Change Your World-NOT your Body

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

FTM UK Community called the Police and TMates FTM

While I dealt with this in the last post, I think this really hits the point home. A transman actually contacted the "police" because she doesnt like the truth about the trans disorder getting beyond the gated ftM community, and she is urging others to contact the police. This community has tried every conceivable and inconceivable method to close this blog down, but I think calling the coppers takes the damn cake! If this community cares so much for females as it claims, they would be working with me and others like me to shed light on this self hating disorder so that other girls/women wont suffer what they have and will the rest of their lives through.

This TMates snapshot was put together and emailed to me a few days ago, based on many of the videos there it seems after a spell most TMates go the way of the females in this snapshot. Female youths dating transmen is nothing more than a rebellious fetish like dying their hair purple, eventually the natural color returns and childish things are left in the past, while the mutilated bodies of transmen remain alone.

dirt
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109 comments:

  1. "well you made good on your threat to start exposing women who would dare love a transman or be with one. Even after it did not work out between them"

    Another angle of whittling away at Transmens support and stability.

    Do you have any sense of right and wrong buried anywhere inside you?

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  2. Very good idea to know better the women who date transmales and TMatesFTM is a good source. I love how their topics are biased:
    *On the Defense
    *Periods & Period Dysphoria (for sure having a masculinised women at home bleeding everywhere while pretending to be a man sounds like fun)
    *Showing Appreciation (what is the frontier between being a FTMpartner and a nice puppy?)
    *Prosthetics (yep, when it comes to bed, it is NOT a man: no dick, you make love with silicone toys)
    *Dealing with Pronouns (welcome to their confused world)
    *Wearing/Sharing the Pants (won the award of the most misogynist videos ever on YouTube)
    *Babies (he has no sperm remember? Either those women like difficulties or they are idiot;)
    *Work Environment (most of them are students)
    *...

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  3. I don't see how it's blackmail. Anyone who watches TMatesFTM knows about 75% of the girlfriends leave the channel.

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  4. I have a question for you Dirt. How did you learn to love the woman you are? Was it through therapy or did you overcome the shame on your own? I think your answer to this question could help others as opposed to the approach you're taking now

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  5. I've been watching Tmates off and on for a while now and I was actually betting on Emma and Eli or Ely or how ever the name is actually spelled, to break up. I always feel there's something Emma's not saying, wants to say, but doesn't want to be negative. Then she went into this comment about public bathrooms being unisex. While I have no problem with that if it's single stall ( they're everywhere) I do not want to share a multi-stall. It's bad enough when women bring they're 5- 8 y/o boys in and we stare at each other through the slit between the stall wall and door. Yeah I want adult males sharing with me. I think the mates try to give honest answers to whatever topic they're covering that week, but with some topics they get this look on their faces and look off camera like checking to see where their "man" is then whisper a little or just move beyond what ever it was they had on their minds. I wonder if these young women and men feel intimidated by their partners at times or they don't want to say things that may hurt their feelings. Honesty will do that sometimes.

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  6. Oh my goodness, what a wonderful activist you are, Dirt! You have infiltrated a group and exposed 8 women who broke up with their ftm partners. Now this is some seriously good information and may help us all to realize how much we should avoide and despise transmen. They are so fucked up! I mean, I can't imagine any lesbians breaking up, ever. Especially not because of any insecure or controlling behavior on behalf of a butch or anything. In fact, I'm not sure I can find any evidence of people being unhappy in any lesbian relationship EVER! Why would they ever leave, what with the bed-death, the abandonment of any physical health standards, the drama, the childlike behavior etc. Good work Dirt! The world needs more people like you exposing the truth about the fact that PEOPLE BREAK UP!

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  7. @3:52 Wait. People break up?

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  8. Is it just me, or does TMate sound like some sort of non-dairy creamer?

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  9. the FTM community will eventually crash and burn into a mangled cluserfuck of sliced up rotting female genitals, tears, ruined lives and irreverable devastation for generations to come.

    and to think, it wasn't even neccesary.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Curious,

    As I've stated previously, there is no developed therapy for Butch Shame or body related shame that is gender/patriarchal based/constructed.

    Long before the nightmare that is puberty hits and dysphoria rears its ugly head, you get othered, and eventually other yourself right out of the human race.

    It wasnt until I began dating that I got pulled back into the human race, and eventually into the female species. Through the love and understanding of Femmes, my own maturity and my avidly pursuing why I felt for so long "wrong" and "uncomfortable" in/with my body as well as working out, I intellectually understood how misogyny informed all my negative feelings about myself.

    And gradually with that love and understanding I learned not only to love myself as a Butch woman, I learned to be proud of myself as a Butch woman. And proud to be such a great threat to hetero-patriarchy and all that it stands for, just by being me!

    But I can not down play having Femmes desire the body I couldnt stand, the body I felt betrayed me. THAT had a HUGE impact on me. Because they desired, lusted after and out right wanted me/my body, just the way it was. Its a beautiful, powerful thing.

    dirt

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  11. Anon@3:52,

    Please read before you comment. As stated in the post, a reader created the cap and emailed it to me. Also TMates is public on Youtube, no one "infiltrated" shit.

    The point of the cap is to illustrate how short lived these ftM fetishist relationships are and how ftM's are being fetishized by bored straight female youths.

    Females are being hurt, makes no difference to me that those females are ftM, they have a right to know they are being played and will get hurt.

    dirt

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  12. See this is why i dont get involved with online communities. drama like this happens.
    man faced lesbians getting hard nipples over bullying whiney FTMs.
    this whole blog is blatantly over opinionated and i find myself face-palming at it and the commenter’s. its not worth getting mad over cos its just 1 birds opinion, guessing shes about 45-50 (looking at her pic) id say she will be dead in 30 years max and no one will even remember who the fuck she is and no one will care. Maybe her immediate family, i doubt they will want to shame their family by passing on her story to the next generation.
    let her live her whiney lonely pathetic life and stop reading these blogs you drama queen FTMs
    why are you letting this chick get to you? What you think her life is any better? You think she truly has anything to live for? She’s a douche and will always be a douche, i don’t have to convince you its blatantly obvious to the general population.
    she will probably say to you “ohh no im perfectly happy with my life it couldn’t be any better” bullshit this women is pathetic and obsessed with negative issues, let her waste her very short life away on negative subjects and drama and enjoy yours rather than being just another whiney FTM bitch.
    we all get one life, its short, death is coming quick and don’t expect any pearly gates when it comes.
    you can live your life trying to make a difference/spread awareness etc but at some point you have to STOP and start living YOUR 1 and only life! Do you really want to spend your life fighting a battle you will never win?
    do you want to wake up one morning and look in the mirror and see that old frail face looking back at you wondering wtf you did with your life?
    cos this is fucking pathetic!
    Its too late for dirt, but it might not be for you!
    time to grab life by the hair gel filled condom balls!
    screw you guys, I’m login off.
    Bitch out.

    ReplyDelete
  13. It disgusts me to see how those females are playing with those FTM's heart like a new toy and then throw them away when they had fun and could experience power/control...
    The FTM ends up with a mutilated body and broken promises...

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  14. It is a small world: Parker used to be the gay boyfriend of Warren Kunce (his TMates intro: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VZ53q51H0I) who is now on Tmates as husband of the gay transguy Simon Leivo.

