Change Your World-NOT your Body

Monday, November 8, 2010

Confining gender "norms" and do "men" belong on Women's sports Teams?

A few different readers sent me this article, which deals with a female basketballer who has been convinced she is a "man", but desires to still play for a woman's team.

From the article:  For the last 20 years, Kay-Kay Allums had appeared to the world as female. She was born with the anatomy that other women have. Her mom tried to dress her in only the most feminine clothes. But inside was a man waiting to burst out of the female body he was born in. Feeling uncomfortable, or down right HATING hyper-feminine clothing does NOT make you a "man waiting to burst out", it makes you a female who does not like or feel comfortable in hyper-feminine clothes. 


Growing up, Allums was a tomboy. The oldest of four kids, he would often say he was a boy despite being born a biological girl. Around age 12, he realized that no other girls behaved or dressed the way he did, so he adopted some of the trappings of other girls his age: Putting on make-up, wearing skirts and dresses. After just a year of putting up a feminine front, it was back to the tomboy clothes and wondering why he just didn’t fit in. Seeing only hyper-feminine notions of female from the time you open your baby eyes as being "normal" usually lead to girls as young at 2 years of age thinking/expressing they must be "boys". Gendered brain washing begins even before we're born and continues through our child development and through the rest of our lives. The good news is it can be undone!

“I’ve always felt most comfortable dressing like a boy, but my mom would take all of my clothes from me and she’d force me to wear girl clothes,” Allums said. Her gendered brain washing is clearly intact, clothes to her are "sexed" rather than merely something one wears to clothe the naked body. If we switched the "men's section" clothing sign with that of the "women's section" sign or placed articles of clothing from the "men''s section" into the "women's section" and visa versa, or male style clothes designed for female bodies, what clothes would she choose to buy? 


In high school, Allums met other people who acted and dressed like him: They were lesbians. For the next few years Allums identified as lesbian, finally fitting into a group that he could define. As he progressed deep into his teens, despite their similar dress and manner, he realized he just didn’t fit with the lesbians at his school either.    Hmmm How many possible lesbians were at her school? Even were it in the hundreds, what is the chance her brand of lesbianism would coincide with the dominant group of lesbians at her school? I remember the first time I went to a popular over crowded lesbian bar, I thought this is going to be awesome, I'll finally fit in. Needless to say from the disappointing first night there to the last (years later) I never fit in with any of the dominant groups. I didnt assume it was because I was a "man" and should be dating straight women, I learned instead fitting in isnt all its cracked up to be, valuing instead not fitting in.


“I used to feel like trans anything was really weird and those people were crazy, and I wondered, ‘How can you feel like that?’” Allums said. “But I looked it up on the Internet and I thought, ‘Oh my god, I’m one of those weird people.’ And I realized they’re not weird. It’s all in your mindset and how you think.”  The narrow gendered trans info found on every trans blog, website, community board, video, forum etc confirmed her already brain washed ideas of "normal" hyper feminine female and her inability to live up to that, giving her the out through transition rather than expanding the narrow notions of "normal" female behaviour.

“When people refer to me as ‘girl’ or ‘she,’ it doesn’t sit well with me,” Allums said. “That feeling you get when someone pisses you off, that feeling you get when your stomach gets hot and it aches, that’s what it feels like. And that’s how I know I’m not supposed to be a girl. If I was, I’d be walking around like everybody else, getting make-up and doing my nails. But it doesn’t sit well with me.”  Pathological internalized misogyny and again her brain washed notions that every female enjoys and subscribes to hyper feminine trappings is what she is using to self diagnose that she is a "man trap in a women's body". A BIG BIG no no! 


Allums has been aware of NCAA regulations for years, and he’s made plans around them. Circled on his calendar is the last possible date he could play in an NCAA game, in April 2012: That’s the date he can begin hormone treatment. Between now and then, he does plan to have sex-reassignment surgery next summer before he plays out his senior season. I find it interesting given how "life threatening" according to trans claims are regarding the urgency of trans treatment, that this "man" trapped inside a woman's body could psychologically postpone transition just so "he" can play on a women's basketball league. Sounds very much to me like the transmen who wait to transition once they get into a women's colleges. Why do women continually have to be inconvenienced so "men" can safely explore their chosen identities? 

If you are not a proud woman you do not belong on a women's sports team, where team spirit is essential to winning as well as losing. Also I didnt see them mention the locker-room situation, does anyone have info on that? Personally I would not want to be sharing intimate quarters with someone who is mentally "male", the male gaze does not belong in the ladies room. 

