Change Your World-NOT your Body

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Sexual Abuse Discussion

Yesterday a gal brought up that I never write much about females and sexual abuse. I would like to provide this space for a discussion of females and childhood sexual abuse. I was in an 8 relationship with a woman who had been sexually abused by her father so I do have peripheral experience with the issue. But I KNOW there is no lack of lesbian and trans minded females that have been sexually abused as girls who can answer anything I may not be able to.

Some possible questions:

1) How do you identify?
2) How has being sexually abused as a girl affected your sexuality/identity?

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11 comments:

  1. I must say that luckily I've never been sexually abused but ever since learning about it from a crude TV show in my childhood it was one of my strongest fears, even more than dying. (My very strongest was alien abduction, lol. Some fears are justified, others not).
    It's something that every FAB will have in the back of her mind, unfortunately, as long as society and male socialization is still what it is (for a more humane society without sexism and rape, see bonobos).
    I must say that the perspective of transitioning to male did, in fact, alleviate the fear; and, anyway, I can attest from all the years I spent in the "FTM camp" many FTMs have been abused. Sometimes they repressed the thought and then they recovered it after transition. I do think it might be a reason why some would transition, if really dramatic.

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  2. 1. I identify as me :)


    I've been sexually abused most of my life, starting when I was 11 and continuing into adulthood. I have been abused by males and females, most recently females. I don't feel my sexuality or identity has been affected as I have like girls since I was a young child and have felt like a boy since I was 5.

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  3. I was abused by boys.

    I'm attracted to men and women. Primarily women, because I feel the friction of differing energies between us and I like that. It's charged. I'm not sure how my abuse has affected my gender/sexuality or if it has. I got so tired of hearing from men that men are the reason I was into women. As if they couldn't understand something that had nothing to do with them. So I'm just as skeptical of a theory that relates my transition to abuse by men. It feels very much like a gift I gave myself, to connect physically with the male archetype that's a part of me. It has been a wonderful, fascinating journey and eye-opening to say the least.

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  4. Why just sexual abuse? Does physical abuse "not count"?

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  5. Anon@6:38,

    This is a discussion about child sexual abuse, if you would like me to have one on physical abuse, you've only to ask.

    dirt

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  6. Recovered memories are very fishy territory. Oftentimes, they can be influenced by leading questions. Memory is subjective.

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  7. I'm a femininity non-conforming lesbian. I've never been sexually abused in the way we think of that term: raped, molested, incest, clitorectomy, sold into slavery, etc. That is largely due to luck, both personal and cultural. My heart goes out to those girls and women who haven't been so lucky.
    All girls and women are sexually abused in the sense that we are sexually objectified even as children and every woman on the planet grows up defending themselves from male sexual predators and making all life decisions: when to leave the house (careful walking after dark!), where to travel and live, what to wear, what to say, in relation to the ever present threat of male sexual violence. My chest becoming an act of pornography such that I cannot take my top off when I mow the lawn.
    I don't intend to equate such everyday sex abuse with being raped or forced into prostitution as an eight year old, only to point out the sex abuse all women are subjected to from birth regardless of age, or culture, or race, or class. Even Margaret Thatcher, left standing alone on a subway platform late at night is subject to the same ubiquitous sex abuse that all females must contend with. This is why females do testosterone body mod.

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  8. Thanks Dirt, people can just ask politely. I'm sure physical abuse can be discussed at another time.

    Just ask folks...

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  9. I don't remember how old I was when i was first abused. I do know I was raped for the first time on my 6th birthday it continued for a few years until my sister found out and she fought tooth and nail to protect me. she endured being called every name under the sun by both of our "parents" well long story short she managed to stop it and I went to therapy due to a court order, while my mom (using that word loosely) divorced the thing. yes he is referred to as thing or sperm donor. years later my mom remarried and my step-dad tried the same thing when I was 16. how did all this affect my sexuality you ask well honestly I don't know. though does it matter? my past is not pretty I didn't have the Dick and Jane life but it is mine its made me who I am for better or worse and you know what I am ok with that because I am learning finally that none of it was my fault. I have hex and she is my life now.

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  10. Something of interest sent to me by Raygunslinger:


    http://triviavoices.net/archives/issue10/gage.html

    it's about Teena Brandon, the fabrications about her history and how incest made her wish to pass as male.

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  11. 1) How do you identify?
    Oh that's a big and complicated question and the answer can only be summarized as "approximatively as me" but for the sake of the discussion I'll say "male".

    2) How has being sexually abused as a girl affected your sexuality/identity?
    I don't know, not for certain. I can't know because I can't know what I'd be like if I had not experienced what I experienced.
    I was given alcohol and then taken advantage of as a minor, by a man that I trusted at the time.
    My initial reaction was "well that was fucking stupid, you should know better" and hiding my shame as I "knew" I had been told, a thousand times, that alcohol was bad, that if I'd drink I would get hurt. Then I drank and I got hurt, and I felt I was to blame.
    As I grew older I realized that the type of hurt I experienced was not on me. If I'd thrown up or fallen over or given myself a hangover, that would have been on me, but nothing excuses a man for his actions. For a while, I was disgusted with men. I found them vile.
    I am what I would call "pansexual" as my attraction to a person depends on the person, not the contents of their pants.
    So, I hated men, and dated women. But it didn't really work out so well for me, I wasn't "right".
    I then decided to be alone for a while, figure myself out. Stop looking to someone else to make "Me" feel better in my own skin... and I did, eventually.
    I eventually came to realize that not all men were as repulsive as that one.

    Funnily enough though, I never saw myself as a victim due to being born a girl, but because I was foolish and sought attention and approval. Because of my own faults, no one else's.
    It's not always so, for girls or trans-boys in my position.

    I later fell in love and am now in a committed relationship with another man. We're quite happy together.

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