Change Your World-NOT your Body

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Yesterday's Poll-For Lesbians Only

I was pleased to see that lesbians ranked as the highest sexual orientation reading my blog! Awesome! So this post is strictly for you.

How do you feel about the lesbian community as it stands right now?

What would you like to see change for this year in the lesbian community?

And feel free to bring up anything lesbian related.

dirt

Do not comment if you are NOT a lesbian. This space is for LESBIANS ONLY.


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18 comments:

  1. Hmmm

    I lot less status seeking and social climbing

    A lot more honesty in regard to ones political views instead towing the approved PC line

    A lot more support amongst lesbians in the workplace instead of hiding in fear

    And...A lot less black typing on dark green backgrounds on Dirts web pages ; )

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  2. Well what colours do you want????

    dirt

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  3. Nice topic, dirt!

    I don't see one "lesbian community" but rather lots of little groups (or cliques if you prefer).

    I would really like to see the lesbian community discuss WHY we are increasingly calling ourselves "queer" instead of "lesbian" or "dyke." Are we sure this is a move we really want to make? Do we, lesbians, benefit from it? I think we need to discuss this.

    On that same line, I would like to see discussion about why so many young-ish lesbians are saying they are not really women (but not men either and not taking T). Why are so many women saying they're trans or genderqueer? What about those of us who do not identify with the LGBTQIAA movement? Where do we go if we're not into S/M, porn,and other gay male fetishes?

    How do we start making room for these conversations...anyone?

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  4. Like all communities the Lesbian community has been fragmented by the internet. Bars are closing, bookshops are closing. We need to catch up with creating Lesbian internet communities that are actually created by and for Lesbians.

    We need to draw boundaries against all those who want to colonize and destroy our communities- men, male-centric females, hetero "queer" females. We can do this by creating 1.) Lesbian FEMINIST spaces, or at least being sure that lesbian feminism is being properly represented in the communities we support with our time energy and money. 2.) rejecting the invisibilizing term "queer" 3.) creating and supporting spaces for born-women who are woman-identified to talk among ourselves, both online and in real life. 4.) protesting the use of the term "lesbian" by those who are not lesbian (for example: "The National Center for Lesbian Rights" which is NOT run by lesbians, and does not advocate for lesbians or represent a lesbian feminist perspective. Protesting the inclusion of "L" in LGBT organizations which do NOT include lesbians or represent our interests. 5.) Supporting the rights of women worldwide and of lesbian communities worldwide.

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  5. in my experience so far.. What lesbian community?.. where I live there isn't one. I'm 22 and went to an "LGBT youth dance" for the first time ever last night and ended up observing mostly. most of the people were near-40 or older (I'm guessing because the small city I live in has literally no lesbian/gay space, not even one LGBT bar), the vast majority were men. almost no-one was friendly. there were a handful of drag queens, who were openly disdainful with the women.

    I was leaving when a creepy, seemingly disturbed man or transman (well into his 50s) lurched in front of me, tried to "hug" me ( like pretty much trying to feel me up..) and told me he'd been watching me (:S) and had bought me a beer (he pointed to the counter where there was a beer). I was scared, left as fast as I could.

    OK, I know it was a bar on New Year's Eve but the person who invited me never said it would be at a bar.. It was supposedly an LGBT youth and I wouldn't normally care that there were older people there, but I was hoping to meet some people my age.

    What bothers me most is this whole "queer" thing, to me it seems like the term was created to erase homosexuality. If they think sexuality is fluid for everyone then of course they aren't going to hesitate to hit on the lesbian in a supposedly lesbian-friendly space. I'm not going back. I don't think I'm ever going into a bar again. and I think maybe someday I'll start a lesbian book club or something. Anything to get away from the horrible bar culture/queer/pornified/male-centric LGBT groups

    What next? We lesbians are bigoted because we aren't interested in men? oh wait..I had a transwoman say that to me online once.. that because I wouldn't date any biologically male or male-identified person, even a transwoman, I was judgmental and narrow-minded. You never hear them saying this to straight guys..

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  6. I too would like to see us distance ourselves from what someone else here described as the queer melting pot of the nineties. (What a lot of bullshit came out of that decade!) It would be great if we could stand up and say, loud and clear, that a lot of the issues that are currently being misrepresented as having to do with "gender identity" are really the result of sexism and homophobia. Discrimination, harassment, violence -- ladies, it's happening to us because we're female, and because we're gay.

