Change Your World-NOT your Body

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Being OUT-A Responsibility of Every Person in the GLBT

From the first gay and lesbian political factions that formed directly after the Stonewall Rebellion, one of the core directives was being "out," and gays and lesbians realized the power of the old adage "strength in numbers." Going a step further, those early political gays and lesbians realized that the general public had no idea just how many gays and lesbians there were, nor did they realize that they knew or were even related to a gay or lesbian. Being out to family, friends, schoolmates, teachers, co-workers, and bosses would not only crystallize our numbers, but most importantly would solidify how most gays and lesbians are just like everyone else. We're your teachers, students, grocer, police person, doctor, friend, cousin, aunt or uncle and the list goes on and on.

From the time the Gay Liberation Front formed, through our political triumphs and political losses, always at the top of the list of priorities were slogans such as: "OUT and proud," "We're here, we're queer and we're NOT GOING BACK" right down to "SILENCE Equal Death!" Even having top gay and lesbian political leaders encouraged us to "out" closeted public figures who were gay or lesbian. Unfortunately directly after the AIDS crisis, "queer theory" was born from postmodernism's muck funnel and swiftly ushered in a warped conservationism in drag as feminism!

As group after group began attaching themselves to the gay and lesbian movement post queer theory, many of our early core strategies (that are still necessary to gay and lesbian rights today) began to go by the wayside in favor of a political agenda that had nothing to do with gay and lesbian issues whatsoever. Gays and lesbians now find ourselves under a queer umbrella or mixed into queer alphabet soup, unsure where we begin and the incessant additions end!

Which brings me to my most recent post regarding the likes of Jen and "Aiden/Aydian" and any post such as the "Trans Trender" posts. Seems these types of postings stir up such anger from the trans community with the main gripe being that I am somehow "outing" the females in question. Aydian herself, along with many other ftMs, have bitched and moaned, how could I (a member of the queer alphabet soup) stoop so low as to employ critical thinking regarding fellow queers and potentially "out" those same queers! Queers that are gleaning the benefits of straight privilege and a tidy closet, while gays and lesbians continue having what little rights we have gained be slowly taken away.

If we're all a part of the queer soup mix, then being OUT is as essential as it was in 1969! It is up to every single person in the queer soup bowl to not only be out but STAY out, instead of reaping the benefits of the closet or worse, hetero privilege, while other queers continue to suffer and go without!

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118 comments:

  1. Not every trans person stays in the closet about being trans. There are plenty of transmen and women who are out about being transgender.

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  2. trans and gay are totally unrelated and this is another example

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  3. Anon@8:40pm

    Must make for interesting conversation when ftMs use the mens room.

    dirt

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  4. men don't talk in the restroom like girls do. It isn't a social gathering lol.

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  5. "men don't talk in the restroom like girls do"

    Noooo they never ever do this 'cause their are men. Grow up! Men do everything.

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  6. Hmm... I'm sure a man-hating lesbian would know, not a man. lol

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  7. Sounds like someone is very unfamiliar with the mens room to me.

    dirt

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  8. Yes. Thank you for agreeing with me Dirt. Unit2 obviously doesn't know.

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  9. Dirt you can't let the comment's section open. The tranz trolls are nothing but idiots. They don't have much to say they because they are too stupid.

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  10. Sorry you're upset because I'm right and you can't accept the truth sometimes. :P

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  11. Be out and stay out and possibly risk death over it?

    For real?
    Being " OUT" is somehow so much more important?

    If thats this secret " Gay Agenda" I agree with the republicans. It is quite detrimental isnt it?

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  12. And another thing ( though entirerly unrealted)

    Im still upset about being on your "Trans Trender" list about...maybe 8 months ago?

    The one about my frontal lobe being underdeveloped.

    I would like to say that i had a conversation with someone today ( being over this imagenary " stupidity" age)

    And they were quite dull. In fact their lack of grammer was atrocious.

    And all i could think was. " Gee, and im the idiot?"

    If i could be so priviledged as to ask ....

    Would you PLEASE remove me from that list?

    You can add me on your next one.

    You know me. Haydenshyboi.
    Or rather its McCamley225 now.

    Im sure you can find a horrid video still of me from my one video. I even titled it FTM, and i know you love those ones.

    Plus the PR would be welcomed :)

    I look forward to your new listing


    Your's truley

    Hayden

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  13. "And they were quite dull. In fact their lack of grammer was atrocious."

    *grammar

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  14. HA! Out of all that.. they just correct one word. I put that freak was just staring at the screen looking for mistakes.

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  15. (many more than one mistake, kid)

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  16. You're a mistake :)

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  17. I just wanted to highlight the irony and hilarity there. I don't have time to play English teacher for all of that adolescent's mistakes.

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  18. Oh darn! You got me!

    *throws in the towel

    You Sir/ Ma'am have been a worthy adversary.

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  19. entirerly
    unrealted
    Im
    imagenary
    grammer
    priviledged
    Im
    Your's
    truley

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  20. but hey she's smart enough to know she's a man

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  21. I love it when people get touchy and have nothing else to say so they just attack what little things they can. :) At least I've distracted you long enough from your lives of hating trans people that you can actually talk about something legit. :D I almost feel like we're friends now.

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  22. Oh, and by the way.....

    Adolescence (from Latin: adolescere meaning "to grow up")[1] is a transitional stage of physical and mental human development generally occurring between puberty and legal adulthood (age of majority),[1][2] but largely characterized as beginning and ending with the teenage stage.[2][3][4] According to Erik Erikson's stages of human development, for example, a young adult is generally a person between the ages of 20 and 40, whereas an adolescent is a person between the ages of 13 and 19



    I happen to be 20 years old.

    Someone didn't do their research....

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  23. If I called you an ass, would that mean you're literally a donkey or someone's rear end?

