I will address shortly the frightful Femme hatred made clear in several comments above, but first let me tackle the ignorance or denial of the "passing" privileges of the Butch woman experience that conveniently seems to have been left out of MA's comments.
The thing about "passing" is no matter who is doing it or to be more accurate who it is being done to, "passing" is ALWAYS tenuous and uncomfortable and I have yet to know or to have seen in Femme/Butch spaces any Femme or Butch to revel in it when it happens. The ONLY time I have seen "passing" not bragged about but worn like a sick badge of honour is by those in the "trans" community, usually your tweener dykes aka lower case b butch dykes who make up the majority of women who trannify.
Now I don't know if MA intentionally targeted Femme's with her "passing" privilege tirade or if she choose to simply ignore the "passing" privileges of the typical capital B Butch lesbian(clearly not her experience). As your run of the mill Butch woman my sex began being questioned around the time I could walk and slightly talk. (NO not yesterday!) By the time I was in grade school I "passed" easily and like today still, embarrassingly so. This "passing" privilege is compounded if you are a white Butch, because white privilege carries A LOT of clout. So being white and "passing" as a straight male can be quite troublesome albeit privileged as my Femme lover/sisters know.
A few general examples of white Butch "passing" privilege: this example has happened more times than I could ever count. The other day I'm at the grocery store and walk up to the deli counter, they have a number system whereby you take a number and when they call the number it is your turn to be waited on. I walk up to the deli where a black man is standing alone with a ticket number in his hand. The black man behind the counter watches me approach sans ticket and asks me "can I help you sir"? Not being a fucking straight white selfishly minded male who believes his privilege is natural and his needs should always come first, I reply "this gentleman was before me". Or the gas station I use most in my area, where like clockwork when I go in to pay for my gas the man behind the counter recognizes me and insists in a complimentary manner "you the man, you be the man".
And when out with a Femme either lover or friend, how does Butch "passing" privilege function? The Femme gets invisiblized and diminished further by having her lesbianism ignored and her power as a woman stripped from her. Such as when going out to eat with a Femme friend/lover I am the one who gets asked all the questions from "smoking or non smoking" to being asked "can I take your order" first. If out shopping even in specifically women's stores with a Femme, I'm asked in the presence of the Femme "can I help you sir", like she doesn't even exist. Whatever minuscule perk or privilege I obtain through "passing" like my Femme lover and sisters it isnt something I revel in and in truth being erased isnt much of a perk or a fucking privilege. It is an assault on my fucking identity every single time I am "sir'd" just as it is every single time a Femme cruises under the hetero-radar!
I cannot control how others read me any more than can Femmes, people have been conditioned to read male using certain signifers and female using certain signifiers and heterosexuality is an assumed sexuality because it is the majority. I am fighting for a visible Femme and a visible Butch, neither of which has ever been yet (but will be). But I'll be damned to think our visibility is so fucking simple it can be remedied with us clad in some godawful rainbow shirt or wearing a pair of double women symbol earrings! YUCK! And the truth is the subtleties of lesbian symbols amid the not so subtle ideas of hetero male and female would simply be lost on most people. Besides, Butch or Femme isnt what we wear, it is who we ARE!
I say this to you directly MA: I don't know who has been embodying your idea of "femme" but it isnt capital F Femmes! But regardless MA, you clearly despise Femme lesbians as every comment you have made about them is both sexist, dismissive and misogynistic! Seems you are more interested in some bullshit oppression olympics based on some 30 year old separatist dyke myths and jealousies fed to you, rather than real experiences of Femmes! Someone needs to shake you a bit and wake you from the drum circle dream you're having of a dyke solidarity with Femmes and Butches. The fact is most Femmes and Butch women get treated like shit within dyke spaces. Dykes have made it clear starting with the rise of lesbian feminism in the 70's that Femmes and Butches weren't wanted in their little club and those feelings still ring true today.
I am a lesbian Butch woman and my Femme lover is a lesbian woman, and we will NOT kiss dyke ass to gain "respect" from a community that clearly hates us! A community that has embraced every "queer" man, woman or fruitcake who has knocked on its doors leaving the Femme/Butch community wide fucking open to the harm and threat of "queer" politics! A politic that has both young and old Butches convinced that they are men herding them onto the nearest tranny-train headed to transville! And the ONLY fucking dykes trying to stop that train are FEMMES! Because Femmes stand by us despite Butch shame issues, protect us, get angry when we cannot, shout kick and scream when we have nothing left to say, work when we cannot get a job, carry us when we're too weak to walk, put us on a pedestal when we feel insignificant as a grain of sand and love us when we think we're freaks not deserving of love.
Femmes deal with all of our Butch pain and anger then have to go out into the world and deal with the crap from being invisible. I don't know any Femme who thinks its a fucking privilege to be seen as available to the male gaze and male attention, even those who are open about their lesbianism. Simply because a Femme declares herself lesbian does not get her a free pass to being left alone by men! Does not give her a free pass to being subjected even worse to male advances because "lesbians" titillate the male pornographic mind because all she needs is a good fucking from a man, does not exempt her from straight women using her as a punching bag, does not stop her from receiving sexist behaviour (you as a lesbian exhibited that behaviour right here knowing Femmes are lesbians too). So given that MA, it is clear even if every single Femme lesbian outed herself to every person she meets on the street, behaviours such as yours and the dyke community's are still going to exist.
I just want to make mention one other issue MA, your advice about the "dykes loving dykes" book. I assume you gave one of the authors my email. The first email I received by her I was put off a little and didn't mention certain bits of it to my Femme as she would have been offended. After another email from her I did discuss these emails with my Femme, she curiously scouted about the net and found a thing or two written by this woman that clearly outlined her negative feelings toward Femme lesbians. So after a few back and forth emails I no longer responded to her. She clearly holds the same sexist views you yourself hold towards Femmes.
FEMME LESBIANS ARE LESBIANS!