Yesterday a Butch friend sent me a message asking if I had been aware of the post you see here. She said she along with 300 other plus members received this message in a facebook group regarding Femme Invisibility. No, I wasn't aware of that. I had seen the message on a note I was included on from the Femme who issued this, but I had no idea this went to every woman in this particular group. Clearly this woman is no "friend", and clearly these are not the actions of a friend, at least not where I come from. These are the actions however of a very cowardly, insecure, self hating woman who completely bends to the slightest of pressures. I've debated for the last two days on whether or not to post about this, and after much thought I decided it not only in my best interest (for the sake of clarity) but in the interest of truth which I hold as high as I hold nature herself.
I will give you a blow by blow as I understand it, then my feelings on the matter. Sometime last week I believe, a member of this "femme invisibility" group commented this: "I was sharing my frustrations about femme invisibility a while ago, and was reminded by a friend that many transwomen regularly experience femme hyper-visibility". Obviously after reading such nonsense I commented something to the affect of the complete co-option of Femme identity and misogyny of such nonsense. Clearly to even take into account such a post modernistic (be-anything-you-can-think-of) notions, the woman who commented has no respect for women and even less for Femme lesbians, given she would even entertain the thought of how a MAN (autogynephile btw) feels in a FEMME community. WHA? Not being exactly new to how misogyny coupled with post modernism (which equals queer theory in a nutshell) has infiltrated the Femme/Butch community I expected a small bit of flack. The FB "friend" who wrote the above is one of the maintainers of the group, if I hadn't mentioned that yet. She commented back to me that men are allowed in her "femme invisibility" group to co-opt Femme identity as they choose and I need to take my opinions regarding truth and common sense elsewhere. I was immediately silenced aka "banned" per a very typical patriarchal tactic-women speaking the truth must be shut up at all cost or patriarchal systems will suffer and die.
Again, being banned, not something new when one is a speaker of ugly truths, as I am. That this was a "friend" who silenced my Butch woman's voice? Well that hurt my heart a bit. Not simply from a personal standpoint but because this silencing is another brick in the wall of Butch Invisibility. It affects us all because it says, you have no voice here, here being Femme space. Men and male-centrism is more important than your Butch WOMAN'S voice in these Femme spaces. So while I grieve a little for my own hurt heart I grieve more for what this indicates for the hearts of my Butch sisters! Butch women were excluded from early feminists groups, then lesbian separatist groups and now from Femme/Butch spaces themselves! I would bet not a single woman in that community had even slightly harbored the idea of how these actions towards one Butch woman's voice affects how all Butch women will be affected, not one. And if by chance there were one Femme who did, this public attack of me by a "friend" no less, lets her know if she even wanted to open her mouth she too would be silenced and singled out as a "hater" of sorts.And patriarchy being what it is, women are conditioned that womens worth is built upon approval, therefore no approval equals worth/less. A smart patriarchal way to keep women in check, especially smart when other women are using it against other women. And by smart I mean sickening.
I also expected some fallout because very recently a lesbian I used to know was appointed a maintainer of this "femme inv." group. She claimed to have severed her "friendship" with me and my ex because of our "trans" views. But truth be told, she was gung ho on helping to rid an LJ "lesbian community" of its "trans" disordered when we first became "friends". I suspect it had more to do with the fact of her obsessive stalking of a close lesbian friend of mine. My friend G. ended up meeting her realtime because she had become part of a lesbian clique I was a part of. So when G. and her partner decided to get married she invited all from this clique to her weekend wedding. Both G. and her partner had concerns I'm told right off the bat regarding her "stability". Then when this lesbian started calling G. dozens of times a day for months on end, trying to initiate a romantic connection with her (whom my friend said "not even if she were the last dyke on earth"), my friend ceased even speaking with her online. After months of G's rebuffs the calls finally stopped. It was then both my ex and myself were "unfriended" by this particular lesbian. So can we say ummm "axe to grind"?
How much any of this has to do with DV's (the community maintainer) feeling the need to attack me on a public level, I dont know. But I bet more than even she knows. As to DV's misogynistic Butchphobic behaviour, unacceptable! Even the "trans" disordered who read this blog I'm sure will wonder what the hell she is talking about, as nearly nothing she said has anything to do with my convictions or what I write about. Clearly she is not a reader of this blog, or else she figured she could just blatantly lie about my stances since I was banned and couldn't refute them, perhaps a little of both. I advocate a NEW RADICAL LESBIANISM that incorporates a Wittigian radical feminism. I advocate Butch VISIBILITY. I advocate women (whatever the variety) learning to love themselves AS women. I advocate it be acceptable for women to say "I" without shame. I advocate mentally ill people be treated humanely, not drugged and mutilated into freaks of society. I advocate Butch FEMININITY. I advocate lesbians taking the L back from the alphabet soup it has been drowned in. While that doesnt even begin to cover it, you get my point, and if you are a regular reader, you know my point.
