Because I'm in a Mood Today

A REAL Open Day. Leaving town. So no moderation, no deleted comments.



Say what you will.

dirt

Dirt's Open Comments Day

As today approached, I've been thinking about those days when I was a kid in school and a few kids would be caught screwing around and the whole class would be made to put our heads down on our little desks. I hated the unfairness of it all, why should the majority of the class be punished for things we didnt do?

In the handful of Open Days we've had, there has been some really good comments posted by dykes, transmen, gay men, lesbians, parents, therapists and so on. Comments posted in the name of discussion,with the hopes of understanding. I feel moderating comments will inhibit OPEN discussion and those good comments wont be so good because they'll be edited. I HATE editing. Editing is what females are conditioned to do from birth, we edit, we edit what we say, how we say it, who we say it too, what we wear and how we wear it, where we wear it to etc.

So on that note, I've decided to leave Open Day unmoderated-what I will do instead is delete comments I find trollish or made solely for the purpose of drama mongering or purely for the purpose of hate. While I cannot be on here the whole 24 hours of Open Day, if/when a trollish comment is made, please ignore it and I will take care of it when I can.

Happy Friday and lets have a productive Open Day!

dirt

Edit to add, clearly the trans community isnt interested in reasonable undrama mongering discussion. So be it. All comments moderated from here on out. Again, folks like HS (whether we agree or not) who are interested in making a serious point, your comments will be put through.
 

FTM Top Surgery-Where the Best is Bad and the Worst is Abominable!

 

If you are thinking about "top surgery" think long and hard, because NO doctor in any country can guarantee top results.

No doctor in any country can guarantee, like this woman, that one or both of your nipples will not rot off.

No doctor in any country can guarantee your chest will not remain numb for the rest of your life.

No doctor in any country can guarantee you will regain sexual nipple sensation.

No doctor in any country can guarantee your chest will be aesthetically pleasing to your eye or that of anyone else.

No doctor can guarantee you will be able to comfortably remove your shirt in public.

The only guarantee with "top surgery" is, there are NO GUARANTEES!


dirt

Edit to add: For those claiming there are "great" top surgery successes, unless accompanied with a before and after picture so we can be the judge of that, your comments will be deleted.

And for the idiot who deemed "bad" top surgeries are to be blamed on the lack of funds to afford a "good" doctor. The above "surgery" was performed by B. Fischer, whom according to a popular ftM site says "Dr. Fischer is one of the better known surgeons doing FTM top surgery in the United States, and it’s public knowledge that this is one of her favorite surgeries to perform".

The FACT is no amount of money paid to any doctor in the world will guarantee your surgery will not look like the above. The above is considered by both patient and doctor to be a success.

My "cool" Gloves (a repost)

Its right before my 4th Christmas when I see the gloves I want, the only gloves I want, not having wanted any before. My ma has been after me to pick some gloves out for Christmas. I had planned on not picking any so I don't have to wear any. I don't like wearing extras, shorts and a tee, no sox no shoes. Fine except for those cold snow driven winter months, not exactly practical. For those months I'm forced to wear long sleeves, long pants, a coat, snowmobile boots, which I hate and gloves which I hate also. Its not that I'm some uncouth backwoods raised kid where clothes are a cross between a luxury and a nuisance, that's not it at all. Its a skin thing. Like my insides, devastatingly sensitive, guts as well as personality. I cant stand things on my skin, it almost either hurts or assuredly itches. Well the snowmobile boots actually don't hurt or itch, I just hate how clumsy they make my feet. I also hate when I remove them, that beggars booty felt Xmas stocking comes out every time! So that every time I put them on again I have to put the booty back into the boot. This I have a sensitively about, because I cant always get the booty back in perfectly enough so that it doesn't annoy my toes. So I walk around clumsy and bothered.

