Saturday, February 27, 2010

Dirt's Weekend Women's Day Of Remembrance

 

STOP THE HATE
END MISOGYNY

LOVE YOURSELF
dirt

Butches: Holding Back

I recently had a young Femme ask if it was normal for Butch women to hold back with their feelings, and had a half dozen Femmes closer to my age recently complain about the same thing with Butch after Butch. Given that this has been and remains a major problem in Femme/Butch relationships I'll address here. So do Butches hold back? Yes. The more difficult question to answer, why do Butches hold back?

I know I've made mention a few times here and there that by and large when it comes to making the first moves (or hell any move), its nearly always Femmes having to do so first.  This is where Butch holding back begins, before Femmes and Butches officially even meet. A Butch could be at a club, have a Femme make serious eye contact, walk past said Butch half a dozen times, send a drink over to said Butch and that Butch will not make a single gesture that she's interested until that Femme finally comes over and says "hi". This prime scenario gets repeatedly played out in a multitude ways, even online. A Butch can be DYING to talk to a particular Femme, be given as I said every sign that says "go", permission to cross every street, green lights everywhere and yet remain motionless. Paralyzed to be exact. This is another example where the ignorant myth about how much alike Butches are to men gets shredded and illustrates how those who believe Butches to be like men prove they know nothing whatsoever about us Butches. We can and have had beautiful, sexy, naked willing Femmes at our feet and would like nothing more in this world than to pull them up, kiss, hold, love and make love to them with everything that we are as a living breathing human being and yet we wont make a single move towards her. Not exactly something MEN are known for is it?

But those are the facts and most Femmes know them or will learn them in dealing with Butches. Back to the question of why? The simplest answer is Butch shame and thats where simple ends where Butch women are concerned. I have written about how Butches come to Butch shame, so I'm not going to repeat myself here. What I will say is this, because of Butch shame Butches develop a strong feeling and need to be and stay in control. There is a near pathological fear that if we approach a Femme we would be rebuffed and there is an equal fear even in a relationship when our Femme approaches us to say yes. Both situations, both answers require a loss of control. Our Butch bodies may be screaming at the tops of their lungs for us to let go and lose all control with our Femme partner, but our Butch brains will ultimately keep the brakes on the whole time. A Femme can create the most private loving space for us so that we can hopefully feel comfortable enough to lose that control, and dont think for a minute most Butches arent appreciative of that, dont worship Femmes all the more because of that, we do, but the shame that lies underneath the control you so desperately want us to lose is greater than your loving touch.

What Femmes need to understand, what we Butches need to understand as well is the thing that is informing the Butch shame, which informs our need for control. Weakness. What so many Butch women cannot wrap their Butch brains around is the power of letting go, whether thats sexually, emotionally or both. We cannot understand that power exist in letting go, that maybe the most powerful thing we could ever do in our lives is to let. But losing control feels shameful and shame makes us feel weak aka female. And I'm not talking about those Butches who are so horribly shameful they no longer even ID as female/woman, but those of us who do. Hetero-male society has driven it into our brains that women are weak, all in efforts to make them (men) feel strong, not because they actually are. Any women who has ever been in any kind of crisis with males, knows full well where true strength lies and it isnt with the menz. But women have been written, portrayed, seen, viewed as weak, we internalize that nonsense, feeling shameful for our NATURAL needs and feelings.

We know biologically males are much more suited to their one dimensional emotional lives, their natural biology dulling their emotional points. But as Butch WOMEN with multi-dimensional emotions, sharp as a needle, trying to live as if we only had that single dulled dimension, it is a miracle we dont all just implode, truthfully though far too often, many of us do. Holding back is its own form of self abuse, self punishment and self deprivation. This is why it is SO important for Butches to step up, be seen and make ourselves known, so that maybe new generations of Butches can avoid the horrors of living a half dead life. But before we can even do that we as Butch women have to work through our shame, discover our strengths in womanhood and truly  represent so that these baby Butches can have a chance to grow up and lead emotionally/sexually FULL healthy lives.

There is no simple switch a Femme can flip to change a Butch so that she can see herself through Femme eyes. See the beauty, strength, power, uniqueness, exquisiteness that Femmes see in us through letting go and expressing our feelings and sexual wants. More often than not no matter how many times a Femme may verbalize these things to us, it is only through Femme hands and mouths that it all becomes clear. That Femme mouth that whispers to our cunts in the dark the thing we needed to hear most in our life. But far too often our fear and shame and need for control gags that Femme mouth from uttering a single word, that Femme tongue from licking a single letter. I say all this not because there is no hope for us, but precisely because we need to create that hope. The more we talk about Butch shame in our communities, with our friends, in our relationships the more we drive that shame away, opening the door for a universe of possibilities.