    I think someone's feelings are hurt.

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  24. Goodness! I really can't spell can I!

    That's alright. My father's a retired Chief in the Air Force, and he's worse than me :)

    My apologies all, i wasnt really trying to come off as flawless.

    I was simply saying the way i word things was of a higher caliber.

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  25. No, it wouldnt. Because that has become a broader word than to just apply to its definition.

    The other has a specific definition

    And yes, i must admit that you did hurt my feelings. Im shaken actually

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  26. Aside from this banter over my grammar<------------ mistakes

    I like your blog posts Scribe.
    You're well educated. And i admire your style of writting

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  27. "Hayden said...
    Be out and stay out and possibly risk death over it?

    For real?"

    The cowardliness. It tastes like burning.
    Yanno trans like Kayden are super conformist women before transition. Shavin' their legs and pits, pluckin' their eyebrows. In fact even after "transition" quite a few FTMs continue shaving their legs, they're so well-trained. No wonder they can't cope with being dykes or non-compliant straight women. Total closet cases. Gays would be back in the stone ages if we were cowardly like Heyden.
    Hey kids speakin' of eyebrows, if you pluck your eyebrows and then transition you end up with permanent crazy drag queen eyebrows like Matt Monday.

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  28. I'm not coming out because being a transsexual is still dangerous. I have no obligation to put my ass on the line, especially when being asked to do it for the good of the umbrella community. You've proven to me that there are many, many stupid lesbians for whom I should not risk my ass in any way. In fact, you have made me feel so much more justified in taking full advantage of my hetero privilege than I ever felt before. The only LGB's I want to stand up for are my friends.

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  29. If you don't want to be OUT then don't ask -- wait, DEMAND -- that the lesbian and gay communities support your goals and agendas, and use our spaces, our organizing, our energies, etc. for trans purposes. It's as simple as that.

    Out = death? Nothing like kowtowing to fundamentalists and haters, who would rather every single one of us - from the Aiden/Hayden/Trayden/Blayden crowd to Ellen deGeneres go back in the closet and shut up.

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  30. Another shot at me?

    And its HAYden.....not Heyden.....


    Actually, im not a coward. Im in the military. Are you? Of course not. And im OUT in the military to all my coworkers.

    " Nobody knows im a transexual"

    Actually honey,

    EVERYONE knows i am ;)

    I dont plan on living stealth. So please, i speak for those who would HONESTLY be confronted with death if they were out in the area they live in.

    And funny, i do pluck my eyebrows. Its called Trichotillomania for me. Wiki it. Its kinda a bitch.

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  31. I personally believe it is not your place to out people and people have the right to come out to the degree they wish to and at the rate of speed they are comfortable with.

    But afterall, your the self assigned expert.. I guess I should have checked with you first to see if what I am thinking is real or not.

    I personally have never appreciated people who tell me what I should think and when I should act on what they think I should act on.

    While we are at talking about Stonewall, lets not forget there were a LOT of Transgendered individuals who kicked it off and participated. Not just Gays and Lesbians. And they did not do it hiding behind a keyboard and computer screen either.

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  32. Please leave my name alone, its my dad's middle name and its a family name that goes back 8 generations.

    I should be the only one allowed to use it.

    You think im happy that everyones fucking name is "ayden" something?

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  33. DD...there's no need for that type of aggression. All of you. Calm down.

    There is a simple way to approach all of this meaningless, uneducated, and bigoted rhetoric:

    Live and let live. You'll be long dead anyways while others are living, why interfere in the lives of others now just because you are blessed with the ability to convert oxygen into carbon-dioxide?

    Live and let live or die and let live. If that is too complicated of word choice for some of you, I mean to say mind your own business and get a life/don't think for a second that you matter enough to feel you are justified in demanding/having an opinion on the way OTHERS live their lives.

    This is not complicated, people. How many people have to have their feelings hurt, be physically assaulted, offended, bullied, or have to die before you women get this through your thick skulls?

    You've no purpose in assertion. None. You are not so divine and sinless.

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  34. ALL OF YOU. (especially Dirt, this was made for you)

    Listen the hell up:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvOe15a4pN0&feature=channel_video_title

    Thoughts Dirt?/her sycophants?

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  35. Wow the closet cases are out in force tonight. So true that they want to make political hay off the backs of gays and lesbians who pay the price every day by being out and proud. Shameful!

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  36. "If you don't want to be OUT then don't ask -- wait, DEMAND -- that the lesbian and gay communities support your goals and agendas, and use our spaces, our organizing, our energies, etc. for trans purposes. It's as simple as that."

    I don't. But some transpeople will because transpeople also work raising funds and organizing for those places. If you want to separate yourselves out and make lesbian-only spaces and events, I encourage that. I won't be there, and I won't be spending my money supporting those places.

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  37. Anon@11:55-
    Here's what I think about it:
    http://radicalfeministcrafts.wordpress.com/2011/05/19/lulz/

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  38. @ Gallus Mag. Your maturity knows no bounds does it...?

    You're a heartless monster. As a lesbian, I CAN'T come out of the closet because of my family's own religious convictions. Every day I hear about how lesbians and gays and transgender people will all face the judgement of an unforgiving God. Being a lesbian, gay, or transgender is seen as an abomination worse than murder. "I would rather have a DEAD daughter than a gay one".

    I guess I'm another pathetic 'closet case' right?

    But the irony is, I share a belief in the same God. Imagine how it feels to have the principles of your own livelihood turned against you. For once in your life, GM, feel empathy.

    If you've nothing intelligent to say, please refrain from commenting. You are nothing but hurtful and I am completely hurt and offended at your statements.

    Oh and great post from "radicalfeministCRAFTS". Very intellectually stimulating. That video actually put a lot in perspective.

    I suppose I can be weak and say that my feelings are hurt. Because they are.