As for gloves, gloves I don't like because they create a distance between myself and everything I touch. I am constantly having to take them off to bridge the gulf they keep creating. On off on off on off on off...But the gloves I want, well maybe they'll be worth the trouble. Why? Because I think they make me look "cool". They are black and midnight blue, black leather palms with midnight blue stitching which matches the colour of the top leather part of the gloves. They fit so they barely reach the tops of my wrists, my hands appear stockier when I'm wearing them which adds I think to the "cool" part. My ma makes no trouble for me and buys me the gloves even though they are "boys" gloves and I'm not a boy. I stopped wearing dresses when I was 2, except for once when I was three, my aunt paid me five dollars to wear a matching yellow dress with my cousin Sherry to have our picture taken together. It will be thirty years before I realize how lucky I was not to have had parents who tried to conform me to societies rigid gender norms and equally as long to appreciate that they didnt.

Cool. I aspire to coolness. I want to be cool. I want to look cool. I want to throw cool. I want to run cool. I am cool! What I know now that I didnt know then, is that "cool" for me then is another word for Butch for me now. My four year old self knows nothing of Butch, she hasn't seen Butch, she hasn't heard Butch nor in her ears has the word Butch been spoken. But cool? Yeah, that's something she knows! As I write this I wonder what words other baby Butches used in place of Butch. I feel lugubrious realizing how through using our "Butch" word we must have been misunderstood thousands of times and thousands of times over. "I cant wear that, I wont look "cool" or "tough" or "strong". Was it within our lacking the word for what we were, that as children we placed an unnecessary burden and emphasis on those externals? Externals like my "cool gloves" who had every right to a life and identity of their own simply a pair of gloves independent of whether or not my hands occupied them. Externals we used like last years jeans to be worn or discarded had we out grown them. Externals constructing the foundation for an identity that existed already, only we didnt know because we had only those externals informing us, so that by the time our word reached us we were so covered in externals we looked like the child of an over protective mother sending her kid to school on the first day of winter.

I have heard often from both Femmes and Butches that Butch is something one grows into. Butch for me was something I slowly uncovered, layer by layer, stripping and ridding myself of decades of externals, so that Butch only appeared once I laid myself bare.

dirt

Another Trans Regret

Another trans regret story-see full article here.

 

Born Sam Hashimi, the businessman and divorced father-of-two had a sex-change operation in 1987 to turn him into glamorous interior designer Samantha Kane.

He spent £100,000 on cosmetic operations and tooth veneers to create the ‘ultimate male ­fantasy’...

 

Then, in 2004, after seven years of living as a woman, he decided he’d made a horrible mistake;

Initially thrilled by his transformation, life as a woman quickly paled despite a jetset lifestyle in Monaco. He hated the way female hormones made him moody and emotional. Shopping bored him and sex was a disappointment.

No matter how feminine he looked, he felt he was merely playing a role.

So, five years ago, Charles spent a further £25,000 on three operations at the gender clinic at London’s Charing Cross Hospital to turn him back into a male.

 

His breast implants were removed and male genitalia re-constructed from skin grafts.
The trouble was, he wasn’t the man he had been before.

‘Based on my own experiences, I believe sex-change operations should not be allowed, and certainly not on the NHS. 

‘People who think they are a woman trapped in a male body are, in my opinion, completely deluded. I certainly was. I needed counselling, not a sex-change operation. 

'In many ways I see myself a victim of the medical profession. Even with the glamour of Samantha Kane and the £100,000 I spent on myself, I had people shouting abuse at me and builders throwing stones at me from rooftops,’ he says.

I find it sad that it is primarily only sensational rags who choose to write stories on trans regrets, this fact alone would deter other trans folk who realize their real sex/identity after transitional changes. Would only go to making them feel like "freaks" of sorts, rather than the misfortunate who have been snowed by a gender conforming medical community who did this to them in the first place. 

If you are trans and feel like you have made a mistake, remember IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! And it is NEVER too late to be yourself!

dirt

Trans.........MAN enough to Rape?

I will preface this post by saying, I have never said nor am I saying now that all transmen are rapist. There are no credible statistics of transmen who have raped, but as someone quite versed with this group, the number who have raped is very small.

What isn’t small though is the number who seems to support rape on some level such as the 5000+ transmen who support the known serial transmale rapist: Kael T Block. Or the untold number of transmen who have threatened me personally with rape or prayed I get raped, and that's just two incidents that I'm aware of.

