Change Your World-NOT your Body

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Dysphoria-Hatred and Uncomfortableness with the Female Body

Bombarded with millions of subliminal and overt messages before we even exit the womb, its not exactly news that females have issues with their/our bodies. Messages informing us we're too fat, too tall, too short, too pretty, too ugly, too small breasted, too saggy breasted, our pussy's are too tight or too loose or too smelly, we eat too much or eat too little, we're too hairy, we pass gas, our feet are too big, we're too "manly", or too brash, we're bitches, we're cunts, we're sluts, we're whores, our nose is too big, too small, too crooked, our teeth too yellow, too crooked, too buck, too gappy, our nails too dirty, too short, not painted or perfectly manicured, our hair too dirty, too oily, too shiny, our hips too wide, ouur skin too dark, or too pale...basically an infinite list of whats wrong with our bodies.

No female escapes this, no female doesnt have moments of body shame and insecurity they have to work through. Some have greater shame and a greater self hatred, one that leads to feelings of dysphoria. A feeling that over time if not dealt with creates a feeling of disconnect, and body betrayal. A shame so deep it can limit and halt sexual pleasure and sexual intimacy with a loving partner.

If you have suffered some form of dysphoria, what helped you most to overcome it?

dirt
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37 comments:

  1. I work out to be confortabl with myself and I browse anti-ana site to see the reality behind the body we see on TV or in fashion ads...

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  2. I look to incredible and fierce women who have done amazing art. Laura Nyro, Patti Smith, Joni Mitchell, Patsy Cline, Alice Coltrane, just to name a few. I'm endlessly inspired by their honesty and expression in all ways.

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  3. I agree with you. The truth is, escaping this crap is one of the biggest reasons I transitioned and why I won't go back to living as a female even though I stopped t.

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  4. in reality, what you see in the media is not what you see out on the street. i think its a good idea to look at the media with a certain level of scepticism in any case, and to strive to feel healthy over everything else

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  5. also, dirt, i'd like to see some discussion on the issue of women in front-line combat. as far as i know it's still taboo over here, even though women are prolific throughout all the armed forces

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  6. this generation of mutilated drugged up con artist lesbians are not helping any of these things.

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  7. Well Ive identified as "male" since as far back as I can remember, at 3yrs old I kept cutting my hair off, i dressed like a boy, behaved like a boy,and thought I WAS a boy. I didnt have the money nor the resources to do anything about it, I wanted the hormones,the top surgery AND the bottom surgery. though part of me was always scared because my dad said it would shorten my life. finally at age 27 i DID start going on testosterone anyway, simply because those feelings of being trapped in the wrong body werent going away. now 6 months after T my facial structure has changed, my voice deepened, ive got more body/facial hair, gained weight, got severe acne, and i look almost 10yrs older. I stopped taking testosterone because i looked in the mirror and had a hard time recognizing myself, it was the strangest/scariest thing. I would give anything to undo these changes but unfortunately most of it is permanent. which is ashame because I looked so much younger and could have been a much better looking girl OR GUY the way I was before. This is just my experience and im gonna regret this for the rest of my life

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  8. @ Regretful:

    Yeah, you posted this before.

    "now 6 months after T my facial structure has changed, my voice deepened, ive got more body/facial hair, gained weight, got severe acne, and i look almost 10yrs older."

    Those are the EXACT things that T is supposed to do to you. Why did you take it in the first place?

    I think you're a troll.

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  9. @Regretful...Did you not go through counseling before you decided to go on T? Did you not do your own research? Did you not ask your doctor questions about T? Did your doctor even prescribe T to you or did you do it illegally? Did you just go on T just on a whim? Did you not know that your voice would get deeper? Did you not know that you could get acne? Did you not know that your facial structure would change? I mean for real! I would never just go on something without researching it first and asking questions.

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  10. I agree with Anon at 10:25 pm. You should done your research before going on T. That is why you go through counseling to begin with. It took me almost 3 years to find out that I have GID and I was 18 back when I was first diagnosed and I'm 39 now. I waited to go on T because I didn't know anything about it. I was diagnosed a second time with GID on Dec. 21, 2007. I still researched T and it's effects before going ahead and looking for a good endocrinologist. I've been on T for a year and almost 8 months now and my facial structure hasn't changed a whole lot. I have so far not broke out with bad acne. My voice is deeper but then again that is one of the biggest effects of going on T.

