated. You bang pots and pans, you call names. Because it makes no difference whether we engage civilly and compassionately, or scream and kick.

    We will always always always get the same response from you.

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  24. Hey Gallusmag, I was born with ambiguous genitalia and chromosomes. What sex am I?

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  25. Cusinv- You are intersex. If you have a Y chromosome you are male intersex. You should read up on it, I'm surprised you don't know.

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  26. Anon@3:48 and 4:16- What are you on about? I was kind enough to respond to your post. And you complain why? I did listen to you. I read, I listened, I responded.To you. Directly.
    Maybe it is you who is not listening.
    In order to converse both sides need to listen you know.

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  27. And Anon, I am sorry that someone as invested in gender as you appear to be has your stomach turned when your genderist beliefs are challenged. But hon, that feeling, that turn of stomach- it's all coming from you. Think about it. What is so upsetting to you exactly? Find the answer and free yourself.

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  28. Lol, there's no such thing as 'male intersex'.
    Love the whole non-intersex people defining intersex people bullshit.

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  29. i know exactly what is upsetting. what is upsetting is knowing that people who i have considered part of my community, queer women, lesbians, butches, are putting forth such hatred.

    i am not the problem, and i do not need to be freed.

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  30. disin- so now all biologists must be intersex? Ridiculous.
    Or are you saying intersex is a "gender identity" and one need not be born intersex to identify as intersex?

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  31. There is no hatred. None at all. Only compassion.

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  32. if there is compassion, why will you not listen?

    why will you not even begin to consider that you might have it wrong?

    if there is compassion, why do y'all still do and say things that we TELL YOU are hurting us?

    is that not the opposite of compassion? when we cry in pain at what you say and do, and yet you continue to do it without hesitation?

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  33. or is this like the kind of compassion that anti-gay christians have towards butch lesbians?

    the compassion of "saving" you from yourself?

    I don't need to be saved, thank you very much. I know perfectly well who i am.

    And who i am is not damaged, perverted, freakish, sinful, pedophilic, wrong or ANY of the other things that i have been called alongside butch lesbians

    ...and now by them

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  34. Okay Anon, really, no one said such things. They are all coming from you. Try reading what I said again. Try Listening. Instead of making ugly things up in your head.
    How is your fictional persecution narrative forwarding discussion or understanding? And really, it's just silly.

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  35. This is not a fictional persecution narrative GallusMag. These are things I live everyday. Things I heard from straight people as a butch lesbian. Things I hear now as a genderqueer transguy from both straight people and gay and lesbian people.

    Things that are written in this blog and are even in the tag cloud next to this post. This is furthering the conversation because it is part of my experience, which i am generously sharing with you despite your repeated derailing of the conversation.

    How is it further the discussion for you to avoid addressing my questions about compassion?

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  36. Gender=Sex Roles.
    I think what Dirt is putting forward on this blog is that sex roles HURT females. And not just hurts their feelings (although that's not nice of course) but deeply, profoundly, HURTS them, DAMAGES them in many many ways. One example would be the Body/Sexual Dysphoria that is the topic of this thread.
    And what do you do? You come on here to speak to all the females who say gender HURTS them. And what do you say to them?
    You say "You're WRONG". Gender is GREAT. "I embrace the thing that you have all gathered here to discuss as being harmful to you" "Listen to meeee."

    Really, where is YOUR compassion for people who say your actions are hurting them?

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  37. Okay, so if anything with a Y chromosome is 'male' then why bother with the 'intersex' classification at all? According to your logic, anything without a Y is female and anything with it is male. Isn't that just the "Women are men without penises" argument all over again?

    You know what the cool thing about science is? It's not a DOGMA. It can change and adapt to new information.

    Anyway, what matters more? The fact that someone has a Y chromosome or that they have female genitalia and were assigned the sex 'female' at birth? Biology or Socialisation?

    What if someone finds out that they have a Y chromosome after being a lesbian rad fem their whole life? Would you disown Miska, Fabliberationist, FactCheckMe or Dirt if they turned out to have a Y chromosome?