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25 comments:

  1. ". If I was, I’d be walking around like everybody else, getting make-up and doing my nails. But it doesn’t sit well with me."

    What the fuck! This is how she thinks about girls?? And because she doesn't act like them the only explanation for her is that she is a man?? Then I must be a man too. From now on I should call myself Steve because I really hate dressing up like a girl. Seriously that's just sad. It seems there is a law of nature that woman have to wear dresses etc. and some women think if they hate this stuff they must be men.

    Hm and the reason why "he" is still in women's sports team ...could it be that she isn't welcome in men's team and she is safer in women's team? But still if she is a man she belongs to the men's team.

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  2. I can see she wants her cake and to eat it too.

    That's incredibly narrowminded to think that all girls should wear dresses and do their nails.

    Theres plenty of straight women that are less feminine than most lesbians! But no, a great way to get your name out there is to go to the media.

    ~M

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  3. M,

    Transition has become a profitable business, one that the medical community profits from and one that the person who comodifies their transition makes money from.

    dirt

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  4. I feel that if they believe they are a transman then they should not be on a women's team any longer. Not after fully realizing his fact and therefore getting published as soon, meaning they have already come out. IF I were a woman I would feel uncomfortable in the locker rooms as well because there would be a man in the locker room with them. In fact the individual being discussed should also feel uncomfortable in there.

    I'm not here to attack you. I actually understand your reasoning behind your blog here. You have points and i get them. I don't necessarily like the way you put them out there...but i get it. I'm a transgendered by the way.

    I know that you don't believe transgendered people actually exist, and you feel that we are just "brainwashed" or "confused" to some degree. I'm not gonna fight with your opinion. I honestly don't think either one of us can back up that fact with medical literature that is black and white so I am just not going to push it.

    All I can say is that ...well, it's not just about clothing and wanting to fit in with the female gender roles of society. We both don't want that. Both of us don't feel like that.

    After coming out with a lesbian I actually lived with 2 butch/femme couples for a while. I hung out in that circle. I was 18. They were 24-17. I was the baby in the group and they tried to teach me their ways, lol. It was fun for awhile. I did feel like I fit in. We went to bars...smalltown and traveled into the city sometimes. I had many discussions with them because they tried to tell me what butch meant and this is what i was. I really tried to be proud of this. I honestly thought i must be butch. But then why didn't i fit in still? why did i still feel out of place? I talked with them about being attracted to other butch women....they said that theirs lots of butch women who date butch women. They introduced me to a few couples as well. I thought that was great. I was also attracted to men. They said that there were bisexual butch women as well. ... the point is I was definately exposed to the butch community. In my area this was not a small community. I will admit that in general i usually see femmes or women who have that trendy or emo hair goign on in the lesbian community and less butch women. I sort of feel like thats because maybe they don't "have" to live up to the standards anymore of fulfilling that "man" gender role of the lesbian world. In the past i didnt seen any lesbians in photos whatever that were in teh middle of gender roles. They all seemed to either be "the man" or "the women" ....personally i hate gender roles.

    Now I know you don't agree with trans people, but I am doing this because on top of not fitting in with the other butch women, and other women in general....I feel uncomfortable in this body. It's hard to explain really. Maybe no one has taken the time to do so with you? I'm sure the guys have tried but maybe with out attacking you? everyone has a right to an opinion. I just feel like before you make an opinion maybe we can talk about what i feel and what you feel? Maybe i can open your eyes or maybe you can open mine? I'm not closed minded. Maybe i AM wrong? no one is perfect. I feel like maybe a calm open minded discussion from both ends may be a good idea. I know that you have the trans community pretty riled up. I know that you are also crossing your fingers for that =)

    I don't think the majority of them know what they are getting themselves into. You are not stupid...you know what your doing. you have targeted youtube, which is primarily youth. Youth can be stupid, lol. anyways...im probably going to be late to work now. Ill stay Anonymous but i would like a discussion of some sort. out in the open on here. I will comment as anon. if you post.

    -Jr.

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  5. http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/11/08/single.sex.college.trangender.nongender/index.html?hpt=C2

    Thought you should read this too.

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  6. Seriously?

    Well, I guess I'm a male trapped in a female body then. I hate nail polish. I hate shoes, too.

