Change Your World-NOT your Body

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Dildo's and Lezbo's

I've had a recent back and forth with a fellow lesbian blogger regarding dildos, lesbian sex and how much queer politics have phallusized/heterosexualized what we read/hear about lesbian sex, specifically how much the all mighty CLIT seems as lost among lesbians these days as it is among non lesbians past, present and future.

I suspect the "queering" of lesbian sex to be exaggerated if not an all lie by straights queers for straights queers. In my own experience and the experiences of lesbians I know, even among those who use dildos or strap, the CLIT is NEVER forget and usually remains a major target of pleasure for both partners.

My question to other lesbian readers, what are your feelings on dildo's/strapping and lesbians who give/receive LBJ's (lesbian blow jobs)??? What are your personal feelings, and what are your political feelings?



  1. I think strapping can be great. I'm worried that in the b-f subculture there's a little too much emphasis placed on it in, say, the erotica or from people who think that b-f sexual relationships are about strapping, and they don't get that it is as much about oral, about manual, etc. -- both ways.

    Personally, I haven't ever used one, though I can see it as a possibility in the future - there are times when hands-free would be great. The sex for us, right now, with what we have is moooore than enough.

    Honestly, I do not get the LBJ thing at all. I don't know how anyone finds it arousing or sexy. Seeing as how blow jobs have become a symbol of male aggression and how newly popular forms of oral (on the face, bukkake) have become prevalent in porn culture and are specifically meant to put women "in their place," I don't get why two women would find that sexy, but obviously some do. To each their own.

  2. With regards to BJ period, porn/males do try and portray BJ's as putting women in a submissive role, but the truth of the matter is the female giving the BJ hold all the power and all the pleasure.

    Male insecurity has tried to change their vulnerable position as receivers through pornography, but the fact remains, the receiver is the submissive. Its similar to what goes on in the bedrooms of BF partners, its called "topping from the bottom". But we all know whats really going on and whose in the power seat.


  3. Dirt, any advice/tips on eating out for maximum pleasure?

  4. @anon,

    Talk to your partner, only they know what will give them the most pleasure.


  5. I've never tried strapping but discussed it extensively with a girl I was dating. We broke up before we actually got to it but point is she loved penetration and did get a lot of pleasure from it and because I also loved giving her orgasms we thought using a strap-on would be awesome for both of us. We are both versatile so there wasn't any emphasis on anyone playing a role. She just liked what she liked and I was more than willing to give it to her.

    As for LBJs, I asked her if she would be down with it. She said yes. We saw this as role play and a sexual act over a gender or orientation specific action. It's about pleasing your partner is it not and why not make it interesting everyone once in a while? Those are my thoughts.

    I've heard of plenty of lesbians who don't like dildos, strapping, even penetration. Using/doing these things or not doesn't make anyone more or less lesbian. If these things are needed ALL the time, then there might be an issue where you NEED these things for sexual gratification. First and foremost it's about appreciating what your partner has to offer without all the artificial additives.

  6. I don't find dildos sexy at all. I've tried, but it is boring and gets uncomfortable as the receiver, and awkward as the giver to me. But I know this sounds naive, but does "lesbian blow job" mean sucking a dildo? I find it hard to imagine this being exciting, especially to women, but I've been told my sexual tastes are very boring

  7. Yes Lili, your basic licking/sucking.


  8. i'm pretty fond of strapping it on and have invested in a lovely 'kit'
    i've yet to be 'blown' but i could see it as a thrill
    what with the wetness and the intimate interaction
    the wonderful part is that it comes off
    women can be everything

  9. Back in the 80s when strapping on was absolutely verboten, I frankly missed the feeling of penetration (my first sexual experiences had been with men, not emotionally satisfying though). But I never said anything about it because the lesbians I knew were very anti-anything that reminded them of a dick.

    When I got involved in the butch-femme community in the late 1990s was the first time I ever experienced strapping on. I will give LBJs, sure. Heck, when I was sleeping with men I had perfected the "real thing" to a tee and was proud of my abilities. LOL (and dirt is right, the receiver is NOT the one in control there). My current partner just recently asked me to do this for her.

    I don't have a problem with going down on a woman if it's someone I really love, but I'm not as crazy about it being done to me. It's just too intense and makes me feel too vulnerable. There, I've said it.

  10. (ugh, 'the real thing' the 3 words that turn me off the most when spoken by an ex-straightgirl!)
    (i'm anonymous 8:55 too)

  11. Seriously what does it matter what is used? If you are making the person you are with happy and you do not have any issues with it then use anything you desire. Why stop at strapons? Try the produce market if you wish.