I urge this to Femmes: please continue creating those safe spaces for us, we need them so, we need you. Please be more vocal, especially in public spaces about your wants and needs and desires for our Butch women's bodies. Tell us how much you love our breast and the taste of our cunts. Because when all we hear is how much you love our strong legs or our big biceps then we assume you have no desire for our breast and cunts which only furthers our Butch shame. Lets us know exactly why you are a lesbian! We need to hear it, even if it scares us.

Butches I urge you: listen to what Femmes are saying. Think about how you would feel if you reached for her and she turned you away. Not just once but over and over and over again. Let her know how you feel, know your fears. Even if all you can do to start is to write down on a piece of paper, do it. Give it to her. You'll be surprised how that can lead to a whole different way of living, a good way, a less shameful way. If you're single, bring this stuff up with Butch friends, because it does affect us all. Chances are if Butch shame has you against the wall, it has your Butch friends backed up against the wall as well. There is nothing weak or unbutch in discussing our Butch feelings.

STOP BUTCH SHAME

dirt

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Confronting the Issues: A Femme Butch Blog

As promised I began another blog that will strictly and privately deal with Femme/Butch issues. I will also use this blog to strictly post all future Femme/Butch stories I write. I will daily have an open post to field any and all Femme/Butch questions called "the dirtster is in".


If you are interested in participating please either comment here with an email addy or email me at dirtywhiteboi67@yahoo.com with your email. Membership is by invite/registered users only.

STAND PROUD
STAY STRONG
STOP THE HATE
END BUTCH SHAME

dirt

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Uganda: Rights Not Repression

Gay Ugandans may be sentenced to death if legislation being debated right now passes.

Please click link and sign petition in hopes of stopping this from going through. Takes all of 15 seconds.

STOP THE HATE

dirt

The Drive-In

I'll admit my heart gets a thrill when I tell you something you dont know or introduce you to something you've never met. I think its the look in your eye that sparks my thrill. I love that look, so much so that I'm always thinking of new things to create that look. The latest thing I come up with is the "drive-in"! I cannot for the life of me believe you've NEVER been to the drive-in theater! I'll never forget my first time. It was a few months after my ma had died. My aunt Betsy, took a whole pile of us to see The Exorcist! To this day I think it is why I have no fear around scary movies, I mean come on, where is there to go when you've seen the Exorcist at age six! I remember for weeks afterward lying in my bed in the small two bedroom no air conditioned 90 degrees outside at 9pm at night hot house I grew up in, uncovered blanket down to my feet, but fully covered in fear. There would be years and years and years of drive-in scenes of witch tortures, babies born with no mouths, bare breasted women, teenage prostitutes, laura mars eyes, cross country car chases, wolves reclaiming what was rightfully theirs, ten to midnight psychos butchering women and harper valley PTA's! So that when you say you've never been, I'm both geeked and gung-ho'd to show you what you've missed. But I  also want to fulfill a little drive-in experience that I missed!

We've literally ravaged each other the near week you've been visiting, so much so that you're a bit surprised when we wake up Saturday morn and I politely rebuff your hungry Femme advances including the opportunity to shower with you. Instead I let you shower first while I busy myself making us a nice breakfast to fortify the beginning of our day. We have breakfast, I shower and dress, we watch a bit of tv, one of those bad Lifetime movies I'm partial too, snuggle on the couch sharing a quiet morning and afternoon together all the while trying to control myself when all I want to do is lose control all over your beautiful Femme body. We decide on a late lunch since we have to leave around dinner time because I'm about an hours drive from the closest drive-in. And besides your hands repetition of trying to find themselves in my pants all day, you make mention a dozen or so times how much you wanna have time to buy popcorn from the concession stand before the movie starts.

Not that you need to by any stretch of the imagination but you "simply must pretty" yourself up before we leave. I feel nervous the whole drive there and dont say too much on the way. You ask me several times if everything is alright and I a sure you that it is but dont think you believe me. We get there a little early, pay and park. You wonder why I park towards the back and well over to one side of the drive-in so we're not close to any cars. "Oh that way we dont have to be bothered with the noise from being near cars with kids and its closer to the restrooms", I say. You seem satisfied with my answer then ask "now can we go get popcorn"? We walk to the concession stand, get a big tub of popcorn and a few large drinks, then walk back to the car. They're already showing those old black and white concession stand commercials and a few previews of up coming attractions. We settle in and get ready for the movie to begin.

The movie starts, a thriller, we finish our popcorn then you slide over next to me. I put my arm round you and you put your head on my chest just above my breast, I kiss your forehead when you do. You look up at me and we kiss really gently. As aroused as I am and as much as kissing you travels from your lips to my lips right down to my crotch, my heart intervenes and while we're kissing I think the softness of you lips is going to dissolve me. So that when you slip you tongue between my lips and over my tongue I can no longer find myself. I used to have such a fear as a child of getting lost, especially when my older brother would deceive me with promises to "look at the toys" when at the store and every time I would follow him only to have him every time run off and leave me so that I had to run behind him as fast as I could to catch sight of which isles he turned down so as not to get lost. But you dont deceive me and with you I have no fear of getting lost, with you I never want to be found.   