I was banned from FaceBook for protesting various pro-rape pages earlier this year, along with some other feminists; we did manage eventually to close down these pages/groups. Rape is a tool that males have used to keep women fearful, shamed and controlled globally since man first dawned. There are cave drawings by our cave ancestors depicting males raping females, classic artwork hanging in our most famous museums depicting men committing rape. As a female child we learn regardless of the loving or not so loving families we were raised in that we are vulnerable to rape. As young females we learn to edit our behaviors so we do not incite rape. Because we live under patriarchal systems, rape is place in our laps as something we as females are responsible for, making men unaccountable for their actions. We learn that if we weren't asking for "it" in some way, then males wouldn't rape us.

Rapist are scary we're taught, and men are primarily behind rape, which gives all males a silent power over all females, even if they never rape a single female. Just having that power in their back pockets is what is behind keeping males who do not rape from challenging rape on the scales it would take to eradicate/seriously punish rape/rapists. The threat of rape helps to keep men in power; therefore rape culture is essential to males maintaining their throne.

So where do transmen fit into rape and maintaining rape culture? Transmen are biological females, who grew up as biological females, who are subjected to the same internalize misogyny all females are subjected to. Does then the development of a transmale identity coupled with an internal misogyny, and a history of rape vulnerability, compel consciously or unconsciously, thousands of transmen to utilize rape or the threat of rape in helping uphold male control, by helping to maintain rape culture? Thus insuring their membership into the boys club? Is rape or the threat of rape the ultimate password into REAL manhood for transmen? 


dirt

Butch-4th grade (a repost)

I'm going to start re-posting a few things aimed at new readers, this is one such post.

Circa the first few weeks of 4th grade, new school, new kids, new teachers, new rules. I knew right away the gym teacher, Mr. Timney, didn't like me. I just didn't know why and wouldn't until I was an adult. We play Dodgeball on Fridays in gym class, sometimes Mr. Timney plays on a side as well. He's around 33, over 6' and maybe 175-180 pounds, reasonably fit. It’s obvious he prefers females to males, even as a 4th grader I could see that, except for me, he doesn't prefer me. When he plays Dodgeball he lobs the ball at the girls feet in order to try and get them out. If aiming for a boy, he winds the ball up and gives it his all, as if the power he puts behind the ball could not only force the boy out but obliterate him from the planet.

We play Dodgeball with a set of three balls, two larger more difficult to handle balls (especially with our small hands) and a smaller ball (which we can palm/handle). I'm pretty good, quick, agile and I throw hard and accurate. Its maybe a month into 4th grade, Timney is on a team, I'm on the opposite. It comes down to him and I. I have no balls, he gets his hands on the small ball. He looks me dead in the eye and says “If you're going to act like a boy, I'm going to treat you like boy”! Before I can contemplate the meaning of his words, he throws the ball at my head as hard as he can.

This is the ground I grew up on, where I recognize nothing. I'm looking everywhere for me, I look high, I look low, I look out into the mirror of society and like Dracula before me I see nothing. That’s it then, I'm a vampire, only instead of filling myself with the blood of others, this burden of invisibility is filled with the blood of myself. That’s where you come in. Amazingly, YOU see me! No one else does, but you do. It is through your eyes, the eyes of the Femme that I finally find my reflection! Through your eyes, I learn for the first time, I exist! You give me back to me, and in handfuls and mouthfuls we give each other back. But invisibility is a hungry tireless beast, and when you place your hand in mine and we step together into the world, my invisibility invisiblizes us both.

Oh and btw Mr. Timney got his ball caught by a 4th grade girl for the first time and lost the game, I pray it wasn't the last.


dirt

Confining gender "norms" and do "men" belong on Women's sports Teams?

A few different readers sent me this article, which deals with a female basketballer who has been convinced she is a "man", but desires to still play for a woman's team.

From the article:  For the last 20 years, Kay-Kay Allums had appeared to the world as female. She was born with the anatomy that other women have. Her mom tried to dress her in only the most feminine clothes. But inside was a man waiting to burst out of the female body he was born in. Feeling uncomfortable, or down right HATING hyper-feminine clothing does NOT make you a "man waiting to burst out", it makes you a female who does not like or feel comfortable in hyper-feminine clothes. 


