Change Your World-NOT your Body

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Does Support always equal Love?

A question for the Readers: If a child, teen or adult person were suffering intensely from  BIID  , and the parents of said BIIDer supported their child/teen/adult child in having the offending healthy limb/s amputated, would you consider that "support" love?

Or in the same token if the child/teen/adult child were suffering from anorexia or bulimia and the parents supported their child's eating disorder are these good loving parents?

dirt
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18 comments:

  1. and then imagine that people with this disorder demanded to be grouped in with and use the resources of (and perhaps rise in the ranks of) a totally unrelated community, say african-american? because they've also been discriminated against
    the NAACBIIDP!

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  2. Excellent topic Dirt! What I believe in a nutshell: NOT supporting body mod done to "match mind & body" is a sign of LOVE, and caring about them as people. But anyone can do what they want, so, if a FTM or MTF really want to mutilate their body, their freedom, and their choice, as long as they don't complain afterwards. They were warned!

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  3. When faced with major life issues and choices, I have always expected from parents and older relatives a constant questioning of my choices.

    For me support = questioning. Forcing me to face and challenge my choices and to consider their possible impacts is the best proof of support they can give me.

    A blind support to all I do will really freak me out: my parents are not my best pals! They don't need to say "yes" to all the crazy ideas I may have. I expect them to ring the bells.

    So blind support is not love.

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  4. @Myself..

    There is a typo in this post

    I remember reading about this on the way to work 2yrs ago and thought that this had to have been a joke.
    I immediately made the connection with the trans community and nothing i have seen from the Ftm's on this board or elsewhere convinces me that transitioning or more bluntly self mutilation is NOT the solution to the alienation transitioners and BIID suffers feel. I invite transitioners to explain the difference between themselves and those who feel they are amputees.

    Dirt could you delete the previous post.thx

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  5. I sort of think of it more like this
    Say you're a black kid
    And you are quite convinced you were supposed to have been born white
    So when you're in adolescence
    (always the time of your wisest decisions)
    You decide to transition to white
    Through costly surgeries etc
    And are patted on the back by others who are doing it along with you
    Later when people from the black community are kind of offended by what you've done to yourself
    You become indignant
    'Hey, I used to be black like you so therefore I understand your struggle'
    Also, you have a whole new niche group to be a part of
    A new way to complain about how you're treated by society

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  6. something interesting from BIID website:


    As BIID is believed to be closely linked to GID, he [Sean O'Connor] used the concept of pairing GID with transsexual, and came up with the word transabled, or someone needing to go from one state of impairment (or lack thereof) to another.

    (Hooray for Green Bay!)

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  7. Typical trans response:

    "I don't feel top/bottom surgery is mutilation, it is my choice, this is what makes me happy, i'm happy with my results, etc etc"

    ahhh if only life were ACTUALLY this simple

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  8. It's ironic that you would ask this question today. I just watched two parts of a six documentary similar this subject here,
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPffj8k7iLk&feature=autoplay&list=PLF2284D362D2DBEDC&index=6&playnext=5

    It's about very young boys who believe they are girls and the parents support them by having their names legally changed and dressing them as girls. The first boy was five, I believe, when the parents started supporting/ loving him. I also saw the model for anorexia. She has been anorexic since the age of twelve. Her family had to have been supportive/ loving, even though it almost took her life. I don't think support equals love. It just means they are going along to get along.They seek the advice of a mental health professional, who is all too willing to tell mom and dad their child has this problem and needs more counseling over a long period of time, and oh parents, it's best if you change your child's name and allow them to be their true inner self. So if little Kathy can only love her body if she's skeletal, don't bother preparing meals for her, but do continue to send her to therapy so that, in time, we may, or may not, get to the root of her problem, so that when, or if she lives to be twenty-five and is 5' 9", and 79lbs, she will be a very happy, self loving, well adjusted young lady. Her parents will be able to say "We didn't feed you to show how much we love, and support you."

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  9. I'm not interested in any comparing these questions to trans, can we just answer the questions asked?

    These are yes and no questions btw.

    thank you

    dirt

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  10. No it is not "love" it is enabling...

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  11. Interesting isnt Canadian, no one wants to answer the damn question/s. Quite telling.

    dirt

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  12. My answers, in both cases, are a clear NO, but I think I was clear enough when I said "NOT supporting body mod done to "match mind & body" is a sign of LOVE, and caring about them as people.", which is appliable to body mod of any kind, including BIID and anorexia.

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  13. @Dirt February 7, 2011 4:44 PM

    Yep, the silence is pretty deafening. Assuming you have not held back any posts, we have not heard from the regular FtM posters on this specific topic and I doubt we will.

    I think that this post is the subtext for all of the discussion on this blog....it brings in to sharp relief the implications not being able to question motives without being accussed of being "phobic".

    The logic that follows is pretty self explanatory, if one feels that one is an amputee, then one should be allowed to alter their body in order to make it so.

    Anything less then blind acceptance is deemed to be "hateful","closed minded", and "exclusionary".

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  14. Canadian,

    The only comments deleted by female transitioners were those that refused to answer yes or no and jumped right into attack mode because they did not want to answer.

    dirt

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  15. I'm ftm.

    I say no and no.

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  16. OK, I'll jump in. I'm an FTM, just for reference. No, I don't think parents should allow children to amputate their own limbs. I think parents should be supportive in positive ways, though, so I think getting such a child counseling or some appropriate way of dealing with those feelings would be the right thing to do.

    I also don't have much faith in parents, though.

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  17. Personally i feel supporting a child/teen/adult suffering from BIID or Anorexia or Bulimia is NOT love.

    A parent wants their child to be happy and even though their child may think they feel happy amputating a limb / starving them selves etc, a parent should not support this, but they should also not disown their child. They should do their upmost within their power to get to the root cause of the problem which makes their said child feel like this.

    By that i mean they should talk with the child, take steps to do and involve the child in groups, and workshops that deal with learning to love your body they way it is. Help improve self esteem, self worth, confidence, and change the way the child feels so rather than them feel unhappy about their size / offending limb as they would see it, they will love and appreciate themselves and their body the way it is. Now that kind of support is love.

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  18. No. :) And I like the answer of the Canadian person who said "it's enabling".

    Part of the problem seems to be "all or nothing" thinking. The parent assumes that love is expressed by agreeing with every ridiculous idea the kid has, instead of a more nuanced view of love wherein a parent still cares deeply for their child while disagreeing with their child on various issues. "Love the child, not the behavior" -- that slogan requires nuance if somebody wants to actually put that slogan into practice and sorry but some of these parents are just too stupid for nuance.

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