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  39. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_jV9Ood_XA

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  40. I fully agree with Dirt: you transpeople be OUT or you won't be welcome anymore in MY LGB(T) center.
    And also stop enjoying hetero privileges while we LGB people have no rights.
    It is not fair, it is not part of my march toward equality to see females on T being able to marry their girlfriends while, as a gay male, I cannot marry my life long partner because we both are normal bio males.

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  41. Not sure why this man is even welcome to comment here...

    But, Robert, Why are you blaming trans people and not the right wing fascists who take rights away from us?

    Nothing you said made any sense.

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  42. Robert,

    stop enjoying male and (most likely white) privilege while we people of color and females still have to run yards for the same treatment.

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  43. Geographics &amp; Being OutMay 25, 2011 at 2:42 AM

    Frankly, I think being OUT is relevant to which part of the country one lives in. There is a far cry difference in being out in San Francisco verses towns like Junction, Texas. Unless, of course, one has a death wish. I hope the day will come ALL of the umbrella can be open and out. However it is definately dangerous in some parts of the Universe. And to out others can be dangerous and irresponsible depending on who finds it and what they decide to do with it. I believe it is a personal choice that should not be made for another human being.

    I personally am out, but it is my choice to be out. I think I should be able to decide if I want to put my job on the line, what relatives I am willing to part with, and if I want to have danger bestowed upon me.

    Recently I made the choice to speak publicly and knew there might be a consequence in doing so. Sure enough the consequence came and bit me good. But that was my choice and not the choice of someone else to place me in that position. Hopefully I will prevail, but for now I am having to without something I truly needed as a result of my opennes. Again, I repeat I made the choice, but nobody else should place me in that position until I am comfortable with it.

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  44. I don't know why people are being unkind to Robert; he is on our 'side!' It does make you seem like man-haters. Most of my best friends all my life have been gay men. There is no reason to assume he's white or 'privileged,' though of course I agree things are generally easier for white males.
    Anyway, the whole notion about being trans is usually about hiding your true identity and passing as something you're not. If trans-men are 'out' that means they will not be considered the men they think they are but in fact what they really are, women in disguise. Nothing to do with being gay, and no reason for this 'umbrella' to huddle under.

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  45. It's not only some trans people who remain in the closet, but also lesbian, gays, and bisexuals. To make what your saying make sense anyone in the closet should not benefit from lgbt advances. The closeted gay, lesbian, and bisexuals are benefiting from hetrosexual privileged too by not being out. I believe that us out in the lgbt community are making it a little bit more easier for those closeted. So they can one day benefit from our advances too. With all that said NO ONE should be forced out the closet before they are ready.

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  46. But being trans is specifically centered around learning to be IN a sort of 'closet'- how to 'pass.'

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  47. Sorry- I really don't have much sympathy for the closet cases. I grew up in a tiny town in the middle of the bible belt in kentucky. So yes, I DO know about what it's like to be a outcast and told by everyone all around you that you are going to hell.

    But if you really buy into what they are selling, you are really no better than them. And I can easily see why one would want to be trans.

    Grow up, move away, and be yourself. It's called having a backbone and realizing that YOU are your own person and can do what YOU want. If YOU choose to live your life bound by others around you who pretend to love you, but want you to be/act a certain way to receive that love.... well, it's not love at all is it?

    I left there at 17- with $30 to my name. Best decision I ever made.

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  48. The above commenter is probably white.

    I can tell by simply the total lack of humility and sympathy in the statement (sorry to say, but it's true). Until I'm told otherwise by Anon 8:33am, I am going to assume you are white.

    I, on the other hand, am not. Multiply your 'bible belt difficulty' by about 1,000 and you will have a slight idea of what its like to be a person of color in the glbt bracket. Its an ENTIRELY different scale of difficulty that you as a white person cannot comprehend. Being a glbt white person is statistically easier than being a glbt person of color.

    You have not the slightest idea of the ridicule that we face through what is expected of us within our race(s) and religion in general.

    No one asked for your sympathy so keep it to your self. Speak on your OWN behalf, because you don't know anyone's story but your own.

    Im sorry, but I'm SO tired of white people thinking that they know everyone's story and thinking that they must be "sympathetic" thinking they can turn their god forsaken noses up at someone else's situation. That is white privilege in a nutshell. Speak for YOURSELF, because YOU do NOT represent me or anyone like me. Nothing in this blog does. Best believe that.

    God I wish I knew who you were so I could address you personally. I'm tired of this bs. Talking about "grow up and get a backbone"...PLEASE.

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  49. The T is NOT silent!May 25, 2011 at 10:23 AM

    The cowardliness. It tastes like burning.
    Yanno trans like Kayden are super conformist women before transition. Shavin' their legs and pits, pluckin' their eyebrows. In fact even after "transition" quite a few FTMs continue shaving their legs, they're so well-trained. No wonder they can't cope with being dykes or non-compliant straight women. Total closet cases. Gays would be back in the stone ages if we were cowardly like Heyden.
    Hey kids speakin' of eyebrows, if you pluck your eyebrows and then transition you end up with permanent crazy drag queen eyebrows like Matt Monday.


    I have never shaved my legs or under my arms nor have I ever plucked my eyebrows before. Since around 13 I started shaving my face but that's it.

    I've always been out even though I didn't know there was a word for it until I was 17.

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  50. so if you're not white you can't be expected to fend for yourself? or if you're not white it's easier to transition than to be homosexual? this country is quickly becoming more non-white than white anyway

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  51. Grow up, move away, and be yourself. It's called having a backbone

    Now THAT is called RUNNING. That is not coming out and having backbone. THAT is called blending into an area who is more accepting. Which is a SMART THING TO DO. IF it is possible.

    So if you don't move for whatever reason, does this mean it is your responsibility to come out in a small Kentucky town and stay there?