    I'm lost on why she would think she's a boy because she doesn't want to wear a dress--I mean, so? Maybe it's because I grew up in the rural country where it would've been highly impractical to wear a dress all the time and that wasn't just the situation for me--that was me and every girl I grew up with. We all wore mostly jeans to play in, we could all climb a tree just as well as dress a barbie (probably better) and we all played among the boys without anyone ever implying that we were boys ourselves. If someone would've even suggested it I'm sure all our mothers would've been laughing at the joke! We were just country girls. All these excuses I've seen so far coming from these women on why they feel they're men sound weak.

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  7. I'm also interested in an intelligent discussion amongst and between butches and transmen. I feel strongly that we could continue to draw dividing lines between us until the cows come home, but it takes more strength and compassion to really hear someone else's experience.

    I'm trans. I have alot of female friends who do not fit within female gender roles and I celebrate that. In my community, my trans friends and I don't exert any pressure whatsoever towards butches to transition. We accept that they are who they say they are. And they do the same for us. Negation of anyone's identity is not tolerated at all. If that's possible where I live, why is it not possible in your life? I'm thinking that most of my trans friends are older and consider themselves feminist (where you might not consider them capable of feminism given their transition).
    I do wonder if the age gap is playing a larger part in this schism than identity. Regardless of the group I fit in, I would not want to be represented to the world by a teenager in my group. Have you checked out blogs of older/more thoughtful transmen?

    For what it's worth, I don't go to lesbian bars or lesbian nights at gay bars. I think that, as far as sports go, I would have been very uncomfortable playing on a women's team anytime after I acknowledged my transness.

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  8. This is the type of reasoning that occurs when you're living in a pipe dream. Calling what is essencially your swollen clitoris a "penis" and cutting off your boobs to pretend like you never had them is another...amongst many.

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  9. Trans people need to get away from this talk that has absolutely nothing to do with being male or female. It's ridiculous and it's luring in the youth. What about the men who like to paint their nails and wear dresses??

    @Jr.
    "I sort of feel like thats because maybe they don't "have" to live up to the standards anymore of fulfilling that "man" gender role of the lesbian world. In the past i didnt seen any lesbians in photos whatever that were in the middle of gender roles. They all seemed to either be "the man" or "the women" ....personally i hate gender roles."

    To me, it's simply that i have a way that i like to be treated and shown afffection to and i also have a way that i like to show affection. I don't feel like i'm trying to fill a role. I just feel like I am being myself. No one lesbian, gay, straight should set out to fill a role; we should all be ourselves. In the black community where stud/femme is the predominant lesbian relationship many lesbians feel pressure to pick one and it is not right.

    As far as the body is concerned I can share some feelings that I've had. I, like Dirt, have prayed to wake up a boy before. I did not want breasts and after I started to get them I did not want them to get any bigger (but they did). I've had multiple dreams where I had a penis and ejaculated. I have bound before. I used to lament every extra curvature. During puberty I did not look in mirrors. Also strangely I have had the feeling my neck is too long and my head too small for my body.

    I do not say these things to mean we are the same. These feelings I had were relatively mild and they have mostly gone away. Because they sound similar to what trans people describe it is very easy to project on to others. I wish that there was professional help to just get people comfortable with the body they have.

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  10. Alexander (same one again)November 8, 2010 at 2:23 PM

    This is something I agree with you totally on. If you identify as a man then you should be taking up men's space in the world, not invading women's space. I do think that in Kye's case, when his continuing at college is based on him playing basketball, it's ever so slightly different, but in the end I feel about this the way I feel about men taking up any women's space, be it a college, a single sex team, or anything else.
    If you're transitioning to male then you will have male privilege and you should not be using female space.
    The end.
    Alexander (ftm)

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  11. The fact that it's become "hip and cool" to be trans is possibly one of the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I guess being enslaved and miserable for the rest of your life in a repulsively damaged female body is cool???

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  12. The fact that ftm girls cannot see how grotesque and inherently wrong their actions are is terrifying to me. What hope do future generations of women have?!

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  13. Wearing dresses where never a problem for me. That has nothing to do with, if you're a boy or a girl.

    And about the lockerroom problem, I use the male, or special-lockerrooms. That means lockerrooms that are private, for people who for different reasons can't get changed with others. Have a friend who can't get changed with other people because of her religion.


    I think you should know that where i come from i takes a minimum of 3 years to change your sex. Because that's the law. And there are just a couple of hospitals in all of the country where you can got to thearpy and stuff. But it's really hard just to get there.