    ReplyDelete
  15. You know, when I used to hang out with lesbians, I noticed that the conversations started to get really boring. They focus on being lesbian so much, and falsely believe that there is something more to their sacred, special attraction to female genitalia. This does not make a culture. Just because someone is a woman does not make them safe, good, interesting, special, unique, strong, or revolutionary. That's why lesbian culture sucks so bad, and that's why people run from it eventually, or fade away. They get tired of relating their whole lives to something as trivial as liking vaginas. They realize there are not necessarily ANY shared values or experiences on which to hinge relationships. They want bigger lives than the safe little nest, where women will assert that they are hot when they are not, strong when they are weak and hiding, or interesting when they have little nothing to offer the world.

    I think it's because you are stuck in this myopic world that you are mentally unable to conceptualize an identity which does not revolve around bodies or genitalia. Thus your continued assertion that ftm's will wind up alone and mutilated. You can't conceive of us having anything to offer anyone other than our "freakish" bodies. Since you get your information from young transitioning individuals, I don't blame you for seeing things this way. Of course they are focused on their bodies-that's what's changing. It's *puberty*, you big dummy. Those of your fans who insist we are have nothing to offer in the way of sperm or penises are as much as saying that they see themselves as "female" products in the marketplace. That they themselves have nothing to offer but their unmutilated breasts and vaginas, smooth skin. This is very telling.

    I think we all realize what happens in relationships with people. If you knew more mature ftm's, you'd realize that our lives and relationships follow the same patterns as anyone else's. Those of us who are charming or attractive, or smart, or self-loving, or who possess any attributes someone else wants to be around, will have mates. Especially once 2nd puberty settles down, we can focus on our partners and relationships. Those of us who are not attractive or possess negative personality traits will have a harder time finding partners. This is the way of the world, and to suggest than our bodies or or anything else trans-related is responsible for the demise of a relationship, is tantamount to saying the same thing about lesbian relationships.

    I personally wouldn't date a woman who dated me FOR being ftm. That would be weird and I would be exoticized. When I first met my wife, she thought I was born male. She was instantly attracted to me. When she found out I was trans, it did not matter, as she has had long relationships with men, women, and ftm's. My point being that there are alot of people out there who see much more important factors than genitalia in a a relationship. Things like compatibility, laughter, shared values, fun, great sex, understanding.

    Again, all of you who point to our bodies and laugh as though that's all there is to us are as much as saying that's how you think about yourselves. Yes, we think about our bodies, yes, we change them, but we also are human.

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  16. Interesting, but I can see a problem with your argument. As a scientist I am curious about your methods.

    You've got the numerator, but not the denominator.
    Those are people who aren't dating transmen any more, but how large is your sample, and is it truely representative?

    Otherwise it's just anecdotes and basically meaningless. I could find five women who used to date professional soccer players, but now regret it, but that doesn't mean that most women who date professional soccer players regret it.

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  17. If you are interested, TMatesFTM has now playlists by week/topics:

    http://www.youtube.com/user/TMatesFTM#g/p

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  18. "screw you guys, I’m login off.
    Bitch out."

    Good point! But some of us have studying to avoid!

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  19. Actual men don't care about these trannys and their "issues", so of course women end up being the ones effected most by trans bullshit. Damn can we ever get a break once in a while?? geez!

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  20. @Anon 518

    You're basically helping to perpetuate the entire point of Dirt's blog. I hope you realize that. By negatively describing the lesbian community, you're simply reinstating Dirt's belief that the action of transitioning, the act of being FTM, is misogynistic. You seek to downplay the importance of the gay community, or I guess in your case the lesbian community, by saying how trivial or boring, or whatever, we are. You know, you're ability to have relative gender "freedom" came at the cost of the LESBIANS before you. We were the ones fighting with our gay brothers to promote a safe environment in which we can all live. But here you come, with your FTM authority, downplaying the importance of people who were not necessarily trans. At least lesbians can enjoy their lives without having to inject themselves with hormones, or change their names. We can live happily and comfortably as OURSELVES.

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  21. "You're basically helping to perpetuate the entire point of Dirt's blog. I hope you realize that. By negatively describing the lesbian community, you're simply reinstating Dirt's belief that the action of transitioning, the act of being FTM, is misogynistic."

    I don't think what I'm saying is misogynistic. I think it's a truth that's hard to hear. There are alot of things I would describe as misogynistic-such as media portrayal of women as sex objects, and alot of male behavior towards women, but someone's personal experience in a community doesn't qualify. And using that term lightly downgrades it's ability to be effectively used for the right reasons. I like and respect many women, but I don't respect the ones who try to play the trump card of "misogyny" when confronted with an ugly truth. I respect my lesbian and gay elders, and I respect my trans elders as well, for the fighting they have all done. I wonder if back then the situation was so dire that they couldn't afford to kick people "out" or have the luxury of delineating themselves into neat little identity packages to fight for their rights alone.

    As far as proving the point of Dirt blog goes, one can easily see that it is Dirt's agenda to paint us as self-hating, angry, fearful, deluded freaks who want to destroy lesbians and all women, take money and jobs away from lesbians, and force lesbians to date us so we can make them unhappy. I don't expect Dirt to get my message because I think she is mentally ill, but many people reading my post will get that ftm's cannot be categorically dismissed and any effort to do so is nothing less than fear self-hatred, and ignorance. And by the way, I'm not sure any of you are really living happy lives as "yourselves". Your fascination with discrediting us precludes that.

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  22. August 6th will be 3 years that my fiancee' and I have been together. She is my soul mate and I am her soul mate. We've had maybe a handful of disagreements but nothing major. In the past year and 3 months we have had no disagreements and our relationship couldn't get any better. This Halloween we are getting married.

    She was married to a man for 17 years and then we met on-line, fell in love, moved in together, and the rest is history!

    I have two wonderful step son's, 19 and 14 years old, and they love me to death. They accepted me from day one. They are wonderful boys and I love them to death!!!

    A lot of relationships break up. Not just relationships where FTM's are involved. The relationship I'm in now is the best one I have EVER been in. Everyone else has cheated on me, lied to me, betrayed me, and used me. My fiancee' has never done any of these things to me.

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  23. Bran,

    You seem to have missed the point. But congrats on being a female bodied person dating a straight woman who loves you and your female body.

    Curious, how does she feel when she gives your pussy attention?

    dirt

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  24. Dirt,

    Thanks! True, I will always be female bodied as I am not gonna have any bottom surgery done. I don't have much dysphoria down there.

    How does she feel when she gives my um "pussy" attention? She enjoys what she does to me. I can't exactly tell you how she feels per se but I know she enjoys herself as do I.

    She's very open minded and doesn't judge anyone for any reason what so ever. She accepts people for who and what they are. She has a lot of trans women friends who I have gotten to know very well. Some she went to school with. She has a lot of gay guy friends as well.

    I don't like the word "pussy" and never use the word. We call it my "bits". I just have never liked that word that's all.

    I don't know if this answered your question or not but here it goes.

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  25. "Curious, how does she feel when she gives your pussy attention?"

    Dirt, you're an antagonizing sack of shit. Your blog is garbage, straight garbage.

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  26. The word "pussy" is not offensive, why do ftms get so butthurt when Dirt says it? We are PROUD of our vaginas (unlike you) and can call them whatever we want.

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  27. Sounds like Anon@5:18 was hanging around with a very strange group of lesbians. What's even stranger, though, was that 5:18 thought the solution to this relatively minor problem was to get a new body (sort of) instead of a new group of friends.

