Change Your World-NOT your Body

Friday, March 25, 2011

Trans Trender-A Profile and a bit about TMatesFTM (Part 1)

All this comes to me via email from another lesbian who has been silenced by the Trans Brigade. Some of it comes from an emotional place, a place that is obviously still somewhat hurt and angry. But it goes much further than the basic pain and anger one experiences due to a break up, which is why I bring this to you. It doesnt take much to see that beyond the end of thisa relationship between two females, there is a perfect profile of a Trans Trender.

Like all good tales, I'll start at the beginning. The lesbian in question (and I do consider her a lesbian regardless of her experience with this transman) told me this when asked how it was she as a lesbian wound up in a relationship with a transman:

It was a late afternoon and all I wanted was a cold cider (they do wonderful tap cider up north) and to meet a woman. And this person came in with friends near to the place I was and "she" catched my eyes. I was updating my FB profile on a free Mac they provided there and I remember having written: "ah a nice creature came in :)". We finally talked to each other and the punk rocker lesbo I thought I have met told me in fact with a female voice she was a "he" (this person was pre-everything when I met her: boobs and no T). we spent the night together with his friends and ended up at my hotel (without the friends ;). That is how it started. 

She goes on to add:

The sexuality we had was very lesbian sexuality (if there is any). It is not someone who wants his vagina removed apparently :) So I think I thought "ok you are trans" like someone would say to republican lesbian, "ok you are republican but I still want to make love to you/f* you as you are hot". (I am democrat ;) It starts like this because people live an attraction and they don't pay so much attention to the gender queer talk. That how you switch from women to dating a transguy once

Here is the gist of an email she wrote to me:

I write this email to you in the hope you will publish it on your blog as you are my last chance to be heard as a woman and an ex-female partner of a transguy. This email is warning for all previous and current partners of FTM or women who have questioning/doubts about a potential affair with a FTM.

English is not my mother tongue so sorry if my points are not clear or badly written.

I used to be engaged to one of the guy whose female partner is making videos on TmatesFTM. Our relationship broke-up 2 years ago. Time has passed by and I am now happy with someone else.

So when I saw that he was pushing his new girlfriend to do videos on TMatesFTM, I was naive and thought it could be also a great way to share my own experience with this transguy as commenter of the different topic oriented videos.

By sharing my own experience, I don't mean childish angry stupid comments: no! I am a middle-aged woman and a grown-up.
I mean I thought it may be great to interact with the different topics oriented videos and give another point of view than his current partner for the same transguy.
As I had the time to think about this relationship and its impacts on my life, I thought it may be useful for other women partners of FTM and I was eager to give my own experience....

But every time, I wrote meaningful and respectful comments on this TmatesFTM channel to give a different perspective, they were not published. It was a loss of time and of my energy because I had to watch the video, to write them in English and every time I thought it may start a nice/interesting discussion, they were never ever published. They accepted only low end comments like: "great video", "you did well"...

As a consequence, I came to the conclusion TMatesFTM gives a biased vision of FTM/partners relationship as TMatesFTM censors interesting comments of ex-partners.

It is new and very surprising to me as I used to watch TMatesFTM when I was with this transguy 2 years ago and at that time, I would never had suspected TmatesFTM would have been a promotion channel of “partnering with FTM”. I thought in opposite I could find support and a neutral/safe place as a partner of FTM. I thought it was a discussion community and channel for women.

I understand now the only mission of TMatesFTM is to give an unrealistic very pink very positive picture of FTM as partners. TmatesFTM is not a SOFFA place at all and certainly NOT a support channel for present and past partners of FTM. It is certainly NOT an open minded place where we can virtually meet-up and share what we think with respect for each other's point of view whatever they may be.

I am writing you to warn women who may watch this channel and may wrongly think, like I used to think 2 years ago, they have found a women only space and so to warn them: "do not believe all what you see/hear on this channel".
TMatesFTM is not a women space: it is almost a cult like initiative whose only purpose is to serve FTM not their partners.

And I truly hope you will publish my email because you are my only chance for the truth to be heard and I don’t want other women to believe their hear/see the truth of a FTM/partner relationship on TmatesFTM like I used to believe 2 years ago. If I had known at that time it was biased, I would have lost less time watching those videos and more time listening to myself and some of my closed friends 'advices and relatives.