Growing up, Allums was a tomboy. The oldest of four kids, he would often say he was a boy despite being born a biological girl. Around age 12, he realized that no other girls behaved or dressed the way he did, so he adopted some of the trappings of other girls his age: Putting on make-up, wearing skirts and dresses. After just a year of putting up a feminine front, it was back to the tomboy clothes and wondering why he just didn’t fit in. Seeing only hyper-feminine notions of female from the time you open your baby eyes as being "normal" usually lead to girls as young at 2 years of age thinking/expressing they must be "boys". Gendered brain washing begins even before we're born and continues through our child development and through the rest of our lives. The good news is it can be undone!

“I’ve always felt most comfortable dressing like a boy, but my mom would take all of my clothes from me and she’d force me to wear girl clothes,” Allums said. Her gendered brain washing is clearly intact, clothes to her are "sexed" rather than merely something one wears to clothe the naked body. If we switched the "men's section" clothing sign with that of the "women's section" sign or placed articles of clothing from the "men''s section" into the "women's section" and visa versa, or male style clothes designed for female bodies, what clothes would she choose to buy? 


In high school, Allums met other people who acted and dressed like him: They were lesbians. For the next few years Allums identified as lesbian, finally fitting into a group that he could define. As he progressed deep into his teens, despite their similar dress and manner, he realized he just didn’t fit with the lesbians at his school either.    Hmmm How many possible lesbians were at her school? Even were it in the hundreds, what is the chance her brand of lesbianism would coincide with the dominant group of lesbians at her school? I remember the first time I went to a popular over crowded lesbian bar, I thought this is going to be awesome, I'll finally fit in. Needless to say from the disappointing first night there to the last (years later) I never fit in with any of the dominant groups. I didnt assume it was because I was a "man" and should be dating straight women, I learned instead fitting in isnt all its cracked up to be, valuing instead not fitting in.


“I used to feel like trans anything was really weird and those people were crazy, and I wondered, ‘How can you feel like that?’” Allums said. “But I looked it up on the Internet and I thought, ‘Oh my god, I’m one of those weird people.’ And I realized they’re not weird. It’s all in your mindset and how you think.”  The narrow gendered trans info found on every trans blog, website, community board, video, forum etc confirmed her already brain washed ideas of "normal" hyper feminine female and her inability to live up to that, giving her the out through transition rather than expanding the narrow notions of "normal" female behaviour.

“When people refer to me as ‘girl’ or ‘she,’ it doesn’t sit well with me,” Allums said. “That feeling you get when someone pisses you off, that feeling you get when your stomach gets hot and it aches, that’s what it feels like. And that’s how I know I’m not supposed to be a girl. If I was, I’d be walking around like everybody else, getting make-up and doing my nails. But it doesn’t sit well with me.”  Pathological internalized misogyny and again her brain washed notions that every female enjoys and subscribes to hyper feminine trappings is what she is using to self diagnose that she is a "man trap in a women's body". A BIG BIG no no! 

Allums has been aware of NCAA regulations for years, and he’s made plans around them. Circled on his calendar is the last possible date he could play in an NCAA game, in April 2012: That’s the date he can begin hormone treatment. Between now and then, he does plan to have sex-reassignment surgery next summer before he plays out his senior season. I find it interesting given how "life threatening" according to trans claims are regarding the urgency of trans treatment, that this "man" trapped inside a woman's body could psychologically postpone transition just so "he" can play on a women's basketball league. Sounds very much to me like the transmen who wait to transition once they get into a women's colleges. Why do women continually have to be inconvenienced so "men" can safely explore their chosen identities? 

If you are not a proud woman you do not belong on a women's sports team, where team spirit is essential to winning as well as losing. Also I didnt see them mention the locker-room situation, does anyone have info on that? Personally I would not want to be sharing intimate quarters with someone who is mentally "male", the male gaze does not belong in the ladies room. 

dirt

This Weekend's Who is Transitioning

More of the same, with more and more and more young women falling like sheep at slaughter to the trans trend every week.


dirt

All pictures can be found publicly on youtube. I urge you to contact youtube protesting this dangerous, female murderous, trend.


To those complaining about the educational use of your PUBLIC pictures with threats of "suing". Be all means please do, your participation will greatly help me to bring these issues to light and to the public on a national level, perhaps global(keeping fingers crossed).