    The white people where I'm from have really awful taste in music -- they only seem to like that folksy shit, or the oldies station, or soft adult contemporary. Their fashion sense is atrocious. A lot of them wear Birkenstocks, or Rockports. I'm not sure which is worse. Quite a few of them haven't noticed that mullets are out of style. They are all either moonbat liberals who practice Wicca and will not shut up about the sacred Phallos and Yoni in the Great Rite OR they are pickup-driving rednecks with Jesus fish on their bumpers. Don't get me started on the roller derby and the veganism. I just don't get that, any of it. And they are always going on about their reeelaaaayshionships. Steve and Beth think they might be emotionally incompatible, Patty thinks she and Harold should go to couples therapy, but Harold doesn't want to, Bob and Shirley only have sex once a month, blah blah blah I JUST DON'T CARE. (Also, I wish Bob and Shirley wouldn't talk about their cat all the time. It's like a substitute child or something -- but everyone out here in BFE says Bob has a low sperm count, so it's not surprising.)

    I want a better, bigger life! I want to live in a larger world! I want to escape all this Caucasian dullness. I know, I'll find a way to alter my appearance so I can hang out with more interesting people. I am so much more than my skin color, after all! Anyone who has ONE CRITICAL WORD to say about mypersonalchoicesandthewayIlivemylife is weirdly hung up on race, because I'mjustlivingmylife and choosingmychoice you judgmental bitch.

    On the other hand, maybe I could just place an ad on Craigslist:

    Centrist, likes bacon, seeks non-mullet-wearing individuals to form punk band.

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  28. I'm calling the internet police!

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  29. Brandon, the fact she is already a mother is a succes factor in your relationship. I imagine also you are older than the FTM boyfriends of those TMatesFTM females.

    But if I can share my own experience as a straight woman, I was with a transguy for 2 years and one day I realised, getting older, that it will be tricky to have children with him and that I fell in love not with him but with the real (bio?) male I would have loved him to be.
    So I broke-up and came back to normal male s and soon found my bf: hopefully, my partner and I are planning a baby for this summer. I am really happy.

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  30. "Anyone who has ONE CRITICAL WORD to say about mypersonalchoicesandthewayIlivemylife is weirdly hung up on race, because I'mjustlivingmylife and choosingmychoice you judgmental bitch."

    I'm not averse to the critical word about transitioning, personally. What I do object to, justifiably, is the categorical rejection of transmen as pathologically perverse.
    In that, you are misled. I don't blame you though, as you are co-opted by mainstream conceptualization of transsexuality. Sorry, pal.

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  31. Those nasty women love to control their boyfriend: those women are the ones who give them a dick and balls by acknowledging their malehood so imagine the power they have to make them do what they want...They have a FTM boyfriend because it is trendy but once the trend will end-up, all those FTM guys will be left alone. It is so sad!

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  32. Straight women try to prey on butches in the same way. The curiosity factor, dissatisfaction with men. We've been dealing with it for years. But unlike ftms we don't drink the bullshit flavored kool-aid.
    ;)

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  33. "But unlike ftms we don't drink the bullshit flavored kool-aid."

    Having one's heart broken vs having one's body mutilated and changed on T because you were in love and you did what she wanted: do you really think it is the same experience FTM and butches have?

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  34. Yes I do think it's the same experience. These women often try to convince butch women to transition. They encourage butch shame. They encourage butches to not want to be touched. It is exactly the same.

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  35. you have 6 people from tmates out of how many? I dont understand how this makes for an interesting topic? what about the tmates still with their partners? what are all the reasons they leave? Once again I feel like you are only portraying one side of an arguement.

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  36. Hi,
    I wanted to leave a comment, as I am Brandon's girl. I don't have one of the log in names, so i will just have to be an anon poster.

    I would like to clear a few things up.

    First off, I most likely don't fit within any real "label" you can throw at me, and choose not to adhere to a societal label.

    I don't use labels, nor do I like them because I feel they are oppressive. Sorry, just the way I feel. I have hated them all my life as I feel the very label makes one strive to achieve some level of what the label prescribes. If you call an African American a "N" enough it begins to break them down to the level of the word. Same with Straight, Bi, Bull Dyke... they all have both negative and positive connotations, and yet human nature will dictate that you migrate more to the negative.

    With that said, I would not think that I fit within the "straight" label Dirt chose to throw. While yes, I was married for several years, it was mostly due to family influences and oppression from my very religious family. I felt as if I was not free to be who I was and that was someone who loved differently.

    I chose to try and make them happy by living a life they would like to see me in. AND the threat when I was younger of a lengthy institution stay if i did not stop my "wicked" ways. Soon I became complacent and just tried to exist as they wanted me to.

    I personally do not like the words pussy, cunt, twat... as for me, they have been used in derogatory ways. While the words may not bother you, it is again a personal choice and we choose to use words that make us feel good about the parts we have. You have to remember what is good for you, may not be good for others. That is a basic tenant of life.

    You would like to know how I feel when I go down on him Dirt? I feel amazing. I feel so overwhelmed that I can bring him pleasure and make his body respond to me in an act of beauty and love. It is just fucking amazing and adore being there. It is somehow sacred to me. I could get absolutely graphic about it, but won't as I do have some decency.

    So there you have it. The not so horrible side of being with a Transman. Yes, it has its challenges, but so does any relationship. It takes time, and understanding in any situation to make things work, and love. Lots of love.

    I hope i answered all the questions you may have had Dirt, if not throw me a few more. I'm game.

    ~*~ Edge ~*~

    ReplyDelete
  37. This TmatesFTM women are a shame for all FTM partners who live their life out of the spotlight without exploiting their partners transidentity for their own fame...

    They have one thing in common: they are pretty boring women who are looking for exposure on YouTube.

    In the meantime, while they are doing their show, their partner is having the hard life...

    Yurk!

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  38. @ Edge: "I chose to try and make them happy by living a life they would like to see me in."

    Great: a FTM is a good compromise between dating a woman (pussy) and having social/family acceptance. Smart choice!

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  39. I actually really liked Bethany, and I've watched some of Jackie's videos and she seems like someone who usually dates Butches, but ended up one time with someone who "transitioned" and learned from it. It's not really fair to call FtM partners "boring women."

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  40. I haven't seen the partners that encouraged/ urged a transition. Point me to those please. I have seen trans partners encouraging/ urging their mate to do Tmates. The couples I've seen usually met after transition started, or were in the relationship when their partner "came out" to them.

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  41. You are all jealous because you don't pass the TMatesFTM recruitment criteria:
    -to weight 200 pounds
    -to have an IQ below 70‎
    -no make-up
    -to have a shitty job (kudos if student)
    - when asked about your sexual orientation, pretending to be lesbian or better pansexual whereas you slept with toys the past 2 years and never saw a dick of your life...

    ReplyDelete
  42. Anon March 10, 2011 2:06 AM

    While I appreciate what you are saying, me being a mother already really isn't a factor, as truth be told I never wanted children. I am thankful and thrilled that I do have my boys, and adore them. BUT they were not in my grand plan in life. Life had other ideas though, and I am glad now that it did.

    To be honest, if you truly love someone nothing is impossible. Transmen and Women, and their partners have similar difficulties in baring children as do Gay and Lesbian couples, and may of those are success stories.

    I think it was less about the difficulties of having a child with your Transman, and more that you were not really "in love" with him as you admitted. Having a child has little to do with it in reality, but it is your story, so I appreciate the insight.