I wrote TMatesFTM a Youtube message to understand why they were censoring me and they told me my ex-partner, this transguy, did not want my comments to be published even if they were interesting and not offensive.
So the person who has the final decision on TmatesFTM is the guy not women…
It is called patriarchy in my country and it has been eradicated 40 years ago where I live.
I would never suspected patriarchy would come back online triumphally and via female to male transitioners ie people who know what is like to be oppressed when you are female bodied....

Thank you for your consideration,


A screencap of one of her comments:

She discusses in further detail this break up in her own blog by saying:


He dumped me because I was asking him to give his position about fatherhood through a wall discussion on FB. I am a middle-aged woman so the clock was ticking and as I was to the point of moving to live close to him, I just wanted to know if he was serious about his commitments and if he was serious when he said we will have kids together.
His friends made the FB discussion the worse couple discussion of my life and he broke-up like a coward by msn and sms the same day based on his friends' advices.
And on the "right" timing: a few days before X-Mas when he was supposed to come and visit me, my friends and family for 2 weeks...
Then I learnt many things about him through some of "his friends": he cheated on me with a MTF (typically Mike), was telling different things to me and them.
And the best: he described me as mentally ill. He was so coward to face the break-up consequences (I think he did not expect I could react differently than the 20's women he had dated so far), he refused to see the pain he had inflicted me, he closed any possibility to have an adult peaceful talk/closing by using the old good "she is a female with hysteria" sentence. This "hysteria/she is too emotional/she is mentally ill" sentences are used by males for ages to silence women when those women try to make their points respected...

  • Is it the kind of males privileges he searched from his transition?
  • Is it what he learnt from being born female bodied?

...We were engaged at the time of the break-up as he always pushed me for more commitment: he was the one who wanted to brag about our couple and then our engagement on FB and at the University. I imagine it was, at that time, a good validation of his malehood and it valued his ego to say he was dating an average (not a dyke) middle-aged executive woman while he was just a student and pre-everything at that time.

I spent some time one the TMates thing yesterday, and there are several things that stand out. The first is no matter the age of the TMate the maturity level is very low, and second is the same point the woman above makes, Tmates seems more about using women to create, prop up and help to maintain the "maleness" and "manhood" of those the TMates are dating than any actuall honest discussion about the myriad of issues a female faces when dating a female on a lifetime of T. 


Seeing how this is getting a tad long I will break this up into two parts. Part 1 centering on how a lesbian found herself in a relationship with an ftM to disastrous effects and Part 2, the ftM in question before transition and during.

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57 comments:

  1. This is only based on one person's experience so you can't really judge all FTM's relationship standings on this one person. There are many different relationships for everyone no matter what the gender or sexual orientation. Also, many FTM websites do not appreciate negative comments on their pages and would more likely like support than judgements. For the record, I am neutral on this whole FTM vs lesbian feud, but, I am seeing where FTMs are coming from. I do however, appreciate that this girl was calling him a he. All in all, it important not to judge a whole mass of people based on the experience of one person.

    ReplyDelete
  2. it's kinda funny to me to keep hearing about their maleness and how everyone (really only other women tho) are required to treat them as a man, insist on male pronouns, validate them as real men. but do you ever hear them insisting that real men do this?
    no- you don't. why is that?
    is it because they know deep inside that all bio men equate being a man to having a penis. period.
    is it that deep inside them they are really still women trying to fit into a man's world as a man, but not really and deep inside they are still afraid of bio men, and therefore only really look for validation of their maleness through other women that they feel like they can dominate?
    T does make all people typically more aggressive.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "and deep inside they are still afraid of bio men"

    I was once reading in a transgender forum and that's exactly what ftm's where writing about. The fear not being accepted by bio men and bio men in general. Really sad

    Sorry about my english

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  4. Funny Cathy,

    I dont see anyone saying ALL anything about ALL anything. This is this woman's experience, a woman who has been silenced and now thanks to blogs like this has a voice.

    dirt

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  5. @ Anon 4:38:

    "it's kinda funny to me to keep hearing about their maleness and how everyone (really only other women tho) are required to treat them as a man, insist on male pronouns, validate them as real men. but do you ever hear them insisting that real men do this?
    no- you don't."

    Uh... yeah, you do. FTMs are FTMs full time. My brother, father, and male friends and strangers call me "he." I use men's bathrooms. I'm not "afraid of real men" just because I have a penis. Do you honestly think that FTMs identify as men ONLY when there are no bio-men around?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have lots of bio male friends and they accept me as a man and nothing else. They don't see me any different. I am very comfortable around them as they are with me.