    It would also be great if we could build some solidarity with the many straight women and girls who don't want to swallow the poison that is the female social role any more than we do.

    This next may bug some people, but it would also be nice if the new lesbian movement could refrain from defining itself this time around by recognizable lesbian tastes in music, hairstyles, dietary practices, cars, leisure activities, and views on political issues not directly related to women's rights. I honestly think the rigidly enforced aesthetics of the seventies and ESPECIALLY the eighties lesbian subculture drove a lot of young people, including myself for a short while, right into the arms of the emerging queer scene. Not that there's anything wrong with folk music, mullets, dangly geometric earrings, working as some sort of "counselor," vegetarianism, granola, Subarus, softball, and pacifism -- unless those things are JUST NOT YOU. Let's reclaim the feminism without all the add-ons this time.

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  7. The National Center for Lesbian Rights needs to start calling itself the National Center for Transsexual Rights, pronto. They haven't concerned themselves with lesbians in years.

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  8. "I was leaving when a creepy, seemingly disturbed man or transman (well into his 50s) lurched in front of me, tried to "hug" me ( like pretty much trying to feel me up..) and told me he'd been watching me (:S) and had bought me a beer (he pointed to the counter where there was a beer). I was scared, left as fast as I could."

    YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!! Btw, I think I've met that guy, and his brother, and his cousin. Next time, kick him in the balls and yell, "Get away from me, you fucking pervert!" Let me warn you, some men who see themselves as low-status, or damaged, or beta males, will deliberately chase lesbians, because deep down they believe that lesbians are just low-status straight women who can't get an alpha male, and will be grateful for the attentions of a beta. (I don't believe in the alpha/beta shit, but these guys do.) There are also older, bi-curious straight women who will hit on you if you look butch, because even though they don't believe they can attract a good-looking guy anymore, they think that YOU will be very impressed by their long gray hair and flowing hippie dresses. They are just as bad as the predatory beta males. Avoid them.

    As for bars -- I've had much more fun in gay-friendly straight bars than I've ever had in officially gay ones. I recommend finding one and taking over part of it.

    "I had a transwoman say that to me online once.. that because I wouldn't date any biologically male or male-identified person, even a transwoman, I was judgmental and narrow-minded." Priapus on a pogo stick! That MTF is also everywhere. There was a ridiculous discussion over at Feministing a while back, in which a bunch of MTFs and their supporters jumped all over a few women who believed it was unethical not to divulge trans status before sex. One MTF said -- I am not making this up -- "I have as much right to casual sex as anyone else, and should not have to reveal my trans status to casual sex partners, especially since it could be an issue for some of them." Sounds kind of like something an entitled frat-boy would say, doesn't it? Unbelievable.

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  9. NCLR sent me a private message to FB this morning, will make a separate post about today. We really need to make sure lesbians are NOT giving money to this malecentric/queer group. I think this definitely should be a goal for lesbians in 2011!

    dirt

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  10. Someone mentioned a lesbian only book club, perhaps we could get a little something going here in those regards. I think it would be fun as well as a learning experience.

    dirt

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  11. To the young woman who got molested at the lGBT youth dance, DO NOT attend anything that has a GBTYGUYCXCFGVHBUKHJN in it. Lesbians are never really welcome other than for the queer alphabet to perve on.

    Very sorry for your bad experience though.

    dirt

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  12. Lesbians have long been accused of some phobia or other as a means of pressuring us into dating whoever is calling us phobic. Its a BS male tactic that even "bisexual" females will use. Seems we are the only group attacked for our desires when those desires dont include fucking anyone and everyone.

    Never feel ashamed to call yourself a lesbian and never feel bad for loving ONLY other lesbians! In world of malecentrism and compulsory heterosexualism (even in queer form), lesbians are truly unique. Lets keep it that way!

    Cuz we all know there is no relationship on earth that measures close to the ones we have with our lovers and lesbian friends. It is a female intimacy unmatched!

    dirt

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  13. Looking forward to the NCLR post, Dirt. The tan background's easier on the eyes, too -- thanks.