    I am not in love with the bio male he "could" be, I am in love with the person he is. If I had met him before children, I would have felt the same way as we fit very well in intelligence, hobbies, thoughts and views.

    People fall for what they see on the outside or what they fantasize about, and not what is on the inside and the true person. That honestly is one thing wrong with many relationships no matter the lifestyle, or gender.

    That is not limited to the Trans community, but relationships as a whole.

    ~*~ Edge ~*~

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  43. @Cilla "I haven't seen the partners that encouraged/ urged a transition."

    Are you kidding me?
    Partners force butches to transition because they want to get married or appear as socially straight...
    Look at what Jenilee Anzalone (http://www.linkedin.com/pub/jenilee-anzalone/1b/86a/466 and http://www.facebook.com/people/Jenilee-Anzalone/65601358) did:
    - first to Aiden (cfTmatesFTM: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmNtui8QLc0 or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgRb4G0AvvY)
    - and now look at what she did to her new trans"man" Aydian Dowling (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LonhZcjgfa0).

    Those women are tranny chasers or more exactly "butches to convert in tranny" chasers...

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  44. "Are you saying that Transmen are unlovable? Not capable of being loved and loving? Are you saying they are beneath you? Lower than human? "

    Ja Transmen sind Untermenschen.

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  45. Edge,

    You sound very much like the typical closet lesbian to me. By dating a passing female transitioner, you keep your straight cred intact while licking pussy in the dark. One has to wonder if your woman, didnt pass outside the home as a man, would she even have caught your eye.

    dirt

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  46. Edge is an undercover lesbo.

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  47. @Edge: if you eat pussy, you are a lesbian...

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  48. I would add anon, if you eat pussy and enjoy it, you are a lesbian.

    dirt

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  49. @Anon 8:52 - Trans people may be many things, but "sub-human" isn't one of them.

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  50. The only thing subhuman is the classic BOC song.

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  51. Dirt, I met him as a lesbian, or rather on a Lesbian web site because the posting was old and he had forgotten he had it up before he came out as Trans. He did though tell me straight up when i spoke to him that he was Trans. He never hid that from me.

    I have dated both Butch and Femme, and came out to my family with a woman, not Brandon.

    Brandon caught my eye as it were because there was something in his eyes that I liked. That is usually what I notice most about people in general. I look at their eyes, and not the fact whether they are femme, butch, trans or whatever. I look to see whether there is something within their eyes that is accepting...kind.


    It is not really about the outside, whether he can "pass," "what others see on the outside of him"... can none of you understand that? Are your minds so shallow?

    AND it is also funny people are saying I am an undercover Lesbian. I never said I wasn't, never said I didn't like pussy, never denied anything and was never "undercover" about it. You have to deny to be "undercover" and I have not denied a thing.

    I said I did not do labels and that includes Lesbian because to the world even that is something negative.

    I am who I am, no need for stereotypical labels and really do not give a damn what people on the net think of me or who I am.

    It just solidifies the views I already have of the LGB community and what it has degraded to.

    ~*~ Edge ~*~

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  52. "Anonymous said...

    @Anon 8:52 - Trans people may be many things, but "sub-human" isn't one of them.

    March 10, 2011 9:02 AM"


    The people on this blog act like it a lot of the time. If they don't feel that way, then they should admit that not all Transmen and not all Trans relationships fit into their neat little box of supposed hell.

    Some function well and those are the ones where it is not based on outside, passing, trends... but love of the human being you are with.

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  53. Thanks for confirming our suspicions, Edge. And by doing so you give trans/parency to the "perfect" relationship you have.

    Lies, lies and more lies and everyone running around pretending no one is lying, isnt exactly healthy relationship materiel.

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  54. Anon@9:21,

    Fetishizing and convenience towards the vulnerable, isnt "love and acceptance" for who one is anymore than pointing out the truth about many trans relationships is "hate".

    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  55. @Anon 9:21 - I wrote that because the person wrote in German and used the word "Untermensch" which is old nazi terminology. In no circumstance should anyone refer to any group of people that way.

    ReplyDelete
  56. I am confused: is Edge lesbian because she dates a person with a pussy? Or because she dates a FTM? Are all FTMpartners lesbians?

    ReplyDelete
  57. Anon @ March 10, 2011 10:01 AM

    I would imagine that they identify me as a Lesbian in most terms of the word, as throw around on this blog, and I would agree if I used labels to identify myself.

    I think this is because I have dated women (both femme and butch), enjoy pussy to this day and do not enjoy sexual relations with biological men...

    But it seems that in the closed mindedness of the blog owner this would equate to a lie within my relationship with a Transman, while I am not sure why. I could have sworn that I was free to live as I chose, and be who I am, and love whom I wish without fear of ridicule or hate.

    Each person is an individual, and not everyone will fit into neat, tidy little boxes which is why I do not use labels to idenitfy myself, my life or my relationships. I think in doing so, there is a bit of jealousy to those that feel labels are everything. I dont' feel the need to scream "I am a feral radical anything" because I am just me and secure in my very being.

    You see for the first time in my life I am free, and at peace with who I am (inside and out) and who I love (no matter how society sees them). It doesn't really matter what some blogger on the net feels about me, or my life.

    I honestly wish more Transmen and their partners took my view. Without controversy, Dirt would be just another blog in the sea of millions.

    ~*~ Edge ~*~

    PS: Thank you Dirt for your conformation also of everything that is wrong with the LGB community today. It is no longer a place of acceptance, but ridicule within the ranks.

    ReplyDelete
  58. I am now in a conundrum as to why my last comment was deleted.


    ~*~ Edge ~*~

    PS. Been copying them all and sending them to a friend, they'll be up on her blog shortly.

    If you don't want to hear both sides of the story, make your blog private and only let your lemmings in.

    ReplyDelete
  59. @anon March 9, 2011 6:37 PM
    and March 9, 2011 6:37 PM

    "but I don't respect the ones who try to play the trump card of "misogyny" when confronted with an ugly truth. I respect my lesbian and gay elders, and I respect my trans elders as well, for the fighting they have all done. I wonder if back then the situation was so dire that they couldn't afford to kick people "out" or have the luxury of delineating themselves into neat little identity packages to fight for their rights alone."

    You actually broad brushed all lesbians as seen below:
    "You know, when I used to hang out with lesbians, I noticed that the conversations started to get really boring. They focus on being lesbian so much, and falsely believe that there is something more to their sacred, special attraction to female genitalia. This does not make a culture"

    Interesting how the truth comes out when trans people are asked to justify what they are doing.

    Also this quote
    "I think it's because you are stuck in this myopic world that you are mentally unable to conceptualize an identity which does not revolve around bodies or genitalia"

    This describes the trans community perfectly...otherwise they would not transition, they place a high importance on how they present to others, their whole identity relies on it.

    ReplyDelete
  60. "The word "pussy" is not offensive, why do ftms get so butthurt when Dirt says it? We are PROUD of our vaginas (unlike you) and can call them whatever we want."

    Ahh more of the pathetic generalizing that goes on in dirt's blog... ALL FTMs don't have an issue with the word pussy, even in relation to their own bodies. I could care less what you call it. Not ALL FTMs have a problem admitting/acknowledging that they were born female bodied. And ALL Butches aren't so insecure that they have to trash other people to be proud that they are a Butch woman.

    ReplyDelete
  61. "Yes I do think it's the same experience. These women often try to convince butch women to transition. They encourage butch shame. They encourage butches to not want to be touched. It is exactly the same."