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  52. @ mouse

    I would never align myself with someone who thinks like you OR Robert. He's the furthest thing from on my "side."

    I've experienced enough bigotry on a completely different scale than to be tolerant of it at all within the glbt bracket. It literally makes me want to throw up.

    I'm offended that you would even imply otherwise. I want nothing to do with your and his unjust cause. Keep that crud to yourselves. Don't think that you represent everyone other than yourselves. Because you DON'T. THAT is my point. Stop evading it.

    If you are not white, anybody who IS white needs to shut the hell up about what they think they know about your situation. Clear enough? (Who even said anything about it being easier to transition than to be homosexual, I certainly didnt).

    I'll have to quote you on that last statement

    "this country is quickly becoming more non-white than white anyway"

    ...unbelievable. I'm sick of this bull.

    I suppose it would be mean of me to say "speak for yourself whitey". So I won't.

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  53. People of color have a harder time accepting the lgbt community as a whole. It's kinda like trying to get accepted by the Christian church. Near damn impossible.

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  54. @anon 10:35 and 10:32am

    THANK YOU.

    There is intelligent life here after all...

    Try and be patient. Most of these women (or men) commenting here (and the blogger herself...) are white. They don't understand. It's like talking to a big white wall with a false sense of peer education. They think they understand everyone and everything.

    Don't bother.

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  55. how can one move beyond gender when one can't move beyond race?
    and it's GOOD that whites are losing the majority
    seems that should start to minimize victimhood mentality, no?

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  56. "Victimhood mentality"....

    wow.

    Now I'll say it. Speak for yourself whitey.

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  57. Mouse,

    as a white person, I am ashamed of you. How dare you tell anyone to move beyond "race" when it is just as much of an issue today as it was 300 years ago? I see it every day myself.
    What's your problem? You don't have the right to say that. Don't you see that you're proving these statements against you completely right? You are minimizing something that is so much bigger than you that its sad. To the people of color who will see this, I am in no way affiliated with this way of thinking. I am white and I understand that I can't understand. We don't all think like mouse. I promise.

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  58. Here you go, folks.

    Perfect exemplification of the above...

    http://fyeahpdp.tumblr.com/post/5217407041/picture-background-6-piece-pie-style-color

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  59. (i'm sure i'm coming across as racist or something, but for forever my friends have been of assorted ethnicities, and none have let their backgrounds or families prevent them from being their (often quite noticeably non-conformist) true selves... but i guess i'm attracted to strong personaliies- they've all been in the arts)

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  60. to anon @ 9:34 AM

    I am not the poster you write to--- but I can say as a multiracial person who grew up in rural TN, way to put the ASS in assumption.

    I feel the exact same way as the poster you are talking to. I am half mexican, quarter white, quarter indian. Is that multiracial enough for you to value what I say... I mean shit!
    It's hard being anything other than what society tells us is normal.

    But come on, if you live with a family that tells you you are not their daughter because you are gay, or going to hell everyday, are you really running away to move elsewhere? I think not. It's called being smart. Not all of us choose to remain in small towns with small minds.

    I don't see anywhere where that poster said that they did or didn't come out in their small town. Just simply that they moved when they were older. SO WHAT! Most young people move away from home at 17-18.

    I myself moved away at 16. With way more than $30--- does that make me better because I'm not white?!

    I mean really. Stop ASSuming so much.

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  61. ...no one ever said anything about anyone being better than anyone else.

    All I read in that anon's post was that they're tired of people passing judgement on their situation. Which is a valid concern.

    You misinterpreted that entire statement in my opinion.

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  62. @ melt-pot

    No you don't "mean shit". When you assess someone else's situation to go as far as to tell them when or how or under what circumstances that they should come out, you are out of order. It isn't your place and your opinion on their situation does not "mean shit' at all.

    You're a non-factor speaking on behalf of another human being's situation.

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  63. OMG WHINEY BABBBIES. whaaaaa it's sooo much harder for me than you to come out. i've had it sooo much harder than you waaahhhhhh
    /tears up.

    yes it's hard for ANYONE to come out. but studies show that a person (ANY PERSON) ends up being happier doing so. all that person was saying was that for them- yes it's their opinion, they grew up and moved away, out of the small town where they lived and had apparently a hard time.

    guess what?! that really does work for some people!
    and not just white people. not sure where this turned into a because i'm not white i have a harder time coming out. or because of MY particular religion, its harder than yours...

    please. get over yourselves. sounds like 'yall' (lol) all could do a little growing up!

    *btw i grew up picking tomatoes for 13 cents a hour. (guess what color i am?!) bet you'd be way off!

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  64. some people just want to argue for argues sake. case and point above.

    look people, coming out, helps not only the person coming out but the larger queer community. we would not be here as a queer community had it not been for people coming out before us and demanding rights.

    and those people did not have the luxury of gay celebrities, and characters on tv shows, etc, etc. they also didn't have a black president. i could go on and on.

    so no, generally speaking you youngins don't have it really so hard in retrospect.

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  65. above poster-

    YOU don't matter as well. show some restraint in continuing to come back here again and again to tell us how right YOU are.
    Remember YOU don't matter. Yet you can't seem to shut it up!

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  66. you are so right. people before you had it no harder at all. yanno back when women/gays/anyone different had no rights at all. right. it's in no way easier to be gay now than say 50 years ago?

    is this really what you are saying?
    laughable.

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  67. As a FTM transexual that came out and transitioned over 15 years ago, I can speak for experience in saying that it is in fact easier for young transexuals now. It is not only easier for them to come out, but also easier for them to get access to medical and psychological help.