    I'd love for my fiancee' to join TMates and do videos but she, just like me, just doesn't like doing videos. We are basically private people. I do have a youtube channel but don't post much on there and don't post all of my changes. I wrote all of my changes down in my hand written journal. I really don't see the need in me doing videos on my changes but if others want to do it then so be it. I just don't want to as I am soft spoken and somewhat shy til I get to know you kind of person.

    ReplyDelete
  7. My fiancee' and I have been together before and after I have started my transition. I lived full time as a man since Sept. 30, 2007 and we became a couple on Aug. 6, 2008. She loves me just as she did then as the same as she does now, if not more.

    Our relationship is wonderful. It couldn't get any better. She loves me for me and I love her for her. We are each others soul mate.

    Even if we were to someday break up, we wouldn't be talking shit about each other on the internet. That is childish. It takes two for a relationship to breakup and there are always 2 sides to every story. I don't see us ever breaking up as we can work anything out that may go wrong if it were to go wrong. We respect each others feelings and beliefs.

    Life couldn't get any better. With us by each others side, the world is ours!

    ReplyDelete
  8. In her comment it says she kept screenshots of the other comments she made that weren't posted... did she send these to you by chance? I'd be interested in seeing what she wanted to say that was censored. Her ex partner describes her as mentally ill... why is this? I'm not taking 'his' side, it just seems like we're not getting the full story. Hope part 2 sheds some light on this.

    ReplyDelete
  9. "She might be mentally ill as he supposedly said"

    No this woman is a perfectly healthy woman close to her 40's. She is a top executive in her company, a recognised and talented member of her community. She is the graduate of 2 ivy leagues schools.
    But yes the break-up and the childish/coward way it was done by this FTM shaked her to the bones because she was to the point to leave a 100k$ job for this changing moods FTM...
    And the "she is ill" was really invented by this FTM to save face and explain to his friends why a woman like her expressed her concern and anger about the way they broke-up. He expected she would have shut her mouth like a 20 something girl will have done but she opened up widely and communicated a lot on the way he behaved so he invented the "she is ill story" to keep his own reputation.
    And the reason why he pushes his actual girlfriend to do video on FTM is to have someone glorifying him as a partner after this episode which has eroded his reputation at the local lesbos bars and in the trendsetter commnity of his country.
    Posing as a trans poster boy and behaving like this is not quite compatible.

    ReplyDelete
  10. @Brandon, you can't predict how you will behave when you break-up: look at those couples who were so in love and then they have nasty break-up and I don't refer to divorce or money now, I just refer to the fact, breaking-up opens past feelings of rejection and so people can behave in a very childish or narcissistic way.

    And this is probably what happened in this story.

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  11. Am I the only one surprised by the age gap between them?

    He is a 20 years old FTM and she is a 40 years old woman...
    How it could work in the first place?

    When you are in your 40's, when you tell the words "love", "engagement", you tell them cautiously but when in your 20's and still a student, what is expected?
    He was probably too coward to tell her:
    " I want my freedom back. I am too young to commit. I played a role. I didn't mean what I said" and so the story ended this way: badly.

    ReplyDelete
  12. He is a 20 years old FTM and she is a 40 years old woman...

    I agree. Two Ivy Leagues schools do not impress me. This does not create maturity. But a 40 year old who would date a 20 year old speaks volumes. And still be hanging onto it 2 years later speaks volumes. At very least she needs counseling.

    I don't condone anyone hurting another person, but I do question why a 40 year old would go after a *20 year old punk rock lesbo* and really think it was going to last. There were a lot of red flags.

    I see this as an couple issue and an age difference issue.

    ReplyDelete
  13. annon 7:48 PM :dirt always deletes comments that dont share her opinion or she doesn't like. she is doing the exactly same thing and pretending not to.

    ReplyDelete
  14. "I do question why a 40 year old would go after a *20 year old punk rock lesbo* "

    Well it is called midlife crisis ;)

    I do agree there was a lot of red flags. The 20's something punk rock lesbo now a FTM is probably one of those trendsetters we see everyday on YT and who "trendsition". He dated this 40's old for narcissistic reasons and the video on TMatesFTM with his new gf are done to fuel their trendsetters narcissism.

    Life and nothing more: people have big ego you know!