    I do not believe for one second that a Butch woman should transition. I think Butch shame is sad and needs to be addressed. I encourage ALL people to enjoy being touched, and to enjoy all the pleasure there is in intimacy with the person they're with. Stop with the generalizations... you clearly don't understand transsexualism as much as you'd like to think you do.

    ReplyDelete
  62. "You are all jealous because you don't pass the TMatesFTM recruitment criteria:
    -to weight 200 pounds
    -to have an IQ below 70‎
    -no make-up
    -to have a shitty job (kudos if student)
    - when asked about your sexual orientation, pretending to be lesbian or better pansexual whereas you slept with toys the past 2 years and never saw a dick of your life..."

    Wow, such a shining example of feminism in this radfem blog! You've now stooped to ridiculing women who are overweight and choose for whatever reason not to wear make-up, i.e. not fitting society's standards of beauty. What a wonderful example for the tranny haters to follow!

    ReplyDelete
  63. to anon at March 10, 2011 12:25 PM

    i am a butch who had many ftm younger friends that always tried to get me to transition. i got it all the time. weird to me as i presented as more masculine physically than them. i saw first hand how being on T totally changed their personalities.
    from being butch girls a lot like me, to suddenly being faggy acting boys. not that i have a problem with faggy acting boys- but hey before you took T you just were not like that. now you can't get enough dick.
    i would never want my personality to change like that. and to change who i'm into fucking.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Anon 12:42...

    I'm a little confused by the part of your post, where you stated either I, or your friend "can't get enough dick", please clarify - because I don't do dick, lol.
    And as for your friend... I feel bad that you were pressured to transition, honestly. Butch and transsexual are not the same thing - regardless of the pseudo psych garbage I see posted in this blog. I believe that a Butch woman can look/dress/present any way she wants to (i.e. not in a stereotypically female fashion) or what some would refer to as "masculine", and not feel male, want to be a man, etc. Be as Butch as you want to be and be proud, and be proud that you are a woman. I don't think Butch = male, nor do I think Butch = trans. Your friend was shitty for trying to pressure you into transition. And yes, I am Trans.

    ReplyDelete
  65. I think anyone who actively tries to convince someone else to transition is awful. The last thing a person needs before making permanent changes to their body is direct social pressure. (Actually, most of the time when someone expresses a desire to transition, I do discourage it as a route. That is not something anyone should do without thought.)

    I think some of the anecdotal characterizations of ftms on this blog to be awful, because there seems to be some implicit assumption that they generalize.

    Also those who claim that anyone in possession of a vagina who dates an ftm is a lesbian because she likes the pussy (I actually don't like using that word either, since it's the word my grandma uses to refer to cats, I just find it kind of creepy to sexualize. Other words without personal creepy connections, whatever)... I guess I'm just surprised! I didn't realize that being a lesbian was equivalent to licking vaginas. I thought it was about loving the person behind the vagina.
    I... have stuff to learn I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  66. nat,

    "I thought it was about loving the person behind the vagina.
    I... have stuff to learn I guess."

    it is loving the person behind the vagina. so these women are then in fact lesbians!

    ReplyDelete
  67. "I guess I'm just surprised! I didn't realize that being a lesbian was equivalent to licking vaginas. I thought it was about loving the person behind the vagina.
    I... have stuff to learn I guess."

    Well, yes, but not the stuff you think. One is not to construct straw men. Pointing out that lesbians are women (female-bodied, female at birth) who are sexually attracted to other women is not the same as saying that "being a lesbian is equivalent to licking a vagina." Good grief. That's like saying that being a heterosexual woman is equivalent to sucking a dick. And no one is making such a claim.

    HOWEVER, you cannot leave sexual attraction out of the equation, as in, "loving the person behind the vagina," or you end up with a meaningless term that could just as easily refer to platonic friendship.

    Also -- "the person behind the vagina" --- seriously????

    Who WAS that masked person behind the vagina?!!?!?

    ReplyDelete
  68. @Anon March 10, 2011 3:11 PM

    "Who WAS that masked person behind the vagina?!!?!?"

    A question I have asked a few times :D

    Only the phantom knows.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Hehehehe! I guess it is indeed a weird imagery. There were better ways to phrase that. Woops.

    My intention isn't to create a strawman. It was just the way that some of the previous commenters phrased their responses that bothered me. I guess I just found it curious. As an intersex person, nobody's constructed an orientation that involves anyone licking my particular genitals (a phrase I use because I find the imagery amusing, but I mean any sexual contact with me), and I will not deny anyone their self-labels if they're attracted to me by explaining what my genitals look like. If that makes sense either.

    ReplyDelete
  70. Okay Anon @ 8:50.
    Thanks for the info, I'll check them out.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Ya know...there are a lot of non-trans people out there who are basically nice, and who function well in society, who have rigid and archaic ideas about gender roles. I'd never say they don't genuinely love their opposite-sex (and in some cases, same-sex partners), or that they don't have the right to live as they see fit, but I do think their views are wrong. And not only wrong, but potentially harmful to others if promoted as a Good Thing. Especially as a Good Thing On Which To Base Public Policy. So I speak out.

    There are also many trans people out there who resemble the folks I just described above. I'm not singling them out for special persecution when I say that trans ideology is based on archaic and harmful views about gender, and that these views should be challenged. What seems to have some trans advocates freaked out is that their "transgressiveness" no longer gives them a free pass among all gays and lesbians, not to mention feminist heterosexuals, and that not everyone accepts the view that the existence of "nelly FTMs" and "dykey MTFs" proves that gender conformity and fetishism aren't the most common reasons for transition.

    Oh, and Canadian -- high five.

    ReplyDelete
  72. @Edge,

    The brutalization of the female mind and body is NEVER acceptable! That you are all for it clarifies even more your own female self hatred which you clearly externalize with your choice of g/f.



    dirt

    ReplyDelete
  73. Dirt, I am genuinely curious as to why you took down my earlier post (beginning with "you know.") It clearly expresses the view that trans-ism is a type of gender conformity.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Yeah, not sure what the hell you are talking about Dirt, really I am clueless as to what point you are trying to make. I don't brutalize anything, mental or physical, not my style.

    Although somehow you have twisted it in your mind that I have and for that I am terribly sorry because I simply do not understand how you could even come to that conclusion or how to defend/discuss it.

    I fear you read so much more into things than what is really there, and see things that are not really there. Not everyone is hell bent on your destruction or that of any female, but I fear you are hell bent to destroy yourself, and take the community down with you.

    ~*~ Echo ~*~

    ReplyDelete
  75. "This describes the trans community perfectly...otherwise they would not transition, they place a high importance on how they present to others, their whole identity relies on it."

    Maybe during the transition, but not after. My transition happened years ago and was absolutely the right move. I do not focus on it anymore and that was the WHOLE FUCKING POINT. To move on and have a life. Which has actually happened in full force. Before, I could not function well and was obsessed with discrediting ftm's motivations, lurking around the web, criticizing ftm's looks or words or whatever toehold I could get that would make me feel superior to them. After a few years of that, I realized the problem was mine and that every single negative thing I attributed to ftm's was coming from me. I realized that I had always desperately wanted to transition (Duh.) and everything else was just internalized self-hatred. Thank God I let that go. I'm here telling you this story because many of you are having the same conflict. Do yourselves a favor: get a good therapist and explore the roots of your fascination with ftm's in a safe environment where you can say what you feel without repercussions or judgment. Save yourselves years of this agony.