    And I agree with many posters. Stop crying and playing victim. (Notice I am not addressing this to a particular person- so if you take offense, that's on you.)
    If you want to be a man, grow up and act like one. Leave these people alone. Their opinions should not upset you so much if you are so sure of yourself.

    my two cents

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  68. Dirt wrote
    "If we're all a part of the queer soup mix, then being OUT is as essential as it was in 1969! It is up to every single person in the queer soup bowl to not only be out but STAY out, instead of reaping the benefits of the closet or worse, hetero privilege, while other queers continue to suffer and go without!"

    Wow, this is twice in 2 months I have agree'd with something you said.

    I agree it is a moral imperitive for everyone who falls under the LGBT/TQQIABCDEFG to be out, be open and be proud. So the frack what if you are are scared. So am I and most of our peers who are out. Fear comes with the territory. But we must face that fear and show to society we are no differant than evryone else. We love, we fight and we live no diferant than anyone else. We are just people who are not like the homogenized majority.

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  69. It is not anyone right to "out" anyone else (the 'anyone else' could be a gay, a lesbian, or a transperson, whatever). That right belongs to the individual in question and is a decision only they should make. It's nobody else's business.

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  70. First, to clarify what I said about services. What I mean is that if you make the choice to be in the closet, to justify that closet, to work against those who choose to step out of it, then don't bother to avail yourselves of the services available from the work, energy and funding of OUT people, whether the are lesbian/gay or trans. I'm not going to go back to the trope that transfolk haven't co-opted women's spaces and lesbian spaces - with the ready assistance of 'queer' women and lesbians alike - as it is every where, we all know it, and it's been addressed other times in the past. I honestly saw a blog the other day purportedly about lesbians, but then the author made sure to insert that this included bi, transd00ds, MtFs, pans, and others. A lesbian can't even be a lesbian anymore, lest some other remotely female-identified person come along and tell her that her very lesbianness is oppressing her/hir/hym/zir.

    It's bad enough this blog is overrun by teen transitors. Even worse that on a lesbian blog we have to be told that it's better, excusable, justifiable, understandable, required to be in the closet. That is exactly the sort of attitude that erodes our simple rights to work, rent/ lease housing, receive services, visit our partners in the hospital, have our children looked after the way we want them to and so on. I guess it is different to say "being in the closet is justifiable" in the wake of the gay rights movement - started by those whose freedom was threatened by being out - than it was to say it prior to 1969. Many of us are honored to know some of these original warriors, and we know what they went through, what they lost to live as openly as they could prior to 1969 and to fight for what rights we do have after that.

    Every homosexual in the country, including out ones, knows that there is a time and place for restraint. That you don't talk about your partner at work, depending on the company or state you're in. That you don't need a rainbow flag on your car to be out in your life. That, too often, you must delay coming out when you're under 18.

    But the oppression olympics going on here is ridiculous. I never thought I would see self-proclaimed queers and homos criticizing people who have made the choice to be OUT, sometimes at great personal cost. Is that personal cost lessened if you have white skin? Because that's the message coming across from some of you. Are the sacrifices worth less if the person coming out grew up in the suburbs instead of a rural small town? Another message being sent by some of you.

    We're names behind a screen. Who can presume to know who is from what background? Because someone is out and proud, they can't possibly be from a non-white or a super religious background? Way to denigrate and discount the outness of any non-white person or person who came out in spite of an oppressive religious background.

    Every reason someone here gave for why they can't be out beyond the internet is more than likely a reason that someone else here - an OUT person - handled and dealt with. A perspective that the out person can offer advice about. Fact of the matter is we don't know someone's ethnicity, race, socio-economic background, religious upbringing or anything else from these comments. We operate on the idea that people are who they say they are, even when we know that this blog is full of trolls. The comments on this blog are so contentious that even on this one basic thing, there is no room for support, it seems. Not to ask for it, and maybe for some not to offer it. And it's a shame that on a post whose sentiments that I would like to think that many lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, and transfolk could agree upon (in spite of who the author is), on the eve of Pride month, that we have to read this hateful, internalized homophobia.

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  71. i'm sort of confused by this
    if transpeople 'come out' as trans doesn't that mean they can't live disguised as the opposite sex as they're trying so hard to do? i mean it's not like coming out as gay at all aside from possibly being picked on

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  72. I'm out as trans to my friends, most of my colleagues, my partner (obviously). I'm out as gay to, well, all of the above as well as casual acquaintances like the woman that runs the shop over the road.

    Only it isn't something that is relevant most of the time, it's only when one's past becomes of interest, or background and upbringing are discussed that a female past might be relevant to the discussion.

    No one apart from certain medics, or potential sexual partners need to know that I have clitoris + labia where cock + balls would be expected, which is what's really being disclosed.

    But I am out because I do agree that the raising of awareness that *difference* is more common than is realised, but many people that are different from the norm can't speak out, or fly under the radar.

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  73. How can someone be happier coming out than being in the closet? My best friend who I went to school with from first grade up until graduation in 1990 came out to his family and friends as gay. He lost all of his male friends as well as his entire family. Needless to say, he committed suicide a year later.

    Since coming out as trans at 18 I have not had a hard time at all and I'm 39 now. No one has ever given me a hard time except for a few guys in high school calling me a faggot but that's it.

    I myself don't anybody because of their race, sexual preference, gender identity, political views, religion, and so on. I have friends from all backgrounds in my life who I love dearly and who love me dearly.

    I don't see why we all just can't get along with one another. It would open doors to so many possibilities for us who are in the LGBT community. If we stood together we could get somewhere and make an impact together. Instead, here we all are fighting amongst ourselves which is ridiculous. Why ruin someone's day with insults or rejection?

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  74. Anon @ 3:12pm -

    It's a confusing term ('out') where transpeople are concerned; it's used when a transperson comes out as trans as in when they tell their friends/family/what have you that they consider themselves trans/that their sex doesn't match their gender/that they identify with the opposite gender/whatever. It's also used when a transperson living as the gender they identify with (whether pre- or post-op) comes out as in tells their friends/family that they were assigned a sex contrary to their gender at birth. I suppose some transpeople come out twice.