    ReplyDelete
  15. you realise every week dirt brings out new pictures and some anon's here bring out new words to "trans trender" what on earth is a "trendsition"?

    while i was in a lesbian relationship i was used financially and emotionally by my partner at the time, when i left i left with nothing except a bag of clothing, 125$ in my bank account that luckly she had yet to take and my cat which i fought so hard to keep even tho he is in my name, go figure...lol.

    any way i went interstate she persisted in abusing me i recieve at least 50 calls and msgs a day from her and her new girl friend she moved onto within a month.

    so not ALL guys are shit NOT ALL girls are shit, break ups are messy for the most part someone always gets hurt...

    im glad i learnt from that experience and although ive transitioned i DONT date at all and will NOT date for a very long time, and i am happy with that choice i made for my self, i need to rebuild what i lost when i left her 3 years ago. ive done so physically not ready to let in someone emotionally.

    so yer there is a story of a LESBIAN break up

    ReplyDelete
  16. Those comments are astonishing.
    The ones who buy the "she is ill" by her ex FTM boyfriend are just misogynists. It is obvious this guy used this sentence to silence her and create doubts in people's minds moreover for people who never met her and heard only the guy side of the story.
    The ones who say her experience is not general are right but this woman is not drawing a conclusion "all FTM are bad people or so what", she never writes that: she is quite respectful regardless of what happened. She just asked to have her voice to be heard because apparently she couldn't and that may explains she is wounded years after. So the people who write she may need counseling are blind to her pain.
    Btw, her ex is a nosy bastard FTM or not.

    ReplyDelete
  17. @:D

    while i was in a lesbian relationship i was used financially and emotionally by my partner at the time, when i left i left with nothing except a bag of clothing, 125$ in my bank account that luckly

    ..Thank You!! I am still paying off $35,000.00 in old debts from an old relationship and yes it was a Lesbian. Boy did I learn my lesson!!

    You are spot on with this. There are good seeds and bad seeds in every sector of life. To try and leave an impression this only happens in the Transgendered community seems rather silly to me, but oh well.. I guess I should not be too surprised.

    One thing is clear. This is not just about misogyny. Every angle gets used in here to further the wedge and hatred of FTM's. Airing peoples private business and dirty laundry is not about misogyny.

    ReplyDelete
  18. "so yer there is a story of a LESBIAN break up"

    The story in this article is also a story of a lesbian break-up. It is the love story of 2 female bodied.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dirt, you're doing a great job creating this space to discuss women and lesbian issues in a feminist perspective!

    I'm disgusted by the commenters buying the hysteria story and rambling about the age gap. It's soooo typically MYSOGYNISTIC!

    Propably they wouldn't mind if it were a 50 yo (trans)man with a 18 yo girl, would speculate about her financial interest in him, if he beated her they would question what she made to deserve it, etc. Disgusting!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Lila,

    Those that do this to themselves or enable others in this brutal misogyny, arent feminist and fail to see how misogyny informed their every move.

    This is what happens when females cease to filter their lives through feminism, patriarchal mimicry, which loosely translates to good old fashioned cock sucking.

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm disgusted by the commenters buying the hysteria story and rambling about the age gap. It's soooo typically MYSOGYNISTIC!

    What the hell is mysogynistic believing a 20 year old punk rock lesbo being with any gender twice their age who is corporate is unlikely to succeed? Not only that, it is unhealthy! This has not a damn thing to do with a hatred of women. However as loosely used as the word mysognist is in here the word will lose its meaning; And it DOES have meaning when used properly and not run into the ground.

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  22. @:D

    Im glad that this former ftm partner is finally getting a chance to be heard, im sorry she felt she couldnt tell her story although there were other was other then the Tmates channel, but i hope she finds telling her story is helping her move on from that painful time in her life.

    ...I agree with you on her being heard. I hope she learns from this and does not do it again. And to the users of the world, you only think in the moment. You do not realize the impact you have on the lives of others in their future decision making and/or their quality of life. Note: I said users since we all know that users come in every color, every gender, and come from every walk of life...

    Rita Mae Brown once said...
    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results

    I hope this woman learns this a lot quicker than I did.

    ReplyDelete
  23. On TMates it always sounds like they are trying to sell something, often in an overly-defensive way. All you can really do is cringe in pity with all the "he's" and "his" and strange justifications of how a female can be male if they want to, and how the furthest from anyone's mind is actually having a dick.
    You won't hear anything even remotely questioning - it's all wide-eyed unconditional support. Don't believe FtM's are comfortable around men, because that's a crock.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I don't think the age gap is *necessarily* inappropriate. I do, however, think that it should go without saying that if you're a 40-year-old in a relationship with a 20-year-old you don't get to act surprised when your partner behaves in an immature and childish way under stress.

