Trans(men) and lesbians, another area that has been shrouded in trans shadows and darkness for far too long, so in my customary fashion I will cast some light onto the shadows and some sun into the darkness. I'll begin with the simple question, then move on from there.
Do lesbians date trans(men)? The simple truth is there is no simple truth but the simple answer is a resounding NO! I'm going to for a moment brush with a few broad strokes, but any lesbian even those who may just be coming out, if you've been to a lesbian only bar just once this will be completely transparent. So what or rather whom I will broad stroke are the major categories of lesbians and their relations (if any) with trans(men).
Let's begin with our garden variety
Lipstick Lesbian...the lipstick lesbian for purposes of clarity is the stereotypical feminine lesbian who easily "passes" in straight society. Lipstick lesbians are also attracted to other lipstick lesbians and the occasional classy andro dyke. They tend to mingle only with those who fall into their group type and generally speaking despise the Femme/Butch community, in fact most will make no bones about how "repulsive" they find Butch lesbians as well as how horrified they are that Femmes find Butch women attractive. So will/do
Lipstick Lesbians
date/relate with
trans(men)? Obsofuckinglutely not!
Since I mentioned the
Andro Dyke above, lets go with her next...the Andro Dyke is called as such because she has or plays with an androgynous appearance. Meaning, while stereotypical feminine by nature, she also usually has a sporty nature about her as well. Because she isnt rejected or invisible in ways Butch or butch persuasioned lesbians are, she is more comfortable in her skin which creates an air of confidence that works well with her androgynous sometimes glam look. Andro dykes tend to date within their own andro group, but will sometimes partner will lipstick lesbians. Will/do andro dykes
partner with
trans(men)? Not in a million years!
Okay lets move on to the last largest group of lesbians who help make up the lesbian community, your
softball or tweener dyke. The tweener dyke is just that, located somewhere between lipstick/Femme and Butch. Unlike lipstick/Femme lesbians these lesbians usually do not pass as straight and unlike Butch lesbians they rarely pass as male. Generally speaking they make up largest group of lesbian women world wide, they also make up the largest group of women who transition. I know many believe Butch lesbian are the only women transitioning, but thats because 1) Butches have and remain ignorantly viewed as some form of male (at least by those who do not know Butch women) and 2) because many tweener dykes have co-opted the "butch" label so that when these women transition they do so as (in name only) "butches" or "stone butches".
Now will/do softball/tweener lesbians
date trans(men)?
The answer is both no and yes. No they do not as tweener lesbians, but a huge yes once they transition (The "T" begins altering their brains), along with also having sex with gay men after transition. As tweener lesbians generally couple with each other, when one tweener partner transitions very often the other partner will soon follow. The majority of trans(male) couples that dominate the ftM community were once tweener lesbians.
Next up the
Femme lesbians...In a nutshell Femme lesbians are seemingly, visually at least, stereotypical feminine lesbians. What separates them from lipstick lesbians? Femme lesbians are primarily attracted to Butch lesbians. They desire butch energy, tough butch exteriors that fight against societal female norms coupled with the female sensitivity, female understanding, female intimacy and female bodies Butch women posses. Do Femme lesbians
date trans(men)?
The simple answer is a big fat NO! But because some insecure self hating Butch women do transition, the true answer is slightly more complicated. In general a Femme lesbian will not date a trans(man) who may hit on her while trespassing in lesbian spaces. Femmes are lesbians after all, they desire women's bodies as much as any other lesbian and they KNOW once they have a Butch naked, she is ALL woman. Now there are Femmes who have been in termed relationships with Butch women and the Butch announce at some point she's going to transition. What usually happens in these case is this, the Femme compassionately listens to the Butch's pleads and assurances that nothing will really change, they'll be the same person on the inside that the Femme fell in love with (conveniently ignoring the outside the Femme fell in love with). The Femme loving this person and wanting this person to be happy will stay in the relationship. Providing the Butch doesn't have their breast hacked off within the first few months on "T", the Femme will stay trying to hold onto the woman they once knew/fell in love with, but around the 5 or 6th month on "T" when physically and mentally the Butch is clearly no longer the person (let alone the woman) that they once were and sooner if they no longer have breast, the Femme will leave.
And last but certainly not least, the Butch lesbian. Butch lesbians are butch women who primarily partner with Femme lesbians. Do Butch lesbians
date
trans(men)? Never comes the day!
So the short of it is, through circumstance some lesbians may find themselves in relationships with trans(men) before and slightly after they transition, but lesbians of all varieties do no seek trans(men) to partner with nor stay when a partner tranistions. There is a reason we're lesbian after all, and this is because we find women/womens bodies/womens minds irresistible. (and I do have a certain Femme in mind as I write this)...lol
dirt