    Maybe you should have done your research and asked questions before going on T and not just jumping into it. It's not something to take lightly. Being on T isn't something you should just jump into doing by any means.

    Maybe you were never trans to begin with. Maybe you were pressured into going on T.

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  11. It takes some ftm's a few years for regret to start setting in. It's quite common. Some can go back, others are too bald. Why not support your fellow transitioners who reach the point of regret, rather than putting them down and calling them names and treating them like they are stupid or did not do the research. They were exactly where you are, once. And you may be where they are someday. People change you know.

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  12. dirt,what dyshoria did you suffer from and what did you do to over come it?

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  13. I did 19 years of research before deciding to go on T. I am 100% positive that this is the right decision for me.

    I didn't put no one down. I was just saying that you have to do research before going on T. Nothing more nothing less.

    I don't regret being on T nor will I ever regret it.

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  14. @ Anon 10:52:

    Because this person is obviously a troll trying to make FTMs look bad. The same person posted the exact same post under another name in a different topic. You couldn't make up a better troll posting. It's like if I said, "I always loved to cook ever since I was 3. I loved food, loved cooking and eating, but I was afraid to jump in because I was afraid of getting fat. My dad had concerns about my health and what becoming a serious eater could do to me, but finally, at age 27, I did it. I ate everything I could get my hands on, especially fatty things like bacon, cream sauces, eggs, and pastries. Now, 6 months later, my cholesterol is 697, I weigh 200 pounds more, and I have chest pains and have to take blood pressure meds for the rest of my life. It's the biggest regret of my entire life."

    How much more trolly can you get?

    Besides, part of supporting and helping transfolks is pointing out that if you don't want facial hair, a deep voice, the possibility of acne, and a beard, YOU ARE NOT FTM and should NOT TAKE T. Isn't that what Dirt's mission is all about - helping women who aren't FTM to NOT transition?

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  15. I totally agree with Anon @1:10 AM....Don't take T if you don't want want facial hair, deeper voice, possible acne, and so on....

    Yeah it does look like a troll now that I read the post over again.

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  16. It's probably someone who wants to get their story out there so they posted it twice so more people would see it.

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  17. Dirt,
    Wanting to know, how do you justify employing arguments against transgender people that are (or have been) used against the lesbian community at one time or another? Because it seems every argument that is raised ie "sickness" "fad" "trend" "unnatural" etc etc has been employed by homophobes.

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  18. I grew up in a place where girls were clearly not valued as much as boys, and where there were 2 women people suspected were Lesbians and it was OK for people (including some of my family members) to go out and shoot up their property, etc.
    Because I was a Lesbian I got out of there and went to college, but it's really only the passage of time and luck (I've had more than my fair share)combined with a healthy lifestyle that I'm very confident and secure now in my 40's. I am SO glad I missed the "trans-trend" because I wouldn't probably have done it on my own, but if a partner had pressured me I honestly might have.

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  19. @bsdetercter...Ive been though counseling for most of my life and yes i did post before and i cant stress it enough. And yes I knew T would change the appearance of my face which is what I was looking forward to at the time until it actually happened and the reality of it struck me and one thing i DIDNT know was that some of these changes were PERMANENT. I thought "well if i just stop taking T, everything will go back to normal" so i had nothing to lose... so i thought.. and i can prove who i am, i post videos on youtube and can post one showing my changes too so no im not a "troll", I was even on thequeerunion. those who know me, know im sincere. this ftm propoganda bs needs to stop

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  20. @1:35 exactly but i knew id get serious backlash, ive been getting backlash by my ftm friends on youtube when I quit thequeerunion and stopped posting about transitioning,just like I knew testossterone would bring about major changes that i WANRED since as far back as i can remember..but as soon as i changed my mind and said i made a HUGE mistake, some took it as a personal instult and others wont speak to me. so i dont expect any tolerance on this blog either. but im still going to express what i feel.