    ReplyDelete
  76. I'm not brutalizing my mind at all. I am the same person I was pre-T.

    ~*~Edge~*~ and I have an awesome relationship. We don't hide anything from each other and we don't hide anything from anyone else either. Like she said in an earlier comment about not caring about what other people on the net thinks abut her and I don't care what people on the net think of me either. Those people don't pay our bills and when they do then maybe I might putting into consideration as to what they think. Still their opinion of me or our relationship wouldn't matter to me or her.

    Not every FTM gets top surgery but even the ones who have then so be it. I'm gonna get mine in the next 3-5 months. I don't see it as mutilation. It would make me comfortable in my own skin to have top surgery. Does that mean I hate myself? No, it just means that I should not have been born with breasts that's all.

    Echo and I are in a VERY loving relationship and I wouldn't give it up for the world. Nothing and no one care tear us away from each other. It's just that simple!

    ReplyDelete
  77. @anon 7:15
    I don't think wanting to transition is anyone's issue here. Some of the points argued I find interesting and worth consideration (of course I guess I like reading things that are a threat to my worldview). I just wish there wasn't so much meanspiritedness embedded in the arguments (like posting pictures of young transitioners, I guess I don't get the point). That being said, I think people posting 'you just want to transition' is kind of stupid too. Transition is not a thing that should be encouraged. If someone does not want to transition because they are satisfied with who they are, it's kind of a jerky move.

    ReplyDelete
  78. I mean, jerky move to encourage them to transition. Because it could ruin their life. (Jerky might be a weak term.)

    ReplyDelete
  79. @7:41
    :O
    If you were meaning that as an argument, I don't get your point.
    If you meant to hurt me, bravo. Bullseye.
    (Actually, that's a hilarious joke I just told since I am impervious to emotional damage by any ASCII picture, and I have no idea who that quad-bird-flip is even directed at.)

    ReplyDelete
  80. I'd never try to tell someone to transition. No way in hell would I and I never have either. Now, I don't agree with getting a GID diagnosis and T letter through online counselors. I went through therapy from the time I was 15 until I was 19 and was diagnosed with GID at 18. I could've went on T then but I didn't know anything about it and wanted to research it first. I was diagnosed again with GID on Dec. 21, 2007 and didn't go on T until July of 2009. But to try and talk people into transitioning? I would never do it. I've had young people ask me if I could give them some of my T or buy it from me and I told them, Hell No! I would never sell it or just give it to someone, even if they were diagnosed with GID. These young people who asked me about it just wanted their voices deeper. That in no way means that you are trans. Far from it actually!

    I transitioned because it was and is right for me to do.

    My room mate is a butch lesbian and she keeps asking me if she took T for a little bit would it deepen her voice. Well, sure it would but then again I could teach her exercises on how to deepen her voice without the T if that is what she wanted.

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  81. "Interesting how the truth comes out when trans people are asked to justify what they are doing."

    I dunno, Canadian, you are not impressing me. First of all, I don't have to justify my transition to you or anybody. It's you who must justify your fascination with ftm's to yourself. Or maybe you should justify your decision NOT to transition. I don't care either way. That's your pain.

    Second, yes, I am telling the truth from my time in the lesbian community. It's an observation, and I have had the opportunity to be in communities that are not based around trivial affinities since then. It's been a noticeable comparison. But observing that did not make me trans or cause my transition.

    I find it kind of sad that you think put yourself in the position of Inquisitioner, since you have absolutely no power over anyone in this.

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  82. "If someone does not want to transition because they are satisfied with who they are"

    I'm encouraging therapy.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Working to create a better place for females and a little less female self hatred isnt a "fascination", it is a beautiful goal of strong, powerful women.

    dirt

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  84. "it is a beautiful goal of strong, powerful women."

    I think this is a totally worthwhile goal and will affect *everyone* in a positive way. I don't believe it will cause trans people not to transition, however. And I don't find evidence of strength OR power in you. Real strength and power speak for themselves and people possessing those qualities have no need to assess, denigrate, mock, or try to compete with others in the way you do.

    ReplyDelete
  85. ""The word "pussy" is not offensive, why do ftms get so butthurt when Dirt says it?"

    ummmmm you think it might be the context in which she is using it? Kind of like guys putting a woman back in their place. or in this case putting transguys back in their place?

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  86. ""The word "pussy" is not offensive, why do ftms get so butthurt when Dirt says it?"

    I'm not offended by the word "pussy". I just don't use it nor have I ever used it. It sounds like some word a dirt bag guy would use to refer to female genitalia. It's just not a word that I use that's all. When women use it it it makes me cringe. I mean if you are so into women's rights then why do you use the word "pussy" when referring to female genitalia? It's like using the word "cunt". I mean come on! You can't be all feminist and shit and then turn around and use the word "pussy" and shit. That is so derogatory and yet you all don't even see it yet you are feminists? It's okay for you to use that word but not okay for a FTM to transition because it's female hatred? I don't get it. You can pick and choose what you want to fit your mood and all but now get real, you can't have your cake and eat it to!

    ReplyDelete
  87. "It sounds like some word a dirt bag guy would use to refer to female genitalia."

    I agree!! it is right up there with the word cunt and is used by the very type of guys feminists loathe.

    ReplyDelete
  88. IM SOFA KING WII TODD TEDMarch 11, 2011 at 4:09 AM

    I love how Dirt only throws in her random 2¢ here and there where she, in HER mind, has somewhat of a valid argument.

    Lol. Good stuff, Dirt.

    ReplyDelete
  89. A masculinised female body is not a male body.

    ReplyDelete
  90. no wonder those FTM date lesbians. most of the time, their body is not masculinised enough to seriously raise an interest among straight women. It is the most obvious proof their transition has failed: their TMates are in fact lesbos attracted by their dyke self...

    ReplyDelete
  91. "those FTM date lesbians".

    I understand now why FTM are so hysterical in defending their "rights" to access lesbian spaces...

    ReplyDelete
  92. "
    I dunno, Canadian, you are not impressing me. First of all, I don't have to justify my transition to you or anybody."

    Actually my goal is not to impress you are anyone else,my goal is to express my views. You spend alot of time here for someone who is "not" justifying themselves. Also, you and other trans people have to justify yourselves to medical authorities to receive medical interventions and/or various levels government to affect changes in social policy. So yes, sorry to break it to you but you do have to justify yourself and explain your position.

    "It's you who must justify your fascination with ftm's to yourself. Or maybe you should justify your decision NOT to transition. I don't care either way. That's your pain."

    It is to laugh...I have explained my position here. I have nothing to justify vis a vis transitioning because I am not asking for accomodation based on my appearance like you are. Nice pathetic try though.

    "Second, yes, I am telling the truth from my time in the lesbian community. It's an observation, and I have had the opportunity to be in communities that are not based around trivial affinities since then. It's been a noticeable comparison. But observing that did not make me trans or cause my transition."

    "Second, yes, I am telling the truth from my time in the lesbian community. It's an observation, and I have had the opportunity to be in communities that are not based around trivial affinities since then. It's been a noticeable comparison. But observing that did not make me trans or cause my transition."

    Why drag in your distate for the lesbian community? What does it have to do with you, me or this debate? Is it the fact that you cannot pass up the opportunity to slag off a community you feel superior too?