    I hope that makes sense, haha.

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  75. I don't know if it's exactly a responsibility to be out anymore. I'd describe myself and partner to be out for our times, meaning that we pretty much conduct ourselves with a typical American sense of entitlement to be seen as a valid couple in this diverse world until someone brings up marriage; then we can get riled up as a community because we don't have it.

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  76. I don't identify as GLBT. I am a Lesbian, a Dyke, and I am out in all aspects of my life. Nor do I care for the term "queer". I think the term "queer" has outlived its usefulness. We have kinky straight males calling themselves queer, same goes for straight/bi poly folks, straight kids who like to crossdress, straight girls who like to use strap-ons with their boyfriends, etc., etc., all of these and more are co-opting the term "queer". I say we just quit using this tired old word, since it has become pretty meaningless these days.

    I don't really care all that much whether trans folk are in or out of the closet. I do, however, question why they have the right to marry when Lesbian and Gay people do not. And I will be very glad when the trans trender fad is over.

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  77. The oft recited FTM myth that men don't talk in the restroom is just that, a myth. Men can be as much chatty hens as women. I know from experience in both.

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  78. I can honestly take an extra special joy in having more rights than you. I give not a single shit for lesbians beyond the ones I already love and that's because of what I've read here.

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  79. John
    you're out as a gay man?
    But that means you're sort of doubly hiding the truth no?

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  80. 7:42

    lovely, that one

    enjoy your special rights because (i assume) of your fancy pretending

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  81. 7:42

    and what about gay men like Robert who are pissed they can't wed while the transsexual hetero-pretenders are allowed to?

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  82. mouse said...
    I don't know why people are being unkind to Robert;


    How do you know Robert is male? How do you know Robert is a gay male?
    How do you know it is not Dirt or one of her anon's not just stirring the pot?
    How do you know the person who posted the 'of color' post is really of color or female?
    How can anyone place so much stock in what is on this blog or any other blog. About the only time you know who it is really Dirt is when she uses her own account. Past that a whole lot of assuming goes on.

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  83. If Roberts got the time and energy to come to a lesbian hater site and complain about how privileged transpeople are, I probly don't give a shit about him either. We all know that people should legally be able to marry who they love, but it's you fuckers who started this hate war. Dumbasses.

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  84. DM, do you object to bisexual people "using the term queer"?

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  85. right,

    NOBODY disagrees with the transsexual bullshit except for this one person, 'Dirt' and her 'followers'

    and maybe the transboys who post here are actually 80 year old men (like the kind with the XY) writing from public libraries near their nursing homes

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  86. Anon @ 8:35...like I said, I'm not particularly fond of the term "queer", especially as a self-identification for straight hipsters. I have known bisexuals who called themselves queer becuase for some reason they didn't want to call themselves bisexual. If a bi person wants to call themselves queer, well, I suppose maybe that means that at least they are accepting the gay part of themselves.

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  87. Transistor radioMay 25, 2011 at 11:37 PM

    "It's bad enough this blog is overrun by teen transitors."

    WTF is a teen transistor????? I mean really? If you can't spell the word then don't speak it! I guess that makes you look like a total idiot as me and my lesbian and trans friends are sitting here laughing our asses off at that shit. Good going from the peanut gallery! Transistor radio? Um....???? ROTFLMFAO!!!!

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  88. "About the only time you know who it is really Dirt is when she uses her own account."

    The ones using their own pictures on their own blog accounts to comment probably aren't Dirt--like me.

    ReplyDelete
  89. "How do you know Robert is male? How do you know Robert is a gay male?
    How do you know it is not Dirt or one of her anon's not just stirring the pot?
    How do you know the person who posted the 'of color' post is really of color or female?
    How can anyone place so much stock in what is on this blog or any other blog. About the only time you know who it is really Dirt is when she uses her own account. Past that a whole lot of assuming goes on."


    I am sure that Dirt's followers post on here as anonymous or some made up names just to stir shit up. It's nothing new to say the least. I mean if you have to stoop that low and shit well hey, congrats to ya! On my live journal blog I have had comments from lesbians that don't like transmen and then turn around and try to start shit by posting fake names and anon comments. You can tell by the IP addresses. My fiancee' is is computer forensics and shows me all kinds of shit. You'd be surprised at the crap people do. I had one lesbian poster post 8 different comments but under different names...LMAO!!!! They just want to stir shit up is all and make more drama than what is already out there. They thrive on drama and live to see it. It must be a miserable life to seek out drama.

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  90. Eccentricity said...
    "About the only time you know who it is really Dirt is when she uses her own account."

    The ones using their own pictures on their own blog accounts to comment probably aren't Dirt--like me.

    ***************

    The truth is you never really know. Multiple Blogs with Multiple ID's is more commonplace than you realize.

    I once had someone send me my own pic on one of the chat rooms. I was shocked.

    You may be on the up and up but many are not. Even I had multiple myspace accounts during the Mobster Boom. 100% of those on my friends list(s) were mobster players.

    Answer this. If any one of these anons posted they had an emergency and asked you to send them money, would you do it?

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  91. I for one would be elated if dirt decided to only publish known commentors. As in people who are not afraid to NOT use Anon.

    Would show really who is reading/commenting- at least for one thread would be nice.

    I myself, read and comment regularly and agree with most that dirt posts. Although I do think that transexuals exist, I do not think they exist in the vast numbers that we are seeing as of late. With almost all of those increase in numbers being in young, white females- with all the same explanations as to why they feel trapped in a man's body. Not buying it here.