This public attack is also because I was on her "friends" list at FB. She pulled the juvenile school yard crap when the weak minded/hearted get caught talking to one of the "not so cool kids"(according to the crowd), they had to quickly let the "cool kid group" know "oh I was just telling him/her what a douche-bag I though they were" then laugh so their new "friends" will laugh and think they hate this kid as much as they do, even though none of them know said kid. Its for show, appearances, fear at not being liked. Remember what I said above about women and approval.
Regarding DV's advocating "diversity", what she and those of her simple mindset advocate is CONFORMITY. A person who does everything in their power to ID as a particular something isnt diverse, its the same old shit. A Butch woman who loves her body, her life, her spirit, her mind amid a lifetime of invisibility, erasure, shame is diverse! A Butch woman being present as a woman in ALL womens spaces is diverse! Interesting though, when Butches express such feelings, the first thing out of misogynist's mouths is "self hating" or "trans in denial". Hmmm wonder why that is? Projecting much? And DV's notions of "acceptance" is pure misogyny. I will NEVER accept a straight (white-middle-class) man as Femme! And the women that do are nothing more than pure products of patriarchy. These are the women who would have men in our bathrooms, showers, locker rooms. Because a MAN said he's a "lesbian" it must be so, because MEN MUST be listened to and obeyed! Yeah right! No man will EVER be Femme or lesbian! One has to wonder how little women value women when they not only allow men to co-opt female identity BUT advocate for men co-opting women's identity!
Only those who accuse others of "hate" hate. DV hates. She hates herself and hates her life. She struggles to convince herself and others how "happy" she is which only makes her hate herself more and feel more disappointed in herself. She is a page out of Fromm's Escape from Freedom, in every sense. She cannot comprehend how a Butch woman could feel good about herself as a woman, when she feels so failed as a woman which insinuates she does not really SEE Butches AS women. The "invisibility" she claims to be fighting isnt Femme Invisibility, it is a core self invisibility. Until she can work through her own issues of self, she will continue doing the nothing she has been doing regarding Femme Invisibility.
All this to say this is sign of where the Femme/Butch community has let itself be led, Femme's turning on and attacking Butches all in order to gain male approval from MEN no less! Any Femme who chooses male in any form over that of Butch WOMEN is plain and simple no fucking Femme!
This comment was left this afternoon to my last post entitled "Butch Skin". I published the comment in context but wanted to say a few words up front to the person who left it.
First and foremost as soon as I read your comment all I could think was, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry I wasn't soon enough. I'm also sorry every woman in your life and in the life that was reflected to you, failed you.You deserved better and I hope you are treating yourself good now.
I'm pleased you have got back your tears, because without tears there is no capacity for joy.Once you lose the ability to cry, you also lose the ability to laugh. I hope you do not judge yourself too harshly and I hope you understand the "choices" you made were set in motion long before you were born. I hope too you are imparting your experiences with these issues onto others like yourself. I suspect that for every person who has been trannified there are two times the number untrannifying. Only these men and women remain silent through their own shame at what they think they have done, shame heaped on them from the "trans" community and threats/attacks from the "trans" community.
Anon. I wish you the ability to truly love and embrace yourself for that is the ultimate human achievement.
If you ever for any reason need/want to talk (no judgments) my email addy is firstname.lastname@example.org
You tell me " your skin" when I ask whats your favourite part on a Butch, because "it covers every inch, nook and cranny, both seen and unseen, clothed and unclothed" you reply. Because there is "nothing more beautiful, and surely nothing softer than stroking a hard Butch jawline covered in baby soft skin" you continue, as you trace my own jawline with your hand gloved in silk skin, followed by kisses from your velvety lips. "Definitely skin" you laugh as you smooth your hand down the softness of my neck and throat. "Skin" I say, "whats the big deal"?
You stop trying to seduce me for a moment and as we're lying side by side facing each other, you look at me very seriously, seriously enough I pull you closer than you already are. I feel suddenly like I need to protect you. You say "you wouldnt understand". "You were never force fed males for breakfast, lunch and dinner the way us Femmes were". "None were ever put upon your plate where you were expected to eat them along with the potato's and carrots till you were over full". "You didnt have to stomach their course skin, rough shaved faces, strange smells which together formed an ugliness that more than once made you feel as though you would throw-up". "I'm sorry" I say and kiss your forehead.