    I mean, some of us have our suspicions about Dirt as it is...

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  38. Intersex is a term referring to disorders of sexual development Rookmenv/Cusinv. And obviously by your comments you are not actually intersex. "Troll" is not an intersex condition.

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  39. I agree that gender roles hurt women. As someone who was female-assigned-at-birth i have felt this exact hurt you are talking about and I understand what you are saying. These lessons we are taught about hating and disassociating from our bodies?

    they are so deeply fucked up. I completely agree.

    and also, being someone who has experienced both the pain of sexism and the pain of transphobia, i know that they BOTH HURT. And that they make my physically ache and agonize in the same ways.

    "You say "You're WRONG". Gender is GREAT. "I embrace the thing that you have all gathered here to discuss as being harmful to you" "Listen to meeee.""

    I sincerely apologize if this was how i came off. That is not at all what I was trying to say, nor is that how i think or feel.

    I think that gender roles and expectations are terrible. Gender itself IS great, as anyone on this website who claims their femininity (their gender) joyfully will tell you.

    But again, gendered expectations are fuuuucked up. And I don't think any of you are wrong for talking about it. I think its important to talk about. I talk about it all the time, because my failure to conform to male or female gendered expectations deeply impacts me on a daily basis.

    I think gendered expectations/gender roles need to be critiqued most definitely.

    I also think that biological essentialism and transphobia need to be critiqued most definitely.

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  40. Nice derail there. How about you answer the question about finding out one of your bosom buddies has a Y chromosome?
    Nope, that would challenge your fragile ideology too much.

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  41. Some of my very dearest friends have a Y chromosome.
    They're called men.

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  42. i think what asicramo is asking is if a friend of yours, who was a radical feminist butch lesbian, found out she had a Y chromosome, would you say that she is male?

    It seems like according to your logic that you would. But i think this is a challenging question from asicramo.

    I'd like to also ask this.

    What is you found out at this point in your life that you had a Y chromosome?

    Would you then consider yourself a man/male?

    Please don't derail

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  43. Anon- Human beings with Y chromosomes are male. The transgender argument that human sex somehow doesn't exist is one of the most ridiculous attempts at replacing the reality of physical sex with the fantasy of "sex-role identity". Really dumb.

    Out of respect for Dirt and going off topic in her thread I'm going to bow out now.
    Thanks for the fun conversation!
    Have a great day everyone.

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  44. Did I answer too slowly Anon? Multi-tasking. Had no idea you were waiting with baited breath. Pretty demanding, no? Why don't you try sitting back and try Listening for a while instead of demanding?

    OK take care all.

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  45. OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW??? We've been having constructive conversation for hours, and as soon as you get backed into a corner you leave?

    This is exactly what I am talking about! Your last string of sentences doesn't even make gramatical sense and you're STILL not answering the question.

    the ONLY WAY YOU CAN MAINTAIN YOUR IDEOLOGY IS TO ANSWER

    "YES, IF I FOUND OUT I HAD A Y CHROMOSOME I WOULD BE MALE"

    But obviously you dont feel that way. Obviously you would not suddenly become male if you discovered that.

    Because gender is different than sex. And there are parts of yourself that you call female, that you know as female that would not change if you discovered you had "male" sex characteristics, or if your "female" sex characteristics changed.

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  46. Do you ever ever ever say to yourself "Wow, what this person has just said really challenges my belief system. I need to take a breath and reconsider things."

    Do you EVER say to yourself "maybe i am wrong and need to change."?

    I do all the time. It is how I unlearn racism, sexism, ableism, transphobia, classism, etc.


    And look, here I am. Banging the pots and pans like I said earlier. Knowing that there is nowhere to be gotten with you, and it makes no difference whether i speak with love and compassion or whether i scream in a;; caps.

    no fucking difference because you are NOT listening either way

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  47. ""YES, IF I FOUND OUT I HAD A Y CHROMOSOME I WOULD BE MALE"

    I thought I made that clear when I stated " Human beings with Y chromosomes are male. "

    But I see you were not listening.
    You were busy banging pots and pans. Or something.