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  92. I sometimes post as 'mouse' and sometimes anonymously, because I'm lazy, not afriad; I'll try to stay as 'mouse' so you don't think I'm Dirt- though I could be Dirt disguised as mouse I guess. Oh, and I was 'green bean' a couple of times- just me having fun with words.
    Also, I agree with jj's post above.

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  93. I have a cousin who runs a blog. I was visiting her. She first made her blog entry and then she logged out and logged into a different name. Her blog is tighter than here. She then posted on the different name. I asked her why. She told me it is because nobody wants to be the first one to post and it also helped set the tone of the posts. Her blog actually makes her living for her as she does Google Ads and has a few affiliates programs she is involved in. The topic matter is not controversial on her blog.

    I have also noticed on some of the news comments the comments are old and from previous articles a years or so ago. Don't know if that is a programming fluke or to make it look like there are more commenters than there are.

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  94. Sorry, far too lazy to Out myself to everyone I meet.

    There's no easy way to do it, other than awkwardly breaking into normal conversation with "By the way, I was born a different sex" or introducing myself every single time as "Hi, I'm [Name] and I'm a transsexual".

    Who the fuck does that?
    I tell you who: attention seeking loons who define their entire existence by their gender or orientation.
    Fuck that noise.

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  95. "John
    you're out as a gay man?
    But that means you're sort of doubly hiding the truth no?"

    I'm out as trans AND as gay, with all of my friends, most of my colleagues, and my family.

    With other people that I have minimal interaction with I'm out as gay, and I would come out as trans if it became relevant.

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  96. So let me get this straight... when lesbians enter a public restroom, they announce themselves as lesbians to make certain they're out to everyone? Wow. I'd like to see that, however, I'll be in the mens room next door. Not all gays and lesbians out themselves constantly - why should you demand this of transpeople? - From a very OUT, public speaking, educated, activist kind of Transguy.And let the insults fly - they're lost on me :)

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  97. jj said...

    "Although I do think that transexuals exist, I do not think they exist in the vast numbers that we are seeing as of late. With almost all of those increase in numbers being in young, white females- with all the same explanations as to why they feel trapped in a man's body. Not buying it here."

    I transitioned almost 15 years ago, and lived in one of the largest cities in the US at the time. I didn't know one other Transsexual man. You could hardly even find anyone online. So I actually agree with you on this statement. I don't believe the numbers have increased at all really - rather, it has become a trend and a way to make a statement/gain attention. It infuriates me because it makes something very real look like a joke. I still think true transsexuals are much more rare than today's community would have us believe. Thanks for your input.

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  98. Anon 7:09 - "The oft recited FTM myth that men don't talk in the restroom is just that, a myth. Men can be as much chatty hens as women. I know from experience in both."

    I've used mens restrooms for about 18-20 years now, and yes, quite often a guy will say hey or hi, or nod and smile as though to say hello. And I think once, a guy made some quick small talk about the weather, and once when I was wearing an NFL jersey, I was asked about a game... beyond that, I have never known guys to just hang out in the bathroom to chat. Likewise, I don't think women really do that either, unless they know one another maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Mikey@1013

    Context is everything.

    Also, Butch lesbians dont have much of a choice to hide their/our nature in all its forms in the Ladies.

    dirt

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  100. Dirt,

    I don't see how my comment was out of context in response to the following conversation:

    Anon 8:40
    "Not every trans person stays in the closet about being trans. There are plenty of transmen and women who are out about being transgender."

    followed by your reply:
    "Must make for interesting conversation when ftMs use the mens room."

    So respectfully, when someone points out that many people are out about being trans and the old bathroom issue is brought up, I take that to mean that a transman not outing himself in a public restroom is not truly out. I also don't assume that every woman who appears Butch is actually a Butch. I've known several hetero women who could easily be mistaken for Butch. It's all subjective. I don't think public restroom behavior constitutes a person being out or not. I think it's way more about social presence, activism, and not being closeted at work, home, etc. And hey - kudos to the employers, schools, retailers, etc, who implement gender neutral facilities.

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  101. As a butch lesbian- I can only speak for myself. But I never have to 'come out' to anyone. Because in our world, it is assumed based on how I look and present myself that I am lesbian. That is how it is with almost all people I come across.

    Now it's only been in the last 5 years or less, that specifically within the 'queer' community, I am continually treated as if I am trans. These people have just began conversations with me using male pronouns. It's really bizarre. So then, I do have to 'out' myself to them, in telling them that in fact, I am not trans, I am a butch woman.

    The bizarreness of this has really changed my whole outlook on the queer umbrella. I considered myself part of the queer grouping for several years. And only recently have become to separate myself from it, because of instances like this. Which just shows me that it has a very male centered center/way of thinking. It doesn't seem very woman/feminist friendly to me anymore. When it is assumed that I must be transitioning to be butch.

    Just my opinion.

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  102. jj - I'm sorry you've been a victim of that kind of ignorance. You have every right to present yourself any way you choose and not have people assume you are, or tell you that you're trans. That's really messed up.

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  103. Mikey,

    I was referring to this "So let me get this straight... when lesbians enter a public restroom, they announce themselves as lesbians to make certain they're out to everyone? Wow. I'd like to see that, however, I'll be in the mens room next door".

    And as you made clear here, you dont use the ladies, therefore what you think is irrelevant.

    When you have to out yourself as a female while using the Ladies loo, and for Butches this is a regular occurrence due to Butch Invisibility, when you do so the presumption by other women is that you're a lesbian.

    dirt

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  104. JJ thanks for that post. My partner gets that shit all the time because she's just a bit more masculine appearing than me with a flattop, though we're both Butch(probably because she's smaller than me and her breasts aren't as big). Neither of us got that in the past, rarely, but even I find myself 'sirred' much more in the mainstream world than in the past, and I'm pretty obviously female.
    I get tired of in certain 'queer' circles, almost all Butches are assaulted with male pronouns, invisibilizing us as the WOMEN WE ARE.