    (And yes, being pressured publicly about having kids when you're 20 is stress.)

    As for TMates...no opinion. As far as I know, it's a wholly voluntary group, and nobody really watches it but the people in it, their partners, and apparently Dirt, so I don't see why it matters what their comment policies are. I can't imagine anything more boring than sitting around watching YouTube videos made by self-indulgent twenty-something FTMs and their partners...ugh. Zzzzz.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Eve,

    If this discussion/blog was the snoozefest you pretend it to be, you wouldnt be here day in and day out like a newborn attached to a breast.

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  26. Didn't say the blog was boring; I actually find it pretty interesting. I wouldn't be here otherwise. I like the feminist analysis. It's the videos that are snooze-inducing.

    When I was a kid, people recorded their boring self-indulgent tweenage thoughts in private diaries. Now, apparently, they post them on Facebook and Youtube for everyone to see. But they're still boring self-indulgent tweenage thoughts.

    "blah blah blah sex blah blah acne blah blah body hair blah blah blah fat blah blah girls blah blah blah Gender Studies 101 jargon....." Zzzzz.

    (By the way, if you want to call me by a girl's name, the name my mother gave me is Grace.)

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  27. Grace,

    Names dont have sexes.

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dirk,

    If names don't have sexes, why did you bother calling him Eve instead of Evan? I've seen you do that a lot to FTMs' names. Never seen you masculinize a lesbian's name though.

    Calvin

    ReplyDelete
  29. Most women on TmatesFTM are either no so pretty women who are lucky to have found someone (anyone?) or trendsetters who are happy to date a FTM like they would buy The purse of the fashion week. They must "have a FTM" to be hype. So it is silly to expect something smart from those person who have low iq and low self-esteem.

    ReplyDelete
  30. This story is sad. Those 2 persons could probably have been friends now if this young FTM behaved like a male he si supposed to be and would have been brave enough to tell this middle-aged woman he wanted to date someone younger (which is doing apparently now) and so if he would have broken-up in a respectful way.
    It is not smart from him to have behaved like this with such a mature woman.
    She is a fool to have thought she could build a relationship with such a childish person: she should have fucked him and that's all...
    it is obvious he never loved her.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Dirt, I don't know if the information maybe relevant to you but this "guy", he really tried to silence this woman in super nasty ways, by all means.
    I know it because this story made a huge "noise" in our lesbian community here.
    Apparently he lives in a very calm country where nothing happens (not even robbery) and has a friend in the police so he went to the local police department of his town and his pal accepted to file a complaint for him based on the following facts:
    *the women you mentioned here had sent him the usual pathetic sms you send when you are drunk, you have broke-up and you are still in love (a total volume of 15 sms on a 3 months timeframe after their break-up so 5/months)
    *and had also answered this guys' friends agressive comments/emails.

    So believe it or not but this guy filed a complaint for :
    *"violation of privacy"
    * and "home invasion".

    The funniest part is:
    *this guy is totally out on the web and he even has his new gf talking about them in very details on Tmates so asking for privacy is fuzzy logic!
    * and "home invasion", it is better: they (his ex and he) live in 2 different countries and there is no chance this woman may have came overnight, have knocked at his door and then came back fresh & rested for her daily job...

    As their countries have bilateral police agreements, the ex has to go to the police station of her town and to answer questions like if she were a criminal.

    But in the same time the police officer told her the complaint was abusive for sure and would not have been accepted as valid in her home country...

    We heard abour it through one of our lesbo friend who is at the local gay and lesbian police advocacy group.

    It shocked everybody here because it is obvious this guy could have simply give a call to his ex and could have an adult male talk with her instead of complaining like a dead cat at the next police station.

    He is probably influenced by his friends at the local trans-advocay group who told him the break-up was a case of "transphobia".

    In any case, I wanted to let you know in order you don't get the same legal threat and mess he put his ex into.

    And by the way: this person is not ill at all. She is a pilar of the lgbt community here and she is really the typical sweet person who is keen to give too much to other.