    It took me six years to get hormons, because they want to be really sure that the person is really transgender.

    Just because in the states you can start hormons and get your sex changed really fast and not with much to it, you should not pull all transgender people over the same edge.

    I have nothing against you, i share some of your opinons.

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  14. As a gay man, watching these "transmen" go on and on about how they "have always felt like men" and somehow think they know "what it is to be a man" is completely asinine. Actually no, you don't know. It is literally not possible.

    I have no idea what it is like to be a woman, and would never have the audacity to act as if I do just because I may have some qualities associated with female stereotypes by brainwashed morons. I mostly feel sadness for these girls and hope they can get better somehow.

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  15. It's nice to see normal trans people who can have an argument like adults. That's the kind of conversation I prefer. No trollin and insults. Thanks. :-)

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  16. (i commented above, i just have more to say, lol)

    I am a 36 year old natural born gay man, have experienced everything that comes with that navigating through the world, etc. So seeing a 19 year old girl wax poetic about her "manhood" and her "deep understanding" of all that entails jusy because she hates dresses and make-up sounds about as serious as a bad SNL skit to me. It's like a white person saying they "know what it's like to be black" because hip hop is their favorite genre of music. Complete ignorance and lack of self-awareness.

    Having hair on your face and body does not suddenly make you a man (women have both of those things as well anyway). Being called "him" or "sir" does not suddenly mean you are a man. If someone calls me "she" am I now suddenly a woman who can speak with authority about what that actually even means? I had no idea the world worked this way!! *eye roll*

    Looking at these "transmen", I see nothing but heavy handed cartoon characters.

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  17. @GayMan,

    Sorry about previous comment I misread what you said.

    And do agree with you regarding the illegitimacy of female bodied "men" understanding the lived experiences of gay males.

    dirt

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  18. @Dirt

    oh it's totally okay, lol! as i said in my first comment, I definitely do wish these girls well and hope they can find some happiness in their lives and figure this mess out. Our feelings have nothing to do with hate, it's just simple common sense, truth, reality, etc etc

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  19. To the gay man:

    I thank you for saying what you did. There was a mtf trans at my old job and I remember her saying something about "us women" and just feeling so angry inside that she gets to throw those words around. No one could say anything to her in general about anything or we were discriminating. A bio male couldn't ever know what it means to be a woman just as a bio female cannot understand being you and I as a caucasian woman cannot understand what it means for my partner to be a black woman. These are specific to birth and cannot be done or undone. Not successfully.

    Again, I had no idea it was going on at such a mass scale with the young people. A myspace friend directed me over here and then I started really reading.

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  20. The idea that "liking guy stuff" + "not liking dyke stuff" = FTM needs to be challenged at every turn.

    For one thing, there are a lot of "masculine" straight women out there. I think some of them get drawn into the FTM trend because they're encouraged to believe only butch lesbians completely reject conventional femininity. So if they're not butch lesbians, they must be men, right? Otherwise, why does the pressure to be hyperfeminine make them so miserable? These women also have to deal with much of the same homophobic harassment and discrimination as actual lesbians. Their friends and family tend to assume they're closet cases, or that they dress the way they do because the have "low self esteem" and secretly wish they could be more like fairy princesses. Who wouldn't want to get away from that?

    It's also difficult being a very "masculine" gay woman who doesn't feel much affinity for butch-femme culture, or any lesbian subculture. You wonder why you feel so out-of-place at lesbian gatherings. (Answer: it's not because you're really a man, it's because you've walked into a self-selected group of people who have similar tastes in music, politics, clothing, and recreational activities. Liking [name the male artist] + not liking the Indigo Girls + hating softball =/= FTM.)

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  21. "I can see she wants her cake and to eat it too."

    agreed...If he feels he is a man then he should leave the womens team and either join the mens team or wait till he can, but he shouldn't be on a womens only team from the time he knows hes trans.....ESPECIALLY after outing himself and making the other girls uncomfortable in the locker rooms and such.

    -Jr.

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  22. "either join the mens team or wait till he can, but he shouldn't be on a womens only team from the time he knows hes trans"

    She knows that the second she starts testosterone she can't play on the womens team. But also, the mens team will not take her as Testosterone is a steroid.