    I also agree with this: "DM said...
    I don't identify as GLBT. I am a Lesbian, a Dyke, and I am out in all aspects of my life. Nor do I care for the term "queer". I think the term "queer" has outlived its usefulness." I ABSOLUTELY AGREE with this, and there's so many times I have to say 'what applies to the gay male or trans community, DOES NOT apply to the Dyke/Lesbian community!'

    I AM a Lesbian, A Dyke, a Butch Dyke and Female Proud! And out, loud and proud! If you're Butch, you WILL be assumed to be Lesbian, and while we get shit on in the mainstream, we are visible to a much greater extent in the gay communities....and my loyalty is to other Dykes, Lesbians, Butches and women as a whole, FIRST AND FOREMOST. Gay guys still get male privilege and really prefer their own to a large extent...even if they friend lesbians, their male friends/opportunities to fuck come first....gay male sexism is as rampant as straight male sexism, they just come from different directions but often with a similar end result.

    The 'queer' community really doesn't address sexism or lesbophobia, and really is much more male worshipping than most Dykes want, while invisibilizing us at the same exact time....so, NO I'm NOT queer, I'M a DYKE. If you live in a small town and you gotta be so deeply in the closet, then get your ass going and MOVE. If you're in an intolerant religious community, there are tolerant ones out there. YOu are CHOOSING the closet so OWN IT.

    Safety is one thing, just like being out late at night as a woman on the street...sometimes one doesn't have a choice, so one has to carry a weapon, be wily, dress a certain way to survive....but for an everyday expression to hide who you are is SOUL KILLING, and living a lie...there just are no two ways about it...and yes, I do understand, and see it in Oakland that it really is much harder for our lesbian and gay sisters and brothers of color, but part of that is again due to the religious intolerance of the churches....yet there are many OUT LOUD AND PROUD Black Butch and Femme Lesbians in Oakland who cannot be any other way and have created their own powerful networks!

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  105. Dirt,
    I see where the contextual issue was, thank you for pointing that out. The public restroom issue is a huge concern for many it seems like. Which is why I love seeing gender neutral facilities becoming more prevalent.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Y'know, I've noticed that when Master Amazon comments, it's usually the same rant over and over again. "Me WOMAN, me PROUD DYKE WOMAN! Sacred yoni!!"

    Does she copy and paste all her comments?

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  107. I have a policy of calling all transphobic Butches 'he' as it drives home to them how invalidating it is to their identity to be called the wrong pronoun.

    They still don't get it though; they just get angry and bleat about how they matter more than any other minority and how precious their oppression is (would that make it 'opprecion'?)

    Grow up.

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  108. (it's not a 'phobia')
    (and if a ftm is called 'she' it's because she is actually a woman, not the same as you calling a butch 'he' for punishment)

    ReplyDelete
  109. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  110. MasterAmazon said...
    And I'll keep on pronouncing OUT LOUD AND FEMALE PROUD DYKE DYKE DYKE ECT. ECT. ECT. BECAUSE Y'ALL ARE SO FUCKING SELF HATING AROUND YOUR FEMALENESS..AND I SEE COUNTLESS PICS OF BIO FEMALE BASICALLY LESBIAN WOMEN SAYING 'WHAT A GREAT BUNCH OF QUEERS!' WHEN WHAT THEY REALLY ARE IS A BUNCH OF DYKES TOGETHER, BOTH FEMME AND BUTCH, AND THE BUTCHY TYPES CAN'T EVEN CONCIEVE OF THEMSELVES AS WOMEN PROUD ANYMORE!
    And I'm NOT talking about full transition FTM's either!

    Queer has become the default..and basically queer has come to mean basically NOTHING AT ALL. Pansexual? Gay?, mostly het but occasionaly flirt with the same sex? Butch/Femme, Butch/Butch? What the fuck, who you fucking? Queer is NOT an empowering word for me at all. Dyke is...

    -100% bio-Female Butch Dyke, forever and always, in all ways.
    -MasterAmazon

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  111. Yeah, it IS phobic behaviour actually, fucktard.

    And yes, I'm punishing fucktards for being fucktarded. Stop being a fucktard and I'll drop it down to 'it' instead of 'he'.
    If you're good, you might get the 'she' back.
    But until them, you're a man to me.
    Man man man. He he he.
    Ha ha ha!

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  112. Respect 101: It is NEVER your place to out ANYONE at ANY TIME wether they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or TRANSGENDER. Secondly, trans people have a considerably less number of rights than you do. In conclusion, you ugly excuse for a queer, why don't you go yank the dick you wish was in your pants. This blog is the equivalent to wearing a sandwich board that says, "I'm miserable."

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  113. Doredles-

    way to show your immaturity and age there. just can't keep your annoying, bratty little trap shut hun?! lol keep going, were all laughing at how silly you are and how you really are misrepresenting any serious ftms. way to go!

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  114. LOL! I'm not FTM, douchewad. Or genderqueer or anything like it.
    HARDFAIL.

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  115. I agree people should be out. Politically and personally it is very important. And plenty of lesbians suffer from being out. Personally I had to leave a job because of anti lesbian comments,"jokes", etc directed at me. My girlfriend had to abandon her house because of pretty bad sustained harassment from a group of teens because she is a lesbian.

    I have friends whose parents threw them out when they came out as lesbian and still, many years later, refuse to talk to them.

    But being out is so important politically. And personally. It is a strain psychologically to hide everyday who you are and I think those in the closet underestimate the strain of this.

    I don't agree with outing people though, unless they are spouting hate or doing actions to harm their own kind. I think it has to be a personal choice to be out, but one that should be heavily encouraged by everyone. And those in the closet should acknowledge the privileges they get from passing as straight.

    ReplyDelete

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