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  93. "This describes the trans community perfectly...otherwise they would not transition, they place a high importance on how they present to others, their whole identity relies on it."

    "Maybe during the transition, but not after. My transition happened years ago and was absolutely the right move. I do not focus on it anymore and that was the WHOLE FUCKING POINT. To move on and have a life. Which has actually happened in full force. Before, I could not function well and was obsessed with discrediting ftm's motivations, lurking around the web, criticizing ftm's looks or words or whatever toehold I could get that would make me feel superior to them. After a few years of that, I realized the problem was mine and that every single negative thing I attributed to ftm's was coming from me. I realized that I had always desperately wanted to transition (Duh.) and everything else was just internalized self-hatred. Thank God I let that go. I'm here telling you this story because many of you are having the same conflict. Do yourselves a favor: get a good therapist and explore the roots of your fascination with ftm's in a safe environment where you can say what you feel without repercussions or judgment. Save yourselves years of this agony."

    I disgree with you. You whole identity is predicated, built and justified on societal norms. That holds post transition. You current "comfort" comes from conforming and the privlege granted to you for doing that. You changed yourself because you could not deal with the pressure of being different. You lash out at those who question your chocies and your paper thin identity.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Female partners of FTM are used by FTM to "validate" their malehood. The extreme validation being the female partner giving birth to children the transguy can pretend are his own's. See there:
    http://thinkindigo.wordpress.com/about/
    Even with their "woman" pregnant, it is all about the FTM: typical narcissistic personality disorder

    ReplyDelete
  95. "Maybe during the transition, but not after. My transition happened years ago and was absolutely the right move. I do not focus on it anymore and that was the WHOLE FUCKING POINT. To move on and have a life. Which has actually happened in full force. Before, I could not function well and was obsessed with discrediting ftm's motivations, lurking around the web, criticizing ftm's looks or words or whatever toehold I could get that would make me feel superior to them. After a few years of that, I realized the problem was mine and that every single negative thing I attributed to ftm's was coming from me. I realized that I had always desperately wanted to transition (Duh.) and everything else was just internalized self-hatred. Thank God I let that go. I'm here telling you this story because many of you are having the same conflict. Do yourselves a favor: get a good therapist and explore the roots of your fascination with ftm's in a safe environment where you can say what you feel without repercussions or judgment. Save yourselves years of this agony."


    DITTO!!,quoted 4 the truth

    Summed up everything pretty well, I cant anything after this.

    ReplyDelete
  96. 'Female partners of FTM are used by FTM to "validate" their malehood.'

    Sad, but true. I remember this FTM posting ads in the w4w section on Craigslist who wanted a "queer girl who can help me be a man. Straight girls are great, but you queer girls make me feel like a man born." (Um, maybe because the 'queer' girls don't expect a penis?)

    This person showed absolutely no awareness that 'he' was butting into a space labeled "Women Seeking Women," not "Woman Wanting to Prop Up the Fragile Masculinity of a Surgically Constructed Approximation of a Man."

    ReplyDelete
  97. If people want to have a masculinised version of themselves: ok fine!

    But don't threaten my female identity by telling me men are like this and women like this.

    Don't threaten my carreer or my social positioning by telling me males should have certain privileges and women others...

    Instead of developing a ton of ideas which threaten me as a woman , you FTM padawan, get focused on what you want: creating a masculinised version of your body and improve it (work-out, diet).

    Once done, if you are disappointed by the limit of this body transition, please live with it:

    * don't go in my bars to cruise my lesbians fellow partners, instead be a male, go at your nearest sport bar to get Judy or Nancy, both straight women. At least try. same apply for craiglist and online datin site...Don't lie on the body you have. It is not a good start for a relationship.

    * if you are straight, don't invade my LGB centers. Live with the other straight males and live my money for my causes.

    * don't argue with people who tell you because you don't have a dick, you are not a real male. Those people are right. A masculised female body got in your late 20's will never make you a male whatever you will do. You are a trans like in 'having a pussy" or 'being stuck in between'.

    * And please do not tell me what a woman is as you were not even able to love yourself as a woman bodied...

    ReplyDelete
  98. "a Surgically Constructed Approximation of a Man."

    The best definition I have read so far of an FTM.

    Once the fad will be gone, most angry transguys who comment/read this blog will realise it is just who they are.

    They are hysterical at that moment to transition because it is a fad and it looks cool in their small town or countries to be the first to transition.
    They are in a hurry to transition because it gives them this "special/unique status" in their social circle...

    And truly I do think it is a lost of energy to try to convince a teenager or a young adult to calm down and think of the impacts of such transition...

    If they were my kids, I would have a talk with them but they are not and I think Lynn is an angel to spend so much energy telling them the truth: in 5-10 years from now, they will look as old fashioned as tribal tattoos those days...And those friends/partners who once found so cool to be with them will be long gone...In other words, the 'trans status', you have now will be a burden in 5-10 years from now.

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  99. I guess I'm a bit late to the party.

    Edge,

    From what you say, it seems as though you would have loved your partner if you met Bran before the transition, especially since you've been involved with women.

    If you met Bran before the transition, I honestly don't think you would have encouraged it. That would be like encouraging your girlfriend to get a gastric bypass if she's 20 lbs overweight. A truly loving partner would try to get her to love and be proud of her own body instead of encouraging shame.

    It seems as though Bran's female shame doesn't deny you access to his "bits," which is good. You fell in love with the person, and not the gender. Bravo, Brandon is lucky. In my opinion, however, if Bran had a partner as loving as you from the beginning, validating and loving his female form, he might have not gone through with transition.

    Unfortunately, a lot women who partner with Butch or butch-like women push them to transition, whether or not it's in the Butch's best interest. These women are not lesbians and do not love the female body. They want their partners to fit society's small idea of what is woman and what is man. From these types of women stems the "stone butch" and eventually FtMs.

    Society will not accept different variations or flavors of femininity. A woman is either feminine or masculine. If she is "masculine," she was obviously born in the wrong body and must be fixed immediately.

    I don't doubt that you love Brandon, Edge. I just think that if you love the person he is now, you would have loved the woman he was born to be just as much.

    -E

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  100. @Erica C.....Edge did meet me before I transitioned but knew I was trans from the beginning. I would have went through my transition whether or not I had met Edge. I was looking for a doctor to prescribe me T when we first met.

    Yeah, Edge would have still loved me if I wasn't trans. Trans or not she loves me and I love her.

    ReplyDelete
  101. "They are hysterical at that moment to transition because it is a fad and it looks cool in their small town or countries to be the first to transition.
    They are in a hurry to transition because it gives them this "special/unique status" in their social circle..."

    This sums up how little any of you actually KNOW about being a transsexual. I transitioned 13 years ago, and left my small town to go clear across the country to transition away from people I knew. I would have been the first (that I know of) to transition in my small town, but notoriety was not what I wanted. It wasn't a fad - as I knew NO ONE trans and had no real internet access. I wasn't in a hurry either. I took YEARS to come to my decision, and then put in another year and a half of therapy prior to starting T or anything. And as for "special" or "unique" status in the community, think again! Thanks to people like yourselves, there is really no place as hostile as the "community" for transfolk. Thankfully, I don't have a desire to be active in the community at large. Think before you speak... your opinions are based largely on mis-information and stereotypical thinking, and you really don't KNOW as much as you'd like to think you do. I feel bad for all the angry, insulting, fruitless posts by other transmen on this blog. Thankfully, I know plenty of transmen who wouldn't think to behave in that manner and who have a genuine respect for others, especially women. I admire anyone brave enough to live their truth regardless of the impact from others in society. I applaud proud, strong Butches as well as my trans brothers and sisters who've had to fight not only hetero society, but the G & L community as well. All this talk about how all transmen will wake up someday with regret and disappointment is garbage. Some maybe... those younger ones who *might* be trending, but I for one, and most of my trans friends... no way would I change one second of the last 13 years, as they've been the most amazing part of my life. If I had it to do over again, I'd do it the same.
    Again, I'd like to apologize for the behavior of others on this blog. The hate and animosity isn't necessary. It's ok to be angry and to voice your opinions, but it can be accomplished without personal attacks and overall nastiness.