    So since she wants the best of both worlds, but wants the fame of having her name out there, she declares shes an FTM, gets fame, feels like she has a place (when she really has no place on either team), then I can guarantee you, when she is on T and tries getting onto the mens team and gets denied, we'll be hearing about this again

    ~M

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  23. I've tried to analyse her situation. I've posted this on the outsports website too but I think there will be a shitstorm of transtrolls. It's kinda funny this is the only blog where you can speak free without beeing insulted by pissed of trans people who think every person who doesn't agree is a hater and has to be silenced. It's kinda fascist...

    1.[i]"Her mom tried to dress her in only the most feminine clothes. But inside was a man waiting to burst out of the female body he was born in."[/i]

    Hating girls clothes isn't a sign that a girl is a boy. If so than call me Steve from now on.

    2.[i]“I’ve always felt most comfortable dressing like a boy, but my mom would take all of my clothes from me and she’d force me to wear girl clothes,[/i]

    She was forced to wear this. No wonder that she hates it. But again where is the proof that she is a man just because she hates girl stuff?

    "[i]As he progressed deep into his teens, despite their similar dress and manner, he realized he just didn’t fit with the lesbians at his school either."[/i]

    This sounds like she only tried to fit with people at her school and she coulnd't indentify with those. So she is male because she doesn't fit in a group at her school??


    [i]“Who do you think you are, young lady?” The answer was suddenly crystal clear to him: He wasn’t a young lady at all.[/i]

    No wonder! Her mother forced her to wear clothes she hates for years. No wonder that she don't want to be a girl.
    I think the reason for her wanting to be a man isn't that she is "male" no it's to be free. Free from her mother and free from all the hyper feminine stuff she was forced to do and she wants to fit in a group. The only group where she is free from all this feminine stuff is the men's group. But again: This is by far no proof that she is male. Hell no! This is my explanation for her situation. I mean how can you explain that she says:

    [i]And that’s how I know I’m not supposed to be a girl. If I was, I’d be walking around like everybody else, getting make-up and doing my nails. But it doesn’t sit well with me.”[/i]

    Why does she thinks that every woman does that? Is there a law of nature that women have to like this stuff and if not they are a men? There is so MUCH blatant stereotypical thinking about women. It's just disgusting. The most parts of the article are about how much she hates feminine things and beeing a girl. I think her problem isn't that she is a "man" in a womans body. It goes much deeper. But nobody cares! There is no one who is going to help her. The only "cure" is transition. I bet she is surrounded by brain washers. And this is also her new group. As we know she wished to be in one. I don't think she will truly fit in a group of biological men. So she will be in the group of trans people. And this is the worst because no one is going to look deep inside of her. They jut skim over the problems with transition.

    I think her mother is mostly responsible for her situation.

    Sorry for my english and I hope that my analysis doesn't sound too weird.

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  24. I'm trans. I have alot of female friends who do not fit within female gender roles and I celebrate that. In my community, my trans friends and I don't exert any pressure whatsoever towards butches to transition. We accept that they are who they say they are. And they do the same for us. Negation of anyone's identity is not tolerated at all. If that's possible where I live, why is it not possible in your life? I'm thinking that most of my trans friends are older and consider themselves feminist (where you might not consider them capable of feminism given their transition).

    lol I'm wondering how much of that remark is due to the fact that your annonymous description of your annonymous friends can't actually be verified. Because it's MY LIVED EXPERIENCE that many in the transcommunity will say anything if they think it will get them what they want.

    And the meme changes constantly, and always in response to the radfem criticism. For a couple years, in response to the observation that trans are dependent upon medical intervention for the rest of their life and that this heavy dependence seems unduly burdensome, many trans insisted that "once a transition is complete, no other medical assistence is needed".

    They only stopped repeating this lie after myself and a couple other radfems starting pointing out that WE ASKED THE MEDICAL DOCTORS TO THEIR FACE if that was true, and the doctors said, "trans requires drugs for the rest of their life otherwise they will start looking like their biological sex again".

    It was such an easy thing to verify, and such an easy thing to prove they were lying -- and yet many of them lied anyway, FREQUENTLY. There are literally dozens of similar examples which prove my point.

    Btw, I'm all for compassion etc etc, but the first requirement is honesty.

    You don't even have to be friends with one, just get on an elevator with one for five minutes and they'll be trying to convert, pity party, sob story, love bomb etc. They do not stop. Maybe I notice that crap because I've worked in a very high end sale market, and so am familar with subtle sales pitches but most of the time it's not even that subtle.

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