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  14. //Never feel ashamed to call yourself a lesbian and never feel bad for loving ONLY other lesbians! In world of malecentrism and compulsory heterosexualism (even in queer form), lesbians are truly unique. Lets keep it that way! //

    This is probably the most personally powerful thing I learned all last year, and I learned it from you. We should take back the word "lesbian" so it's not strictly associated with fricken' pr0n and "dyke" too. I would LOVE to see women no longer afraid to identify as Lesbians instead of "queer" or simply "gay." Although I use the latter sometimes too, and lesbians have as far back as the 20s, you hear women say that they don't "identify as lesbians, just gay" - as if using the word that is more associated with men (vs. lesbian which is female only) is somehow less restricting. As if "lesbian" denotes specific politics, diet, music, etc. rather than what it does. So women who are truly lesbians -- I wish that they would feel empowered to use this word to describe themselves rather than trying to distance themselves from what people imagine a lesbian is.

    I wish sometimes that we still had those lesbian newspapers & 'zines, the cafes and circles, the Lesbian Avengers, etc. I feel somewhat isolated here - it could be b/c I live in a semi-rural area and it seems like the people who do the "gay social club" type of stuff are older and tend towards the golf dyke end of the financial / age spectrum. I like going to the gay bar just to be around gay people, but I wish there was something other than a bar to go to.

    Online communities for lesbians - hell to the yes. There are so few blogs, forums, etc. anything that doesn't have all this trans / queer / "high femme" type of stuff in it. And especially for butches & femmes to network and talk to one another and esp about these very real issues you have raised (dysphoria, invisibility, etc) without the trans / "queer high femme" stuff getting in the way.

    I'd also like to see a push for lesbians to financially & morally support lesbian services, like the Lesbian Herstory Archives, Lesbian Connections, etc.

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  15. oh, one more suggestion I have for the lesbian community: less drama!

    ...like that's about to happen, though.

    Sigh.

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  16. Thanks Dirt and Anonymous. I won't go to another LGBTBBQ event, it was a lesson for me though. it was interesting to see this stuff firsthand, though I definitely could've done without being harrassed/molested in the process.

    I have to agree with what DD said, I wasn't entirely comfortable with calling myself a lesbian until recently. even though I've known I'm attracted to women only for ages.. the word had so much negative baggage attached to it that I was terrified to use it to refer to myself. slowly it has become easier, and coming across the lesbian/real feminist blogosphere/your blog has helped me too. thanks to everything I now feel like I have to stand up for the word Lesbian, to help my fellow sisters to survive this "queer" generation. we have to own our identity. I feel like weeping every time you make another "who's transitioning" post. lives are being destroyed. lesbians are being erased.

    Dirt, I think some of those girls will thank you in the future, if they haven't already, once they realize that you're not their enemy.

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  17. I've longed for a lesbian community since I came out 35 years ago. What that meant to me was that, when I found it, I would feel like I belonged.

    There are a handful of places where I've felt that: MichFest (every lesbian must experience it for herself!); while watching a show put on by a radical lesbian feminist performance group; and building adobe homes on women's land. And I think the reason these felt like "home" (there's a reason we say that at Michigan!) is simply because we took/take care of each other. Of course there are selfish, self-centered people everywhere you go, but in those places we have the chance to be better than that.

    I love radical feminist politics and when there are lesbians doing it, I love it even more. I couldn't live without that and I would love to be able to do some radical actions in person.

    And balance that with lying under the stars at Michigan, listening to the powerful, beautiful voices of women, knowing I'm surrounded by lesbians who are also floating in a state of bliss. We really must protect that space with everything we have.

    And yes, we need to support LC and the few others that support us.

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  18. How do you feel about the lesbian community as it stands right now?

    From a personal standpoint I think lesbians shoot themselves in the front. Drama begets drama, the lack of loyalty, the jumping from bed to bed, lack of respect for each other is disheartening. Lesbian spaces are even true to their titles, as one can see on NCLR.

    I don't see community.
    I see individuals that don't take time to start a conversation unless it's to rally against something or someone.

    What would you like to see change for this year in the lesbian community?

    A true showing of people that care about one another. Woman that not only support woman-only spaces but those that take the time to get to know the women in these spaces.

    Things I'd like to hear about on this blog: why women are more likely to turn on other women (catty, jealousy, infighting, gossip, why the stereotypes of lesbians SEEM to be reality, some random 'advice' type entries on relationships, breakups, long distance relationships and how you think we as individuals can help the community.

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