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  48. RAH RAH RAH BANGING POTS AND PANS! LOOK AT ME I'M AN ANGRY TRANS MAN! AREN'T I SO ANGRY?

    RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRR


    damn right i'm fucking angry. i'm so tired of wasting my energy walking in conversational circles with people like you. thinking i might get somewhere and getting NOWHERE.

    NO ONE IS CHOOSING TO BE TRANS BECAUSE ITS FUCKING FUN. TRANS PEOPLE ARE AN OPPRESSED GROUP OF PEOPLE. OPPRESSED VOICES NEED TO BE LISTENED TO. RADICAL FEMINIST BUTCH LESBIANS SHOULD KNOW THAT BETTER THAN ANYONE.

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  49. Anon@3:01,

    What possible would the sex of a great writer that I choose have to do with the aim of a blog? And if you pulled your head out of the ass of the narrow gender norms you've been spoon fed, its pretty obviously I'm a lesbian.

    dirt

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  50. Scribe,

    Thanks for sharing your experiences.

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  51. thats cool for you.

    I hope that happens so you actually have to deal with the reality of that.

    so you actually have to throw all of your female identity out the window.

    so you actually have to hear people call you he everyday.




    thats such bullshit. there is no way a radfem butch lesbian would just throw her identity out the window because of her chromosomes

    unless it was to make a stupid transphobic point

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  52. Anon@7:04am

    If you cannot stay on topic your comments will be deleted.

    If you would like to share your experiences with body/sexual dysphoria then by all means, please do.

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  53. "What possible would the sex of a great writer that I choose have to do with the aim of a blog? And if you pulled your head out of the ass of the narrow gender norms you've been spoon fed, its pretty obviously I'm a lesbian.

    dirt"

    a) I never anywhere said you weren't a lesbian

    c) i have pulled my head way the fuck out of the narrow gender norms i have been spoon fed (did you read anything i wrote???)

    SO FAR OUT IN FACT that you can't even follow me.

    Why don't YOU pull your head out of the narrow gender norms YOU'VE been spoonfed and realize that male and female are not the only genders

    ReplyDelete
  54. "If you cannot stay on topic your comments will be deleted.

    If you would like to share your experiences with body/sexual dysphoria then by all means, please do.

    dirt"

    I did share my experiences on dysphoria. Would you please share your thoughts on that post, which i asked you to engage with?

    i would greatly appreciate it.

    ReplyDelete
  55. This post is about an open honest discussion of females experience with body/sexual dysphoria, if you have nothing to add to the topic, then do not comment here.

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  56. i did have something to add to the topic. i would love to hear your thoughts and to bring the conversation back.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Anon,

    And which "anon" are you? Perhaps in future you could sign with a name of sorts.

    dirt

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  58. i'm anon @ 3:28 and onward.

    -deli

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  59. Thanks for sharing deli.

    dirt

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  60. Hey Dirt

    Look at this.

    http://www.usmagazine.com/momsbabies/news/chaz-and-shiloh-2011105

    It's just disgusting.

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  61. Cizz,

    Yeah, a Femme friend posted it on my FB wall. Scary! I doubt Jolie is ignorant enough to believe her daughter needs "help". Jolie herself was a tomboy growing up.

    Should I make a separate post about it?

    dirt

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  62. yes! make a post. it's crazy. I watched chaz on oprah, and the sad same lines spewed out like robots on here and elsewhere. it's like they know exactly what to say to doctors and shriks to get them the magic T fix it all.

    reminds me of addicts who know how to describe their pain just right to continue to get the meds.

    and before you traz get all riled up that i said that- i was almost lured into it all myself. you can go to youtube and find other ftms making how to videos on just what to say to get T - or to get higher doses of it. and see them admit themselves that they lied to their shrinks, etc. so go get mad at them.