"You weren't there" you go on. "Thats the Femme tragedy of your Butch invisibility" you say. "Femmes think we must accept this unspeakable imitation of Butch because we grew up thinking you didnt exist". "And if you don't exist" you continue, "then I as Femme do not exist either". "If we cannot SEE each other, then we cannot SEE ourselves through each other". You tell me "I wasnt Femme till I was 24, because thats when I saw my first Butch woman"! "Thats when I knew I could no longer and would never again settle for an imitation"!
I ask you "what was it exactly about this first Butch that drew you to her, that made you KNOW"? You pull me into you a little more, slide your hand caressingly up my back from just above my ass where it was resting and say "her Butch skin of course" and smile!
Once upon a time in the land of Hushabye
AROUND about the wondrous days of yore
They came across a sort of box
Bound up with chains and locked with locks
And labeled "Kindly Do Not Touch, it's WAR"
A decree was issued round about
AND all with a flourish and a shout
And a GAILY colored mascot TRIPPING lightly on BEFORE
"don"t fiddle with this deadly box
"or break the chains or pick the locks
"And please, don't ever play about with war"
Well the children understood
children happen to be good
they were just as GOOD around the time of yore
they didn't try to pick the locks
or break in to that deadly box
they never tried to play about with war
Mommies didn't either
sisters, aunts, grannies neither, cuz
They were quiet, sweet and pretty in those wondrous days of yore
Well..very much the same as now
Not the ones to blame somehow
for opening up that deadly box of war.
But someone did,
Someone battered in the lid
and spilled the insides out across the floor
A sort of bouncy bumpy ball, made up of guns and flags and all the tears and
horror and the death, that goes with war.
It bounced right out and went bashing all about
And bumping into everything in store
and what was sad and most unfair
Is that it didn't really seem to care much who it bumped
Or why, or what, or for.
It bumped the children mainly
And I'll tell you this quite plainly
It bumps them every day and more, and more
And leaves them dead and burned and dying
Thousands of them sick and crying
CAUSE when it bumps
it's really very sore
Now there's a way to stop the ball
it isn't difficult at all
all it takes is wisdom
I'm absolutely sure that
We can get it back into the box
And bind the chains
And lock the locks
no one seems to want to save the children any more
Well that's the way it all appears
CAUSE IT'S been bouncing round for years and years
in spite of all the wisdom whiz since those wondrous days of yore
in the time they came across the box
bound up with chains and locked with locks
and labeled "Kindly do not touch, "IT'S WAR"
It is impossible not to be aware of and empathize with the earthquake disaster in Haiti. There is round the clock news on every street corner, news station, news paper, internet news site. Many local stores have it so you can donate your remaining money after purchases to a fund for Haiti. Local news stations are regularly giving info on where monies can be donated at, both on their websites and while the news runs. This is nothing new in America, a disaster occurs here, there or anywhere and Americans pull together and do our part. Its a good thing. Its the right thing to do. They're estimating when all is said and done the death toll alone in Haiti will be somewhere between 50,000-100,000 people, clearly a natural disaster.
What I sit here wondering though is in the US alone with stats like this:
Women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner-related physical assaults and rapes every year.
Intimate partner's kill approximately 33% of female murder victim.
84% of spouse abuse victims are females, and 86% of victims of dating partner abused are female.
In the United States, 1.3 women are raped every minute. That results in 78 rapes each hour, 1872 rapes each day, 56160 rapes each month and 683,280 rapes each year.
1 out of every 3 American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime.
One in three girls will be sexually abused before she reaches the age of 18.
The United States has the world's highest rape rate of the countries that publish such statistics. It's 4 times higher than Germany, 13 times higher than England, and 20 times higher than Japan.
83% of rape cases are ages 24 or under.
1 in 4 college women have either been raped or suffered attempted rape.
Only 16% of rapes are ever reported to the police.
More than 75% of teenage prostitutes have been sexually abused.
Nearly 50% of women in prison state that they were abused as children.
Not to mention the untold emotional abuses suffered by women and children daily that is immeasurable.
So with stats like this, what I'm wondering exactly is at least in the US, how many millions of women, children and babies need to be beaten, raped, sexually abused, emotionally abused, burned, tortured and shamed every day before their plight is considered a fucking disaster worthy of our attention?