    I do think he is a bastard and should be prosecuted for all he did to her on a psychlogical point of view. She could have been ill after what he did to her. This guys is a shame fo all other transguys who respect their partner and ex.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Please tell me this blog is not going to boil down to "The L Word" or "Days of Our Lives"

    Airing dirty laundry seems so inappropriate and nothing to do with transition itself. There is not one person out there who have not met flakes of any gender who has hurt you or someone you know. I would expect kids to mishandle it in a public forum.. Not mature adults.

    To buy into this is childish. Truly, it is none of any of our business and has nothing to do with being straight, gay, lesbian, transgendered, male, female, black, white, brown, asian, what country we are from, or anything I have forgotten to include.

    There is an old book out called the Drama Triangle..

    and a great video too..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ear2psj1WNo

    as this video states, we all do it.. But learning to step back is equally as important.

    ReplyDelete
  33. @The drama triangle.

    Yep.
    Victim=the ex.
    Persecutor=this childish transguy
    Rescuer=Dirt

    Ok so what?

    ReplyDelete
  34. The reason why this triangle took place is because this transguy is apparently unable to solve issues respectfully.

    It looks pretty much like he dumped her without any once of compassion and by denying her the right to be sad, to have pain, to be angry and shocked. He has erased her as a human being.
    That is violent. And the legal route was not adding more dialogue between them: it is weapon of massive destruction.

    Instead he should have behaved like an adult and should have talked to her and so have treated her as a human being.

    I don't know why he behaved like this but cutting communication and letting someone with feelings of hopelessness was not smart to solve this crisis. Apparently he is the kind of person who escapes when things need to be sorted out...

    His immature attitude has nothing to do with his trans-identity if any.

    ReplyDelete
  35. "His immature attitude has nothing to do with his trans-identity if any".

    Actually you cannot make that statement with any authenticity. We do not know the person she was before T altered her brain/personality. Just like the body, there is no way to tell how such a powerful drug will effect the brain, and the brain IS responsible for behaviour.

    Regarding immaturity, there are literally thousands of trans(men) who have claimed (regardless of age) that by taking T they go through a second puberty. Since T effects both brain and body, part of that second puberty is mental and if you've ever been a teen, they arent exactly "mature". So to claim flat out that T didnt effect her judgement/behaviour is naive at best, ignorant at worst.

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  36. That is crazy! How it happens a person who wants to be seen as an adult male in society does not have enough balls or is not brave enugh to talk with his ex-? They were engaged and he left like a kid. Was he impressed by her age?
    We don't know but what an immature behavior!
    For sure, his transition is just a way to escape from his adulthood for a few years...This person is just coward and not ready to grow-up at all.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Treating your ex badly probably has nothing to do with transitioning, which is why this story shouldn't be featured here.
    Using it as a weapon on how T affects the brain and how this person clearly isn't a Real Man is ridiculous, because millions of biomen have acted just as immature and hurt their partners the same way.

    ReplyDelete
  38. @Dirt, was is already on T when he was the most agressive against her? Or has he other mental disorder than GID? Is he on medication? Has he other issues?
    You don't know Dirt! You can't know and so conclude!

    ReplyDelete
  39. "Treating your ex badly probably has nothing to do with transitioning, which is why this story shouldn't be featured here."

    Well it fits here perfectly.
    Being allowed to cut you boobs off or taking T and in the same time not being able to deal peacefully with a break-up should normally raised red flags with medical authorities and parents and friends.

    ReplyDelete
  40. "Being allowed to cut you boobs off or taking T and in the same time not being able to deal peacefully with a break-up should normally raised red flags with medical authorities and parents and friends."

    According to the timeline here, those parts of the transition happened about a year after the relationship was already over. There are also millions of perfectly healthy, normal people who still go through messy break-ups.

    Besides, we only know the other half of the story atm, and it's impossible to tell who is the "wrongdoer" here.
    It takes two to tango, and if they still feel the need to post things about this person after two years, they both probably could've handled things more peacefully.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Miss Smiles,

    Try again. Comments that surpass plain ignorance are removed as they add nothing to discussion, regardless of comment.

    Interesting though how the removal of hateful comments towards transitioners never gets mentioned here, even though it occurs daily. Talk about "agenda".

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  42. ^That's like complaining how racist comments get removed, while positive comments don't.

    Posts that are pro-transition and disagree with the majority of the people here aren't hurting anyone, yet they get deleted.
    However, comments that "hateful comments towards transitioners" are just that - hateful towards a group of people. There's a good reason why the majority of sites do not and should not allow them.