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  21. Regratful, im deeply sorry you have had a negative experience with the "transition" im im EXTREAMLY happy you are "admitting" your mistake and doing what is right for you..
    the lack of info provided to you is disgusting..
    as for any negativity you have recieved from the "trans" community shows they are not the community at all, the community i know accept you as you are you are MORE THEN welcome to express who you are without fear of hate...
    i know transition isnt an easy journy and many people think that hormones are the right thing wen really most of the time they are not...
    I hope you come to some peace in the future in your self and identity...
    i do my best to educate young people on transition but many of the youtube community are young people and with out knowing them you cannot reach out to them..
    :D

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  22. Regretful -many trans people are extremely hateful to those who halt transition or detransition, its just wrong. Some of them will end up feeling the same way, that's what they're afraid of I guess. They already know it in their gut.

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  23. Regret,

    You are very brave.

    dirt

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  24. the best way to overcome body-image dysphoria is to age and mellow
    but while you're still in the throes of youth it's best to have older people to talk to who had been through it too
    and while it's not generally approved of i think the careful use of psychedelics could help with the removal of many of life's illusions, gender included

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  25. Those screen caps (except the last one) are mild compared to what I've seen. Some FTMs have gone blind or had their vision damaged. Yes, T can do that to you. Don't believe it? Google pseudotumor ceribri.

    This can also happen to MTFs and women who take birth control pills. Synthetic hormones in general cause it.

    I know of several FTMs that have come down with cancer in their inner reproductive parts after being on T a while.

    Others complain of not sleeping, anxiety, anger, fatigue and depression.

    It's no wonder all this nastiness happens as T is a poison to the body. Heck, it's even a poison to bio men who take it. Look at Lance Armstrong, got cancer from it.

    It's almost comical the people who carry on about "doing your research". Yeah it would be funny if this weren't such a serious situation.

    What exactly are you expected to find in this research? Everyone currently taking T is involved in one big lab experiment.

    There is noting concrete to find on any of this supposed research except a few testimonials about how great T is making someone feel, most of them less than a year on it.

    As someone who knows from experience, you absolutely cannot know in advance how you will feel on T or how you will feel once you get past a certain stage and everyone sees you as and treats you as a male.

    It may not be anything like you imagined it would be, and it doesn't matter how much counseling or research you do ahead of time, you just don't know until you get there.

    So blaming people who later regret is really asinine and very typical of immature people who cannot think past the end of their own noses (seems to be the majority of the FTMs online)

    You have deluded yourselves into believing that this hormone and the surgeries are safe when the reality is they aren't.

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  26. @bsdetector How does it make you or anyone else look bad if someone else regrets a choice they made for themselves? That is bs if I've ever heard it.

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  27. To complement Anon@ March 6, 2011 8:38 PM, I think we will see the mid-term and long-term effects of T on the female body once the huge transwagon who has started a transition in the past 5-10 years will get older and if hopefully, they share their experience instead of silence it.
    So I don't expect any mass data about T effect before 2015/2020.
    In 2015/2020, we will have a "sample" of 200-1000 females on T from which gather data.
    This directory here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EvyNgEQI3s can be a source of contacts for doctors, health professionals and medical students interested in launching such a study.

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  28. Yes, I have been around in the trans closed door communities and I have seen many testimonials of ftms having problems with T and blaming it on some other supposed disorder like anxiety or depression.

    This is the danger of psychiatry, it has people convinced that these symptoms are diseases in their own right, which of course is complete nonsense. You get them from stress of one sort or another...and one sort is putting foreign substances like hormones into your body

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  29. A few years ago I saw a documentary in German about how the lives of several women had turned out who had been given "T", and other drugs, without their knowledge. They had been top athletes in the 70's and 80's in what was then Eastern Germany (I think they doped every woman athlete for awhile.) Later these women all had the balding problems, abdominal pains, couldn't have kids, etc. and it was impossible for them to have a normal life.

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  30. I'd be willing to bet that 'Regretful' is dirt herself posting anonymously to help her cause. And then answering herself. You might want to get that checked dirt - you may be multiple. Another symptom of your mental health issue.