  12. We are a Butch/Femme couple and we usually use the strappy 2-4 times a year (usually when we are drunk) We both find it very nice on both ends; but you MUST feel comfortable with eachother. As far as blowing the plastic; no thanks; we find it kinda silly and would probably end up laughing. Otherwise; I guess I'll bring up the subject I'm after.
    What does everyone feel about femmes being a top?? Our friends ask all kinds of questions about our sex life and we have no problem talking about it. When they find out that I (the femme) love to top my butch; and my butch ladie backs it up with a "HELL YEAH; I am a woman and I have needs too". they freak out!!
    Although my ladie only used to date straight females and never expected anything in return; I in fact am not straight...never have been. Why do butches freak out when they don't get the answer they were expecting?


  13. I consider my girlfriend to be on top and dominating when she gives me a BJ because dear god, she bites me into submission and I'm writhing in pleasure and pain on her face.

    Ohhhhh god so hot.

  14. My partner and I have no issues with dildos or strapping. We're always looking for new ways to enhance our sex life to keep it exciting and enjoyable for both of us and that could be anything, including giving her an lbj if she desired it.
    Why would two women have sex and not have Clit stimulation? I just can't imagine sex without breast and Clit stimulation, and don't want to.
    I don't know what "queering" means unless it's involving acts that would not be "Normal" for lesbian sex, but then what's normal for one person may not be for another, so I think that's a lie.
    My political view is, what's done between two consenting adults in the privacy of their bedroom is their business, unless it's harmful or there are mental illness issues

  15. Whatever floats yer boat. I aint suckin on no plastic tho. ;)

  16. I'd rather lick and suck breasts and vulvas than silicon. Ick. It would make me think of men.

  17. I don't know why a 'dildo' has to bring to mind a male.A 'dildo' doesn't have to be an anatomically correct representation of a penis. Is it because of the 'phallic' shape? Mind you that even a persons finger is phallic shaped and many use it for penetration. How many have sucked their partners finger or perhaps even their tongues when kissing? I think that those who have posted and said why limit yourself are correct. But you shouldn't be forced to do something you are not comfortable with. Everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to experimentation.

  18. you can feel it if someone licks your finger. I don't see how sucking an artificial phallus can give pleasure to anyone.

  19. I would think it goes to mindset Lili. The way I see it, sex is not only a physical release, but an emotional and psychological experience.

    From one Lesbian I have spoken to about it in depth, and she was butch, her strap is an extension of herself. While there is no real feeling within the "organ," phalus, dildo even during penetration, it is the mindset that this act pleases her partner. She said she did get minimal stimulation from the actions, but for her it was more from the mind POV.

    In the same turn, I can see the mindset that seeing your partner giving "you" a LBJ would play into this emotional and psychological aspect. It may be less about the physical stimulation and more about the mental stimulation.

    Not saying that is how it is for everyone, but I can understand that view of it.

    With all that said, I have never done it, but would not eliminate the possibilities if it pleased my partner. I'm not submissive, but I am all about it being a pleasurable experience for each of us, not just me.

    I'm an equal opportunity reciprocator. LOL

  20. i'm a butch in a butch/femme relationship. i strap it on almost everytime we make love. i also quite enjoy bj's- and yes, i do receive pleasure from it- as if done with appropriate pressure, the wearer does get clit stimulation.

  21. *specifically how much the all mighty CLIT seems as lost among lesbians these days as it is among non lesbians past, present and future*

    THIS from the "woman" that NEVER writes about how much "SHE" loves clit and giving oral sex to another woman. But "she" sure loves to remind us all how important it is for a femme to love her butch pussy. I never heard of a 40 something butch dyke that doesn't sing the praises of giving oral sex to another woman...until now that is.

    Open your eyes people. Dirt is NOT one of us.

  22. Personally I love hands, a hand/fingers inside me, my hand/fingers inside another, along WITH clitoral stimulation. I'm not much into giving oral, and I did my time with dildos in the past...I prefer flesh to flesh and my own part of my body inside her/me....that flesh to flesh connection. There's no need to say what's better or worse, only what works for each of us and our relationships.

    As long as it's woman to woman, Dyke to Dyke and we're both having pleasure that's all that counts...that and the big O.
    P.S. It bothers me when some Butches so identify with their 'cocks' as to almost think of them as psychically real, that kinda bothers me as it denies their very womanness....and womanflesh, but even more are Femmes who fuck with dildos, either other Femmes or especially a Butch...THAT really kinda disturbs me...but ultimately I don't have to do I said if it floats their boat, so be it. I just don't have to be in that boat if I don't want to be.


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