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  63. I watched that Chaz Bono doc a bit last night, and the Q&A afterwards- totally twisted logic all around... She obviously has many issues, I can't imagine her transitioning will solve them... (and gee she's like five feet one inches tall, and about as wide) (the other ftm's on the show were equally strange in their own ways)

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  64. @11:12pm why do u FTMs always have to bring ur self-centered trans bullshit into everything??? The person you responded to didn't say anything at all about their gender identity. Furthermore, u don't get to choose for someone else what their reasons are for identifying as they do or how they feel about their bodies or, yeah, how they identify at all.

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  65. Oh. My. God. That's really creepy, I looked really similar to Shiloh at that age - same dress choices and everything. I think it's awesome that her parents let her express herself the way she wants - just as mine did. Hopefully this will give her the confidence in her individuality as she gets older that you need to be a unconventional female - it did for me.

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  66. anon at 9:29 AM

    yes! couldn't agree with you more!!!!!!

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  67. How has body/sexual dysphoria affected you personally?

    In so many different ways, my entire life. It's still a ongoing battle that I face everyday, but gets better every day as well. It has affected me to the core, in almost everything I do in life.

    At what age did your body/sexual dysphoria largely begin?

    My first real conscious memories, I'm guessing as young as 3. I distinctly remember having childish thoughts about the differences of the sexes as I observed them. My dad left at age 2, so it was just me and my mom. I do remember seeing her date men, and witnessing her emotional disadvantage. I always felt that boys had the upper hand. They had better toys, and were treated differently and I liked that better than how adults treated girls. I understood from at least 5 on that women were generally seen as sex objects by men, as witnessed in both the media, TV, every where you turn, etc.
    I remember thinking that boys were more independent, and generally allowed to get away with more- with the whole "boys will be boys" attitude. In my child's brain, I thought, 'I like all these boys things, and not girls things, I must be a boy.' So from 5 on, I wanted nothing to do with 'girls things' including but not limited to: dresses, dolls, playing house as mommy like other girls, crying easy, etc.
    The actual body dysphoria didn't begin until I was older and more aware that my body was actually different than boys. I didn't have a dad around, or bothers, so I really didn't get that there was a body difference until around 9-10. I was always thin and developed late. However, I remember lying in bed at around age 12, holding my chest tight, thinking, almost willing my chest not to grow. Lucky for me it never really did.
    During this same time I started masterbating. From the first time I masterbated, I imagined having a penis. I called it 'jacking off'. (Clearly in retrospect, I was exposed to too much TV or sexuality in general.) I always humped at pillows and the like, imaging myself actually penetrating a woman- never the other way around.

    Does your monthly cycle increase your dysphoria?

    Definitely. However this too has subsided as I've gotten older and have become more accepting of my body. I got my first period at 13. I didn't tell anyone. I never discussed it outright with my mom. I just started stuffing my underware with toliet paper. Mind you by 13 I was already wearing boxer shorts, and boys tighty whities. So during my period I would just stuff wads of rolled up toliet paper into the briefs. (I still do this!) I have never once bought tampons, and the idea of putting a tampon inside me makes me nauseous.
    I'm not too ashamed to even admit to you all now, that the idea of anything- & I mean anything- (including my own fingers)- penetrating me, makes me super uncomfortable. So yeah, I basically spent most of my life ignoring my monthly period.

    continued on next...

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  68. Has body sexual dysphoria hurt or stopped you from comfortably enjoy sex with a partner?

    Yes, see end of last answer above! I think many would of considered me stone, although I never much did. I just kinda ignored that part all together. I never wanted to be touched down there, and still have a hard time with it to this day. But I can say that once I was older (35 ish) and really found what I consider to be the love of my life- it's gotten better to at least think about. As I've grown up and really addressed all these issues, along with finding a girl that I truely feel comfy with, this has all gotten better and continues to get better daily.

    Have you worked through your body/sexual dysphoria? If so, what has helped you to work through your dysphoria?