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  102. "Why drag in your distate for the lesbian community? What does it have to do with you, me or this debate? Is it the fact that you cannot pass up the opportunity to slag off a community you feel superior too?"

    No, I comment on it because it seems many lesbians on this list are guilty of looking through the same myopic lens their oppression has afforded them, Were that not true, lesbians would not be on this list prattling on about how fucked up ftm's are.

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  103. "* don't go in my bars to cruise my lesbians fellow partners, instead be a male, go at your nearest sport bar to get Judy or Nancy, both straight women. At least try. same apply for craiglist and online datin site...Don't lie on the body you have. It is not a good start for a relationship."

    Right. This = don't take our women.

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  104. "I disgree with you. You whole identity is predicated, built and justified on societal norms. That holds post transition. You current "comfort" comes from conforming and the privlege granted to you for doing that. You changed yourself because you could not deal with the pressure of being different. You lash out at those who question your chocies and your paper thin identity."

    Nope, my identity is predicated on a whole host of other things like what I do for a living, what my interests are, how I feel about the world, the music I make, the paintings I paint, and how I maintain my relationships. And being aware that I am a transsexual, and also being aware that transsexuals have very little status in the world. I'm still "different"-duh. The argument that we are afraid to be different is totally bogus because we are the epitome of different. Transitioning has given me some status in spheres where I am not known. In other places, I might be a laughingstock. My comfort come from the fact that I accept myself, I love myself, and I love my wife and friends. My comfort comes from the fact that I am whole. Regardless of transition. That I work hard to be honest with myself and vulnerable. Also that I hold myself responsible to be open to other people's opinions as though they are valid. I don't see validity in what you say about me here. You do not know me, and you make assumptions based on your anger and mistrust. I have a question for you, then. Could you ever believe that ftm exists who has questioned all of the things you bring up, but reached a different conclusion than you do? That we might be just as valid, valuable, thoughtful as people as we were before we transitioned? If you are not capable of believing that, then there is no further need to exchange thoughts. If you cannot believe I'm a worthy human who made a valid choice for himself, there can be no understanding here.

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  105. I am not sure if you will allow this post to remain as it does not support your own views. However I did want to take a moment to share that although some of the relationships of the people on TMatesFTM do end (as many relationship do especially in our early years for any type of relationship) there are also those that are able to grow and form family's that value loving one another for who they are and teach things like respect and tolerance. I have stopped here from time to time and do not understand why FTM bring up such anger in you but hope you find peace at some point in your own life. I get what it means to be morally upset by something and everyone has the right to their own thoughts but I guess it is the anger and down right hateful manner in which you are sharing your thoughts that is unsettling. I also had a question that I hoped you might answer, does it upset you when MTF transition as well? I am always open to discussions but only if they are able to be done in a respectful manner and seeing how I am my self a FTM I do not know if this is something you would be able/want to do. I was not sure if I would ever become involved in your conversations as I do not personally wish for any negativity to come my way...and this does not mean that I am ashamed of anything (I feel better than I have in nearly 14 yrs) but rather it just never seemed worth it to risk having cruel comments left to speak out in a forum that clearly does not have much if any respect for me as an individual. Reading the negative comments however about TMatesFTM was what made me feel like this was the right time as Susan my partner/bestfriend/women of my dreams has become a memeber of this group and it has given way to a lot of useful information, resourse and general support. In another post someone listed some of the topics. It does not look as though they watched any of the topics. For example the one that talks about "who wears the pants" the title could be miss leading...if you watch some of the videos you may see that in fact most of the Tmates and their partners talk about being in relationships that do not place tasks like laundry/cooking/working/driving into specific gender roles as the title may suggest....the one about babies is all about the many ways people can have a family even when the parents cannot biologically do so (hoping the person posting has a little more insight as women and transmen are certainly not the only couples who are able to become parents w/o having a parent who is able to produce sperm) and the one about appriciation talks about how each memeber in the relationship shows their love/APPRICIATION/respect to one another...absoulutely not a video based on how/why a TMate should appriciate their partner as a puppy (as stated in the anonymous post) that post just seemed as though judgements were made w/o having all of the information...again this may fall on deaf ears but I love Susan and have a great deal of respect for anyone who is open minded enough to want to find information about other people's experiences as it relates to being with a transman. Please know I am aware that not all TMates are as old as you or I and indeed there is still a great deal of self discovery for these young women/men which may or may not include how they feel/expression attraction but also wanted you to be aware and hopefully be willing to share with your readers that some are actually very happy in longer term loving realtionships. I guess if I felt that even for a second you really did have other people's (FTM or people considering transitioning) best interest at heart I may have a little respect for your mission so to speak but it really just comes across as a personally hate filled attack rather than one with a goal of helping.

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  106. @Anon March 12, 2011 9:33 PM

    "Could you ever believe that ftm exists who has questioned all of the things you bring up, but reached a different conclusion than you do? That we might be just as valid, valuable, thoughtful as people as we were before we transitioned? If you are not capable of believing that, then there is no further need to exchange thoughts. If you cannot believe I'm a worthy human who made a valid choice for himself, there can be no understanding here"

    I certainly can see that you have come to a different conclusion that is plainly evident. I never questioned your value as a human being pre or post transition. I do question your choice to transition.
    The fact that you feel that this is tantamount to questioning your worth as a human being belies what you said earlier in your post about there being more to your identity then being trans.

    Turning to the issue of choice. Which is it with being trans. On one hand it is presented as some sort of medical imperative on the other a matter of personal choice.
    Further to that,not everyone is going to agree and validate all of your personal choices. That you seem to feel that all of your choices have to be validated by everyone all of the time is telling. Could it be the reason for transitioning?

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  107. "No, I comment on it because it seems many lesbians on this list are guilty of looking through the same myopic lens their oppression has afforded them, Were that not true, lesbians would not be on this list prattling on about how fucked up ftm's are."

    So you write posts attacking all lesbians..right..got it.(rolls eyes). Interesting that you think ALL lesbians can't rise above their own oppression as if they were not bright enough to do so.
    Just keep digging that hole deeper.

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  108. Another TMates break-up video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lfe43Zq4PEo

    Some interesting quotes from this woman:
    * "the break-up came from my side"
    * "I was not geting what I needed from the relationship"
    * "I wanted more positivity"
    * "I am leaving Tmates because I will not be able to speak on a fair way on Tmates"
    * "I feel disapointment"
    * "I rushed into this project without considering we could break-up"
    * " if I could speak in a way that is fair and open, I will stay but it is not possible"

    Proof is in the pudding Tmates is a patriarchy channel that DOES NOT ALLOW women to share openly their experiences with transmales and who force them to only speak of the pink side...

    Don't be fooled: TMates is not a free speech channel for women...

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