While we're making out rather heavily, leaning, you put your right hand on my upper thigh. I dont stop you and you move that hand over to my crotch. You feel straight off I'm packing. You stop kissing me, smile up at me and say "so thats why you didnt want to make love all day. Saving it up were you"? I smile back, say nothing and start kissing you again. You undo my belt, unbutton and unzip my jeans, reach into my shorts and pull out my strapped cock. "Hmmm" you say "and what exactly would you like me to do with this"? Straight faced and serious I say "I want you to get it wet with your lips so I can fuck you with it"! You say nothing, bend down over it and start licking and putting just a little of it into your mouth. With your head next to my stomach you feel my breathing pick up. You have the cock in your right hand, and as you are licking and sucking it, you press it into my clit which is situated right behind it. I moan out an "oh baby" when you do. I'm really getting turned on and you know it. With your free left hand, while going at my strapped cock with your lips and tongue you slide that hand behind my harness and your fingers find my already very wet clit. You touch my clit while sucking my strapped cock, we've made love enough times now you know when I'm close to cumming, and believe me you, I'm close!

"Do you wanna cum like this"? you ask me. "No" I say, "I wanna cum while I'm fucking you". You move back over to your seat, lean the seat all the way back so its flat, hike the summer dress you are wearing all the way up, revealing that you're pantyless! "Guess we were thinking the same thing" you laugh. I slide my pants below my knees, maneuver myself over and on-top of you, and slide my strapped cock all around your wet pussy then slip it inside of you and slowly start fucking you, only slowly last all of maybe a minute. I go from zero to a hundred in no time flat, but you dont seem to mind. The harder I thrust the louder we both moan, at this point not caring if we're heard. I slow down a little so I can give your sizable breast the attention they deserve. I have one in each hand, squeezing with my whole hand and teasing your nipples between my thumb and forefinger. I move my head down a little so I can nibble and suck one of your nipples, you moan again. A few minutes of that and I cant control my need to cum any longer, I move directly back over you and with all my power and strength start fucking you with all I am. I cum in seconds, but you're not quite there. You open your leg more, taking more of my strapped cock into you. As I thrust deeper you cum and cum hard, your whole body shaking and pounding with as much force as I just pounded it. I stop. We're both breathing hard and heavy. We kiss some more. I start to move off from you. "No, stay inside me a little longer" you say pleadingly. I freeze for a second, the intimacy fear rifling through me like bullets, old Butch habits die hard. Like a good Femme, you notice, pull me close tucking my head into your neck protectively, pet the back of my neck and whisper "I love you baby".

dirt

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

WOMEN'S Studies Position








As promised I bring to you another Women's Studies position that is being channeled through "trans-academics". If you are a REAL woman/lesbian in a position to apply for this job or know someone who is, please put your name in the hat if you wish to preserve WOMEN teaching WOMEN'S Studies rather than risking male privileged Mtf men and/or ftMISOGYNIST who either know nothing about women/women's issues or pathologically HATE women period!

Dirt-a Woman for Women taking Women's Studies back!

Monday, February 22, 2010

A few words on Bits and Junk and Chests

So who the hell is squatting on our Femme/Butch-lands these days? A bunch of fucking three year olds and their mommy's??? I cannot for the life of me remember the last time I've seen in Femme/Butch spaces/company a Butch's tits and pussy actually referred to AS tits and pussys! What is with the fucking pathological female shame that demands Butches refute their tits and pussy's and replace them with "bits" and "junk" and "chests" IN supposed safe Femme/Butch spaces??? I mean if it isnt the Butch referring to her breast and pussy as "bits" and "junk" and "chests" then its the Femmes using such childish terms for Butch bodies reinforcing Butch body shame.

Femmes are beginning to be more vocal about their lesbian Butch desires, but frankly how can Femme's possibly expect Butch women to respond sexually with their breast and pussys when their shame is made clear by Femme's using infantile lingo for adult desires? And how are Butch women suppose to feel when their breast and pussys are erased in Femme/Butch spaces by Femmes and Butches?????? Why do we continue to pretend Butch women do not possess female bodies? Female bodies Femmes want to lick and touch and suck and make love to??? And why in the fuck arent we discussing these issues IN the safety of Femme/Butch spaces rather than play childish fantasied games of Butch equals something NOT woman??

If you are a Femme reading this and you are partnered with a Butch, if only today, if only this once TELL HER how much you love and desire her tits and pussy!

STOP BUTCH SHAME

dirt
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