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  43. Most comments here deal with the story and relationship described in the article. Nothing hateful. Then the censorship TmateFTM is doing, don't you feel it is hateful against all women?

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  44. FTM are not only mutilating their body but destroying their whole environment and the people who love them...

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  45. "FTM are not only mutilating their body but destroying their whole environment and the people who love them..."

    It's funny how you might hear those same words from someone who doesn't understand gay people. "She's a lesbian. She's not only ruining her life but destroying her whole environment and the people who love them.."
    when in reality the people who love them only get "destroyed" if they choose to not accept or try to understand their glbt identity.

    And saying that there's nothing hateful about any of the comments posted here is completely ridiculous.

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  46. "And saying that there's nothing hateful about any of the comments posted here is completely ridiculous."

    Some comments are judgemental but they are not hateful.
    It seems like when a person is trans nobody is allowed to comment his behavior like if FTM=sacred.
    How it happens they all have such a big ego?

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  47. "How it happens they all have such a big ego?"

    Because they suffer in fact from NPD and not from GID as expected.

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  48. "It seems like when a person is trans nobody is allowed to comment his behavior like if FTM=sacred."

    I don't think anyone is saying it's not ALLOWED. It's just disrespectful, hurtful, unnecessary and doesn't help anyone. The same happens with blogs dedicated to bash for example gay people or those of a different ethnicity. Sure it's allowed to hate and/or judge but why the hell would you? Live and let live.

    It's not a matter of thinking that specific group of people is SACRED, it's just that some people don't like having running into judgemental bee-hives on the internet.

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  49. "It's funny how you might hear those same words from someone who doesn't understand gay people. "She's a lesbian. She's not only ruining her life but destroying her whole environment and the people who love them.."

    Now THAT is a FACT. I heard how selfish I was for years and how I was hurting my family. All they cared about was "the way it looked to the neighbors.""

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  50. This is hilarious. You all are so ready to judge this guy's behavior as an ftm, but would you judge a lesbian relationship drama as if it were due to a person being lesbian? Stupid.

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  51. "guy's behavior as an ftm"

    Nope: some commenters made it clear they were judging him as a person not as a male or as a female or as a unicorn.

    But Dirt main concern here is to point out the fact that a straight identified FTM is "chasing" in a gay and lesbian bar.

    He convinced a woman who is lesbo, who was primarily here to date women, to date him and he finally behaved like a pig.

    If this guy had not invaded lesbians places and if he had lived his life where he pretends to belong (a normal bar for a straight dude), none of this would have happened...

    FTM guys whatever maybe their country should stay out of lesbian & women places...

    You transition? Ok, fine! But accept the consequences: be a male enough to let those lesbians places you just to hang out in the past...it is part of the transition process dude.

    There is no reason a lesbian bar should opens its doors to a FTM while it will not open it for a biomale. This is discrimination.

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  52. "FTM guys whatever maybe their country should stay out of lesbian & women places..."

    As a transguy, I do agree: Bros stop going in L places! It is ridiculous!

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  53. There are tranny chasers and there are lesbo chasers. this guy is a lesbo chaser.

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  54. I didn't see anywhere in the post that said that they met in a lesbian space. That seems like an assumption. They could have just been at a lgbt friendly place. The only place were I saw that mentioned a womens space was reffering to TMatesFtm.I do believe that transmen should stay out of lesbian places only.

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  55. Anon 6:21 PM Great! You are not a lesbo chaser! You are a real guy living his male life! I am a lesbian and I find it great to have FTM like you here as you add more clarity than confusion but apparently you belong to a minority of transmales. Most transmales behave like the guyd described here: they hunt lesbians and then treat them like shit.

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  56. You know what disgust me the most about those FTM?
    They use their partner energy and time and money (see article) and then when they have used them up to the bones, they drop them in despair and they even go to silence them in order they could not share their experiences with others.
    Thanks Dirt for your work!

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  57. I have read the two posts and then understood this transguy was the moron who had harmed one of my friend. If this story refers to the woman I know: for the record, she is hearing impaired. I find it very cruel to dump someone who has such disability this way without talking face to face then at least the person can have feedback...
    If this Tguy is the one I suspect he is, he is just a childish selfish drama king who takes the best of his friends and his partners. He dumped her because he could not use her anymore as they don't live in the same country. He did it badly because he thought she could not make her voice heard as their social networks are different.
    Thanks Dirt for what you did: you are a kind and nice person, you know :*!

    ReplyDelete

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