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  31. It's interesting you should mention Multiple Personality Disorder. There is an enormous correlation between the psychiatry-invented MPD disorder and female transitioners. From "Creating Hysteria: Women and Multiple Personality Disorder":
    "Prior to Sybil, MPD had been one of the rarest of mental disorders. In a 1944 article two researchers, W. S. Taylor and Mabel Martin, reported that a search of the medical literature of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries had yielded only seventy-six cases that met their definition. But after Sybil, MPD exploded. One expert estimates that between 1985 and 1995 there were almost 40,000 new cases. And curiously, the latter-day multiples looked a lot like Sybil. The modal MPD patient, experts reported, was a white North American female around age thirty."

    Read more about this widely diagnosed and "treated" disorder- now regarded as one of the worse eras of Psychiatric malefeasance in recent history.
    http://www.nytimes.com/books/first/a/acocella-hysteria.html

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  32. Wow I hadn't even read this post when before commenting on the lastest one. How appropriate!

    And way to pile-on Regretful. It takes a HUGE amount of strength and self-esteem to admit something like that! Hope everything works out for you, Regretful!

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  33. Anon @ 4:39- It's interesting that you should mention Multiple Personality Disorder, a psychiatry-invented illness that was diagnosed and "treated" for years before being discarded. From "Creating Hysteria: Women and Multiple Personality Disorder" by Joan Acocella: "Prior to Sybil, MPD had been one of the rarest of mental disorders. In a 1944 article two researchers, W. S. Taylor and Mabel Martin, reported that a search of the medical literature of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries had yielded only seventy-six cases that met their definition. But after Sybil, MPD exploded. One expert estimates that between 1985 and 1995 there were almost 40,000 new cases. And curiously, the latter-day multiples looked a lot like Sybil. The modal MPD patient, experts reported, was a white North American female around age thirty."

    Hysteria, MPD, Recovered Memory Syndrome- all recent psychiatric precursers to the current trans trend, and all regarded now as sexist medical malefeasance.

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  34. I completely, passionately agree that body dysphoria (BD) is directly attributable to female social conditioning. I'm not saying that there are not OTHER cause of BD, but that female socialization DEFINITELY, undeniably causes it.

    I while back I wrote a post called "I hate my body" [+gendered conditioning]. I won't link to it cause I'm not in the business of advertising, but here's my main point:
    "Does it matter whether the subject’s goal is to hide or to highlight physical markers of the female sex? I don’t think so. Because ALL of these practices suggest hatred for the female body in her natural state."

    And that's the problem. Hating the female body in her natural state. The way that female self-hatred MANIFESTS can vary greatly, but it can also be traced to the same ROOT: female socialization, obsession with the female body as SEXUAL, and the constant barrage of not-good-enough messaging that all females are exposed to.

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  35. When we were teenager, we women have been through feelings of discomfort: period, boobs growing, sexuality, men's eyes...may have created these feelings...

    But at that time, we were going our way, with up and down, and one day we woke up in peace with our young adult women body.

    Nowadays, those young girls live in a culture promoting full time happiness to the point they don't even allow themselves having mood or discomfort feelings...

    So quickly, instead of letting time passing by, they jump, they run, they escape to a world which seems to them, at the first place, to be easier: the males world.

    What those young girls see is only the outer part of it: no period, cool clothes, dominant social position, no need to shave (legs), possibility to be very muscular, rights to get married and so to have social/family acceptance (if they are lesbo)...

    But what those girls fail to see, because they don't know how it is like to be male, is the inner complexity of males' identity, the competition between males...

    They lack the tools to understand those issues and do not talk with brother, father, male cousins to capture the essence of it.

    So they escape to this male identity through their transition without knowing all that implies and it is a vain quest...

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  36. I am a pretransition FTM and I love my body. There are parts that seem like they don't belong, but I still love me. It actually kind of pisses me off that you think you have the right to tell the VERY LARGE community of FTM's that they are wrong. That's like me going up to a gay man or a lesbian and saying "You're just not comfortable with yourself, you aren't really gay. There's actually no such thing as homosexual. Come back to the light." Do you realize how absolutely rude and uneducated you sound? It's almost hilarious.

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