    As said above, I think the biggest factor in helping me work through it all- is simply put AGE. You can't help but have a different outlook on life in general and yourself, the older you get. You really do wise up a bit. For many, many years I thought I was transexual- and hell, I'm really still open to the idea that I may be----- BUT, the difference for me is that I fundamentally understand that if I were to transition, I would loose all that I really do like about myself and my life. I would not be considered a lesbian anymore. I love being a lesbian. I love being a butch lesbian. It's just hard to do it in this world that tries to force you into boxes of 'this is the way a female is suppost to be/look like'. But as I age, I'm loving that challenge. I love going to work everyday and showing my face publically to the world- 'hey world, your ideas of male/female are whacked.'
    If I would of transitioned, I really would of considered it taking the easy way out for myself. Joining the other side that has basically been the side that has lent me to feel bad about being female my whole life. Being a feminist, has made me more aware that I can be exactly who I want to be, and how I was naturally born in my body. I get it now that I wanted to be a boy, cause basically it's a much easier life, in this world as it is. And that they hold the power- as a young girl, I wanted that power, I was disgusted at how that power was used against me. Now, I understand I don't need that power to be happy.

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  69. im really in utter shock over the whole chaz wanting to talk to angelina and brad about shilo.

    these tranz are out to eradicate butch women. seriously messed up.

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  70. Wonderful comment JJ.
    Thank You.

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  71. Thank you so much JJ for sharing your truths with us...I felt somewhat similarly as a kid....I rejected dolls at age 7, dresses at age 10, marrying a man or wanting kids at age 12, and my family really had a hard time with this. How I knew these things at such a young age, was much like you...seeing that power imbalance and how my brother got the better toys, and in my teens, when they REALLY tried to feminize me(I was always a hardcore tomboy especially from 7 on) and he got to do fun sports I had to beg to do, like ice hockey, which I only got to do two years, then the martial arts which I've kept up for a lifetime....but they tried to force me into 'charm school' and girl scouts, both which I hated! I never 'fit in'! I DID want to be a boy and I played with the boys and they'd try to get me to 'prove it' when I INSISTED I was a boy..not because I wanted a penis, but because I didn't want to be left out of the informal groups and activities. I never did 'prove it' to them....and just laughed when they exposed their little dallywhackers to 'prove it', instead I'd kick their ass! Or beat 'em at their own games, or have more nerve than them when it came to exploring the alleyways that were forbidden behind our buildings.

    Then I got into a male dominated field because I couldn't figure where else to go and be successful as a Butch Dyke..and alot of Butches were in the trades....now the discrimination is even worse with the lousy economy and 20-40% unemployment where they can get REAL PICKY and only hire the white males....

    As far as sex, I don't let anything limit me, though I tend to be more dominant than submissive...because of fears around vulnerability, unless I'm with someone I really, really trust. I did have to work through many things, sometimes other Butches' expectations of what Butches can and cannot do in the bedroom...much worse and more restrictive 30 years ago than now...and the stigma against Butch on Butch desire. Things have opened up some.

    But now, Butch is NOT enough...so to be 'really macho' so many are becoming FTM's or identifying as male....back then that didn't happen, instead they'd claim they were stone...certainly publicly. What is sad is that ANY Butch Lesbian would feel she has to limit her desire to be 'butch enough'. And limit her sexual pleasure as a result. I remember the day I saw others recieving so much of what I wanted at a sex party....and I finally decided that I would not limit myself anymore, or worry about anyone else's opinion, and I had a Butch partner very willing to give me what I wanted and desired....that helped me overcome a big hurdle.

    I also didn't want to develope breasts and was terrified of a period, the way my Mom described it. When the Dyke Witches, several who were Butch, brought me out, they taught me PRIDE in my female body, including my bloods..which really are quite sacred, and a Mystery which has been denied us for millenia, that many radical dykes were reclaiming through ritual. I'm bleeding as I write...I did find certain sex magic experiences on my bloods about the power of them...a power women have been long denied from ritual or religious leadership and taught we're unclean, should be ashamed, ect. ect. or 'too powerful' and would make men's spears dull(which we know is a stand in for their penises). I don't give a crap about that, and want us to claim ALL our Female powers, and if you have the right kind of women around you, so proud in their Femaleness, like I did, they helped me overcome ALOT of this body/female shame and sexual shame too.

    Hopefully as we grow older we grow wiser and more accepting of ourselves in all our permutations and moods!
    -MsaterAmazon

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